Captions, making funny photos hilarious (31 Photos)

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  • mipo2010

    #20, BITCHES LOVE THE CHIVE!!!

    • Wolfram

      Damn beat me to it! But yes, 20 is the winner!

      Then again… I'm not sure I'd like to see the women this guy submits. Leather skin and ankle tickling tits aren't cool in my book.

    • Anonymous

      Your life is over, your picture made it to theChive. Rest in peace, your life is complete!

  • aosux

    #26 just made my day

    • Yelito

      I love it!

    • Logic76

      Don't fuck with Rudy bitches

  • Inmate #324

    #16 – Amen

    • Ummm

      Fat = Sexy?

      • Marc

        Cool Story Bro…Can you show me the fat ?

        Im slime and fit and i think this women still a beauty

        • Ummm

          So you like fat chicks, good for you.

          • Ashleigh

            Marilyn Monroe was never fat ! How could she be she only weighed 118 pounds which is 53kgs. She was far from fat.

          • BigJohn

            Yeah, especially your mother. Best fat chick I ever had.

        • Stevo

          You're slime and fit? Women love fit slime.

      • Ummm

        7 people are fat.

        • minh

          troll much? gotta be an idiot to think someone like that is fat. you did pretty well though. 🙂

      • WTF

        You = Gay?

      • Pez

        No dipshit. REAL = SEXY!

      • Mario

        Those splinters in your dick? Yeah, you've been fucking a stick again asshole.

      • Darksoul

        No she is not fat you are just too small for her.

    • anon

      Too bad she did in fact have plastic surgery. Was not 100% natural.

  • Paula

    First, Bitches

    Thumbs down if you wanna make out with me, slobs.

    Kisses,
    Paula

    • jabroni

      Thumbs up if she's a bitch^

    • Wolfram

      #9 could also read "Impersonating Paula / Better drink my own piss"

      • gigabest

        wise move good sir

    • Andre

      4th actually…

      Learn to fucken count.

      Punches,
      Andre

    • zman

      I would make out with you, with a machete.

    • Erik von Markovik

      Paula,

      Even your name sounds obese…

    • Paula

      Have you been shopping lately? They are selling lives at the mall – you should get one.

      Hugs,
      The real Paula

  • jabroni

    #3 epic
    #16 why I love Chivettes

    • ActuallyCurvy

      You have got to be kidding me. I've never seen a chivette with actual curves. The majority's thin and curveless, the rest's just tits (mainly implants) and ass (mainly posing with their asses sticking out).

    • Luke

      Fred Savage gained some weight

  • Beth

    #32 Best ever.

  • Guru

    #29 That movie Contact sucked!!!

    • unnecessary

      The Arrival?

      • Guru

        This Guy… This is the guy

        • unnecessary

          I saw those legs and that was the first thing I thought of too. NARSTY!

  • Andre

    #3 has my dream job… but yep, only in America!

  • Big E

    moar scumbag steve

  • ID10T

    got to #21 and started hyperventilating i was laughing so hard. Needless to say the other people in the library were not very pleased.

    • ID10T

      ^ meant #24

      • john v.

        yeah, it was the only one that really made me lol

  • naigoto

    #12 Kittybear's trap status: WIN

  • BigDingo

    I actually did a spit take at #17

  • V.A.

    #31
    Four massive propellers do tend to make 'Aeroplane Tag' hazardous to health.

    • jbig

      I think thats from the movie lord of war

      • V.A.

        Ok…… Four massive propellers, a cargo hold filled with high explosives and live ammunitions, and Nic Cage along for the ride all do tend to make 'Aeroplane Tag' hazardous to health.

        • lolkimi

          Don't forget the fact that that "aeroplane" is russian and is, as a result, awesome.

    • nut

      Airplanes and Nicholas Cage? Sounds like the ingredients of the awesomely terrible movie I like to call CON AIR

  • Justin Hall

    #29 is one of the funniest captions I've seen in a while

    • Justin Hall

      #28 Damnit, they changed the numbers on me again.

  • bodhi1990

    #19 had to think about that one a little, sleep deprevation might be taking its tolls, once i got i really laughed, but again, sleep deprevation

    • bodhi1990

      Damn i meant #18 seriously, i need hel…zzzzz

  • Marc

    Cat door was funny

  • Ynot

    Those were not funny.

    • This Guy

      of course not, they were hilarious! didnt you read the post title?

  • http://blog.tomsforeign.com Yeahbeer

    #16 Agree!

  • VampJenn

    #8 Holy Hell! that is a big difference. she is the Master of Disguise!

  • http://www.myspace.com/leeroynowandlater bob the builder

    #8 proof that all Asian women are ugly until they Americanize themselves.

    • This Guy

      "proof that all Asian women are ugly until they Americanize themselves."
      –>proof that you will never get laid

    • Melissa

      One of the most ignorant comments I have ever seen.

      1. Cosmetics were worn as early as Ancient Egyptian times….no where close to being an American thing
      2. Is this your first time to theChive? Check out the sexy Asian girls posts or GTFO

      • Erik von Markovik

        I love it when your angry.

      • dean

        how many of those sexy asian girls in those posts are without make-up?
        not to say that just asian girls aren't attractive without makeup, plenty of american woman are, too, just with asian girls, sometimes they look like little boys.
        i know a couple, and it's shocking how much of a difference it is every time i see them sans makeup.

        • http://www.myspace.com/leeroynowandlater bob the builder

          fuck you

      • http://www.myspace.com/leeroynowandlater bob the builder

        You are probably one of them ugly Asians yourself, I meant 'Americanize' by the way they use make-up to actually have more American/European features like longer eyelashes and definition in their eye region, as well as wearing color contacts to make their eyes not have that soul-less black color that all Asians have.

        p.s.
        eat a bag of dicks!

        • McBeastie

          So, do you take off the white hood before you start typing or do you leave it on?

          • David

            LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
            That was spot on!

            I bet he also truly believes that Asian poon is sideways.

      • http://www.myspace.com/leeroynowandlater bob the builder

        Dear Melissa,

        You are probably one of them ugly Asians yourself, I meant 'Americanize' by the way they use make-up to actually have more American/European features like longer eyelashes and definition in their eye region, as well as wearing color contacts to make their eyes not have that soul-less black color that all Asians have.

        p.s.
        eat a bag of dicks!

        • public

          Well if asians wear make up to look american/european, then when american/european women tan themselves who are they trying to look like?

    • McBeastie

      I see you trollin'….but I'm still gonna call you a douche.

  • Naz1962

    #29 Been posted before, anyone have any info on this? Is it real or photoshopped?

    • tom

      She has club feet. It's not f-ing funny.

      • Naz1962

        Actually I was talking about #28 … my bad, and no one's laughing, so what are you talking about? Her legs are disfigured – that's what I'm talking about. Just wondering if this pic was photoshopped, that's all I asked.

  • Max

    haha scope the dog in #7 giving Obama a skeptical stare down.

    • JDB

      He probably wasn't sure how Obama was going to handle the financial crisis.

  • PeekUpTheKimono

    #7

    Isn't anyone else bothered that this guy is approached like a celebrity? You never saw someone screaming at the top of their lungs for other presidents that were actually worth a shit. Dudes a celebrity, and nothing more.

    • NOUU

      YOU COULDN'T BE MORE CORRECT AND IT'S IGNORANT PEOPLE LIKE THE BITCH SCREAMING LIKE A TARD THAT ELECTED THAT WORTHLESS TURD.

      • Climb

        I LIKE YELLING! YELLING IS FUN!

    • McBeastie

      #1. Yes, people screamed like this at other presidents, #2. Which one was actually worth a shit?

      • McBeastie

        crap. I did the # sign without thinking. Just ignore the pics….dammit.

    • Eve

      he's a charismatic guy, that's why people like him as much as a celeb. your logic makes no sense "people are screaming, therefore he is a shit president" i'd be excited too if i got to shake the hand of the president of the U.S., whom is one of the best known people in the world… just sayin.

    • sasaea

      blame the people

      • Snizz

        I'm sure George W. Bush is like a celebrity in the middle east.

        Plenty of people there would definitely scream if they saw him.

    • Rick

      You do know that one of your heroes (probably) President Ronald Reagan was an actor before he became a politician. I am sure many people treated him like a celebrity, He was.

  • Run

    Old definition of "SEXY" – apparently an excuse for not exercising. Implants and anorexia may be new but running has been around since before cameras. Try it. #16

    • john v.

      STFU. she ain't fat.

      • Run

        Keep telling yourself that.

        • Ashleigh

          She was 118 pounds, you call that fat ?

          • Justin Hall

            Run, you gotta ask yourself if maybe today's image-driven environment is making your a little too narrow-minded.

            You're dismissing what was the first and probably the most enduring sex symbol in American history. There's a reason why millions of men wanted to boink Marilyn Monroe. People valued a different kind of beauty back then; standards are certainly different today, but that doesn't make them any less valid.

            Alternatively, you can STFU.

            • Run

              Don't tell me to STFU, it's my opinion, asshole. She looks fat and there is not ONE chivette featured on this site that is as rotund as this. There are other cultures in which – the fatter a woman is, the more attractive she is to men – because it is a sign that her family can afford to feed her. In modern day America, this is not the case.

              Not to mention you contradicted your own statement "People valued a different kind of beauty back then; standards are certainly different today, but that doesn't make them any less valid." Yes, that was then, this is now. Clearly, the caption in the image is making a point that the only way to look fit and healthy today is to either be anorexic or get plastic surgery. Have you people heard of exercising? LOL, it's been around….

              • McBeastie

                no, just STFU

              • Skye

                He told you to stfu bc you're being offensive!!

                • Run

                  Offensive toward whom? Fat people? LOL

              • whocares

                So I have a question.According to you In order to beautiful you say you must be disgustingly skinny? thats not a woman, thats someone looking to please your asshole view of women. Your not a man your a dick. Women do have these things called boobs and hips. look it up you may like it.

          • Run

            Fatness isn't measured by weight, but by fat %. Looking at the photo, it's quite obvious that she is fat in the mid-section.

            • top dog

              I'll bet your dad jacked off to her pictures…daily.

              • Irock

                Apparently, not enough, because Run was born.

                • http://www.facebook.com/survak Stephen Humphrey

                  fuck you beat me to that one
                  the one time his dad needed to jerk off or wear a condom

            • Justin Hall

              Unless you're a nutritionist, personal trainer or athlete, and you can gauge body fat with your eyes and not calipers, you're pulling assessment that out of your ass.

              Use a standard BMI formula. Marilyn Monroe was 5'5.5 to 5'6, 118 pounds. That gives her a BMI of 18 to 19, or 19 to 20, depending on which height you use. That's one to two units away from being classified as underweight.

              You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And I'm sticking with calling you an asshole, because you're an asshole. In fact, if Marilyn Monroe were around today, she'd be the poster child for Chivettes everywhere, because she was hot as hell and had a far more "normal" bodytype than anorexic models and plastic celebrities.

              Again, STFU.

              • Run

                Marilyn Monroe is a poster child for no one. Put her head to head with Sexy Chivers and you wouldn't look at her twice.

                • Nikodemus

                  It's called "perspective", Mr Run. Look at the camera angle, look at it carefully and you'll notice that she is looking down to the viewer. The camera lens not only adds a little weight but in this particular pic the perspective doesn't help her appearance when the lens is closer to her midsection and it also looks like a telephoto lens was used, 85-105mm (ideal for head shots) and this focal length compresses a person, therefore, making her appear a little heavier than she actually was. What matters here is that Marilyn was smoking hot regardless of what focal plane she was shot from.

                  • Run

                    Oh yeah, I totally agree actually. This is probably one of the worst photos of her, out there. After looking at a bunch of other photos of her, it's pretty clear that she is not fat. Not sure why this photo was used as an example, tbh.

              • eddiepotato

                If she is 118 pounds in that picture then I am minute fucking bol

              • Lev

                If I could up-thumb this twice, I would.

                • JDB

                  Thumbs way up then

    • PeekUpTheKimono

      @Run

      You're a prime example of what's wrong with people. You're so hardcore about nobody infringing on your rights to have an opinion, but you're so quick to make yours so matter of fact. The point is, nobody's interested in your snarky bullshit. You didn't have to make that comment to begin with, but you did, and in doing so, you opened your comment up for rebuttals. People have different interests, and obviously yours lies with toned and super fit die hard athletes. You cannot negate the point that she was sexy, and is still relevant as sexy to many people today.

      Dick.

      • Run

        I didn't tell anyone to STFU. I don't mind debate. Your general statement of "you are what's wrong with people" makes you sound like an ignorant dbag. I can negate the point that she was "sexy" because sexiness is subjective, to each person. Just because I prefer to exercise and live well, and I enjoy looking at women who do, doesn't make me a dick. To be fair, since 60% of Americans are fat anyway, I should suspect that the majority here will thumb me down. I don't care, more hot, fit women for me 🙂

        • huuurngh

          You are pretty fit for an anonymous internet person.
          I bet you run a bunch and pick up models all the time before retiring to you mansion to be the best at things.

          • Run

            I am fit, but I don't "pick up" any models, but I appreciate the notion, none the less. Thanks.

            • Run

              By posting "anonymously" you can use anyone's name…. Run

              • Run

                True that.

        • McBeastie

          no, you're a dick.

        • Tom

          It makes you shallow…

          • Run

            mmmm, STFU,,,,, STFU,,,,,, STFU….. I am fat so I like skinny people. I have fat hands and they feelz goodz

        • kikiklas
          • Run

            Ok, maybe she's not fat.

          • kodakkid

            yep that looked good in 1952 and would look good in 2011

            • HurrDurr

              You know who's fat? Trolls. BECAUSE YOU KEEP FEEDING THEM.

    • Eve

      ass.hole.

    • RDS

      Run – I'm with you. Hot chicks are way hotter than fat chicks. (by definition) (yes that was a clever and witty pun, you're welcome).

      Hot chicks > Fat chicks! Amen!

  • Bud Ugly

    Some of these were funny.

    Better drink my own piss.

    • thatwasntthequestion

      Or squeeze some moisture from an elephant turd.

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