Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • James

    #8 bravo son. keep living life to the full!

    • tankus

      How the f*ck do you LAND? O_o

      • amrith777

        He's headed toward a huge landing bag to the right….

    • EDd

      i would like to see the video…

  • Your mom

    #3 – no. Needs more bacon 😀

    • ThatGuy

      And that shit needs to be extra crispy, not floppy like a pedophile's dick at a Country Kitchen Buffet.

      • DudeSweet

        And the clip isn't even in the gun! That's the sign of an amateur.. Losing extra bacon eating time loading his weapon if attacked.

        • kent

          Wrong, there's a clip already inside the guy. The other is for back-up, the man is sufficiently armed to defend his bacon.

          You sir, are the amateur.

          • DudeSweet

            Looking again it appears you are right. I feel rightfully ashamed, but would plead in my defense that I'm not allowed one of those in my country, and should be allowed some sort of pardon.

            Either that, or you can send me one in the post so I can prevent any mistakes in the future?

            Either way, that's some accurate eyesight you got there, you can't have wasted it all on porn yet. Good going!

            • DudeSweet

              As an aside, you did say 'there's a clip already inside the guy' but I'm man enough to know my initial clip error far outweighs a mere typo.

              Unless that's where you're meant to keep your clip? As I say, I'm not an expert…. ;0)

              • kent

                It's about 4:30AM here. I made a typing mistake due to a repetitive groove. I'm more accustomed to typing "guy" than "gun". Stuff like that slips by when I'm tired.

                Your mistake was due to a lack of observational skills and/or a lack of familiarity with the ergonomics/appearance/functionality of a 1911-style pistol. Since you're British I doubt you've even seen or handled a handgun in real life, your government banned private ownership of handguns in the UK almost 15 years ago. So maybe your mistake was understandable.

                • DudeSweet

                  Maybe it was understandable. Maybe I just didn't look properly and stupidly assumed it wasn't in the gun because of the spare. How fucking stupid do I feel now? Really fucking stupid, I can tell you.

                  And following your superb analysis of how / why I made my mistake, I feel properly reprimanded for the observational error I made, and will in future ensure I have correctly 100% looked at a picture really really well before I post a flippant attempt at humour involving aforementioned picture.

                  I apologise now, the muffin basket is on its way as an extra apology. I addressed it to 'Kunt' because it's 4:30 in the morning here, and my writing sometimes gets into a repetitive groove. Sorry about that.

                  • Kelly

                    You fella should get a room already.

                    • Kelly

                      *fellas*

              • Dave Gal

                I think "clip inside the guy" meant he's already had to defend his morning bacon.

    • Trez

      And a big fat cigar

    • Geoff

      Not only is the magazine not in the weapon, it isnt even loaded.
      Who needs a knife to cut bacon and scrambled eggs?

      Chuck Norris would be disappointed.

      • JDub

        you sir are incorrect, you can clearly see the rounds through the count holes in the side of the extra mag. no knowing if the magazine inside Colt 1911 .45 …aka "the weapon", is loaded or not but the hammer is locked back so a simple flip down of the thumb safety and in theory one of the best handguns ever made should be ready to bring sufficient Chuck Norris worthy pain.
        In the event 16 rounds from a .45 handcannon are insufficient to stop 17 intruders "read zombies" then the well balanced Benchmade 4" folder might come in handy…
        -your argument is invalid-

      • Milo

        the real question is.. what kind of a man uses a fork?

        • HUH?

          or a napkin? please, chuck norris would just wipe it on his shirt sleeve.

    • 90sgamer

      And I don't see fire! IT all has to be done on a BBQ and eaten outside, not on a table.
      BTW: I think the manliest breafast is a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Real men don't need pussy breakfast… 🙂

      • JDub

        you sir however are correct

    • Kodos

      Bourbon instead of a draft…

      • theeemightybuck

        a nice double on the rocks of Bookers- and a fucking steak- wheres the steak?

    • DaddyD

      Real men are too busy having sex in the shower with a Sexy Chivette to have breakfast.

    • Dylan

      A real man gets his breakfast from the woods, not the super market. I'd say this is the breakfast of a city living fat ass americunt who thinks that an over sized handgun makes up for his undersized penis.

      • The Spicy Italian

        So you're probably chivin out in the middle of the woods right now while simultaneously hunting for your breakfast right?

    • Pwithc

      lose the fork, pussy

    • Jabitt1

      Looks to me like the breaksfast for the man with an extremely small cock.

    • DistractedIndividual

      Wouldn't a 'real' man have a woman to make his meal? …Just sayin'

    • Codey

      That breakfast is called a Ron Swanson

    • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

      Where is the Tabasco? Eggs without Tabasco is just wrong!

    • SteveWinburn

      Not with a 9mm either. Are you trying to make a pretty hole in your perp, or trying to send a message to the next perp?

  • HectorGum

    #2 Wow that is an amazing picture.

    • Headfade

      I'm guessing the only reason the guy hasn't got right out of the window is that he doesn't fit cause of the size of his balls! Nose to nose with a polar bear?! Brave mofo!

      • DaddyD

        I suspect that he knew exactly how far the bear could reach.

    • Chive_On

      Heh, I can imagine the bear thinking, "Just a little bit farther, fucker, and I'll give you a nosejob to make MJ proud."

    • dub

      Bear: "Where did I leave that can opener?"

  • http://isaiahsays.blogspot.com captainobvious

    #22 Woah. I was listening to the laughing part of Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz when I saw that. Mind=Blown

    • Jordan

      Best movie ever.

      • JayneCobb

        which movie is it

        • McBeastie

          Evil Dead II

          Shame on you.

          • Tomas

            Or Army of Darkness (ED#3). THAT is the best movie ever!

            "This is my BOOMstick!"

            "Shop smart… shop S-Mart."

            "Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit… and Jack left town."

            "Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all. "

            "Honey, you got reeeeeeeal ugly!"

            "Clatto… Verata…… nmqtmnnfbl…."

            CLASSIC, JUST CLASSIC!!!

  • TheTerrorizer

    #10

    100 problems and the bitch became one?

    • DudeSweet

      Yeah, that was the joke. Except it was 99 problems, + the bitch = , you can do the rest, I know you like to point out obvious shit..

      • TheTerrorizer

        Yeah, except for most guys though, beyonce wouldn't be a problem

        • Vagina Jones

          Not the point…. Nevermind you already killed it.

        • McBeastie

          Beyonce wouldn't be a problem in the bedroom, but I wouldn't want to listen to her yap while I'm in the front row of a playoff game. Thanks for over-analyzing the joke.

    • asdasd

      He had 99 problems, and a bitch is now one.
      Also, he liked it and he put a ring on it…

      • dub

        And she's no longer a single lady, but she may be still be a survivor.

      • cudaman

        Ever see a ring plug a hole?

    • http://twitter.com/YoungCosby @YoungCosby

      I doubt Jay is having girl problems…

    • Daith_Lee

      Jay-Z might not be but the guy behind him certainly is…look at his face…lol….

      • JustPassingThru

        YES! I was hoping someone caught that too!

        Also glad to see that Chloë Sevigny stopped sucking dick in bad art-house films to take in some basketball with them!

        • JMikeH

          You can build a thousand bridges…

      • TitoRigatoni

        10 minutes earlier he leaned forward and asked Jay-Z if he had 100 problems now, nodding toward Beyonce…

    • dibbs

      i really hate beyonce

  • cjwhookid

    #14 my Chevy Blazer sucked too..

  • HollarPeenYo

    #3 I dunno… Cinnamon Toast Crunch is pretty manly…

    • Anon

      captain crunch*

      • JDub

        captain morgan*

      • The Outsider

        You must not be from around here…

    • DaddyD

      Real men don't need outward symbols of manliness.

      • dub

        My symbol of manliness is occasionally outward.

  • http://thechive.com/ bkfrijoles

    #7 bears they'll fuck you up

    • antrid

      But at least they'll be nice about it.

  • ThatGuy

    #9 But officer I only had one drink!

    • Firefighter23

      Which interestingly enough was made of five different types of alcohol

    • dub

      Bear Grylls is salivating somewhere.

  • Tony

    #2

    "the pay toll is HOW many fish…..???"

  • xXbeermonkeyXx

    #3 its not manly if it doesnt have any beans and sausages. try again please, this time more continental
    #14 hells grannies ride again, and they dont care what you think

  • http://twitter.com/nabilfahim @nabilfahim

    #11 Malaysian can of coke!

    • Abebil

      I always check the bottom of the lid (even on my colleague's coke) but im expecting to see "WP" for life. :p

  • http://toprice.ie/ TOPRICE.IE

    #1 #4 #6 #14 #21

    • DrROBOTO

      i can see you can count to 21. congrats on going full retard.

  • rwj

    More funny pics less skanks like Andreay sarah lauren etc.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Benton-McGrath/587208531 Benton McGrath

      The joke below applies to you

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Benton-McGrath/587208531 Benton McGrath

    I went to the bookstore and asked for the book about living with a small penis.
    The girl working there said, "It hasn't come in yet."
    I said, "Exactly, that's the one."

    • Jim

      Thanks for making absolutely no goddamn sense

  • Deadpool

    #21 QI is one of my favourite shows. You learn something new and you piss yourself laughing

    • P90

      Agreed.

    • Allenavw

      What show is that? I love both those guys, they crack me up.

      • Apple

        It's called Quite Interesting (QI). British panel show, hosted by Stephen Fry, with Alan Davies, and 3 more guests (usually comedians). Can find it on Youtube, uploaded in parts… usually.
        Oh, and the seasons are not 1, 2, 3, they're A, B, C and so on. They're filming Season i now.

        Looove that show. I thought I knew some random ass shit, but this show taught me wrong. Also, jimmy Carr, Sean Locke, and Rob Brydon is probably the best guest setup.

        • Allenavw

          Thanks for the info! Haha, sounds like the best show ever.

          • ChiverMeTimbers

            Hey! How did the Shit Storm Go?

            • Allenavw

              Well, the woman that was doing my job with me is leaving today. So I will be all by myself. I get to go pick up my rental car soon though. I hope it's bad ass!! Lol.

              • ChiverMeTimbers

                Sorry Busy day yesterday here. Was the Car Badass?

                • Allenavw

                  I think it is pretty frickin' bad ass for a rental car. It's a newer altima and it's push start and it still smells like new car. And it's very fancy looking inside, so I love it. Also I got it as a free upgrade cause the car I supposed to get needed an oil change. I submitted, but it might have been too late. I tried to convince them to use me in my submission message, so hopefully they take pity on me lol.

                  • ChiverMeTimbers

                    Altimas are Nice Cars…I LOVE the new Coup they have.

                    So starting my day off with Bitter Disappointment AYE? You were alone all day…what were you doing that was more important than taking pictures of your body for men to drool over…WORKING? Jeez You Canadians have your priorities all out of Whack…

                    • Allenavw

                      Whoa, I MIGHT make it. I've submitted pretty late before and made it. So you never know. And excuse me, yes I was working!! Lol, actually I was organizing my desk and indulging my neat freak side until 6:30 last night.

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      Woah Woah Woah Dont get your Official NHL Vancouver Canuck Panties in a bunch…I was just messing around. 😀 I thought you Canadians were supposed to be all nice and stuff. In all honesty I hope you make it and I will be refreshing Chive all day until Its posted.

                    • Allenavw

                      Haha, sorry I typed it like I talk. If you ever heard me talk you would have known I was joking!! Lol, we Canadians are all nice and stuff. So let's just calm down :p (more joking :D) AND unfortunately, I didn't take any yet in my Canucks panties. However the ones I submitted do include the socks.

                    • Sharky

                      That's too bad- looks like their power play could use some motivation!

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      ALENA DELETE THAT QUICK!!!!!! you dont need your personal Info On here

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      ALLENA GET THIS OFF ITS NOT SAFE!

                    • Allenavw

                      I'm going!! Ahh, I forgot I enabled my signature.

                    • snoobs89

                      real smooth..

                    • Allenavw

                      Are you mocking me?! Yeesh lol.

                    • snoobs89

                      i only mock on sundays. hate to be nosey but i seen u sub'd for chivettes this week, what should i be looking out for?

                    • Allenavw

                      Well if I make it, mine is one that has two pictures attached to each other and one of them has me in high socks.

                    • snoobs89

                      "if" ?? i dont think you should be thinking "if" girls in high socks are always winners.

                    • Allenavw

                      I submitted kinda late, that's why I iffed. Also,it is not letting me delete my comment! WTF.

                    • snoobs89

                      just report it. not sure if that actally does anything, but worth a shot. its never too late for high sox.

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      Hey…I didnt mean to yell, I was just trying to get your attention. There are a LOT of Creepers out there (sharkey and snoobs J/K) , just trying to keep you protected. I hope you dont mind but I went ahead a reported it to Chive. I dont know how the process works, but hopefully they will take care of it soon

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      WOAH WOAH boys I take it You are the ones thumbing me down…It was a JOKE!! Jeez. But yall know as well as me that There are some creepy assholes out there.

                    • Allenavw

                      And then I do it again… Fuck I'm so fail today.

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      What the hell am I gonna do with you…Good thing you have a nice butt…lol

                    • Allenavw

                      Haha apparently Fridays in Edmonton are not my strong suit. But I would like to blame IntenseDebate at this time. I managed to delete one of them but everytime I try to delete the other one it says I'm not logged in and it doesn't matter what I do, nothing fixes it. It's officially fucked.

                    • ChiverMeTimbers

                      I got the implied Sarcasm 😉

                      To bad about the panties. I am interested to know what they look like. I guess I could Google them.

                      But, I am excited to hear about the socks! I dont understand why they are so sexy, must be a new fad, but they seem to drive us boys crazy!!

    • matt85nz

      my favourite show, new season starts soon…

      • snoobs89

        Really? do you know when?

        • matt85nz

          they are filming Series 'I' (9) now, so should be in the next 3-4 months probably.

  • Headfade

    #8 Need expert timing to stop the recording just before the DJ starts talking at the end of the song. Worst thing ever… when the talking covers the last few seconds of the song.

    • TitoRigatoni

      I think you meant #18, and I agree. For many years my only copy of Pink Floyd: The Wall, side 2 ended with "… good bye, good bye, good bye. Ninety Five and a half KLOS, I'm Joe Benson.."

  • jon e

    #2 i want to eat everything on the plate with my hands

    • jon e

      well that doesnt make any sense…

      • DudeSweet

        Yeah I agree! How do you eat with your hands? I have to use my mouth…

    • Anon

      That's a funny lookin' plate

  • jon e

    #3 #2 i want to eat everything on the plate with my hands!!

    • Billy

      Nope still don't make no sense.

  • HectorGum

    #21 Bob???

  • snoobs89

    #21 QI with stephen fry, not sure if you guys get it in 'merica but its all on youtube. such a good show.

    • homeer simpsoy

      That's 'murica to you buddy.

      • Wade Wilson

        Yeah I could appreciate the humor so much more if I weren't trying to filter it through the annoying accents…but good stuff either way.

  • alate

    no problem man, if you want to go back to 99 problems I'll gladly take her off your hands #10

    • Chiveinator

      what's the problem ? water retention

  • Chiveinator

    #21
    Yes good show
    good show old boy good show

  • Patrick

    #16 Best. Painting. EVER.

    • ROK247

      "I'M A SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS!"

    • SuperiorTo8

      Someone call Optimus Prime! He's the only one who can save us

  • MigraineBoy

    #1 Looks a bit like my new ride. I'll send a photo to TheChive and hope they'll feature it at the DAR.

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