Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

  • Josh Gorter

    #22 I"m Ron Burgundy?

    • 2857

      the arsenist has oddly shaped feet

      • matt

        the human torch was denied a bank loan

    • Stevo

      And I'm Tits McGee.

      • patov40

        I thought Tits McGee was on assignment?

    • https://www.facebook.com/bfcknrzl Brad Stevens

      Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

    • Touche Salesman

      YOU WHAT!? Pooped in the refrigerator???? AND ate a WHOLE wheel of cheese….. I'm not even mad really, I'm impressed…..

      • Ben

        You know I don't speak Spanish!

    • ROK247

      sixty percent of the time, it works every time

      • Matt

        It's a formidable scent it stings the nostrils, Brian I'm gonna be honest with you that smells like pure gasoline.

        • Chihuahua

          Smells like a used diaper full of indian food!

    • GK-4

      Where'd you get that hand grenade?
      I DON'T KNOW!

      • Mike

        "The man on the bridge I hit him with a burrito"

    • Adam

      Coma Estas bitches spanish language news is here tonights top story the sewers run red with Burgundy's blood. Well alright looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.

    • Trent

      The amount of lines in this movie are ridiculous I hear they are making another one and everyone is coming back.

      I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.

    • WHAMMY

      We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being near you. I miss your laugh!I miss your scent.

    • ballstein

      Where'd you get your clothes, at the toilet store?

    • JBNZ

      I'm in a glass case of emotion!

    • Tchive

      Afternoon delight!

      • Chihuahua

        I love lamp.

  • Codey

    #13 Why is she not Chiving?
    #21 Ron F@#$ing Swanson is the best character on TV

    • Vince

      Guy is a legend. My favourite scene is when he goes to the strip club with Tom, and he just sits down with shit loads of bacon and does the crossword.

      • That Guy

        "i like Tom. he shows zero initiative, only does the bare minimum and shows no ambition. Tom is exactly what i'm looking for in a Government employee." … classic.

        • bigdeal

          what will i get if i win?
          you ll have the rarest jewel of all. you will have bested me, ron swanson.

    • Stroker Ace

      #13 perfect set up for porn

    • That Guy

      or better yet why is she not in the kitchen?

      • Bob Jim

        Forever alone…

  • matt

    Lovely day lovely day lovely day! Chive on!

    • truth teller

      #13 bcoz she has good taste.

    • CuriousGeorge

      Have you watched 127 Hours lately?

  • hater

    #10. TOO MUCH WANT.

    • Firefighter23

      Don't stop following your dreams toad!

  • jabitt1

    #12 That is one hell of a chastity belt.

  • mcsgwigga

    #19 is about as useful as a c0ck-flavored lollipop!!

    • Blackie

      so you run out of em pretty quick I bet

  • bud

    #2 i want what he's selling. #16 how do you get back up?

    • houtini

      >how do you get back up?
      See #8

    • http://www.facebook.com/palm.mark Mark Palm

      You don't! That's how the maffia gets rid of the bodies in Sicily, just down the slide.

    • Netoward

      Sir, that's where the really awesome part begins

    • J.O

      One way ticket off the island

      • Ken

        It is how you check out.

    • Jahnii

      The last part is shopped. Th slide stops at the pool. Believe me ive been there.

      • Mitch

        I will not believe you….here is pic from another angle.

        • kim

          i believe you

      • theotherone

        your retarded and a liar. Go to the hotels website and see it.

      • Monk

        You violated my trust, Jahnii. I don't know whether i will be able to trust another anonymous person on the internet who claims something is shopped.

      • kim

        don't believe you

      • Coldzilla

        Apparently not


      • TitoRigatoni

        Clearly visible on Google Earth as well. I do not believe you.

  • Anonymous

    FIRST!!! #7 Lord yes!!! #13 Awesome!!

  • James

    #22 you stay classy chive 🙂

  • jetrome

    #7 I don't remember seeing her at E3. But my Chun-Li crush is coming back 😀

  • -KhmerStory-

    #14 I just got a B+ today…

    • AnyoneForCoffee


      Please delete this comment and block this user.

      Thank you.

  • Catence

    #2 – portable stripper pole?

    • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

      Performance art everyone can enjoy.

    • amrith777

      They see me rollin',they ha–wait a minute–WTF??

  • Boss

    #10 like a BOSS

    • Gern Blansten

      Die Meme-monkey, die.

  • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

    #5 Stripes is an excellent-and-oft-overlooked entry in Mr. Murray's ouvre. That's the fact, Jack.

    • jabitt1

      I have bad news for you.

    • Darth Neegro

      AH, hahaha. Tried to look cool and smart, but ended up looking like a fool. And for the record, Stripes has never been overlooked, everyone loves that movie you dipshit.

      • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

        Yep, you're right on both counts: 1) I looked like a fool trying to acknowledge I made a typo; and 2) Stripes enjoys the same level of acclaim as not only Murray's most popular comedies (e.g. Ghostbusters, Caddyshack) but also his serious work (e.g. Lost In Translation, everything he did with Wes Anderson). Yep, Stripes and Quick Change and Where the Buffalo Roam and Meatballs, for that matter are never overlooked, they enjoy the same level of popularity as other films he's done, and they always gets the accolades they deserve… "everyone loves" them, alright. I'm a dipshit and you have your finger on the pulse of cinematic culture and history.

    • Captnjack

      Overlooked? that's one of my favorite films from Mr. Murray..

      • MFauxcault

        Mine, too, but I'd agree it's not as popular as Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Rushmore and especially for someone under 30 or so it's possible it's passed under their radar.

  • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

    Or ouevre. Whichever.

    • houtini

      Let me help you…


      • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

        Thanks! That belated-dick-move-to-correct-a-typo was just what I was trying to avoid when I saw that I had left out the first "e" and then quickly tried to make an addendum before someone came along and left an annoying reply. Any shame I may have felt at the surface irony in my having, in my haste, misspelled it again has been mitigated by you responding precisely how I figured someone would. You even took pains to reproduce the "e dans l'o" ligature, even though it is almost always anglicized and rendered as the <oe> digraph (except, of course, by pompous pedantic twonks).

        This must be a real boon for you! I'm sure that usually your efforts are relegated to publicly correcting others on their confusion of "your" and "you're" and the misuse of "affect" versus "effect"… here you got to really show off, and first thing in the morning, too!

        • Billy

          Wow, remind me to stay away from you at the next chive party.

        • 4everDistracted

          …or you could've just let it go.

          • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

            Sorry, too much speed this morning. Oh, it's not the speed really so much… I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.

            • Billy

              +1 for Stripes ref.

            • Blackie

              Eat a bag of dicks

              • Blackie

                Damn…meant to reply the bag comment to houtini.

            • Court needs dick

              I bet your wife commited suicide

              • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

                She did! She and I had made a pact, but once she killed herself things started to look up.

              • knuckle dragger needs a life

                I wish you would.

        • Monk

          I read you entire response in the "Fraisure's" voice. It still wasn't funny.

          • Monk

            – the*

            • TitoRigatoni

              also *your
              and *Frasier
              it's a pedantic morning here on the Chive…

          • TitoRigatoni

            Try it in Niles's voice, it's a little funnier.

          • http://www.facebook.com/court.montgomery Court Montgomery

            Wasn't trying for funny. I couldn't live up to the high standards exhibited here of "[name] eats dick" as preferred nomenclature, or the standard mouthbreather "TL;DR" which has mutated into the now-just-as-tired "read it all and it wasn't funny" (with a dated pop culture reference to an already low-hanging fruit caricature thrown in because, you know, irony and all).

            I *was* trying for a deflection of lame common practices like publicly correcting others' typos (and grammar, etc.) or, for that matter, the drive-by attempts at wit (I guess?) by anonymous trolls. Keep coming–I'll keep feeding ya!

  • MigraineBoy

    #20 Shouldn't have humped so many pillows, dawg!

  • theederv

    #7 Chun-Li (hiding her GAP since 1987)

    • patov40

      Only until she does that "flip-upside-down-and-spin move". I never minded getting hit with that! She's easily in my top ten of hottest video game characters.

    • PartyMarty

      Where'd they find an asian chick with Chun-Li hips/thighs?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Benton-McGrath/587208531 Benton McGrath

    #17 She likes me for me. Not because I levitate like a boss.

    • Catch

      Psh, jesus doesn't care about no bitches.

      • Jesus

        It's true, I don't care about not one bitch.

      • amrith777

        Pretty sure he's supposed to be someone more along the lines of Buddha

  • Showtime Pettis

    #12. That’s just like my wife. Her legs never open.

    • theederv

      Really? Seemed just fine to me

    • P90

      'My wife is so frigid, when she does open her legs a little light comes on'

    • Mrs. Pettis

      I may consider opening them when you win a fight in the UFC.

    • Jane

      Sounds like you need a new wife.

  • The Bandit

    #11 ….just chillin'
    #14…I thought it's Sparta!

  • Rumble Johnson

    #12 is like my wife. Her legs never open.

    • Monk

      Are you the same person as 'Showtime Pettis'? Or do you both just have shitty wives?

  • Torint

    #18 I've seen that guy! They're in Madrid aren't they?

    • Will Pillar

      I don't get it, am I supposed to know him or something? At first I thought it might be a hover hand or the guy in the background had a boner or something.

      • McBeastie

        I think it's the fat spiderman in the background that we are supposed to be focusing on. Maybe.

    • ben

      They are, I also have several photos of the guy

    • Mcbein

      Yes its Madrid, at Plaza Mayor

  • http://toprice.ie/ TOPRICE.IE

    #3 #10 #13

    • Stevo

      Please do not thumb up the spambot

  • keepontruckinit


  • Tony

    Stephen Hawkings Wife?

    • That Guy

      bad form.

      • Monk

        No just not very funny. I love a good paraplegic joke.

        • amrith777

          Funny or not–his wife is pretty attractive IIRC–just sayin'….

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