Daily Morning Food Etiquette (20 Photos)


  • http://www.facebook.com/Juan.Guillermo.Chaves.F Juan Guillermo Chaves F

    fuck it…..first!!!!!

  • Dub


  • obitwo

    Yes, you are indeed second

  • BigDingo

    #10 be rich by the time you are old so you can get some hot gold digger to feed you your god damned soup

  • BigDingo

    #20 under the table hand jobs?

    • Frankie


      • Guest

        yep, follow the "no elbows on the table" rule and you'll live marvelous adventures!

        I read them all and decided to stay piggy

    • Old Jeezy

      There had better be one, after going through all the trouble of steps 1-19.

  • Red

    If one of my friends or family members tried to get me to follow these rules, I would soon be sans a friend or family member.

    • DaddyD

      Agreed. Most of these rules are way out of date.

      • greatdiggler

        haha yes, we should all eat like hillbillies and retards b/c it's just the way things are these days! decline of civilization indeed….

        • OwnerOfYou

          I agree! It's one of the best ways to impress a date, to show that you pay attention to detail and put in effort into your good behavior, which will immediately earn you the privilege to be bad right afterwards…

          • Brother Maynard

            I impress my dates by being extremely good looking.

    • Dirty Dingus

      Hell, why bother at all. Just put a trough next to the couch.

  • Roses

    Wilted Chive today….

  • Kyle

    wtf was this?

    • dentonbeard

      Look at your calendar.

    • Captain Admiral

      April Fools, BITCH!!!! 😀

  • Stablu

    What the fuck is this shit? If it doesn't make me laugh or give me at least a semi-chub why is it on The Chive?
    (Looks up at URL to make sure I'm not on The Berry)

    • Bob

      It's an odd date isn't it, Stably…?

    • darthvehder

      April Fools

      • dasuperfan

        SHHHHH… not so loud you tip every one else off about what day it is.

  • ryan

    it's my house, i eat however the fuck i want

    • OwnerOfYou

      forever alone…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicholas-Allred/100001071570874 Nicholas Allred

    #11 I love it. "Don't be that guy"

  • xXbeermonkeyXx

    never quite got the hang of #9. i agree with table manners, but some of these things are ridiculous. for any little thing the solution is getting out of the table!

  • PointBlank_

    #6 go fuck yourself etiquette

    • dasuperfan

      You stay classy San Diego – Ron Burgundy

  • Pedantic

    #16 and #18 are incorrect, cutlery should be placed together at the end of a meal. Red wine glasses are held by the bowl, the rule only applies to white.

    • MikeyMate

      Sorry, Prince Charles. Jeez…

    • Randy

      What's the rule about eating chicken wings and holding a beer bottle?

      • http://www.facebook.com/Wil.Pwr Will Harding

        place the bones at 9 to 3 and dab any spillage from your beer with a napkin. Do not use your sleeve.

        Belching is ok if you are in Japan.


    • http://www.goodadvice.co.za CalculatedRiskPedant

      If #16 said "place your knife and fork *together* across the plate" it wouldn't strictly be wrong (although I was always taught 8 to 2)…

      And yes, for #18, the reason red is held by the bowl is to allow the warmth from your hand to 'open up' the flavour and aroma of the wine (same with a brandy snifter). White should be kept chilled, hence keeping your hot-ass hands away from it…

    • Moose

      I'm glad someone else picked up on those

    • Jack Bauer

      I thought the wine rule said bowel, not bowl.

  • Christian Lander

    #11 Stuff White People Like # 7, Diversity

    White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants.

    Many white people from cities like Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York will spend hours talking about how great it is that they can get Sushi and Tacos on the same street. But then they send their kids to private school with other rich white kids, and live in neighborhoods like Santa Monica or Pacific Palisades.

    But it’s important to note that white people to do not like to be called out on this fact. If you run an ethnic restaurant you can be guaranteed repeat business and huge tips if you act like your white customers are adventurous and cultured for eating food that it isn’t sandwiches or pasta.

    • copperbum

      too many words

      • dasuperfan

        well fuck me for wanting to change up my eating habits but don't feel adventorous enough to be living next door to a guy named tarqaunjello aka "mack 10 super fly captain slap a hoe the third" whos slangin rocks and selling hoes who like suckin cocks

    • Adam

      You do realize that none of the novels you've written today are funny, right? Like at all. I'm all for making fun of white people, even though I am one, we do weird and hilarious things, but your style is boring and your content is unoriginal. Do us all a favor and stop.

      • OwnerOfYou


  • partyofchive

    whats happened to you chive, you've have changed man, you used to be cool.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Jolliffe/222302916 Anthony Jolliffe

    April fools need more Bewbs!!

    • dasuperfan

      ^^ terrible blog etiquette ^^ obviously who haven't paid attention to anything "the chive" has taught you

  • Bob

    This is the worst post ever — fuck you guys

  • RobertC

    This post is not chive worthy

    • RobertC

      Damn, it's April first. : ( trolled

  • insomniac

    "damned free website, working a new angle of humor that i dont understand. this isnt what i paid for."

  • Interesting

    #3 is only in the US and a few other cultures. Slurping is considered polite in many places. And #11 is retarded. I have never seen anyone who disapproved of this.


    haha number 12
    used to have that same set of plates

  • http://www.facebook.com/St.ChristopherPinto Christopher Pinto

    Post full of win, Good Job Chive.

  • Jesse Magnanimous

    … I hate april fools day. Chive! Y U NO DAR?

  • Kyle

    #12 False. you may clasp your hands and place your elbows on the table when the meal is finished. DO NOT chicken wing them out but if in front of you that is acceptable.
    #16, switching hands to bring the fork to your mouth is not necessary if one is left handed.

    remember ettiquette is not a hard and fast set of rules, they are guidelines to make things run smoothly.

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