• CDV

    Excuse me, did I hear you just mention alpaca? It's nice to meet someone in the same trade. How big is your heard and what kind of shears do you use?

  • CharlieDeltaJaguar

    Can I buy you a fish sandwich?

  • chewdee

    I'm like a rubix cube, the longer you play with me the harder I get

  • Steveo

    Me: Excuse me, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

    Her: No… how much?

    Me: Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Steve.

    *sex in the bathroom*

    • urock

      Full Of Win

    • toban

      ive actually used this one successfully
      but my name isnt steve

      • Eric Brueningsen

        to be able to pull this off successfully is quite a feat.
        well played sir

    • Bud Ugly

      Hehe, I like this one. Imma give it a try.

      • Jen

        id laugh, all you have to do is make me laugh and i will fuck you. shit, who am i kidding, id fuck you if you didnt make me laugh.

        • wkdfrog

          no wonder you don't have a picture profile!

  • corbin

    Wanna come over to my place later and watch Top Gun and eat caramels? ( girls love Top Gun and caramels)

  • Broham03

    My dick just died, can I bury it in ur ass?

  • HeavyD

    • Elleny Mitchell


  • force kin

    ''I would give you one'
    'how dare you talk to me like that?'
    'shut it bitch i was marking you outta 10'

  • Broham03

    U like my new belt buckle, it would look better on your forehead….

  • Guy

    I'm sure you get this all the time, but I can't help noticing you're the most beautiful girl in this bar.

    • JewLover

      desperation… not attractive

  • Boomer

    What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?
    — I can't Jelly my d!ck in your mouth whenever I want!

    • Boris

      Correction – I cannot jelly my cock down your throat.


    My name is George. I live with my parents, and i am unemployed.

    • skuch

      you butchered it but still, we get it.

  • buster cherry

    Hey sugar tits, get the fuck outta the way so I can get a drink.

    • Daris

      Laughing so hard right now

      • JMikeH

        Mel Gibson is a Chiver? Who knew.

    • tarancara

      Hmmmm, that might just work with me! 😉

  • Senor Rock

    Are you a meat burgler, because it looks like you stole two beautiful hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

    • TimNation

      plus one for the Leon Phelps reference

  • Guest

    Does this rag smell like chlorform to you?

  • Swarog

    My penis is erect from imagining you naked.

  • Hubby

    Thats my new wife you're all talking about …….

  • JayColvin

    Me: (to other Chiver hitting on her) Excuse me, did you see they posted a new DAR?
    (while other Chiver is occupied)
    Me: Hi. My Name is Jace. Can I be your Guardian Angel tonight?

  • Dan

    So you know how the sun goes up in the morning and down in the evening? How do you explain that?

    • Semper

      never a miscommunication

    • Jeff


  • zack

    does this rag smell like chloroform?

  • c-span

    hey baby: are your parents retarted or something?
    -no, why would you ask that???
    because you're special

    • corky

      I like how you spelled "retarded".


  • Not_Jim

    sorry, i meant to slip this into your friends drink, can you switch?

  • Pablo

    Point to yourself and say

    "I know what you are thinking…. Dave Thomas Founder of Wendys"

  • davey

    You look just like mom, let's fuck!

  • Spankster

    How to put this delicately… I want to plow you.

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