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21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery

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new lotto lead 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
In no particular order…

1. The infamous Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese

mega millions lottery winnings 3 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
I would eat it and be all knowing.

2. Solid gold Kate Moss statue

kate moss fun 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
This would go great with my all gold statue of the late, great Robert Goulet.

3. The Wonder Wheel from the movie ‘The Toy’ with Richard Pryor

mega millions lottery winnings 24 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
If you’ve never seen the movie, get the hell off my site.

4. This bubble

mega millions lottery winnings 23 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Sans little Asian girl.

5. A real life unicorn

mega millions lottery winnings 22 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
This creature exists -believe it!

6. Tiny Tim’s crutch

mega millions lottery winnings 21 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
He’s dead now and doesn’t need it. I do.

7. The Onion

mega millions lottery winnings 20 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Who’s laughing now bitches!?

8. Slip-n-Slide

mega millions lottery winnings 18 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Zero explanation needed. See box cover photo.

9. Private island with ferris wheel

mega millions lottery winnings 19 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
That’s not photoshopped.

10. Pluto

mega millions lottery winnings 16 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Because I I love him for the planet he wants to be. And I love him for the planet he almost is. -Jerry McGuire

11. Mr Belvedere

mega millions lottery winnings 14 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Think about it, if you came over to my mansion and Mr f#@*king Belvedere answered the door, your head might explode.

12. Mexico

mega millions lottery winnings 13 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
I will then claim Mexico for the United States and single handedly stop our illegal immigration problem because all the Mexicans who want to come to the US will instantly be in the US without leaving their shanty living room. Boom. Done.

13. Koala Bear cubs

koala lead 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
A baby koala bear is 10 times more effective for picking up chicks than a cute dog. It’s science.

14. McDonald’s Monopoly

mega millions lottery winnings 11 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
I would finally get both Boardwalk and Parkplace.

15. The original muppets from Fraggle Rock

mega millions lottery winnings 10 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
I will need an entourage for my new millionaire fame

16. The original Delorean from back to the future

mega millions lottery winnings 9 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
That way I can go back in time and watch myself winning the lottery again and again

18. The oversized piano from the movie Big

mega millions lottery winnings 6 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
I need a place to put my slip-n-slide

19. Tina Turner’s legs

mega millions lottery winnings 2 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Her legs are insured for 3.2 million, so I consider this a sound investment

20. The Smurf house in the Venice, CA canals

mega millions lottery winnings 0 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Halle Berry can simply ride her jet ski right up to my back door.

21. Cindy Taylor

mega millions lottery winnings 1 21 things The Chive would buy if we won the Mega Millions lottery
Who else is gonna clean my Smurf house in a French maid uniform??
.

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  • Angelo

    To the Back to the Future Picture: In Bakersfield, CA there is a rich old guy who got Universal Studios to make him an exact replica of the Delorean, he drives it around town on the weekends, imagine seeing that. An exact replica, I almost pooped myself.

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  • robin yates

    hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what would I buy ?,,,,,,,,,,,,a lung transplant for starters,,, and start smoking again,,,,,,,,,,AHHAAHHHAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  • Steve Ferkau

    I know — but it was fun to respond…

  • Equalizer

    If I have a million dollars, I’ll buy the Chive Website. hehehehe…

  • Inulin

    a rare miss for the chive.

    1) Wasn’t this already posted?

    2) boo…

  • robin yates

    thanks Steve for the info,I appreciate it but I was only joking,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  • Angelo

    Repost anyone??

  • Angelo

    Oh and doesn’t The Onion own The Chive now? Maybe they saw this post back in March and were like, “Grrr, darn those keen looking individuals at The Chive, WE MUST BUY THEM, MuHahahahaha”

    I bet that’s exactly what happened…….

  • Snarfinger

    snarf

  • robert ball

    Cindy Taylor looks like the best buy, but then again, Tina Turner has those legs. I dunno, man. I guess I’d just settle for the DeLorean.

  • bkfrijoles

    i would buy cookie monster and have him eat cookies again

  • Joe Pancake

    I'd have to go with the bubble

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  • SreyaNotfilc

    LOL!
    Sounds like something Phyllis Diller would say.

  • Steve Ferkau

    Oh mannnnnnn… You might be able to get the lung transplant — but you couldn’t start smoking again… Post lung-transplant, you’d be immune-suppressed — there actually have been a few recipients who have decided to start smoking again — I imagine they smoked in their earlier years, they had to quit because their respiratory condition deteriorated so much… You generally will not be considered for transplant if there is a suspicion you would start smoking again…

    Yet — of the thousands of lung transplants performed, naturally a few of them returned to smoking, if only a fraction of what they did before transplant… I imagine after living so long with destroyed lungs, and receiving new ones, there might be a lure to try it again because you’re able to breathe so well…

    I was at a conference with lung transplant directors from Pittsburgh and Chicago — to high-volume lung transplant centers — the two doctors discussing the situation said that the small handful of patients who returned to smoking developed bronchiolitis obliterans within months — and all of them were dead within six months… Bronchiolitis obliterans is the same thing that generally occurs when lung recipients go into rejection…

    Granted — the recipients were immune-suppressed, and probably a little crazy to consider smoking again — but if it causes that to happen that quickly in a lung recipient — it probably doesn’t give one a warm-n-fuzzy about smoking in general…

  • doyoulikethisgig

    Dude…….I think he was just joking.

  • blueberryvoodoo

    ahahahahahahahahahaa

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