Daily Afternoon Randomness in HQ (30 Photos)

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  • Paula_

    I JUST TOLD YOU SHITHEADS TO NOT PUBLISH THE DAR YET! I'm not ready! I haven't thought up a way to annoy the Chivers yet! Heartless fuckers!
    I feel I get little respect these days; first you fucks try to move and leave me behind and now this… I'm sooo gonna piss in the orange juice tonight…

    BTW FIIIIRSSTT!!!! Fuck y'all!

    – the one that is a bit late today

    • Paula's Mouth Piece

      You're an idiot

    • Barack Obama

      FIRST black president, bitches, what!?!? Oh you thought I was at the Whit House? Guess again, assholes, I'm everywhere. CHIVE THE FUCK ON!

      • John Mccain

        Whit House?

        • Barack Obama

          I was going to write White… but then I stopped myself. It's the Black House now bitches.

        • Sarah Palin

          I made a race car out of my poop. I do good?

      • sheoncebelieved

        you're not black, you're half white/half black, equal parts black and white, you ain't a true brotha

        • Barack Obama

          And you aren't really a woman, but are using one for your avatar, I think that makes us even.

          • Ams


          • Capitalsfan74


    • Johnny Sixarms

      Shut the fuck up and die, you dumbass bitch. You are a failed abortion.

    • The Hatter

      You make me sick
      Fuck off and stop trolling. Let us enjoy our favourite website in peace

      • Paula_

        What, can´t I enjoy my favorite website (<3<3<3) then? This is how I enjoy myself when there's no stray cats around to kill. Deal with it.

        – the one already hiding in the moving van (those fuckers are SO not going to leave me behind)

        • Brobob

          Where are "they" and by "they" I mean The Chive moving to, Bob?

          • Paula_

            They refuse to tell me! I was suspicious when a few weeks ago they had sound isolation installed all over in my basement "so I could enjoy my loud crappy music" As it turns out it's the other way around; they didn't want me to hear they were packing! Assholes.
            I've installed myself in the moving van and am using the WiFi that's still up. They're not leaving me behind again (oh they try and try….).

            – shitting in your hiding place has its advantages though… smells like home already

            • Dumts Dumts Dumts

              It's not crappy, it's TECHNO!

        • Bob sanders

          haha I really feel sad for Paula more than anything, she spends all her time trolling a website! If no one rises to her jabs than he/she would probably get bored and leave

          • Paula_

            Nooot taking the bait. But hey, I actually DO have a job and it allows me to Chive from time to time to piss off a couple of (thousand) Chivers, ain't that great!

            – I'm even paying taxes! How's that for a troll!

            • Dead Embryonic Cells

              So really, you have, in fact, just taken the bait, haven't you?

              • Paula_

                It's OK to choose to walk in to a trap that you know to be a trap.

                – I need a secretary to do my typing

    • sheoncebelieved

      Hey Paula, they put your bathtub up on the DAR, aren't you proud? #28

      • Paula_

        That's not my bathtub dear… little do those guys know… I'm giving myself an enema at the top of that thing… they're in for quite a surprise…

        – dammit I want to automate this signature thing!

        • Mr. Kablam

          now that was fkn funny

    • bigmikeskinsfan

      oh dear paula,

      i bet youre hot..or that i could get drunk enough to choke you while doing you.

      • jed

        btw paula is actually a dude

        • Beerlosopher

          Paula is an idea, a paradox, of sorts. A necessary evil, if you will.

        • bigmikeskinsfan

          then im gonna need A LOT more liquor and a shotgun so i can shoot myself afterwards.—

          • Paula_

            Better shoot yourself beforehand, believe me.

            – can't I automate this damned signature?

            • bigmikeskinsfan

              if it will shut your pie hole or calm you down a little ill take one for the chive—

        • Paula_

          I'm a hermafrodite. Guess what: I CAN fuck myself!!

          – it's the bending that hurts though

          • carucha

            we can still facefuck u, do not forget

          • Dunny_

            *Hermaphrodite. Guess the spell check got disconnected early.

    • ApatheticAlcoholic

      I have to say, I really dont understand what's so annoying about this whole "Paula" troll. Why does everyone get sooo pissed off at it? Also, I really think it's just one of the mods from the Chive dickin with us and having some fun.

      • Paula_

        No! I! Am! Not! John, tell 'em! John, I'm looking at you! (fucker is ignoring me again, once he gets in to the SC posts you can literally have a drum band perform right in front of him and he would NOT notice).

        – or blow up things

        • Paula_

          Now that we're on this subject; we're a bit worried about John here at the office. Whenever he gets in to the Sexy Chivers mails he's just…. like not there anymore.
          We've grown accustomed to it but isn't is strange he drools like an idiot but doesn't even notice? We have to change the bowl on his desk for him every 2 hours. We help him because we love the guy, but it still feels a little strange. It's like having to change a diaper on a 30-year old.
          Also, since when does: "I'm paying special attention to the Chivettes" involve tons of Kleenex? Just wondering.

          – a little worried

          • DisappointedChiver

            Damn Paula, this is the most thumbs up you've ever received in a single day of pissing people off and making them laugh at the same time!

            • Paula_

              I SO like to swing both ways…

              – still surprised John hasn't banned me for this :)

              • Gareth

                must be hard to keep up this level of douchbaggery, does it not upset you that by posting these comments you actually support the chive as they are mildy entertaining to read.

                • Paula_

                  Are you kidding? I love the Chive. Why on earth would I feel bad about supporting it even though that's just a side effect of my motivation?

                  – the one they'll never understand

          • JstevensF

            – The one I hate that I love.

      • amrith777

        Most people know this and just play along….If no one acted 'upset' or negative–it wouldn't be nearly as entertaining as it is.That's MY take on it,anyway. ;)

        • Paula_

          Not many Chivers are 'acting' dear redhead.

          – the one you love to hate

          • amrith777


    • Fredrick Von bone

      As was said once before, You are in desperate need of a job and some dick

    • http://twitter.com/Hipster_dog @Hipster_dog

      Paula while we are having sex i always wants it rough… But then again, that's the only word i can bark.

      I type like Stephen Hawkins bitch………………..

    • Nick

      Can this guys seriously just get permabanned already or some shit

      • Paula_

        No! :)

  • Brother Maynard

    #2 Ohhhh I want that job.

    • Random

      #2 Ohhhh I want her

      • Brother Maynard

        Deal you take her, I'll keep the Chimay.

      • sheoncebelieved

        she's a zymurgist

        • SouthWillRise

          I'll zymurgist on your face. Get your fancy words and book learnin' out of here. This is a place for titties.

          • Surf and Snow

            Literally just sprayed beer. Lmfao!!!

        • Brother Maynard


    • ShakeyTheMoyle

      Or maybe the table she serves?!

    • dub

      I've always wanted to be a beer mug.

      • Your Dad

        Guess you'll have to settle for cum dumpster.

  • parlay

    Jesus marmalade on biscuit wheels you're beautiful #30

    • Brother Maynard

      Best phrase I have heard all month.

      • 4everDistracted


    • lenton

      *coughs* chivette of the week


      • Catch

        Chivette of the month.

      • macy

        agree, totally

    • dave

      Too bad she's wearing enough makeup to make her look like a complete whore.

      • pete

        you, sir, are an idiot

      • its_forge

        Too bad you're a misogynist prickwad.

        • V4Vendetta14

          What did he offend your profession? Misogynist Prickwad? Really? That the best you could do?

        • Ponder

          I agree that her makeup is fine, but why is it misogynistic for someone to think that she was over the top in the make up department, at 'whores' sterotypically are?

          Is it women hating? Make up hating? Or Whore hating?

      • sam

        i'm a girl, and if you think that's too much makeup, you've got your standards waaaaay too high. that girl is just fine

        • http://www.facebook.com/Irishdork Kevin O'Connell

          Standards nothing. Wear less makeup, be more beautiful. It applies to everyone, not just her.

        • V4Vendetta14

          Come on… she is beautiful but that eye gunk on the sides is completely unnecessary… Not saying I'd kick her out of bed, I'd just prefer not to have a mascara covered mess on my sheets…

      • rindsey rohan

        she doesnt look like a whore, she just looks like a tard who doesnt know how to wear make up… tard not whore

    • http://spachethespatula.blogspot.com/ Rachael

      her skin is so perfect!

      • DaddyD

        How can you tell when it's covered with make-up?

        How can we applaud the "natural" beauty of our Chivettes, then accept the artificial enhancements of this woman? She may well be quite attractive. She doesn't need the make-up.

        • paul

          i can see freckles :3 which shows she's not plastered, you can see this girl is pretty with and without anyway, doesnt change your face shape etc.

  • DistractedIndividual

    #8 Wow, that's weird….Bruception?

    • more like

      Bruceback Mountain

    • ThatGuy

      Bruception would be a Bruce inside a Bruce, and that doesn't happen until a little later.

      • Headfade

        I apologise for posting virtually the same joke as you, I'd like to say great minds think alike but a mind that comes up with what we did can hardly be called a great mind…..

        • DCMOFO

          That looks more like Bruce Wilcest

          • sylph_ironlight

            Wouldn't it actually be masturbation?

            • DCMOFO

              If one Bruce isn't willing, would it be rapesterbation? Or what would it be if he had multiple personalities? There are so many questions.

    • Jimbo

      Someone told him to go fuck himself, so he did.

    • Headfade

      But wouldn't Bruception be a Bruce IN a Bruce.. oh now that's going to haunt me for a while…o.0

    • equalizermax

      I know what you did there

      • DistractedIndividual

        Made everyone mentally picture Bruce in Bruce?…Yeah…guess so.

        • McClane

          Yippie-ki-yay Motherfucka!!

    • https://www.facebook.com/masternatron Nathan Bowen

      made me think immediately of John Malcovich.

    • Trent

      What, no Surrogates jokes? Oh well.

      • ThatGuy

        Surrogates wasn't good or memorable enough to get any jokes. All in all in was an awful film.

  • antiskubforlife

    #27 Please tell me this isn't the trailer for Paranormal Activity 3.

    • disturbed

      Paranormal Cativity

      • antiskubforlife

        there's a dyslexic joke in there somewhere.

    • ** PAULA HATER **

      ahahahaha too funny.

  • pablo_v

    Paula I am gonna straight up hug the Shit out of you

    • HAWT

      Then… SURPRISE.. buttsecks.

    • antiskubforlife

      Hope you have really long arms, cuz that's usually not a one-man job.

      • pablo_v

        I'll start recruiting soon for this operation then

        • antiskubforlife

          May I suggest SEAL Team Six?

          • Wayne

            Why on earth would you subject them to that?

  • ThatGuy


    Wrong generation. Needs to be at at least, 20% cooler.

    • Anonymous

      Took me a bit, but I gotcha brony

    • equalizermax

      That picture is so gay… more gay than Bruce Willis kissing himself.

      • ThatGuy

        What's wrong with being gay? Better than being an immature douche.

        • So Sad Yes

          The only thing wrong with being gay is not being able to enjoy Sexy Chivers.

          • DistractedIndividual

            That could be debatable…

    • ThatGuy

      -9? You guys could use a PARTY!

  • http://dbdesignco.com bisketz

    #25 and my weekend starts!



    • jason

      who is this?

      • walther

        Sofia Webber

        • Anon

          that was a nice search

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erich-Backhus/591747781 Erich Backhus

      Simply beautiful from top to bottom.

  • BaseballRube

    I didn't, but because of #19, I will start now. Anyone know when the next telecast is?

    • Ezee

      I didn't even read your comment. Just saw the picture and thumbs up. That is all.

    • Anon

      Because that's just so sexy. Especially all the little 4'10" meatsack women who could crush your skull with their thighs. Yeah it's hot…


      • theRealRealist

        You know how I know you're gay???

    • dush

      aren't these female gymnasts like 14?

      • BigHate

        Only in China.

      • Chris Hanson

        Why don't you take a seat right over there?

      • biggles


  • saosinh


    • DistractedIndividual

      Gave me the creepy crawlies, bleh!

    • Gevth

      You're saying it, but I'm not feeling it.
      My take:
      FUCK SPIDERS! FUCK THEM WITH MOTHERFUCKIN' FIRE, fuck if that doesn't make any fucking sense, just FUCK ALL OF THEM AND THEIR OFFSPRING !

      • Hubble

        Don't mention their offspring. It's scary.

    • Spiderman

      Et Tu Brute.

    • Vagina Jones

      I prefer women, but whatever floats your boat.

  • Derek



      Fuck you with your stupid comment. I fucking had this grandiose plan to entertain the shit out of some motherfuckers here, but you…. you…. you disgust me.

  • equalizermax

    I'm waiting…. waiting… waiting…. still waiting…. #22

    • Neetu

      anyone else notice the hairy arms?

    • Yawn

      …to start thinking of something entertaining to say next time.

    • Busta Rhymes

      … to Busta Rhyme.

    • Oh Noes

      … to get your girlfriend pregnant.

    • Ye Olde Fappe

      … to fap like it was going out of style.

    • Sidepeen

      … to take photos of sidepeen and send it to John's sisters, to post on The Berry, but mostly for them to enjoy.

    • LGFAN

      … to see some more LG.

    • Sunset

      … to get the hell out of dodge.

    • Paula_ -133p

      … to move on from this website, so long!

    • Gruber

      .. to stop thumbing up own comments.

    • Nipples

      … to milk me, Greg.

    • Millburray

      … to watch Caddyshack for the 100th time.

    • Douchelicious

      … for your mom to stop calling me.

    • magicman

      this is J Woww

      • Vagina Jones

        C-C-C-C- COMBO BREAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


      … shut the fuck up, Donny.

    • Bushism

      … find Osama. What's that? Oh, nevermind.

    • Employee

      … to take this job and shove it.

    • Doug E Fresh

      … to do the dougie?

    • infidel

      Amy Childs. This isn't one of her best photos, if you look close at her mouth….sunburnt….
      The DailyMail was bitching about that the other day….

  • hater.

    #25. Hindsight is 20/20.

  • Jimbo

    Hunter was the man. 'Nuff said. #14

    • Joseph Moore

      #14 = #9 ?

    • Muff

      "Hunter was the man," Muff said.

  • ...

    should have end with #25

    • jacob


      some days, a beautiful face is just the way to close a dar imo

  • killa

    I would do terrible things to her…

    • downfall616


    • OwnerOfYou

      Really? I would do only the best things to her

      • Vagina Jones

        If this was a 'Highlights' magazine:

        Killa = Goofus

        OwnerOfYou = Gallant.

        If it wasn't, then Killa = Creepy/Potential rapist

  • gwar

    #28. What is it? It isn't what I thought it was because I can't tell.

    • saosinh

      Slip n Slide! Duh

    • DistractedIndividual

      I thought it might be a big slip n' slide thingy…but otherwise I'm clueless.

    • ChiverMeTimbers

      An Adult Mega Slip and Slide

    • disturbed

      E ticket to the ER.

    • equalizermax

      They're planning to move a killer whale into another pool…

    • sheoncebelieved

      That's Paula's bathtub

      • joe

        i love your name. Pearl Jam 20 this summer in wisconsin!

        • Steph

          2 days of mayhem.

      • mikey

        Paula doesn't bathe….

      • Jared

        Have you submitted any of your pics as a chivette? You are absolutely beautiful!!!

    • Vagina Jones

      A horrible version of people trying to hold up a home made slip-n-slide, as some poor soul soon realizes why natty light was a bad choice.

    • TheBoris_

      Why is there milk in there. Fuck all of you by the way

    • http://www.facebook.com/scottdhansen Scott Hansen

      Travis Pastrana's Slip'n'Bleed!

      • Anon

        it's actually slip 'n die….

    • Oolon Colluphid

      Looks like a 'Sperm n Slide'

    • Zee

      Looks more like sperm collecting from all the masturbating monkeys in the trees

  • http://www.facebook.com/codealpha Terry Burke

    #28… that's cool, cuz i have no clue what it is

    • Eric

      I thought it might be a bukake harvest. What do I know.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ewalk216 Eric Walker

      a slip-n-slide?

      • Henrik

        I think it looks more like a slip and die.

      • yup

        yeah that's what i was thinking. but it looks like you'd get killed at the end. or at least the guys holding the end would

  • DNA

    #4 Uncharted Drake's Fortune…..

    • Captlazarus

      Stupid sniper up on the rock won't let me get around the corner.

      • Your Mom's Dog

        I was thinking the same thing.

    • The Todd

      Gorgon Palace from God of War II.

    • dario

      cambodia… been there its fkn awesome

      • phil

        me too, did you recognise that part though? I can't figure out what temple it is….

        • Samuelle

          Think it's Ta Phrom, the best bit!!

  • ryan

    i hate you, paula.

  • ThatGuy

    #24, I think I'll stay in today.

    • SuperiorTo8

      Could be a small one on the camera, could be something we Aussies sent over to you… Do you really want to take the risk?

    • http://www.facebook.com/jdembert Jesse David Embert

      Meanwhile in Australia…

    • Ulisses

      Why would you do? Once you accept our giant arachnid over-rulers, they don't whip you as much and usually put you near the end of the eating list. Quite a nice life style, really, if you don't mind constantly being scared that you'll get eaten that is….

  • Big E

    id be so mad a #5 if my car got paint on it

    • wyattfairchild

      that is exactly what I think every time i see that picture! i'd be furious.
      hopefully they used washable paint

    • YourName

      I think it might be chalk … or hope ;-)

      • cliqueded

        I think it was hope.

    • http://www.facebook.com/scottdhansen Scott Hansen

      Chalk paint, non toxic and washes off with water.

  • Troll

    Cleanup after the Bukkake party?

    • Mitch Moseley

      Damn… You beat me to the punchline.

    • Anon

      That was just 1 guy

      • PewPew

        Peter North

    • bigdeal


  • Greatdansby

    #29 Who's the artist?

    • equalizermax

      Sadly, but it come from #18

    • VampJenn

      i believe it is Leonid Afremov. i adore his work

      • switch_24

        thanks for the name.. i love the colors on his work, it's stunning

      • Anon

        Correct. Here is a link to a bunch of his stuff. Thanks for the ID. I'd love to have many of his paintings hanging in my home.

        • jigc

          Absolutely, was thinking of doing the same… and I had never really wanted anything on my wall… except for this now.

        • V4Vendetta14

          Thanks, I love his use of colors… I'm going to have to find some prints.

        • VampJenn

          i would love to have his work in my home too. one of his painting was the background on my phone for months. they are beautiful!

        • Vagina Jones

          I like the happy trees. You can definitely tell Bob Ross was a HUGE influence on him.

      • http://twitter.com/StrongAsMeat @StrongAsMeat

        Thanks for the id, great art

    • http://twitter.com/mephjeff @mephjeff

      Yep, Leonid Afremov. http://www.afremov.com/

  • FlyingSpagMonst

    Do want.

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