Patty goes to a nutritionist (7 Photos)

For those of you who missed our first Patty post yesterday, click here. Patty would like me to thank the HUNDREDS of Chivers who sent emails of support to him yesterday. I've never seen Patty so happy - and that's saying a lot.

Today we met with the C.E.O of renowned Advanced Athletics , Adam Friedman, to discuss Patty's goals and his diet. It should be noted that Adam wasn't hired to help Patty lose 35 lbs. in 45 days, but rather to advise him on a proper diet to achieve long term health.

What we discovered was rather fascinating. Turns out Patty doesn't eat enough calories every day, he just eats too many calories all at once. When you don't space out your caloric intake, your body shifts to survival mode and begins breaking down muscles for energy rather than fat.

Then when Patty does eat, he eats too much. Overeating causes insulin to be released into Patty's bloodstream which, in turn, causes his body to immediately store the food he does eat as fat. Remember, Patty's body is in survival mode, it believes the food must be stored for later.

Then Patty took a body fat test. You can't really fail those kind of tests but I'm pretty sure Patty didn't ace the goddam thing.

So now he's on a regimented diet. A diet that will stabilize his blood sugar and release proper amounts of glucose into his blood allowing his body to burn fat instead instead of muscle and optimizing the weigh loss.

Next step, exercise.

As always, you can email Patty at Pattydontbefat [at] gmail [dot] com.

  • Nick

    6-7 small meals a day Patty – get it done son!

    • CosmoKramerTheAssMan

      5 a day meals is perfect. Breakfast, 10 AM snack, sensible lunch, 3 PM snack, and dinner. And a beer to celebrate your good day. Keep it up, Patty.

    • innocent

      you can just waste time at instead. It's so much less work not to mention free.

    • Ryan

      Holy shit the Bro-Science in this is insane.

      You know not a single study supports the idea that 6-7 smalls meals is any different that 2 big ones?

      Also, protein turning into sugar What the fuuuck

      Also, the dumb motherfuckers offering advice, I think his nutritionist might know a thing or two.

      • WTF

        Protein(Amino Acids) to Glucose….It is called gluconeogenisis

      • Random

        You're right, the nutritionist might know what he's talking about… and like they mentioned in the write-up eating 2 big meals a day puts the body in starvation mode (your bro-science is superb) and if you went looking for the information on studies you can find the proof. Eating small meals throughout the day (grazing as some call it) let's the body know it will be fed regularly and no longer needs to store it's energy as it will be replenished frequently.

        certain proteins can turn into sugar, but only in times of extreme starvation/lack of incoming glucose sources or a ridiculously high intake of protein which would be over 350-400g of protein a day for Patty given his anthropometric measurements (give or take based on his activity level).

        Just let the nutritionist(s) fill in the gaps for Patty, we know what we're talking about.

        • Coach Part 1

          In regards to "grazing" and fat loss, in general :

          The literature associated with recommending the "grazing" pattern of eating is outdated by decades. The concept of grazing is based on research on the "thermic effect of food". In layman's terms, everytime one eats, the body outputs a certain amount of energy to digest the food — we can call it a small "fire". Six smalls meals makes six small fires. Similarly, two or three or four 'big' meals makes that many "big" fires. Either way, the same amount of "fire" is created, regardless of the size of the meal.

          • Coach Part 2

            Plenty of new literature is available on meal frequency and fat loss that doesn't necessarily advocate against eating small meals, but rather, minimizes the impact that eating small meals has on fat loss. This literature is very commonly quoted in the 'intermittent fasting' circles. Without unfairly plugging websites, I'll mention that a google search will bring up a large amount of information.

            All in all, fatloss is a result of expending more calories than one takes in. Additionally, one would be well served to lift relatively (relative to the lifter) heavy weights (preferably variations of the squat, deadlift, bench press, military press) in order to preserve the lean body mass (muscle tissue etc) that one already has.

            • Coach Part 3

              For some, six meals a day is preferable and others prefer 3 larger meals. Whichever is more sustainable is the preferable option.
              Cardio can also be added in if one is inclined, however, the energy burned from steady state cardio (running on the treadmill at a set pace, biking etc) burns very few calories. Cardio is not necessary for fat loss, but if one would like to implement cardio to perhaps add on an extra pound or so a week of fat loss, High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) is an effective modality.

              Relying on cardio to drive fat loss is an unsustainable practice, especially when one is over-fat (not taking into consideration the burden that cardio has on an overfat individual's joints etc). One needs to create a deficit through diet (preferably with sufficient protein and fat intake – at least 1g per pound of lean body mass and 0.5 gram per pound of lean body mass, respectively) in order to lose weight.

              • Coach Part 4

                Whether one creates this deficit through eating 3 meals a day or 6 meals a day is irrelevant! What is important that Patty is able to maintain a sustainable and comfortable deficit.

  • Cristi Palincas

    You should totally arrange for a cheerleader squad for Patty 😀

  • Moby

    I like you Patty, we may not care too much about your diet, but at least we'll be back for the sexy ladies

  • doodlecakes


    and I got give a fuck, where is sexy chivettes!

    • jamison

      go fuck yourself, kid.

    • Joben

      i second that…your jackoff time will have to wait you fucking choad

      • Charles


      • doodlecakes


        THanks :3

    • Steve Shaw

      What's up with all the retards in the comment section lately?

      • doodlecakes

        herp derp slerpa durrrr

        I don't follow

        thanks :3 :3

  • First


  • parlay

    "Then Patty took a body fat test. You can't really fail those kind of tests but I'm pretty sure Patty didn't ace the goddam thing."

    That how weight loss theCHIVE way reads. lol

    • jewelsmight

      I howled with laughter at that particular sentence!!!

    • PointBlank_

      patty is going to be losing weight and every1 else going to gaining it fucking with him eating all them doughnuts and in and out burger!

  • ss396maxx

    #7 Patty I don't think you need to lose some weight, your ass looks great to me!

    • Charles


    • Diana Santos

      loooooooool xD

    • zevi


  • J_B_O_M_B_E_R

    #7…….eat nothing but her ass patty and you will be skinny in no time!!

  • martin

    #7, #5

    The Patty abides

    • ENGINENO99

      now thats how u do a reference

  • davey

    That incentive right there!!!!!!!!!

  • jonas

    #2 I see John has his donut

    • Admiral Ackbar

      So wrong!

    • 2DruNk2FraG

      If I was Patty, I would be strangling John for eating that.

  • Bamrocket

    I care not for Patty and his struggles. Only about Sexy Chivers!

    • Shawn35


    • Jimmy

      We care about your wants and needs just as much as you care bout Patty. With that being said don't share your comments, we don't care.

  • josh

    #2 is moral support…eating a donut Lol!

  • hossmank

    #7 Thanks for the sneak peak and GOOD LUCK PATTY!

  • Joben

    this is going to be like family guy when stewie gets fat eating junk food in front of chris to rub it in…shame on you guys haha! actually its fuckin funny as shit and id do it too!

  • Jason Ciotti

    This totally reminds me of a Curious George series.

    • pjsupremex

      really? thats great!

  • Sam Mckillop-Henderson

    Gawn Patty! Good on you big fella!

  • Dontfeedpatty

    CHIVERY: you HAVE to make a t-shirt in honor of Patty, how surprised he would be going for his daily run on the beach and see some chiver with a shirt that says: Don't be fat Patty !

  • D.C

    You guys should post an outline of the diet so we might all learn something from it.

    • Nathan Bowen

      exactly. there are some hot chivettes out there that might be doing it … wrong.

    • Alfred Casinas Jr

      agree!! and that thing about the body burning muscles rather than fat, that one surprised me..

  • Dan

    why the chive rocks exhibit a: #6
    exhibit b: #7

  • hot carl

    is that a cigarette in Friedman's hand?

    • RoJo

      I sure would hope not! It does look like one though. Just like cardiologists who are fat…or smokers who run smoking cessation clinics…or therapists who have mental problems and aren't going to therapy…the list goes on and on.

  • zym

    In a perfect world, Patty will turn into a lady killer, while John, Leo and their band of merry revelers turn into fat fucks trying to torture Patty by eating donuts.

    Patty, you can do eet!!

  • Nathan Bowen

    Enter text right here!

  • Martin

    Vin Diesel's lost a few pounds too. must be a good diet

  • Diana Santos

    #4 what are they doing? :$

    Nice step Patty! keep going! 🙂

    • Falco09

      Fat calipers, determining his BF%.

    • Kyle Shubert

      It's the skinfold test to determine body fat composition (weight of fat divided by total weight of the body). It's not the most precise measurement of it, but when done by someone who knows what they are doing, it's definitely accurate enough to give you a good picture of your fat composition and also gives a good starting point for a diet/exercise program.

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