My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches. I turn the lights on and a bunch of koala bears scatter. I'm like, hey, hold on fellas! Lemme hold one of you, and feed you a leaf. Koalas, they're so fucking cute, why do they gotta be so far away from me. They should ship a few over, and I will apprehend one…and hold him…and pet him on the back of his head.
Chris
"I had a fake plant, but it died because I did not pretend to water it."
"I had a parrot that talked, but it did not learn to say "I'm hungry," so it died."
"I ran into a duck in downtown Boise, so I went into the local Subway sandwich shop. I asked for a loaf of bread. The lady said it is against Subway policy to sell just the loaf, I guess the two sides ain't supposed to touch. So I asked for lettuce on the bread, she said that'll be $1.70. I said it's for a duck, she said okay then it's free. Ducks eat for free at Subway, I did not know that. Had I known that, I would've ordered a much larger sandwich. I'll have the steak fajita sub, but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! I got 6 ducks outside, and they all want Sun Chips!"
D.Braden
You don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade, you can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic
M Jones
“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”
R Crosson
I order the club sandwhich all the time. I'm not even a member man, I don't know how I get away with it!
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