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April 12, 2011 |
In: Doin it wrong, Funny
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#9 GO DUCKS!
#24 Stuff White People Like # 17, Disinfectants
White people have a number of significant fears: global warming, not leaving behind an artistic legacy, getting fat, the suburbs, and flyover states. But right near the top is germs( so much so that some will wait for someone to open the bathroom door so they can rush out without touching the doorknob). All white people live in constant fear of getting a cold since that will prevent them from going outside and performing outdoor activities. There is also a small but vocal group of white people who still believe their children could catch autism from a toilet seat
This fear has not gone unnoticed by the cleaning supply and personal product industries. They have been quick to step in to provide hand sanitizers, grocery cart handle wipes, and antibacterial everything. All of which help to prevent white people, and especially white parents, from having a complete nervous breakdown every single day.
To fully understand the process of how to drive a white person insane, all you really need to do is plant a seed of disgust in their mind. For example: Watch a white person touch a doorknob and then eat an apple or a rice cake. Wait a few seconds, then go up to them and say, "You touched that doorknob. Think about all the people who touched it and what they did before they touched it. Then you touched that food and ate it. I don't want to freak you out, but you should probably make a doctor's appointment. I think you have hepatitis now. Seriously."
Stand back and watch. That white person will immediately begin an elaborate fantasy about the type of people and potential body parts that have come in contact with that doorknob. Once they have settled on something appropriately disgusting, they will visualize the actual touch so vividly and graphically, that it will make them dry heave uncontrollably.
Here is where you have two options. If your intended goal was to drive them crazy, simply say, "What else did you touch today?" and walk away. If your goal was to put this white person in your debt, simply step in and hand them some hand sanitizer and a small amount of ipecac. Once the white person returns from the bathroom, they will assume that you have saved their life and will feel they owe you a favor, big-time.
#7 SHOULD SAY: Monday Morning, Monday mid-morning, Monday afternoon, Monday evening and Friday…. then I'm right there with you!!
#10 That's why it's called the kingfisher.
#17 bad kitty…BAD BAD kitty
I say #9 …. FIND her!!! Fit (not jacked) girls are unbelievably attractive.. Just like her.
………who gives a shit?
#1 yes this is how a coward would do it.
#7 Fail, 10am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm, 2pm, and i need 19 more
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