20 pregnancy pointers to live by (20 Photos)

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  • Stupendous


  • BuyingCheese


    • ace

      fuuuuuuck you, you fucking fuck

      • nemesis

        You seem tense.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

          You seam tents.

          • bear

            youth seen tens?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

    I break danced the whole time I was pregnant and my offspring turned out pretty awesome, even though she's like me. I used my belly as a big spinny ball.
    Just kidding. Pregnancy is gross and should never be talked about.

    • Urmom

      yeah, you know.. until you began with the ''just kidding.. '' that was pretty fun, but because you just said the last part, you are gross and should never be talked about

    • jmac

      HAHA…love the last line.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1115497552 Tom Brown

      ignore them, they have obviously never seen a woman in real life and thus don't know how to react to one without looking like a couple of butt-fucking retards.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        Oooh, best party ever.

    • CPO_Mendez

      I think Pregnancy should be talked about a HELL of a lot more! Maybe then we wouldn't have quite so many young ladies putting it out there too early… And getting pregnant. That's where this was going…

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        Be careful what you wish for. No women putting out? Mutiny.

        • CPO_Mendez

          ok ok… True… At the least teach them to make 100% sure the guys are wrapping up then…

  • ace

    ^so are you

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

      Oh, pretty awesome? Thanks! Best birthday present ever!

      • DaddyD

        Happy Birthday, darling! If you marry me, I promise never to get you pregnant … but to try 2-3 times a day.

      • MiPo_TheGoaT

        Happy Bday HHNF

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

          Thank you both. I was bound and determined to have a craptacular day, but I guess if you insist…

          • CPO_Mendez

            I know I'm late on here and I got you on FB but, HAPPY BIRFDAY again :p

  • MeLoveYouLongTime

    To be more of a teaching guide the women should be darker skin.

    • What.What. In da ..

      Funny how all the trade school nursing commercials feature a minority talking about how they are so glad, being a single mom, they made the choice to have graduated from the school. Hmmmmm maybe you got something right here. The negative ranking will tell me exactly how many single moms are on here thought the baby would keep their man.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        Worst reason to have a baby, ever.
        Aside from using it to get into low-income housing. I've seen that one. tell them 'no' and then mark your appointments for exactly 9 months to the day, she'll be in with a baby.

        • CPO_Mendez

          Sad but true…

  • BigDingo

    honestly, some of the bad moms look like they know how to have a good time

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

      How do you think they got knocked up?

      • thekord


        • CPO_Mendez

          *Said in a fake Jersey accent*

  • Ghanima Atreides

    No – #18 has them mixed up!

  • chrisdg74

    Isn't #1(on the right) a little bit similar to what you would've done to get pregnant? For that matter, I guess #2/right could've been what was done to you to get pregnant.

    #8 -Remember: Don't go to Mardi Gras when you're expecting.
    #20 – Who knew back-spins were dangerous for the unborn?

    • MiPo_TheGoaT

      I better tell my wife to cut the shit then…..she is constantly breakdancing….3rd trimester hormones are a bitch..

    • bear

      thats actually a one handed stall… very dangerous for the unborn

  • top dog

    I'll bet some body made a lot of money from this one. I know this was suppose to be funny but, whatever happen to finding out what to do from your mother…..or your (Dr.)doctor?

  • Sancho Sausage

    I'm for all the #2s. Babies are terrible. Adopt instead.

    • Beau

      But… if you do that, then there's no babies left to adopt. You'd just need to give up the babies you have for adoption, then adopt others.

      • CPO_Mendez

        It's like a Wal-mart trade-in program…

  • MiPo_TheGoaT

    Emailing this to my pregnant wife as we speak…….

  • muscledrifter

    My wife and I are currently expecting, I will be showing this to her as soon as I get home, lol

    • Beano

      Congrats. How did it happen? Did your "muscle" "drift" somewhere? HAHA

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

        There was an epic crash. Mangled bodies, blood, sweat, videocameras…

        • CPO_Mendez

          Congrats MD! I'll pray it doesn't turn out like Lohan.

  • H^S

    Hands down, the funniest post I've seen on el Chive, yet.

  • Eugene

    Love the last 1

  • Buttercup

    #12 I think I had the witch doctor…didn't believe in epidurals. WTF? Where was this informative guide when I needed it?

  • Beltes

    My wife's due any day now – maybe I'll show her after all the anger has a chance to become, 'What a beautiful baby..'

    • CPO_Mendez

      Congratulations then^^

  • Del

    This was just stupid…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001225731219 HellHath NoFury

      This was just stupid…

      • CPO_Mendez

        Apparently, Del here will never mate with the fairer sex… I have a feeling that is a good thing.

  • http://thechive.com/ mattythegooch

    Prego or not, when a breakdance battle erupts, you gotta do what you gotta do!

    • SweetAwesomeness

      lolol!!! ya you dont wana get served and let a lil baby in the womb stop you!

  • tim

    wow, way to rip off someone's entire book! That's all this is, people, http://www.wrybaby.com/detail.aspx?ID=72

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1379875532 Lisa Martin

      If wrybaby's all that awesome, then go over there. Don't let the screen door hit cha either. :p ;)

    • Funk

      Oh Tim, thanks for that….. I dont give a fuck where this is from, its here now and I found it.

      • CPO_Mendez

        …And it was glorious…

  • Gandalf..

    They gave Good..They gave Bad…But the didnt give Ugly….I've seen ugly….o.0

  • http://colddeadfingers.tk Merovingian

    They drive a Ford Mondeo?! God… Poor son to be kid…

  • http://www.facebook.com/david.r.lindsey Dave Lindsey

    #11 is wrong, but very understandable, especially during the third trimester.

  • http://procrastinationstation101.wordpress.com/2010/08/23/link-list/ Link List « The Procrastination Station

    […] 20 Pregnancy Pointers to Live By […]

  • JonnyDanger

    what is wrong with #8?

  • http://www.facebook.com/egonsung Egon Sung

    im sure americans do need these signs

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