Against my better judgment I dined at Subway today and it backfired. Click here for full story.
I eat at Subway about 3 times per year for the same reason my friend Ed likes Hootie and the Blowfish…I have no idea. Anyway, I was hungry and the sign out front said, $5 ALL FOOTLONGS. Not just the 4 standard, boring subs on sale, but ALL their subs were only $5. An event like this comes around as often as Hailey’s Comet, so I said, f#@*k it, I’m goin’ in. I ordered the Philly Cheese Steak because only royalty, astronauts, and Burt Reynolds eat Philly Cheese Steaks and since its only $5 I figured I can swing it, even in this economy. I get to the obviously illegal-alien cashier and she rings me up. “$9.89” she says. I didn’t get a drink, chips, or pop so I think she simply mixed up her English numbers. I point to the giant sign that says, “$5 ALL FOOTLONGS.” To which she says, “$9.89” and explains that ALL footlong subs are $5, EXCEPT the Philly Cheese Steak and the Pastrami -pointing to the small print on the sign’
“Excludes Double-Stacked and all Premium Sandwiches”
Last time I checked, “all” meant “everything” as in: “ALL the king’s horses and ALL the kings men could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” Nursery rhymes don’t lie. Or in court when they say, “ALL rise for the honorable Judge Harry T Stone.” I pretty sure you go to jail if you don’t rise. Or as in “Ashes, ashes, we ALL fall down.” If you don’t fall down, you are a dubbed a loser at a very young age. I digress…back to my great story,
So after she pointed out my mistake, I simply shook my head in confusion and the guy next to me says, “That’s a buncha bullshit.” He was correct. Out of protest, I didn’t argue, nor pay for the “Premium Sub”, I just got back in line, ordered a “Chipotle Steak” (the exact same sandwich with a different name), paid my $5 plus tax and peaced out with my sub-par sub.
On my way home I got to thinking… those poor Subway employees, legal or not, are going to have to explain to every person who orders the Philly or the Pastrami that those subs do not fall under the “ALL” category and that the corporate marketing team at Subway doesn’t own a f@*#king dictionary. Something must be done. Join me in my protest by going to your neighborhood Subway and ordering a Philly or Pastrami sub. After the artist completes his/her masterpiece, don’t pay for it, just leave and go to Wendys because Dave Thomas never told a lie. But do order a cookie because those things have crack in them. That is all. Back to the photos.