May 26, 2011 |
In: DAR, Random
Follow John on Tapiture
Add theCHIVE cube to your website :: CLICK HERE
If God can do anything, can He make a mountain which is too heavy for Him to lift?
Only on Tuesday.
Freshman philosophy, anyone?
if god is omnipotant,can he microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?
wtf does that even mean?
That's stupid. Of course not, because it would be so huge it would no longer be a mountain, it would be a planet, which would then be a star, which would then go supernova and become a black hole, and in any event, once it's a planet or bigger you can't "lift"… you can just move it around in space.
Read a similar one before. God would make the mountain then find the strength to lift it, the one I read was about making a sandwich to big to eat and then eating it.
If God were real, then he would be able to change the laws of physics. Probably just make the mountain lift itself. Mission accomplished.
If you ate yourself would you be twice as fat or disappear completely?
Been there, did that. – Chuck Norris
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
I don't know, but if He can i hope he makes it right over your head…
#27 Any guesses here, Chivers?
I know what I want her to be saying…
Make my piss or we're going to fall out?
"My pencil will fall out." Hilarious episode
My breast will fall out when I do you Mike
My breasts want the fuck out.
Haha – winner!
"My breast will fall out" ??
She's saying something? I didn't notice.
"My breasts want to fall out!"
"taste the rainbow"
" My breasts were falling out!! "
That's what I got too.
"my pants are going to fall off"
Something something, we're gonna find out
"My breasts were falling out"
"My pants will fall down," which I think is Aramaic for, "I'm hot. Look at my fantastic rack"
My breasts will just fall out
my breasts were falling out.
im hard of hearing and read lips… shes saying "my pens would fall out"
My backs about to fall out!
#27 Here is the clip, episode "Cooperative Calligraphy" ::
my breasts just want the f$ck out
Something something "the fuck out"… Can't tell the first part.
"My body was just farting loud!" ?
- farting LOUDER
Damn. My guess was "I'm going to punch you in the face, Howard."
I am not a lip reader I guess.
She says "my breast are falling out". its from the tv show "community" and its in reference to her being a prude and always covering up her body.
shes saying "my pen wouldnt fall out" the whole story was around her pen and how someone stole it
My parents would freak out
Why do we care what her lips are doing in this gif?
Pretty sure she's saying "Wow, Tito, that thing is huge! I'm not sure I can take all of it, but I really wanna try!"
I am no good a reading lips in slow mo
I read- My brother would have f*cked you
What she said- My pen will fall out
"My breasts are going to fall out"
come on bitch, wanna fuck now
my breasts were fallin out
my pants will fall down
Ah, yeah. She is from this show in the 70's called Happy Days and ah, her name is Joannie and she loves this guy Chachi, but he always makes her wear a shirt, so she says, "This is women's lib and I'm gunna let it all hang out!" (god, there's some dummies up in the hissee).
YOU"RE WELCOME. Tell your friends (both of em).
jiggling. she's jiggling. next?
"bang me motherfucker"
"my bad, you wanna fuck now"
"im Upset"……bubbles from trailer park boys
Kinda looks like she's saying "My breasts will fall out!"
I just want to fill it out
My breasts will fill it out
My penis was falling out…
"My breasts will fall down." She's predicting her own future.
My breasts will fall out!
She's saying… " My Breasts Will Fall Out"
Who cares?It's sexaay as Hell!!
My pants will fall down
my penis might fall out
"my breasts will fall out"
My bad! do you want to fuck now?
i want it to be "my breasts will fall out" or "my pants will fall down"
i think she is saying my breast will fall out, or is that just me?
#10 Sorry dude, you lose. Lauren trumps any high school senior.
Is that Patty again?
I'm not a high school senior, but Lauren can trump me any day.
I disagree. There were much hotter girls in my senior class. Lauren is a 7. Mayyyybe an 8. Shes not a 9 or 10. You guys dont get out much, huh.
THIS! a thousand times, this.
Seconded, the chive needs more good ol' randomness less lauren
(i think the chive is trying to tell you something)
GET. HER. A. SAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH!
pffff please, you still would …
Yeah, a sammich called my cock.
Shouldn't that be the other way around?
I see what you did there.
#45 ME GUSTA MUCHO!!
a mi tambien (",)
Hell no, you suck.
Fuck you, Satan. I made you! Your mom says "hi" by the way. I heard you still have AOL down there, SUCKA!
You also made Snooki. And you're supposed to be the 'good' guy…
Chive, you bastards, i just sat there waiting for an awesome video to play
i hate who made this.
worst, I clicked…
yeh me too kept clicking lol they got us this time
Dang! I clicked too…luckily my officemate din notice
I clicked too. I didn't want to click. I though, nah, it should have loaded, but Internet access in Australia sucks and drops out a lot. So I clicked……. Damn you!
A cruel prank, chive wins.
Yeah I clicked too lol. Bastards!!
Run time is 6:66, coincidence?
Well played Chive
you Tube… so true .. so true
Fun fact: If you select a real YouTube video, use your arrow keys while the circle is spinning and you can play snake.
The Chive steals from Reddit.
*takes deep breath*
You'll notice that, right now, the top story in reddit/r/pics is of the photobomber the chive posted two days ago. Even reddit has widely acknowledged that they take stuff from the chive. know why? because the road goes both ways.
But what really bothers me about that mentality is this: why would a redditor get mad if they uploaded a photo to share with other redditors – of which there are millions – and it ends up somewhere else. It's an absurd notion, and moreover, it's inclusive. The chivers could care less if reddit steals from us b/c those photos make people smile. so get off your 'steal' high horse and lemme welcome you to the internet.
- a redditor
trollface steals from Paula
Paula is my bitch. Always has been, always will be.
you ever stop to think maybe, just maybe, people send things to both the chive and reddit?
I poop in the toilet of someone else. Same thing.
OMG who cares if it was on Reddit or anywhere else for that matter?? If it really bothers you that much…. GTFO!!! Jesus wept…. the Chive is a damn fine site that is here for our amusement and entertainment… if you can't handle it.. sod off!!!
Pretty sure not a single person above me realized they were trolled…. even the poster's name is Trollface….
#42 nice butt babe
Face. Down. Ass. Up.
Thank you. I had no idea what that acronym meant.
I always thought in meant Fuck Dat Ass Up.
Yes. More UP please.
I appluad her efforts and hope that there was enough nice things said to encourage her to try one more time (or numerous times if you want) – this chivette is pretty dam hawt!
AhahahAHAHAHahah this is a fake! i sent the original picture in and that is definitely not the same girl. Ahahahahah
it is quite funny, i sent the bottom pic.. but besides me and you knowing theyre different girls.. the resemblance between the two is uncanny.. and no one else seems to be able to tell.. hahaha
#41 This has got to stop…
you got planked.
why are aussie's so wierd
Since there was absolutely no reason to start, there is also no reason to stop.
It does not have to stop. But probably a new take on it might be nice. It's been done more than jenna haze.
in a heartbeat
Dude who asked that question needs to be shot.
lol no kidding I was thinking that. Please..no ! NO INTERNET..wow…dont worry who ever posted that…you wouldn't know what to do with here with no WoW available.
i dunno… shes a model so shes probably high maintenance n up tight. n if shes spoiled n bratty. n cant do jack shit survival wise, it might not be worth it.
You're and idiot
I asked myself: what if it's a trap?
yep without a shadow of a doubt
of course not! fuck her, i couldn't live without internet!! i prefer to fap
Hahahahaha you losers. You'll get stuck on an island with her, and she'll go fuck bananas before you get a taste of her snatch, you fat fucks.
if she happened to be a total bitch, dumb or frigid they would be fucked!
stop thinking with your DICK morons!
"she'll go fuck bananas" hahahaha
Resistance is futile!
How big is the island?
that would be the best year and a half…..
be stuck on an island with her for a year
when I come back, continue to live with her
we can catch up on all we missed on the chive for the next 6 months
Imagine the binge-chiving to make up for that
Lets make sure she likes man first.
i can meet more girls on the internet… seriously guys don't center yourselves =P
Dumbest question ever. If you say no to this, either you're addicted to World of Warcraft or have debilitating case of the homos.
Ah, it's funny watching all these nerds and losers think that spending a year on an island with her would mean you would have ANY chance of fucking her.
This isn't a situation where you're the last man on Earth. It's only a year. I have a feeling she'd be able to resist the temptation of banging your pimply, over-weight, horny asses for more than a year.
Aha. But what if SHE didn't know you were only going to be there for a year? Some people have a littole more confidence in their game when there is no competition. In that case, I think we have a winner.
Sorry to burst your little fantasy bubble, but the reality is that 99.8% of the people currently on the Chive would never be able to get this woman to have (consensual) sex with them. No, the fact that you can get her alone and show her that you've really got a "great sense of humor" does not change these odds.
Guess that makes me a .2%er.
Yeah, and I'm sure you're a member of MENSA. And you can bench 400 pounds. And you have $200 million in the bank.
The wonders of the internet, where every loser can pretend that he could totally bang super models, if only he got a chance to talk to one.
Well, three out of four ain't bad.
Sorry, I'm just mad because I think only gamer nerds are still on the internet and not everyone. One day I'll get laid by someone other than my late-night-sneaky-uncle and stop being such a whiney little bitch.
again, sorry I'm such a stupid cry baby.
Awww, poor Bluto had to give himself a thumbs up, then impersonate me because I called him out for his typical case of internet-based delusions of grandeur.
Aww look at me back at it again. Im such a pussy I saw what I wrote and had to thumbs down my self twice. When that wasn't enough, I blamed Bluto. I never even thought that someone, or everyone else for that matter thinks what a dick I am for trying to argue in a comment section. Then I tried to cover up my apology…I guess I am just lonely and gay.
Because everyone knows what is cooler than someone arguing in a comment section – the guy who impersonates the guy arguing in an internet comment section, and whose only line is "Hey, I'm gay!!! This is totally me saying it, not someone else!!!! I'm gay and I love cock!!!."
You won that argument with your original humor and brilliant rhetoric. We haven't seen debating skills this mature since Billy in the 3rd grade, with his remarkable "No I'm not, you are!" strategy. Kudos to you, good sir.
JPC takes this are to the heart…funniest shit ever. Replys as Taco-hahaha
I can't believe this guy, he's gonna lose sleep over this. I wish I knew this guy…I would be laughin at him every day!
Hmmm…..looks like you were up at 4 am eastern/1 pacific, typing this…..while I was asleep. Seems the delusional morons were the ones losing sleep over it.
Except it wasn't me that trashed you below… sorry to disappoint you.
I'll join that .2%er club. There are some of us out here who enjoy the chive who are not "pimply, over-weight, horny asses". Some of us are respectable people who work for a living and exercise on a daily basis. JPC just needs so get over his little dick syndrome and stop whining cause he has an inferiority complex.
According to his twitter, Mr. Larson loves emo music and pictures of motorcycles.
Yeah, I'm sure you're going to get with that chick this weekend. After you're done cutting yourself and revving that engine, that is.
Hell, I didn't even realize it was Bar Refaeli. Just ignore me, and continue believing that you have more than a 1/1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 chance of fucking Bar Refaeli. I'm sure she's just itching to rebound from Leonardo DiCaprio with a 22 year old, emo-loving ROTC guy.
Get back to me when those crazy drugs you are clearly on start wearing off.
Thank you for further proving my point.
Alright buddy, remember to post the pictures of you and Bar mid-coitus. Then, you'll be on your way to a romantic getaway with Mila Kunis. And after that, you'll be in a three-way with Minka Kelly and Emma Watson.
Because you are the vaunted internet playboy, who can get any woman, no matter how improbable. That emo music works wonders. Girls love cutters.
JPC, you seem to have forgotten that this is the internet. This is a place where people can live out their fantasies, which is exactly what this idea is, a fantasy. I don't think anyone has claimed to actually be able to go out and "pick-up" this girl. Let me know when you get out of high school and begin to see opinions and views other than your own.
Actually, both of the people I've been replying to claimed they could pick up this girl in real life. Notice how after I said "99.8% of the people here would have no chance of ever getting this woman to have (consensual) sex with them under any circumstances" both seriously replied along the lines of "well, I'm in the .2% group."
I get what you're saying about fantasy and what-if situations. But that's not what is going on here. These people really are delusional enough to think they'd be able to fuck Bar Refaeli if they could just meet her. And they got angry when I pointed out to them, no, you will not be able to bang the world's hottest women.
And I find that hilarious!
Actually, you are the only one who seems to be angry about the situation.
Angry? I'm laughing this entire time. Easy way to find out who's angry here. Follow along with me:
One side is pointing out the rather obvious truth that no one here would have a snowball's chance in hell of fucking Bar Refaeli….
The other side gets defensive at that pretty obvious suggestion, and immediately reverts to douchebag defense mechanisms (a) and (b) – "You're gay" and "You have a small dick."
Which side is angry? Not me!
Sorry, I'm an angry fag to the max. I love the cock.
I forwarded this to a bunch of friends…we're all laughing our asses off and the sad sack JPC
Good point, if the person is a total pimply overweight loser who lives in his mom's basement. For those of us who aren't, a whole year with her on a deserted island with no contact with the outside world? I'd be in her panties in a month, TOPS … when she realizes she'd have no fish, no fresh water, no shelter and no company if she didn't added to the fact that I'm pretty darned cute she'd be less inclined to be a total bitch. Funny how hunger and cold can change a woman from frigid to fuckable.
Hang on, hang on, hang on… One more question… Does she have a year's worth of contraception?
Cos I've got better things to do once I get back to reality.
Alright. All you people that said no, line up, single file. Bring the machine guns. We'll do this quick.
blowjobs and anal.
Only if she is also *gasp* intelligent. Really hard to find intelligent AND beautiful girls though…
Include #40 and I'm in 200%
F$%^ the internet
No, I think the implication is that you are supposed to f$%^ Bar Rafaeli…
I'd go. Can I bring my girlfriend too? That could be fun.
Also, FYI http://www.desktopangels.net/wallpapers/Refaeli_B…
So I'm on a tropical island with a hot girl, I don't have to go to work or pay any bills. My days are filled with relaxing, fishing and having sex with the aforementioned hot girl, and I just have to give up the internet, which basically is just a distraction from work and stress anyway. Hmmm….I'm going to have to say that this is a stupid question.
Bar Rafaeli? Absolutely.
This sentence should be you are stuck with this chink on a desert island with descent amount of food and clean water, reasonable shelter and hygiene products, cause i wouldn't bone a female version of tom hanks in that movie.
Also she is magically attracted to you and want's to go down and do everything you wish anytime.
Cause i wouldn't want to starve to death, be without the sex and have to sleep in the sand every day for a year.
fuck the internet
Fuck the internet
Hell Yeah! Need to pack 500 condoms for this trip. Otherwise I'll probably spend the last month parenting.
Hmmm…problem is, I'm kinda fertile (already fathered 5 sons, and I'm only 28), so I assume she would get preggo. Not wild about delivering a baby in the sand. Having said that, can I bring a surfboard?
accepted with #40
#28 i wanna hug a baby elephant too :$
In the meantime you can caress my trunk
burn…ha ha, El Numero Uno is a fag
#3 This is my Friday! 4 day weekend! Chive on!
I speak for most of us when I sit here and say. 'I hate you'
me too!!!! yey for ecuador!
Her lips look like a pair of garden slugs
Garden slugs are cuter.
Dumbest idea ever. But women will buy it thinking men will find it attractive….
#39 Can geico save you 15 minutes or more on car insurance?
Planking is dumb. Least funny thing the Chive has ever supported.
Actually, the least funny thing the Chive ever supported was Craig's mother's breasts. That was downright disturbing. Second least funny thing is planking.
the two guys in the back not participating are Americans
I had to look up planking.
so glad Im not on facebook for all of the stupid shit that goes on there.
Not only is it fucking dumb, the arse in the middle ain't doing it right. He fails at being dumb, or is too dumb to fail.
#26 Does anyone care what she's saying?
you were there abed, what did she say?
and why were u on Cougar Town last night?
hell, I don't watch that show.
#22 God Bless America.
#38 Yep, the Wicker Man didn't help his career at all.
second time this morning that I read about this movie…are you on Hfr^^?
#6 inter-species <3 is really awesome isnt it
theCHIVE.com on Facebook