Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • dean

    #3 she was AMAZING in Kick Ass!!!!!!!!

    • Picard_

      /facepalm

      Abigail Breslin wasn't in Kick-ass

    • U suck

      You're an idiot

    • FLIPPS

      seriously?????………… we need to block Dean's IP so he cant post stupid shit any more

    • Brian Fantana

      Successful troll…

      • Ouchmaker

        No troll, just really stupid.

      • BobSugar

        I do think he was trying to be funny.

  • Paula_

    Gooood Moooorning dear Chivers & Chivettes!
    Just yesterday the Chive Meetup was announced. As you can see on the announcement I'm not invited. Up till now you guys have been kind of slow, but you'll figure it out one of these days I guess.

    Anywayyy… let's see if you're up to a challenge. I've seen plenty "Die", "Fuck you Paula", "Die in a fire" (kinda funny though) at this time. The best 3 just might win something.
    Since I'm not invited, answer this question (be creative, if you can):

    How do you make sure Paula doesn't attend the Chive Meetup?

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – every time you thumb me down a kitten falls into an active vulcano

    • Lars from Norway

      by placing a sign with the "forever alone" face that reads: "if you see a cock-flavored-lonely-ass-meth-addicted-street-walking-bitch like this one, DO NOT let her in" you'd never make it through the front door

      • T-Moze

        Paula is not so bad. She's fairly harmless. I bet if she turned out to be smokin hot like Lauren Gentile all 341 of those ^ thumbs down would be turned upside down. It is like Barney's hot to crazy ratio -the hotter the chick the crazier she can get away with being.

        • Paula_

          I give plenty of hot chicks a run for their money. I allways end up having to take it from them though, they never just simply hand it over when I rob them.

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – the one you love to hate

    • starin1

      go back in time via terminator style and kill your mom so you are never born…

      -i dont give a fuck im allergic to cats

    • ALT

      lure her with fresh kittens into a box and throw it overboard in international seas?

    • KilgoreTrout

      I will take you away to my moms trailer (she's in vegas) and we will make slow sweet love all night. I mean I'll get a fire going, some smooth jazz and some kit kats, maybe a couple of 40's. It will be the best 10 mins of your life. Followed by a couple of hrs of reassuring me that it happens to every guy, and that its not the size that matters but how you use it. I'll be your everything.

    • Surf and Snow

      Holy fuck Paula we just can win! Our only hope is that your guanasphyiaheralaids kills you soon. If not I have a buddy willing to take one for the team.

    • Pufffdragon

      I believe you are really "Hell Hath no Fury" because that bitch disappeared when you trolled your way into the Chive.

      • Paula_

        I'm not, honestly.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – really really really not HHNF

        • PJ Fry

          I believe you're not Hath.

          I've been meaning to ask, Is that the troll from the 3 billy goats gruff on your profile pic?

          All the best,

          ~PJ

          • Paula_

            Don't know; just image searched for 'troll' and liked this one.

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – picking your nose when you sleep

      • ALT

        yep, I believe so too

        • anon

          Nope, it's from a book that came out in the 80's about gnomes lol. My parents got it for me when I was a kid.

    • jcustunner

      Hold the meetup in a house of mirrors

    • dan

      By giving her a spelling test. "vulcano" = volcano.

    • bbqboobs

      It's a good thing I hate kittys!

    • Pack

      You are a stupid whore just don't exist

      • Leeks

        By not caring. Trolls won't troll without the safety of a keyboard, so it doesn't matter if you show up or not.

    • et phone home

      don't allow any trannys in

    • EdWood

      Is CHIVE mean?
      Y U NO invite Paula?
      Every good party needs a token troll.
      That is all.

      • Paula_

        Yay, you tell 'em Ed!

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – 90 kittens vOlcanoed so far

        • aleXTC

          Fucking die bitch

          • Paula_

            Yaaaaawn….
            EdWood is so right though, why do you think they had jesters in the old days?
            Chive, invite me!

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – either that or partycrashing

    • Drowe

      Maybe if you dressed up like a bridge they might let you in, and as for the kittens, screw those eye herpes.

    • JustMe

      *volcano… just sayin'

    • ScottyMac

      You do not exist, you are one of the editors of the site and you just like to jack with us. I have been fooled to many times by the trannies to let you get me.

      • nemesis

        I agree. Obvious tactic to encourage lots of comments.

      • Paula_

        If I was an editor of The Chive (dream job imo!), why haven't I posted a single gallery then, hmm?
        btw I suppose that's not a job. If you can do what you love to do then it's not a job.
        Oh and about the trannies; I thought you loved crossing swords. Why else would you have 2 guy names?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – are they otm?

    • shaunvw

      Its spelled VOLCANO by the way.

    • lolnonomous

      I'd just knock the wheels off her house.

    • Beldar

      Who's Paula?

      • BobSugar

        exactly.

    • beasty

      Because Paula is just a figment of the imagination. And figments only exists on the internet

    • BULLDOG

      giver her a kitty and press the thumbs down icon. she can fall down the volcano w/the kittenB)

      • Paula_

        Good one ^_^

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – choking the kitten on the way down

    • SinisteRtheWickeD

      Blah blah blah, I didn't even read your post…no reason. It's pathetic.

    • smallchinaman

      I hate cats – so thumbs down

      • Justin Hall

        Easily the best display of troll rage I've seen on theChive.

        Well played, Paula. Well played,

        • Paula_

          302 kittens down the volcano already… I'm starting to worry we'll extinguish it… That would be bad.

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – looking for a new fireplace

    • greasdupdeafguy

      kittens suck, let 'em fry

    • Paula=Awesomesauce

      You cut open her stomach, take her intestines, wrap them around her feet, hang her upside down from a telephone pole, chop off her arm, and beat her head until her eyes pop out…… Kinda like a PINATA! ……… Wait, no one else thought of this o.0 Weird I was sure I wasn't the only one.

      • Paula_

        Oh I'm sure PLENTY of Chivers had thoughts like this or even kinkier, but probably felt uncofortable sharing those thoughts with the usually cheerful Chivers.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Cheering4Chive

    • dOOb

      you're obviously one of the dudes at theChive!

  • throwaway

    first

    • Paula_

      Well it beats coming early I suppose.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – fastest troll ever

      • Geshko

        In honor of #14…
        That'swhatshesaid!

        ^_^

  • Surf and Snow

    #9 MOAR!! #13 It was LAME AS FUKC!!!

  • astowe10

    #14 Michael Scott will be missed

    • jimbob

      his last line was great after he takes the mic off "thats what she said"

    • Sizzle

      Not gonna lie, I almost started crying when he took the mic off. It's an iconic show that's only going to be terrible from now on. I wish they had just ended the show this season.

    • mbomb

      Love Will F., not sure he's going to be able to fill those shoes though. I have a feeling this shows days are numbered.

    • DCMOFO

      I can't wait to see the episode with Will Arnett.

    • Big E

      Hey let me know if this ever airs

    • Jes

      It was a true ending to Michael Scott. I did shed some tears for my favorite boss. He will be missed. I am curious to see how Jim Carrey does since will farell is gone next week.

    • Sobocop

      Will Ferrell is done next episode just to let you know but i think that the last episode for him couldn't have been better; however it also made me realize that there is nobody that will be able to fill his shoes i'm not too sure that the office will be on the air too much longer 😦

    • Christian Lander

      Stuff White People Like # 86, The Office

      Of television shows for white people, there are few more perfect than The Office. It's a smart comedy that shoots in a documentary style(something white people already like). The U.S. version features not one but two former members of The Daily Show, as well as a number of darlings of the indie comedy scene, and it's all overseen by white person hero Ricky Gervais. It goes without saying that this show is beloved by white people, but to put it over the edge and make it truly legendary it features one miracle trump card: a British edition.
      You see, when white people have a choice between the British edition and the American edition they will always, without fail, choose the British. It's like how they will always say the book was better than the movie, unless that movie is Twilight–then they will say that both were horrible. The reason white people like the British edition is not so much because it is superior to the American edition; it's just harder to find. You would have to have a Netflix subscription(not a problem for white people) or actively seek out the episodes on obscure American cable channels. But more important, the British edition gives white people the opportunity to assert dominance over other white people.

      "I love the office."
      "Me too! Kelly is my favorite character!"
      "Oh, you were talking about the American edition, Yeah, it's okay, I guess. Did you like Men Behaving Badly?"
      "With Rob Schneider?"
      "[Sigh]"

  • bbqboobs

    #9 These are the droids I'm looking for.

    • benneh

      She ain't no droid! Nice try though…

  • foshizzle

    #22 léon. great movie. in love with nathalie since that movie

    • Wolfp

      EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Gr8 movie!

    • et phone home

      in love with natalie in THAT movie? the origins of pedobear have been revealed

      • Wyatt

        unless he was like me and was a 11 when he saw the movie. we've grown up loving natalie.

        • MacNCheesePro

          Same here. You're not a pedo for remembering a child hood crush.

      • foshizzle

        hehe i was around 14 when i first saw the movie

    • doreen

      Pedo.

    • P. Bear

      OMG I loved her too…. but age catches up with them all …..

    • notapedo

      yeah, leon, great movie, really great movie, but i greally think the fbi is on too you if thats when you fell in love with Natalie

      • foshizzle

        as i wrote… i was 14 back then. she was 13. and btw. im not living in the us so fuck the fbi and fuck your goverment aswell. é <- try that with your keyboard

        • Jimmy C

          é = alt+0233

          • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

            Good answer.

    • Blues

      What is he saying there?

      • Rory

        EVERYONE!!! I still vividly recall his reaction to those pill things he'd crack in his teeth.

    • wassat?

      great movie, quite heavy on the 12 year old & 30 something year old romance theme, but i guess thats what you get with the french…

  • caturday

    #5 a day early for cat saturday.

    • Call You Out

      Learn your internets. It's always been Caturday. Long before the Chive was a twinkle in someone's eye.

      • Ted Danson

        Learn your Chive. It's Cat Saturday here.

    • Sizzle

      And learn your meme. That's a monkey tail beard, not a cat tail.

  • Surf and Snow

    Damn you chive, #13 was the Michael Scott clip! Thanks for changining it and messing up my flow!

  • jesus

    #11 i just watched that for like 10 minutes

    • chicksdigit

      For fuck's sake, turn it off!!!!

    • Cris_Ron

      is it on youtube?

    • http://www.facebook.com/markawol Mark Wolcott

      it is mesmerizing

  • MigraineBoy

    #22 "Get me everyone…" – "Sir…Everyone?" – "EVERYONE!!!!!" Still one of the best movies to date.

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      One of my all time favorites. Both Oldman & Reno rock. Also, Natalie Portman in her screen debut.

      • QuietRiot

        "No woman, no kids…"

    • BobSugar

      I love just saying this shit at the opportune time. Kills every time.

    • http://redlobster.com lobster

      I concur wholeheartedly!

  • Lars from Norway

    #14 best boss ever indeed

    • sheoncebelieved

      The Office has sucked ever since the writers strike in '09…they haven't been able to recover from that, it's never been funny since then, I whatever I say goes, so this is a fact.

      • Lars from Norway

        agree to desagree… I still like the Office, and I just hope Agent Michael Scarn doesn't read your disrespectful comment

  • Anakrusix

    Aww… Such a waste of bread. #15

    • GK-4

      how do they keep the pigeons away?

      • Jack Mehoff

        They pissed on the bread.

  • starin1

    #14 i have no idea what to think about his last episode. Its how i see him leaving the show in true micheal scott fashion however i wish their wouldve been a party or end on a happier note

    • V4Vendetta14

      Haven't seen the last episode in US version, but that was probably closer to the British Office ending…

  • Surf and Snow

    FIX YOUR FUCKING IPHONE APP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Paula_

      [singing] You forgot the magic word…

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – fix your fucking caps lock key

      • spence

        you are terribly annoying

    • https://www.facebook.com/jason.ciotti Jason Ciotti

      John addressed this in the meetup post yesterday. Learn to Chive properly before complaining.

    • shaunvw

      How about a Blackberry app.?

      • gay

        nobody cares about your horrible wackberry with it's internot. How's that tablet working out?

        • shaunvw

          you sir…are doing it wrong. The chive is for awesome shit…not D-BAGS like you bashing people for the type of phone they have. You are a waste of space and should be hung from a light pole by your tiny testicles.

  • jcustunner

    #1 I'm not sure that's what they meant by stain fighting action, but a gif might prove me wrong.

    #10 So it's true you can see Precious from space.

  • Surf and Snow

    Damn you chiveI want the T-Mobile girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • diddly

    What is the name of the chick in #3? There is no way that those two people are the same, even 15 years apart…

    • Jaster

      Abigail Breslin

    • mojomojo444

      Abigail Breslin

    • Drowe

      You know, Zombieland, Signs, Little Miss Sunshine. Her face has morphed though, but not in a bad way.

      • V4Vendetta14

        No shit?!?! Didn't realize that was the girl from Zombieland. She has gotten cute….

    • poseidon

      Born April 14 1996, makes her 15 years old. I bet she will be even better looking by the time she is legal.

    • cryil

      never noticed in the movie but she's got some creeping arms in little miss sunshine pic

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Marco-Allende/513382328 Marco Allende

    #22 fuck yeah! i almost dumped my chick cause she said she didnt like the movie…then she showed me her booty. it was all ok.

    • daniel

      what movie is it?

      • Dangleberry

        "Leon" in Europe – "The Professional" in the US, directed by Luc Besson.

        • chuck

          Fucking amazing movie.

      • CHACHACHA

        EVERYOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Jack Mehoff

      Marco, you got some serious issues son if you almost dumped your girlfriend over a movie.

    • word up

      Shallow pig.

    • captainobvious

      now by "she" you mean "he", right?

  • B.A.M.

    Wonders how much the chive.com domain would cost.

  • Petey

    #13 Kevin Hart?
    on different note, I submit to all Chivers that instead of thumbing down Paula, we thumb her/him up instead (innuendo noted but not intended). i feel like that would drive her/him crazy

    • MigraineBoy

      I say we ignore him/her/it, thus taking away the much needed reactions she ( and all other trolls for that matter ) thrives on.

    • Picard_

      You just want to hop right on up on that attention giving bandwagon, don't you?

  • tits_mcgee_

    #9 can we get a face?

    • Anon

      Better than a paper bag

    • sheoncebelieved

      maybe it's my face.

      • ranD

        PROVE IT!!! and yes im strictly saying that so you will submit pics of your fine self 😉

        • patrick batman

          it's a dude.

  • Meh

    #20 Not wat, more who.

  • Half A Meatball

    Fix your iPhone app!

  • bicozdenight

    There was an print ad in France with #10.

    It said : " Are you sure your carrer choice is the best fit ? "
    http://goo.gl/rfw3X http://goo.gl/B0ZBW

    They were funny 🙂

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      I thought he just saw Paula.

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