PATTY EATS: An in depth review of the KitchenAid Mixer (24 photos plus bonus recipe!)

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There really are only a handful of EPIC kitchen contraptions that I know of. Let’s see. The egg slicer. The George Foreman grill. The ice maker and, of course, the KitchenAid stand mixer. I mean, serious. This mixer really has it all. It’s got all the attachements. Sure, other mixers have attachments but not like THESE! Gosh, they’re pretty. Look, just look, at the shiny one. Yep, that twirly looking one is pretty fucking sweet looking too. Why would you not want this thing? You would be stupid not to get one. Just fucking stupid.

So I decided to give the crazy looking wonder-mixer a whirl. I found a delicious looking recipe for “Swedish Lemon Angels” in an old cookbook my Mom gave me a while back. They looked easy to make and the book, entitled “Pennsylvania Teller’s Union Cooking Manual,” was well worn so it’s probably got some good recipes, right?

While using the KitchenAid stand mixer I noticed that it was hard to figure out. What goes where? How do I put the hook thing on the other part. I figured it out but it was hard. Seesh KitchenAid I would think your instruction booklet would be a little more detailed. It ended up all working out ok and I began to mix the ingredients together. It was easy to follow the recipe and the machine worked really, really well.

Boy did it mix the stuff up! I mean it was mixing and mixing like no tomorrow, but sadly I couldn’t mix forever cause that would make the lemon angels all chewy and gross…and besides I was getting a headache from all the dizzying mixing going on.

As far as this professional food blogger was concerned the KitchenAid mixer from KitchenAid worked like a dream. It didn’t blow up once during the mixing process.

The Swedish Lemon Angels were absoultely delicious. My Mom’s cookbook recommendation was spot on. The cookies were moist and crumbly and tart like a fresh squeezed lemon. I ate them all. I know I shouldn’t have, but I did. Now I have to poop.

Be sure to check out the awesome action cooking shots further down.

Oh and here’s the motherfucking recipe:

Swedish Lemon Angels


* 1 egg
* 1/2 cup buttermilk
* 5 teaspoons baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
* 1 cup lemon juice
* 1 1/4 cups sugar
* 7/8 cup all-purpose flour
* 8 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted


1. Preheat oven to 375° F.
2. In a small bowl, beat egg until foamy.
3. Mix in buttermilk and vanilla.
4. Gradually add baking soda, one teaspoon at a time, mixing until smooth and creamy.
5. Pour in lemon juice all at once and blend thoroughly.
6. Once mixture has congealed into a pasty lump, scoop it out with a spatula and spread on a floured surface.
7. Sift flour and 3/4 cup sugar together and work it into the egg-lemon lump with your fingertips.
8. Roll the dough thin with a floured rolling pin, and cut out angel shapes with a knife.
9. Curl up the edges slightly and sprinkle the angels with the rest of the sugar.
10. Brush angels with melted butter.
11. Place angels with at least an inch apart on a baking sheet.
12. Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown.

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  • Chris Scharff

    Yum. Cookies.

  • se7n

    probly the best food site in the world? aprils fool :)

    • AnyoneForCoffee

      The idea is not to tell anyone…..

  • Guest

    I just buy cookies from the store. They usually turn out better.

  • Christian Lander

    Stuff White People Like # 54, Kitchen Gadgets

    White people are under a lot of pressure to like cooking. Everything in their culture tells them that they need to have a nice kitchen and that they need to cook with organic, fresh ingredients to make delicious, complicated food.

    Though any great chef can prepare fantastic meals with a knife and a few pots, white people believe that they need a full cadre of appliances and gadgets in their kitchen in order to live up to the pressure.

    If you go into a white person’s kitchen you will find a waffle maker, a rice cooker, a steamer, a food processor, a panini press and a blender. They also have hand powered devices like flour sifters, ravioli crimpers, pizza cutters, potato ricers, and a sushi mat.

    But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to own the holy grail of white kitchens – the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.

    Kitchen Gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find gadgets for any possible task in the kitchen. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should make reference to them using a lot to make beautiful food that you hope you can eat one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gang busters.

    If you find yourself in a conversation about these things, a good way to say a little but mean a lot is to mention that you “find the consumer models to be poorly built, my friend, a chef, brings me with him to a restaurant supply shop that’s not open to the public. The stuff there is real quality, it’s where I get all of my pans.”

    If this is too big of a risk, you should just throw out a combination of these words: “le Creuset, Calphalon, All Clad, Williams Sonoma, and Sur Le Table.” White people go so nuts when they hear these words, you won’t even have to finish your sentence.

    • Honest Joe

      I didn't read your book.

      But I'm sure it was kind, insightful, and would have made me a better person for reading it.

      Thank you,


    • Ken

      Why is it all about "White" people in your little blurb? Do non-whites no longer eat? Is this your version of an April Fools joke? I have a black neighbour and he is eating a McDonald's combo right now (I know because he got one for me too!)

    • Nazz1962

      Dude, you're obviously a racist and should stop posting this crap.

    • mitch

      God you suck

    • OwnerOfYou

      Good trolling today….

    • Frito_Pants

      Non-white people use these kitchen gadgets too…making food at restaurants that us white people eat at.

  • xXbeermonkeyXx

    a swedish cooking recipe is never finished if the kitchen isnt cover in flour and if you havent said "herpedy derpedy" at least 50 times. swedish chef commands you!

    • some guy

      Don't forget shnooney flooney

  • ryan

    what the fuck is the chive turning into

  • Senor Rock

    At first I thought all these posts were a joke at Patty's diet, but now I see he's in on it. I guess the joke's on us.

  • Meep

    Whats with all the food post?? are you trying to get Patty off his game?

  • Nicholas Allred

    My mom owns one of these mixers. They're fucking awesome.

    Bitch makes the best cookies.

  • Paula_

    Go Patty!! I'll give you a lapdance if you lose another 10 pounds!

    … hey, why did Patty just run in to the donut shop? What the hell…
    – the one who is wondering…

    • Ulisses

      And there you go…..he just gained another 20.

  • Sensual


    i love the chive today hehehe


  • partyofchive

    this whole food blog thing is the single worst april fools ever…

    • Christian Lander

      Stuff White People Like # 48, Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops

      White people need organic food to survive, and where they purchase this food is as important as what they purchase. In modern white person culture, Whole Foods has replaces churches and cathedrals as the most important and relevant buildings in the community.

      There are some regions that do not have Whole Foods, but do have an abundance of white people (college towns), in these situations Whole Foods can be substituted with a local co-op grocery store where you have to pay a membership to shop there.

      All of these stores are pretty much the same – lots of vegetables, grain fed free range meat and eggs, and soy everything. They are also characterized by an outrageously large section of vitamins, supplements, and natural oils. There are natural, handmade soaps which give these stores a unique and uniform smell.

      Many white people consider shopping at Whole Foods to be a religious experience, allowing them feel good about their consumption. The use of paper bags, biodegradable packaging, and the numerous pamphlets outlining the company’s police on hormones, genetically modified food and energy savings. This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable.
      As you walk through Whole Foods/Co-op you will see white people pushing carts buying things like Flaxseed Oil, wine, Tofu versions of meat, and organic kohlrabi. They also provide prepared foods, that single white people often purchase to avoid cooking.

      This is important information, as this section of the store is loaded with single white people.

      These stores are excellent for bringing children, as there is nothing that they actually want.

      “Oh, mommy, look chocolate!”

      “No Joshua, that’s carob.”

      “I want it.”


      The child will then take a bite and realize that nothing in the store can be trusted.

      • ken

        Are you black? Is that it?

      • Ryan Smith

        cool story bro

      • That Guy

        there is also stuff that racists like. it's called burning crosses. you are burning crosses just like the kkk members did. the chive doesn't want you. nobody wants you.

  • McSgwigga

    Ok Chive, enough is enough, where are the bewbs??

    • Will

      yeah. we need half naked (or completely naked, preferably completely) women to fill our days. screw april fools day. i want boobies.

  • That Guy

    WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!! MY WORLD IS FLIPPING ON ITS FUCKING FOREHEAD! seriously this is like the twilight zone for the chive. Patty has been teased no lets get some photobomb in this mother.

  • Grifo

    Screw the iPad; where can I purchase one of these advanced mixing devices!

  • Daris

    It's strange that it's taking everyone so long to figure out that it's April Fool's Day. I've been looking forward to today. Mass hysteria at work. And apparently at theChive as well. Love it.

  • OhSomeEvil


  • femtrooper

    Om nom nom nom

  • theeemightybuck

    i fucking hate april fools. it's for the birds

  • Marco418

    you missed the new glass bowl that they have now that you can put in the dishwasher!

  • nyet

    Ok – we get it. April Fool's, good work boys. Only problem is, none of you is funny. Get back to posting shit to make my job tolerable.

    • DaveAmi

      I only use a Cuisinart Mixer. You've probably never heard of it.

  • Ouboet

    Like a BOSS!

  • DaveAmi

    #12 Holy Crap! I've never seen THIS attachment before. What is it? Butter Churner?

    #22 You'd better not fall of the Wagon, Patty!!

  • nmaaa

    the only thing I always do with English (yes, I mean English, not British;) and US cake and cookie recipes, I only take half or one third of the sugar written in the recipe, because….. it is just too too sweet. I once made the mistake to make it along the recipe for a children's bday, a big failure, the children wer complaining it was way too sweet
    never ever again will I use the insane amount of sugar written in such recipes. how do you not get nauseated when you see the amount of sugar in the cup when pouring it into the dough? I get a cardiac just by seeing it

    • @amandaflowerbud

      I really hope this comment was an april fools day prank. If not then a replacement for sugar in baking is honey.

  • theMorgue77

    Just got the grinder attachment for mine for my birthday. Homemade sausages? Yes, I think I will.

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