Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • McCrappy

    FIRST!!!! I am the greatest, u guys suck.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Luispedrosato Luis Pedro Gonçalves

      No, you suck

    • http://www.bentduckcafe.com Bruce

      Wow – staying up monitoring theChive updates just to be the first to comment. You sir are a phenomenal example of human endurance and perseverence in Douchebagery. I salute you…..not!!!

    • ken

      I for one, am proud that you got first. I myself just got a "first" on the Brigade – because I was too slow here. :(

    • Brakaism


    • starin1

      i can only strive to be as coo as you one day

    • HollarPeenYo

      I don't get it? How the fuck are there so many lame people on this awesome site? McCrappy, I hope that today you are also the first person to drown in a pile of human feces. I will keep my fingers crossed for promising news this evening…

    • b-ry

      personally i like the FIRST post….if you can snag it why not!
      when theChive says "be the first to post" it's just asking for it!

      • Chris Jenson

        Yeah but to say that others "suck" because they didn't get it, well, only Scumbag Steve would do that.

    • george takei

      chive needs an age limit for posting, "first" will never end as long as there is forth graders afoot

    • KeyserSoze

      When did you get an internet connection in your mom's basement?

    • thc


  • http://www.facebook.com/tekrebel Charlie Makarov

    #18 game over

    • ZombieScum

      From Calvin & Hobbes! Love it.

      • Thatsright

        Greatest cartoon ever.

      • dden

        Tyrannosaurs in F-14s!!

    • Vagina Jones

      I thought it was a picture from the Christian Creationist Mueseum.

    • craig

      Calvin & Hobbes!! FTW!

    • nut

      Just finished a dream about reading calvin and hobbes. Woke up, began chiving, I do believe this is a sign.

    • bud

      Bill Waterson is my hero

      • doublemeat

        He's a cranky old man from what I've read.

        • Kellen

          Who cares! He has the right to be because he's awesome! He has a ton of integrity too, he could be selling out like that Garfield douche and we'd have a crappy C&H movie that they tricked our hero into voicing Hobbes.

          … a C&H movie with Bill Murray as Hobbes would be pretty badass if done right.

    • Rusty

      80 million years ago, back in the late Cretaceous,
      lived the great tyrannosaur: a fearsome and predacious
      therapod of monstrous size! He weighed 6 tons or more,
      and epitomized the concept of the killer carnivore!

      Anyone else remember how the rest of the strip went? If you have to google it, you're cheating.

      (And yes, I'm a massive nerd for having memorized that when it came out back when I was in 7th grade, and I'm even more of a nerd for remembering it 21 years later.)

    • Ferdinand

      Echoing everyone else. C&H FTMFW!!! Genius stuff and incredible artistry in the comic genre. Dark day when the strip ended…

  • Paula_

    Goooood Mooooorning Chivers & Chivettes,
    Nah, that's just it. Good morning. Bye!

    – the one you love to hate

    • Ryan Smith

      i love you Paula!!!! even if you are a man…

    • dastlast

      You're going soft Paula, losing your edge! Get your act together! :-p

    • Smithers

      I hate you so much

    • ** PAULA HATER **

      Hey Paula! #12

    • Tyler J Smith

      Go fuck yourself

      Tyler J Smithfield
      -The one you love to love.

      • Paula_

        I used to be able to do that, when I was still a hermafrodite that is. I miss those days… sigh <3

        – the one who loved herself

        • Claire

          If you are going for a smart assed reply, learn to spell. Idiot.

          • BWGVG

            fuck a smart assed reply, and shove it up your cunt you haughty bitch.

  • dastlast

    #4 & #11
    Like a boss!

    • dastlast

      Mhmmm #12 was #11 when I made the post, stop shuffling pictures around Chive! :D

    • Urban

      Is that fckin carrot top?

      • elbruces

        I think so. Ergh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/alluneedislove.1 Anthony Lopez

    #18 is the shit. Loved reading me some Calvin and Hobbes….

    • mrjimmyos

      It's from that?!

    • Lev

      Why the hell are you using past tense? Still awesome.

    • big meech

      best comic strip ever

      • Surf and Snow


  • Nobody

    #13 Might actually be more attractive?

  • Ben

    #20 like a boss

    • dub

      Is that Tupac?

    • Gern Blanston

      Instantaneous pant load on that Sea Ray in the background!

    • maxim2boobles

      U.S. Navy FTW

  • hater

    can I get the name of your dealer?!? #17

    • This Is Me

      I know a guy; he can hook you up, man.

      • Surf and Snow

        OMFG!!!! Wow… just… wow.

    • IllicitWeaponry

      They'll sling anything in the hood.

      • douche

        pure racism. no other reason for this comment. deep rooted racism.

        • Jak

          …that is funny. He forgot to add that it was funny. It's ok douche, I'm here to make sure people know that you meant to include that it was funny.

        • dasuperfan

          no if it was racist he would of had $100 dollars of pigs feet and would more then likely been sippin on some grape drink… and don't get that confused with grape pop… its motha fuckin grape drink

          • DistractedIndividual

            I do believe the pronunciation is "Drank"

    • Lauren Gentile

      There have been many sightings, but some say he goes by the name of "Lucky", Lucky the 'help-a-brotha-out' Leprechaun. He hits em' hard and quick so catch him while you can… ;)

      • Country Boy

        ROFLMAO Just look for the little guy wearing green with a big gold chain around his neck and lucky charms on his grill.

    • quintus

      Pure sugary awesomeness.

  • YOU


  • juggernaut

    i actually bought some weed from #4 a few weeks ago. nice guy.

    • Glen

      He seemed like a real straight shooter!

    • jjj

      He seemed kinda friendly like, "hey, what's up guys? Want some crack?"

    • Cwfromsd

      Yeah, but before he sold it to you he sniffed your butt first to see if you were a cop.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Billy-Schott/507335759 Billy Schott

    #1 DUI's suck.

    • skrew yuu

      ha ya whatever man what ur saying? eh who fucken cares heh?!! i dont so fuckenfuck yur swlf. biatich

  • Say what?

    #3 The man who once scored 4 touchdowns in one game. Awesome indeed…

    • Urban

      Hell to the Fck yeah, Bundy!

  • Your pal Sal

    This was worthy of being called an awesome post

  • DRC36


    Steve Boobscemi

    • Thumpybass

      First thing I thought of. Well done, sir/miss

    • Gern Blanston


  • bbqboobs

    #14 Well, I guess it's better than the original.

    • elbruces

      No. Boobs are better than Buscemi's face. Having touched both, I can attest to this.

      Dear Internet: Please stop shopping Steve Buscemi onto things. He is awesome as himself. No part of him is awesome as part of anything else. That is to say, Buscemi's awesomeness is a holisitic property, and entirely emergent phenomenon, and cannot be translocated to any other thing in the universe.

      • JHL1

        Hear Hear!

  • DRC36


    Lucky the Leprechaun slipped up, and the kids that were after his lucky charms for decades finally got them. Now kids are buyin illegal marshmellows on the street. Lucky knows it's a gateway drug. It's only a matter of time before kids start graduating to hard shit; Jet Puffed Marshmellows.

    • Bob151



      an the crack and bippety cocain zippetay bobbety coke!!!!

  • James

    am i alone in picturing #5 widening her legs for some lurvin?! man this drought has to end…!

    • Graphix

      I was just thinking "Nice Feet"… does that make me gay?

  • DRC36


    A librarians worst nightmare; all the pages are getting creased.

    • Iran_Cyber_Army

      but on the good side for most creepy pedo librarians, Kids are inside 'em too. Fun.


        creepy crackaddict assess, NO! fuk that fukc that and fuck her, him and the whole dam guys in the background doing meth. FUCK!!…EM!!

  • jken

    Sincere question: what's the big deal with Banksy? #5

    • AtomManhattan

      Well, like a lot of 'street artists' these days, he's overrated. I always figured, if you were such a great artist, you wouldn't be running around putting your shit all over random walls like any gives a shit. I've never met any artist that takes graphitti seriously. It's equatable to fingerpainting for adults.

      • Mach500

        is it even about being taken seriously? Isn't finger painting awesome?
        Creative output should be enough, never mind that He's kind of thumbing his nose at the whole world establishment.

        • BS Mach 2

          "He's kind of thumbing his nose at the whole world establishment."

          yeaaaaah. i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that if your name is mentioned by James Franco at the oscars in an overwhelmingly positive light and you're exceptionally popular, you're doing the whole "thumbing your nose at the whole world establishment" thing wrong.

          • That Guy

            so because we all celebrate Martin Luther King day and mention him in a positive light his stand against civil rights infringement could not be labeled as 'thumb his nose at the establishment'?
            i think you mistake the establishment (government, authority, rules of law) and the society (those who engage in the world and make up the general population). he is thumbing his nose at the establishment, not society. so society (James Franco, last i checked, was a part of society and not the authority) can give him popularity without weakening his 'fight the man' mentality. think before you post. don't just post to post. thanks pumpkin.

            • BS Mach 2

              "so because we all celebrate Martin Luther King day and mention him in a positive light his stand against civil rights infringement could not be labeled as 'thumb his nose at the establishment'?"

              did i say that? no. a brief summation of my response was answering a blanket statement with an equally blanket response i.e. "He's kind of thumbing his nose at the whole world establishment." being mentioned at such an institution as the oscars(which is more of an informal, but all the same, an establishment) in my opinion makes the claim slightly dubious. that's about it.

              oh, you might want to refrain from telling people to "think before they post" and calling them "pumpkin". to put it gingerly; it makes you sound like something of an elitist prick.

              • That Guy

                not an elitist prick just more well versed at the break down of poorly constructed statements. now a rude condescending prick, that i am.
                no you didn't say that about Martin Luther, obviously, but you're argument parallels with the sentiment that i used as an explanation of your statement. an institution is not THE establishment. you are trying save face by changing the definitions of the collective whole so that you don't look like an idiot for misstating a wrong point. you don't like Bansky, fine. just say it. don't try and use words you clearly do not understand.
                but i like how you tried to make it more about your opinion than the fact you think recognition destroys ones credibility. because the more recognition the chive gets really changes it's content.

                • BS Mach 2

                  no, that'd be rather silly trying to save face when i namely don't have one to save, it's one of the perks anonymity. i didn't say an institution was THE, just the one i had in mind(since i generally can't account for Mach500s up there). if i didn't like Banksy i would have said it(i don't really care for him one way or the other really). of course it's about my opinion, that's what i'm going off of. whether i think recognition destroys credibility is entirely up to me or whomever else abides the sentiment. *for the record, that's not the case, just your assumption i do*.

                  • That Guy

                    pride is pride and you don't want to be wrong. so since you acknowledge it is your opinion that recognition destroys credibility then you either think the more popular the chive gets the less credibility it should have with the people who hear about it. or you think that rule applies to only Bansky and nothing else. so you think a+b=c but because you like b, a+b=x. you let your opinion dictate what your logic. that's your right, but your right and your reasoning makes you wrong. i don't expect you to understand. not many do.

                    • b-ry

                      Jesus….we went from Banksy to Government and martin Luther king day?

                      really guys? post elsewhere….your both douchebags.

                    • TitoRigatoni

                      *you're both douchebags

                    • That Guy

                      hey don't try and make money off of my creativity. so you don't have the mental capacity to follow our meanings. it's okay. there is a coloring book on the next blog. try and stay within the lines. sure the sky can be black. just like your heart. sweet sweet boy. soon you get to go to the special school… soon.

                    • b-ry

                      there you go again…

                      truth hurts huh?

                    • That Guy

                      what truth is that?

                    • b-ry

                      your a rambling douche bag

                    • That Guy

                      your argument is invalid.

                    • that guy is an ass

                      ok im glad i dont know you. your the kinf of person who wont shut up and ends up trying to fight everyone for petty fucking reasons. alright maybe your right maybe not. but why have you taken your precious time to continually go about this. huge long rant on this silly post like matters to any fucking body. shut up and enjoy things for what they are, or bitch to those that care because 99% of poeple on here dont and youve got no right to make fun of them for simply not want to here you.

                    • BS Mach 2

                      yeah, you'd be right…if i hadn't explicitally typed before 'that 'that wasn't my opinion'. nope Mr. That Guy, i assure you, if that's what i thought, i would have typed it, or i wouldn't be disagreeing with you.

            • jamie

              or he does what he likes and does whta he does best and makes a living out of it and he takes the fool out of everything if you look to some of his indoor art, just enjoy it. leave now, back to work your cubicle passion.

      • Bankruptsy

        Your mom didn't think I was overrated, last night!

    • Bob

      *clap clap clap clap clap*
      *clap clap clap clap clap*
      *clap clap clap clap clap*

    • Red

      basically he's a big deal because a certain number of people got together and decided he was a big deal, and then when it was seen what a big deal he was, more people decided he was an exceptionally big deal for reasons they can't readily explain other than what big deal he is. same old same old.

      • linds

        I think he's pretty darn awesome. Just the fact that no one actually knows who he is and he has never been caught doing his graffiti is enough to be awesome for me.

        • Its-a me, Mario

          Not getting caught is (I think) what one does as a graffiti artist. I see graffiti everywhere, but have I ever seen graffiti in the making? no I havent. Not getting caught does not make him awesome. Dont get me wrong: I like him, but not just because he doesnt get caught.

    • That Guy

      anyone who tells you he is not a big deal has the artistic equivalency of a toddler shitting and then spreading it on the wall. his art form is simply stunning, because it is unique, provoking of thought, can connect with you in ways other things can't. he could put it on canvas and it would be beautiful. he puts it on the wall of a run down grocery store and that's what makes it a cause to praise. a piece of magical creativity randomly placed makes it the easter egg for any day of the year, but instead of candy we find inspiration.
      and if all that was not enough he does so with out personal recognition. that is as rare as it comes. and if that wasn't enough it's all free. you are witnessing something truly original and possibly the next big artist since picasso. but if you don't get the struggle for artistic revelation then it's like trying to explain how important the 2004 boston red sox pennant race against the yankees/world series win was to a non-sports, non-baseball fan. you either get how monumental it is or not. hope that helps.

      • The Real D. Nozzle

        "a piece of magical creativity randomly placed makes it the easter egg for any day of the year, but instead of candy we find inspiration."

        LOL are you serious?? LMAO that is the gayest shit since twilight.

        • That Guy

          you know how i know you are gay? you say homophobic shit like 'that is the gayest shit'. good luck failing at life with your opinion. all you have is two wrong thumbs up your ass so you make up for it with stupid comments on the chive.

      • Phondo

        Christ, do you read what you type? You remind me of Will Ferrell's parody of James Lipton without any of the self awareness. You probably need an enema to find your own head.

        • That Guy

          just admit you didn't recognize half the words i used. i am aware that my literary prowess is eons a head of where you could ever hope to be. just because i have the audacity to say what i think is truth, and the ability to put it to words doesn't mean there isn't credence to points. the man asked a serious question so i obliged.
          and i do read what i write. do you walk where you shit? that's what i thought. oh and i don't think anyone who where's socks with their sandals and keeps there belongings in a fanny pack has any room to mock me in any way imaginable.

          • Phondo

            Hahahaha, well begging your pardon Lord Fauntleroy, you were right. I sure didn't recognize words like "recognition", come by the vernacular equivalent of "equivalency", and I was pretty much swing and a miss for what the word "baseball" might pertain to. Wellll, you might not think they do, but then again, here I am doing it.

            • That Guy

              haha. i guess you knew three words. not sure what you were trying to say though. i give you and A for effort and for stumping me.

              • Phondo

                Nah, I got all of it. Thanks, but I don't really deserve the grade. You're terribly easy to mock.

                • That Guy

                  that i am… that i am. i guess i just should have just said: Banksy is the fucking shit.

                  • Phondo

                    See how easy that was? Don't worry though, at least getting to the point of simply saying it without conveying what a pretentious nuisance you are gives you something to work towards. Maybe I can even send in a request to The Chive to help map your progress in the DAR.

                    • That Guy

                      na i just get tired of explaining things to dip shits. its really exhausting. i think it would be easier to get a mullet to understand the benefit of investing in the stock market than reason with you at a competent level.
                      i picked a fight and all i got was a poorly attempted bitch slap. hit me up after grade school. we'll attempt it then.

                    • Phondo

                      Exactly. You've been engaging someone entirely unreasonable. So while you're admittedly tired of explaining, I'm tired from laughing.

                  • b-ry

                    so after ALL that ….that was your point? man oh man….

                    should have saved yourself the humiliation.

                    • That Guy

                      what humiliation is that?

                    • oh4fuckssake

                      Will you two just fuck and get it over with already?!?!?!?

                    • That Guy

                      you would like to see that.

                    • YU FUCKEN BITCH

                      so you just read miles and miles of poeples comment and then say stuff like shut the fuck up, and what not. as if they were arguing out loud infront of you. you know you dont have to read their shit? right?

          • Wyatt

            a head = sits on shoulders
            ahead = in front of

            you "wear" socks with sandals, you don't "where" them

            "there" is an adverb and cannot describe belongings
            "their" is a possessive adjective and i think what you were looking for

            just trying to improve your "literary prowess"

            • That Guy

              haha. well stated. literature and grammar coincide, but are not the same thing. i also didn't use proper capitalization or punctuation. i used 'their' correctly one out of the two times. not that bad eh?

              • Wyatt

                no, that was pretty bad. well not for a clown, but you get the idea.

                • That Guy

                  your point is taken. you are what is called an ad hominem subject. you are quick to point out the persons fault rather than the subject itself. what you pointed out was mistakes that i made in the haste of my typing.
                  'i guess i forgot that you never make a misssstake.'

                  • Wyatt

                    yep, i sure am. but i afford to be since i was in the right. even if i wasn't, i still could anyway. deal with it. learn from it. you're dismissed.

                    • That Guy

                      just like my interpretation of Bansky is right, therefore i can afford to make grammar mistakes. you are welcome. your apology is accepted.

              • oh4fuckssake

                For being so goddamn pompous, that is pretty bad. Counterproductive to how much effort you spent trying to convince everyone that you are smart, and not some sad loser jerkin it to porn in your mom's basement.

                • That Guy

                  i'm actually in your mom's basement. she's the one that likes porn. she likes it dirty.

          • Just Me

            A head is not ahead.

          • b-ry

            dude….anyone can sound smart on the internet….your confused by your own words.

            • The Dude

              hahaha, don't you love how he thumbs his own comments up?

              • That Guy

                it does that automatically. you can complain to intense debate though.

      • b-ry

        no need for a novel pal.

    • b-ry

      just another way for theChive to make money on someone else's creativity. nothing more than that.

      • That Guy

        ha. i guess you don't get that is entirely what this site is about. FAIL.

    • bryanbarbeau

      There is no big deal with Banksy. Ignore all the tripe and garbage until now. He is just a postmodern crap-out that would be the first to die in the system he longs to implement.

      • That Guy

        try not to choke on you words later.

        • Bryan Barbeau

          ROTFL… Well, That Guy, I will do my best not to choke on me words later, buddy. Apparently, you too are a postmodern crap-out that will be the second to die in the system you long to implement, right behind Banksy, of course.

          • That Guy

            i don't think you know what you are saying when you say "to die in the system he longs to implement." do you mean to say he wants to be a tool in the system? i think you are just saying words to say words.
            i will be around forever. keep putting words together incoherently.

  • Josh Gorter

    #17 this guy is planning ahead for tomorrow.

  • Brazzers

    #1 they see me rollin…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/Volkof Omar Hernández Partes Grandes

    I suddenly have the urge to remember my childhood and do a fortress for my own…

    • Randy Marsh

      The moment I saw this picture I thought about where in my house I would build one and with what pieces of furniture

    • zach

      can't forget the cardboard tube gun turrets in each gap.

  • Manny

    #22 had me on a endless loop. Was infinitely more fun when I put other parts of my body on the button.

    • nom nom

      That freaky sucker even tossed my salad!

  • JohnQ

    #4 Watcha lookin' at foo'?

  • JohnQ

    #14 i need to see the original! anyone? :)

    • and not

      Nope seen it. Too scared to see it again. This is better.

    • jken

      You will be sorry

    • shaunvw

      That is the most disgusting nipple ive ever seen! I would do crazy things with steve buchemi way before i ever even looked at that deformed nipple again

    • clint_05
      • JohnQ

        me and my goddamn curiosity.. =/

      • Greg

        Oh my god youre right. It cannot be unseen!

      • That Guy

        i'd slam it. fap fap fap. be honest ya'll would too.

        • Jon


        • McBeastie

          Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

        • bobsky

          Yeah but it would be the only time in my life I'd ask a woman to please leave the bra on.

      • elbruces

        Nothing wrong with that. Weirdly oversized areola, but that's boobs for ya. Protip for the virgins: real human females vary.

      • Tofu_Ninja

        Well played sir.
        I clicked it. :(

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