Soccer can cook a mean gif, man (12 GIFS)

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  • Atom Agoy

    Don't you mean football?

    • alex carranza

      u'r dumb here in US we say soccer,

      • Gooner29

        Pot calling the kettle black….

      • Shutterbug

        We play football with our hands and call the one sport we play with our feet soccer … 'MERICA! where the drunks and actors can become president !! YEAH

        • Tootsie

          and the actors get paid more than doctors, teachers, and most of the population!

          • That Guy

            YA i'm sure you want to have to pay more on a hospital bill or a doctors office visit… or maybe double your taxes so that we can pay teachers more.
            there are only a couple hundred top actors that make a great living and a couple 100k doctors that make a good to great living. any show me a doctor that makes someone well as opposed to treated and i'll show you a doctor who deserves more money.
            and teachers only work 3/4 of the year.. they get all major holidays off, tons of benefits and still make double what a solider makes. ya… they are doing fine.

        • Atom Agoy

          Eheh, it's funny because it's true.

      • andres

        you are just angry because mexico won to usa in the last game hahahaha

        • phideauxe

          Nobody gives a rat's ass that messico won some stupid soccer game. I'd like to nuke all those bastards that were booing during the national anthem though. Come to our country and root for freakin messico? And you wonder why you're still mowing my lawn.

      • Claudio Andre da Silva

        lol u'r dumb european football was invented first the very first football club in the UK has been conclusively dated to 1824 when a Scotsman named John Hope founded a football club in Edinburgh, while your american footbal which 95% of the time the ball is in your hands or flying was first played November 6, 1869. google it. So we can say that u copied the name. Shame on u. And for those who think that european football is for pussies, then tell who r the ones who play with 15 pounds of amor and helmets, and who has an offensive and a defensive team instead of eleven players running in a bigger field( eu 100m, us 91.4m) for 90min with a 15 min break instead of a 60mins with breaks evry 15 mins.

        • Lleamen

          Thanks, Wikipedia

          • Claudio Andre da Silva

            doesnt make it less true XD

            • iloveQuatchi

              Just makes you more gay

        • Pwithc

          To imply that soccer players are tougher than football players is the height of idiocy. The argument can be made that rugby players are tougher, but that's a different discussion.

        • That Guy

          you forgot to mention all the flop breaks every 5 minutes so it's not as physically daunting as you are implying.
          also football originally started off with only thin helmets and progressed from there to add more protective gear because people died in college in the early 1900's. as more and more lives were being altered because of the vehement violence they association had to find ways to stop it. how many people have died from soccer while on the pitch?
          also i'd like to see you get tackled by a soccer star then get tackled by a pro lineman… then you can give your opinion about who is the pussy.

          • Malkintosh22

            I would 1000000000 times over rather get hit by a 150 pound soccer player than a 400 pound jacked-as-shit lineman who gets paid to destroy people. Your argument doesn't make sense.

            • Claudio Andre da Silva

              yeah but first make them run for 90 mins. did u know that european football players have an average of about 15 miles per game? dont you think thats tough? just so u can imagine its like running from one end of your field to the other 150 times. And i laughed when u compared a linebacker witha football player. Then try thinking this way, a wwe champion vs a boxing champion. Oh yeah the wwe champion has the raw strength and power, but all that it takes to take him down is tha agility dexterity and precison of a boxers fist. You could probably take a hit from a wwe champ, but from a boxer thats all it takes to get you knocked out. So would u rather get hit by wwe champ and survive with injured and with some pain or would rather get punched by a boxing champ get knocked out (lose a few teeth ofcorse) and surfer some brain dmg?
              All i know is that the facts that i presented to you before are valid.
              Invented first
              played with the foot (ence football)
              requires more endurance and stamina (debatable)

              someone before mentioned that deaths and injuries, well i would like u to know that there are more than u think. plz do some research

              And this will be my final fact.
              Americas population is around 310,300,000 people
              worlds population 6.930.000.000 people
              if u divide them both and then multiply by 100 you'll get the % of people who actulay call european football soccer, which is around 4.5%. But there's a margin of error which correspondes to the people who dont know any of the sports in question. So attending to that i'll make an estimation of aproximatly 7%, while evryone else on the planet calls soccer by its rightfull name football.

              Now whats probably gonna happen is that u guys either gonna state some random facts thats based on perspective (like case of linebackers wwe champs thing) or try to insult me like iLoveQuachy who did not have the capabilties to make a more contructive statement.

              And one more thing thank you for reading and start pressing the dislike button!

              • That Guy

                you are talking about endurance… not toughness. American Soccer players and some Asian Soccer players are tough. the rest have no sportsman ship and will sacrifice their manhood and flop to get ahead. i'm sure you do the same in your pickup games at the YMCA. listen to me anybody… i mean fucking anybody can play soccer and train themselves to be the best in the world. it is the true democratic sport. but because a super star soccer player could be anybody, that means they only have to have two legs and heart enough to make it.
                while the football player has to be a select type of person that not anybody can do. it makes their ability and TOUGHNESS much more special and prized. yes Rugby players don't wear pads, they are men and tough as shit but their sport is constant. it supplies a different formula to the game that makes it dangerous but not as deadly. the game of football had to adapt so that the aspect of the game could exist without too much the drastic risk to the player.
                sure i have respect for soccer players endurance. the fans, such as yourself, and the players who flop ruin the game and make it the most sissy adolescent sport that has ever been invented. boys should have graduated to a more manly sport a long time ago but instead they stay boys and cry when tapped on the shoulder.
                so both sports share the same name. one is more popular and one is more superior.
                i will take a little bit of liberty and say all of my takes on soccer players exclude American soccer players… who have too much pride to take dives to win a game.

                • Claudio Andre da Silva

                  huh huh? so what does have to do with the name of the sport? absolute 0. So u just lost all the credibility.

                  And a little side note, if anybody can be a the best european footballer in the world why arent you? i heard they make 15 million euros a year. And your definition of tough is weighting 200pounds and being able to hold a line? what about those who give their best weight less 100 pounds are able withstand pressure and fatigue during more time and still be able to pull of a creative move that will outsmart the oposers?

                  • That Guy

                    yes soccer was first called football before football ever existed. i got it. here in America we call it football. there is shit little you can do about it but complain about how much more manly our sport is.

            • That Guy

              you are a moron. you just proved my point. a line backer has much more ability to inflict pain than a pansy soccer player. so your respect for the football player is much greater than your respect for the soccer player.

              • Claudio Andre da Silva

                so you r one of those guys who would like to suffer some brain dmg?
                you obviously missed the point of the comment i submited *facepalm
                try re-reading it, although i know that my english is not that great make an effort and try to understand plz
                and as i said u at the end of the comment you just made a comment based on perspective.
                u know what could probably happen if a european footballer and an american footballer
                the erupean one would just run for like 80 maybe 90 mins until the linebacker was dead tired and then knoc him out without much effort. This examples have nothing to do to with the name of the sport. Either start presenting hard evidence or stop trolling.

                • That Guy

                  like i give a fuck who invented the name first. i didn't address that cause i didn't dispute that. i only disputed you thinking that soccer is a better sport than football. i don't know what country you are from, probably intentional on your part, cause you live in some poor ass country, mock us, but follow our lead on pretty much everything in your life.
                  no i wouldn't want to get hit by lineman. again you are an idiot who can't understand the english language. there is little impressive with a soccer player who can keep the ball away from you, take it away from you and score on you every time. there is something impressive with a line man who could make you feel you ass in your teeth if you went head to head playing football.
                  but you demonstrate my point even further. the soccer player is a pansy and runs away. i wouldn't expect anything different.

                  • aleXTC

                    Both sports are hard man. An American football player could not run up and down the field for 30 min non-stop and if a (soccer) player got hit by a lineman he would probably shit himself and die. Both sports are badass IMO

                  • Claudio Andre da Silva

                    first i wrtoe "run", not "run away"
                    second why did u have to insult me? calling someone stupid does not help you when youre trying to prove someone wrong.
                    Third "poor ass country", no, i dont live in one. But its seems to me to u discriminate the poor. are u that kind of person? if thats true i feel sorry for u.
                    fourth the debate was about the name of the sport. An argument which i won beacouse you seem to have lost your composure and have not stated a single hard fact that could revindictate the ones i presented.
                    fifth cant understand english language? i undestand u, although i might sometimes commit mistakes in pronunciation and sentence composition, thats in another field.
                    sixth follow your lead? are you that self centered? are you not aware of your surroundings? Japan, China, India are the new ruling civilazations, the strongest economy, lesser crime, etc… are all there.

                    your comment is flaunted. plz do not reply i tire of arguing with people who cannot seem to have decent behavior and being able of making single statements follow by their respective arguments.

                    • That Guy

                      i call it like i see it and you are a moron. i can't help that. when you can't understand a simple analogy then you get called a moron.
                      seeing how you won't state what country you are from then you are obviously ashamed to be from there. i have a problem with poor ass people hating and ripping the richer greater nations just because they are awesome and can call sports whatever they want.
                      two of those countries you named have only one thing that that makes them something worth while. their people fuck and produce children. so many children that they will be so over populated that the quality of life is horrible. Japan is far outgrowing their land, but yes they do trend the world for a lot of things. but they are still under our thumb since we conquered them in WWII.
                      lesser crime? that's laughable. only in Japan maybe.
                      i think you meant "your comments are flawed"… not flaunted. see how can i respect your english ability when you make that big of a mistake.

      • stonyjoe

        tackle football should really just be called tackleball, so we can finally stop having to call football, soccer

    • Pwithc

      No, pretty sure he got it right.

      • Atom Agoy

        I gotta say, as much as I hate that you call it "soccer", I couldn't stop laughing when I heard this Norm MacDonald joke:

        "Why do europeans insist on calling it football if they play it with a soccer ball?!"


        • Ryan

          That is great. you win today

    • Office Manager Bob

      Sometimes I rub the lotion on my titties in a circular motion and I'm like "Awwww yeaaaah. Ughhhhh…yeaaaaah….". Chive on.

    • JewLover

      If you want to start the European Chive, you can. In which case, you could call soccer whatever you wanted. Until then, relax with the Euro-superiority on this decidedly American site.

      • Atom Agoy

        Who said I'm european?

    • Dan

      No. Soccer is a girl's sport.

    • NonBrit

      Some British guy invented the term to differentiate it from rugby football, and it stuck over here.

    • Pwithc

      If you expect the writers on this American website to pander to the European population, then you're stupid. In America, that's what we call it. It might not make sense, but that's the way it is. don't expect theCHIVE to lead an American revolution to get the name changed.

      • Atom Agoy

        I was just correcting them, for calling a sport for the wrong name, that's all.

        • Broseph Stalin

          You've got to be the biggest idiot I've seen in the comments section in a long time. Congratulations!

        • That Guy

          you are an idiot. you aren't correcting them.. here in America it's called soccer. how fucking stupid do you have to be to not understand that. you want to call it football then export the hell out.

          • Claudio Andre da Silva

            thechive is an american website? i tought it was the WORLDS best website. if that isnt the case then it should just start banning evryother coutry IP adress and become american only. No more foreigner girls on FLBP, or sexy chiver, or even on hump day. Then it would be the america's best website. But if that is indeed the case then it must know that its audience comes from the four corners of the world and start calling soccer by football as 93% of the world does!
            just kiding XD

            • That Guy

              the chive is located in California and pokes fun at other countries… ya it's an American website. all of their chive meetups are in America… and you even said only America calls euro football soccer and the post says soccer… American. God bless the greatest country in the world.
              oh and i hate to break it to you but the chive only uses viewers in other countries to import money to the US. it's beautiful.

              • TheLimey

                rugby > football + soccer + American football

    • j22

      seriously? +180 for calling it what the rest of the world calls it? It's effing soccer here. Americans really want to call soccer football? Why? We can have our own culture.

  • move over


    • subzero

      fuck u, thats why-

    • KyleRetrato

      Why not?

  • Brad

    #6 Google "Samuel Eto'o gif" there are tons of them…

    • Brad

      scratch that "El Hadji Diouf", not Eto'o…

    • Alan

      Pretty sure Samuel Eto doesn't play for Rangers. lol

      • Billy

        He is not good enough to make the rangers team

        • stonyjoe

          rangers are a joke, bet they would drop half their roster to sign eto'o

  • Mk2Vr6

    Women play soccer too! Let's see their GIFS!

    • Scooter

      Women play sports?

    • Rocks Off

      Only if they're naked.

    • Red

      no soccer allowed in the kitchen.

    • michaeledmondsjr

      to hell with the GIFS, let's see them titties!!!

    • Evelyn Ponce Quintero

      you people are pigs and the kitchen jokes are getting old as fuck get a new one

      • Dan

        ….. Back to the kitchen

      • hMMMM

        you wouldn't be so angry right now if you were cooking something delicious…

  • bettingonthecubs

    #9 really you thought it would be a good idea to stand there?

    • krusherX

      My thoughts exactly… What did he expect?

      • Tony

        If the guy didn't look like "Oh shit!" I would have guessed that was his intention.

  • dub

    #12 Go Sounders!

    • Brandon AnyZesty

      Not a fan of soccer, but this is probably one of the better celebrations I've seen.

    • Dr. Prof. Patrick

      Sounders, F**k yeah!

  • Christian Lander

    Stuff White People Like # 80, The Idea of Soccer

    Many white people will tell you that they are very into soccer. But be careful, it’s a trap.

    If you then attempt to engage them about your favorite soccer team or talk about famous moments in soccer history, you are likely to be met with blank stares. This is because white people don’t actually enjoy watching soccer, they just like telling their friends that they are into it.

    In fact, the main reason white people like soccer is so they can buy a new scarf. As you may or may not know, many soccer teams issue special scarves, and white people cannot get enough of them!

    Most white people choose a favorite soccer team based on either a study abroad experience or a particularly long vacation to Europe or South America. When they return, they like to tell their friends about how great “football” is and that they are committed to ‘getting more into’ now that they have returned home.

    Some white people take this charade so far as to actually play in adult soccer leagues or attend a local professional match.

    The best method for exploiting this is to ask a white person who their favorite football team is and how they came to be fans. This will allow them to tell you about their time abroad and feel as though they have impressed you with their knowledge. Once they have finished talking, it is acceptable to ask for favors.

    • Coldzilla

      Just learned to copy and paste huh?

      Well hopefully the novelty will wear off soon ;-)

    • FreakyBobo

      You're American and are therefore talking about Americans. People who love 'Football' love it because its a religion to most people, like myself. And you talk about white people loving football, you do realise Brazilians pretty much treat football as a god down there?

      • Tim4290

        Same goes for Europe! Socces a sport from and for gods!

    • derp

      Can you teach the rest of us how to use copy/paste so we also don't have to think of anything original to say?

      • The Chivery

        Don't worry, you're a Chiver. Not saying anything original should just come naturally.

    • adam

      oh. i get it now. Thanks. I could never understand why i bought so many scarves. haha- you're an idiot. Scarves? really? I love your logic and general stereotyping of white soccer fans. At the end of the day, ask any sports fan why they like a team and i'm sure you'll get a few that have blank stares. There are plenty of bandwagoners in the world. Let me ask you this, which Champion's League final was the better: man utd vs bayern in 1999 or Liverpool vs AC milan 2005?

      • Christian Lander

        Stuff White People Like # 101, Being Offended

        To be offended is usually a rather unpleasant experience, one that can expose a person to intolerance, cultural misunderstandings, and even evoke the scars of the past. This is such an unpleasant experience that many people develop a thick skin and try to only be offended in the most egregious and awful situations. In many circumstances, they can allow smaller offenses to slip by as fighting them is a waste of time and energy. But white people, blessed with both time and energy, are not these kind of people. In fact there are few things white people love more than being offended.

        Naturally, white people do not get offended by statements directed at white people. In fact, they don’t even have a problem making offensive statements about other white people (ask a white person about “flyover states”). As a rule, white people strongly prefer to get offended on behalf of other people.

        It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended. They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive. When this happens, they can leap into action with quotes, statistics, and historical examples. Once they have finished lecturing another white person about how it’s wrong to use the term “black” instead of “African-American,” they can sit back and relax in the knowledge that they have made a difference.

        White people also get excited at the opportunity to be offended at things that are sexist and/or homophobic. Both cases offering ample opportunities for lectures, complaints, graduate classes, lengthy discussions and workshops. All of which do an excellent job of raising awareness among white people who hope to change their status from “not racist” to “super not racist.”

        Another thing worth noting is that the threshold for being offended is a very important tool for judging and ranking white people. Missing an opportunity to be outraged is like missing a reference to Derrida-it’s social death.

        If you ever need to make a white person feel indebted to you, wait for them to mention a book, film, or television show that features a character who is the same race as you, then say “the representation of <insert race> was offensive and if you can’t see that, well, you need to do some soul searching.” After they return from their hastily booked trip to land of your ancestors, they will be desperate to make it up to you. At this point, it is acceptable to ask them to help you paint your house.

      • Christian Lander

        Stuff White People Like # 97, Scarves

        White People’s body temperatures do not operate on logical or consistent levels, and because of this white people are often forced to wear clothing combinations that might seem strange or illogical. One popular example is the performance vest which solves the age old problem of cold chest hot arms. Another common combination is wearing shorts with a sweatshirt which helps bring about comfort when your upper body is chilly but your lower half is sweltering. But without a doubt, the one piece of clothing that helps to regulate white body temperature in all situations is the scarf.

        During winter months, it’s no surprise to find white people all bundled up with scarves around their neck – it just makes sense. But even as the weather warms up and the other layers start to fall off, the scarf remains.

        It is not uncommon to see a white person in jeans, a sweater and a scarf. In fact, it’s not a rare occurance to see a white person in a t-shirt, jeans, and a scarf. Thats right. A thin cotton t-shirt paired with a scarf to enable maximum temperature control in bars and places with air conditioning

        But not all white people wear the scarves for temperature reasons. A well made scarf can be an essential part of a white ensemble, allowing for all-important differentiation from other white people wearing the exact same clothes as them. Thus allowing them to be picked out of the crowd for dating or mocking purposes

        “I like the guy in the white American Apparel shirt with the glasses.”

        “Which one? there are eight.”

        “The guy with the keffiyeh.”

        “Oh yeah, you’re right. He does look smarter and more political than the other guys. He’s clearly more sensitive to wind, so he’s probably more sensitive in general. You should totally date him.”

        Along with making up a key part of the white wardrobe, scarves also function as a vital pillar of the white gift economy. Due to their relative ease of creation, many white people (especially women) like to knit scarves for friends and lovers. For this reason alone, if you find yourself needing a new scarf but not a long term relationship, dating a white woman might be the easiest and most cost effective solution.

        • Federico Schulzen

          Some people like soccer (football to me), some people like whining about people liking football.
          It is never really late to catch up with a sport, soccer hasnt been very known in Merica till last years World Cup.
          USA performance in the Cup was remarkable, and watching ur own team being succesful or quite, in a sport uve never expected, makes u feel proud, aint nothing wrong in that.
          So.. let me see if i catch up with you…

          You are saying people cant change, and taste in sports and other stuff will always be the same, no exceptions.

          I think you're pretty wrong about this, knowing different cultures, countries, foods, drinks and sports affects you in a certain way. Usually extreme experience leaves some kind of "scar" in urself.

          Try it. If you happen to travel to South America or Europe. Go to a Boca Juniors match at La Bombonera, or to a Manchester United match. And just feel whatever happens there.

          What im trying to say is: There's a world beside American Football or Basketball, or whatever you sport is… And you'll discover that Soccer its actually the most popular sport in the world, and masses and masses of people will even kill themselves if theyre team is having a bad time (lots of suicides and heart attacks in my country, Argentina) i dont say this is great… Just saying "theres something going on"

          Try not to be harsh on ppl just saying theyre big fans of soccer cause they went on vacations…
          Cause you might actually like it sometime…
          and you will feel like an asshole.

          • Federico Schulzen

            sry for my english, as u might read, its not my first language

            • Raunchy The 1st

              *sigh* he wasn't being serious.

              • Federico Schulzen

                k, ive been trolled by a fuckface lol

        • Redbirds

          TL;DR but i can tell you're a douche by the amount of effort put into seeking attention

        • Da Sandman

          what's wrong with you? are you jealous because we are superior to you, monkeys? is that why you make up these ridiculous lectures? not only does your race gives us enough to laugh at by producing hip hop and other 'music genres' and by 'gang banging' and all the things a 'real nigga' does, it has now come to the point where the ones that actually have some vocabulary are also starting to make complete asses of themselves… don't you realize that by doing this, we will only look down own you even more? what you are doing now has absolutely no point, because no white person will ever take your messages serious. We will only laugh at it, like we always do at the things your inferior race does… at best. So don't waste your time.

      • Red

        really? you don't recognize satire when you read it?

    • Red

      i love how everyone takes these posts seriously as some kind of hate dialogue as opposed to a satirical jab.

    • guy

      there is a ton of white people that play soccer so and spending a lot of time involved with the game, but i guess they are just pretending to like it too right asshole

      • Attikt

        lol, the people on the chive are so damn stupid and easy to troll.

    • adam

      fuck. totally trolled me.

  • FreakyBobo

    Best thing about #2 is that Messi completely meant that :D

    • Atom Agoy

      Yup, Messi is a freaking legend.

      • Tomas Larence Calvillo

        If that was CR7 he would have made 3 balls…

        • 5 tapón

          Yeah, he would made it shooting 1 ball while beeing tea bagged.

  • Andres

    Football (soccer, as americans say) = Best sport in the world.

  • Gaucho85

    #2 Ha, I was at that game (U.S. vs. Argentina. I was a field photographer standing to the right of that shot.) Got a picture taken with Cambiasso and Lavezzi (Highlight of my my year so far.)

  • tonio

    #10 Epic W…. Fail!

  • max

    #2 only the best player in the world could do that. "lionel messi"

  • duh

    #7 am I the only one that wishes he would have messed that up and been scored on?

    • al15

      yes you are

    • Loco

      Higuita (goalkeeper)

    • JpJ

      Ya, why not just catch it?

      • Tony

        Cause he's a showoff. If I were the coach I'd have fired his ass regardless.

        • Leo

          You really know crap about soccer… That's how Higuita does it, he's a total legend..

    • Dr. Prof. Patrick

      I heard he tried it once before and failed… I'll look it up.

    • hMMMM

      Has anyone seen that ESPN documentary on the rise of Colombian soccer and the two Escobars??? I don't even like soccer but that was a kickass documentary!

  • depor

    #10 Djalminha… what a magician!! we miss him so much in La Coruna :(

    • Dan

      Yeah he sure could….kick a ball…..

    • SE8AS

      Conoce Depor…. algun dia volvera El Super Depor… espero!

  • depor

    • jaydubery

      Their Team was Sponsored by Dreamcast… LOLZ

    • igontxo

      ESE DEPOR!!! en segunda… ajajja!!

  • al15

    #7 Colombia!!!

    • David

      mi seleccion!!!

    • Loco

      Higuita (goalkeeper)!

  • Atom Agoy
  • Atom Agoy

    Ops, forgot to embed. My mistake.

    • Claudio Andre da Silva


      • Leo

        Questions anyone? enough said…

  • Coldzilla
  • NothingToSeeHere

    #8 and #10 are hysterical – and props to that goalie on #10…

  • Nickincollege

    #2 Messi is the man!

  • moeshere Foxdale

    #4 Now that hurt I feel so sorry for her…

    • Man's Man

      How did they do this scene?

    • Canada Goose

      …she should've been in the kitchen, therefore, this wouldn't have happened.

  • Dan

    Now we need rugby gifs

    • mtk


  • andy

    futbol anyone?

  • Dan

    Soccer still sucks.

    • bizron

      op is a candyass

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