Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • ace

    #1 Why is he arresting one of his own?

    • Facepuncher

      #1 Pigception

      • Just Sayin'

        He definitely shouldn't go any deeper.

    • Fort Kickass

      booo!!!

    • eaDavid

      at first i thought it says 'wimp' on the numberplate…

      • Honigkuchenpferd

        the funniest thing at this picture is…

        I Remember that PoliceCar… because i read Wimp too when i saw it

        it's from Wiesbaden in Germany

        • bobfisch

          i'm pretty sure that every police car in hessen has a WI license plate.
          but it's been a while since i was outside the last time (damn internet), so i might be wrong 😀

    • That Guy

      oh i see what you did there.

    • Penisfart

      I see what you did there

    • ETHETG

      i see what you did there (because i'm a chiver, and therefor less original than lady gaga)

  • Codey

    #13 Yes there is, it is called Bacon

    • Stevo

      which can also be put on pizza. the potential of pizza is truly magnificent, may we have a moment's contemplation?

      • Robert Plant

        christ, no wonder americans are a bunch of fat fucks.

        • Guest

          Well Said

          • KeyserSoze

            thirded.

            • Darth Neegro

              fourthed.

    • Foster

      See above post. (bacon)

  • hater

    #1. Irony. neat.

    • Pissed off Badger

      pig on pig lol

      • the elusive

        incest?

    • Inigo Montoya

      You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

      • your mom

        princess bride…gayest movie EVER.

        • Fezzik

          Anybody want a peanut?

    • Robert Plant

      that's coincidental, not ironic. read a fucking book, faggot.

      • ajx2K

        I can't wait to cave in your skull.

        • Robert Plant

          don't be jealous 'cause i know what i'm talking about. faggot.

          • Robert Plant

            btw…I rape children and animals- small or large.

            • http://www.facebook.com/jonny.napolitano Jonny Napolitano

              haters gunna hate. chivers gunna chive

      • DWD

        You are correct, but kinda a dick as well.

        • Robert Plant

          Can I suck YOUR dick now?

          • Jimmy Page

            stop impersonating the awesomness that is robert plant, you faggot.

            • Robert Plant

              Jimmy, remember when we would fuck each other in the ass after every show? That was awesome. We should really get together soon.

              • Jimmy Page

                yeah, that was fun. led zeppelin were the biggest bunch of faggots back in the day, and we were the biggest out of the group!

  • ace

    #21 I WANT TO SEE THIS HAPPEN!! GO DEXTER!

    • Adam

      If she was black you wouldn't even know her name…..

      • blah

        like oj?

        • daroofa

          Apples and oranges…you just compared them.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=589047656 Kyle White

            I see what you did there.

        • Guest Commenter

          OJ hadn't been black for over 20 years before the trial.

        • PartyMarty

          OJ was a celebrity. That's its own race.

      • PartyMarty

        Truth hurts, but you're right. Cute li'l white girl dead? STOP THE PRESSES!

    • nemesis

      Laura Bush killed a guy.

      • Friday Friday

        That's right Laura Bush killed a guy.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514615429 Pat Overton

          Yeah, with a trident!

          • bigdeal

            lmfao

    • TAMZz

      They should actually make an episode loosely based on her and Dexter gets her…..that would make me a little happier…..RIP CAYLEE you are thought about by 2,999,999 billion ppl….

      • Jay

        2,999,999,000,000,000?

        Somebody needs to take a grade school refresher course.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514615429 Pat Overton

      Oh, so this is funny today, but the guy who pretended to be Casey Anthony and posted about it being "party time" was "too soon"? Ah what a difference 24 hours makes! Either way, I thought they were both funny.

    • griffbeats

      dex will handle thaT bitch 4 us

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Hellooooo dear Chivers & Chivettes!
    Guess what; today is my <3B<3I<3R<3T<3H<3D<3A<3Y<3
    Now, what gift do you bring me?

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one you love to hate

    • Facepuncher

      Here's some dick. Enjoy you sexy F**K!

    • Graham

      paula… I bring you one tall warm glass of shut the f#ck up.

      Sincerly,
      Graham
      -the guy who doesnt care
      — ps happy birthday

      • James

        happy birthday, even though you can get on my nerves..enjoy your day

    • xXbeermonkeyXx

      a cake!! a pretty cake just for you! it sparkles? sure, its just the glazing, its definitely not the broken glass i mixed with the cake dough. enjoy!
      cheers, beers

      • Facepuncher

        The cake is a lie!

        • Foosbah

          the joke is tired!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I lol'd! I'll be passing out your cake at the Lebowski 10th anniversary fest or whatever they're having one of these days!

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – care for some shredded ipods with that?

    • snoobs89

      awesome! what are your birthday plans paula Date rape a redhead? or something abit special?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Free drinks for everyone and a massive one-Paula orgy tonight!

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – did I remember to put the rohypnol in? Yes I did

        • Captain Insano

          Happy birthday ya savage tramp

    • Zoey

      Kisses!

    • Guest

      Happy Birthday! You have fun now!

    • panama99

      Happy Birthday, now drop your panties, bend over and lets start smacking that ass…

    • Nosaj

      Happy Birthday Paula! I know there was something I liked about you, we share a birthday!

    • The_Dood

      Surprisingly enough, no one has asked how old you are. What is it this year? 168?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        29 dear. Same as last year and about 10 or so years before that.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

    • EdWood

      Happy Birthday Paula.
      You are a very special kind of troll.
      Enjoy this one and many more.

    • Foster

      Happy Birthday Paula. I'd like to give you a nice big knife to run into.

    • yes it is

      I give you a nice bit of cunnilingus

      • dOOb

        Happy Birthday… now Fuck Off and DIE!!!

        Whore.

    • jas

      paula is a fat girl name

    • Coldzilla

      Happy 12th!!

    • DCBizzle

      Happy Birthday Paula, you may have: a hug. X

      A Hug, DCBizzle
      – the casual Chiver that just bit your signature

    • Glenn_L

      Happy Birthday Paula

      Loving your sarcasm and wit

  • James

    planking is so gay, annoys the shit outta me

    • KUI

      What are you, 13? You don't mean gay, you mean stupid, irrelevant, whatever.

      • Spagheddie

        No, I think he means gay. Quit being a pussy about it.

        • Bryan

          yeah James, one more comment like that and I'm giving it to you straight up the dump (after we cuddle and kiss for a bit first)

    • nemesis

      It annoys you? Do you really see that many people doing it that it's impeding your oh-so-interesting life? Like, you're on the way to your yacht with your supermodel flavour of the month and all of a sudden – DAMN, the gangplank to get to your yacht has been replaced by a man acting like a gangplank. That's SO annoying. Heyyyyyy, wait a minute!

      • KyleHeier

        Pretty sure it's more the notion that something so pointless has caught on with so many people. I haven't seen anyone around me do it… doesn't mean stupidity isn't stupid.

        DERP! I lay on stuff flat and take picture.

      • andy

        Im starting to hate it too, its too mainstream now

        sincerely,

        -Underground non- hipster planking coalition

  • Dan

    #22 That 30 second scene when he realizes the whole story was a lie was awesome. Made the movie.

    • snoobs89

      what movie is it?

      • mmisser

        the usual suspects

      • Allenavw

        You have to watch it. It's seriously awesome. The twist at the end will blow your mind.

    • Dirty Dingus

      That is possibly the best 30 second segment of any movie (taken as part of the whole movie, not on it's own).

      All Hollywood writers & directors should be required to watch the end of this movie, then reconsider the shit that they spew out on a regular basis.

  • Matty

    #3

    seen way more hardcore set-ups than that. That one seems pretty nifty, and just as good as the crazy set-ups costing a grand or more.

    • JewLover

      nerd

      • Matty

        I never said i built one of my own. But yeah, if you want to call me a nerd i cant deny it, but neither can half of the Chive.

      • Zoey

        to quote prof. Frink: "Not Even Remotely Dorky"

    • Zoey

      I think it's guys like this that never allow "normal" players like me to win any on-line races… 😦

    • nemesis

      Hardcore is a type of music for pill-popping ravers in the early nineties. It's also a porn sub-genre. I would like to see your hardcore setups. Please send sketches by pony express.

    • equalizermax

      I want one for Christmas!

  • Kyle Morgan

    The Obama one kinda gave me a Bill Cosby "Jello Pudding hurr hurr" kinda vibe.

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      #7 I was thinking more like, "Derp, derp!"

      • Guest Commenter

        Not his Oness' best look.

  • Pissed off Badger

    #19 how did he get to that point we might never know…. but hes winning.

    • Bill

      Run girl!!! He wants to eat your soul!!!

      • Cpt. Curtis

        He better hope his mom doesnt Chive.

    • Darnell

      He who has the alcohol, gets the girl.

      • Hater_Aid

        Only in High School…

        • tralfaz

          From the comments lately you can tell schools out for summer. We need an adult swim area.

          • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

            Touche!

        • riiiight

          they look like their in high school…

    • zanno

      find her!!!!

      • Pedobear

        I'm on the case!

    • Nick

      how is he winning? he's drinking Heineken!!.. losing like crap!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Go spank yourself with a spiked stick! Heineken rules!

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – if it ain't Dutch, it ain't much

        • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      • tralfaz

        What do drink Nick? I think any one commenting negatively on a beverage choice needs to offer up their drink of choice so we know what we should be drinking to meet the approval of others.

      • Dirty Dingus

        If you even noticed the beer….I've got some bad news for you.

    • Honrydog

      Gingers are kewl.

    • Mitch

      They are evolving…this scares me

    • risky steve

      I say it is his sister

      • WTF Mate

        Then its even hotter

    • DCBizzle

      He used to be a brunette, if I must point out the obvious, he sold his soul.

    • da' BRUINS

      Cousin, step sister, older brother's girlfriend, lost the bet…something else is at play here.

      • bigdeal

        i drink zima
        hell yeah!!

        duckface for the camera!

  • ZombieApocalypseNow

    #7 I bet they stole it.

    • Ted

      I know that's MY watch he's wearing!

    • Zoey

      that sounds a little racist…

      • panama99

        Shut up Zoey and get back in the kitchen (and since you are probably too dumb to understand this comment mine was sexist!!)

        Now move it!!

        Make me a sandwich.

        • evelyn

          i say all chivettes boycott the chive until the stupid kitchen jokes stop, then you'll just be losers jacking off to pictures of airbrushed models again

          • http://www.theanisette.com Daris

            Ah, the good old days.

          • panama99

            Evelyn stop being so sensitive…..

            Would you like a hug?

            • panama99

              Now clean up around here….it's looking kind of messy.

              Zoey is doing a really good job in the kitchen. Why don't you start in the bedroom.

          • ballstein

            Can we stop it with the misogynistic comments? It's pretty juvenile to say that women are only useful for cooking. They're good at so many things like doing laundry and interior decorating.

          • THTTTTTER

            i second this. that way the chivers may actually go out and lose their virginity, and the chivettes can at least get paid for their attention whoring by becoming part-time strippers. maybe even wear glasses with no lenses to keep their "OMG I'M LIEK, SUCH A HUGE NERD" credability. Lulz.

        • snoobs89

          why do you hate vaginas?

      • Hater_Aid

        Wait, is it racist to infer that Black people steal things?

        • nemesis

          Yes. So in this case, perhaps Zoey is being racist by assuming that the original post was about them being black. I imagine that what ZombieApocalypseNow really meant was that "socialist" Obama is taking the lead from his predecessor to become the eponymous Thief. All hail.

          Or it's probably just racist.

          • ROK247

            the only way to not appear racist anymore is to just shut up and not say anything. which makes you an idiot. theres no way to win.

            • ballstein

              seriously, it's become racist to avoid being racist.

      • Guest Commenter

        Disagree. Not racist. Also, not funny.

      • snoobs89

        Racist…. oooooorrrrrrr hilarious..

        im going with the latter.

    • TAMZz

      how effing racist….or maybe he inherited it!!!

    • Tomas

      Continue crashing that economy, Zero. :@

    • ZombieApocalypseNow

      AHAHA THIS IS GREAT!

      • Ryan

        I'm not racist, I just don't like black people or arabs.

    • Philip

      He's driving the economy into the ditch.

  • http://twitter.com/OriginalMadCat @OriginalMadCat

    #7
    He makes the same face when asked to deal with Health care

    • lmao

      Wait and here me the stupid American thought that the Republicans are pro health care and that Obama is totally against it.

      Damn Liberals for shutting it down!

      • Honrydog

        "here" me? "the stupid American"?

        Bravo good Sir!

        • Ted

          (sigh) he had it right Honrydog.

        • lmao

          Ever heard of something called sarcasm or irony if you prefer?

          • Guest Commenter

            No he clearly hasn't. Not sure why you're getting thumbed down for truth telling.

            • Proud Chiver

              'cause chivers are a bunch of idiotic assholes?

        • Robert Plant

          he meant "here me" as in "here is me" not "hear" as in "listen to me", faggot.

          • PartyMarty

            Still doesn't make any sense.

            ……. faggot.

            • robert plant

              didn't say the sentence did, just the word being used in it. faggot.

              • PartyMarty

                If people want to be understood, they should learn to use correct punctuation. It's the old "Lets eat, Grampa!" vs. "Lets eat Grampa!" conundrum.

                If your language is opaque, you're gonna get mocked on The Chive. Them's the rules.

                Like your namesake, you truly are lord of the faggots (no offense to homosexuals.)

                • Robert Plant

                  it was his punctuation that missed the mark, not his wording. as i said "didn't say the sentence did, just the word being used in it.". now take your grammatical pissing-contest somewhere else. faggot.

                  • b-ry

                    win.

                • OBFRHBOFGE

                  Really? Get over it.

                • ...

                  How about "Let's eat Grandpa!"

                  Dumb ass.

                  • Texasks

                    When will people learn to stop arguing about politics on the internet. its pointless and you just end up wasting your time

    • PartyMarty

      You mean how he sacked up and got the bill passed even with every Republican in congress shitting themselves and screaming bloody murder?

      Yeah, that's the face.

      • nemesis

        You win.

    • http://twitter.com/Galloway @Galloway

      Wait, is that his "O" face?

  • Feli

    #1 i read about that in the newspaper in Germany and i lought about that, but i didn't saw a photo

    • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

      My head hurts just from trying to read that comment.

      • jasgat

        Dude… Heard of spell check??? Give it a shot.

      • lartsch

        but if you had to write a german comment you would do it without any mistakes?

  • Ouboet

    #4 looks like a fantastic way to spend your last high.

    • FreakyBobo

      That can only end in bone crunching disaster..

  • Facepuncher

    #8 That got her wet!

    • ace

      no shit?

    • OKFGON

      i swear the chive is made up of mostly middle-schoolers(judging by the horrible jokes), and closeted pedophiles and homosexuals.

  • Graham

    #9
    Flying tank…. Your argument is invalid

    • Ben

      that is an M3 Sherman, just sayin

      • slob0

        M3 Stuart

  • Graham

    #1
    Is there not a super troopers reference in there?.. Come on meow

    • Ryan

      "Pig….Pigf****r, do you need assistance?"

  • saucypants

    #18 I suspect the feeling is mutual….

  • Patrick

    #6 I believe he's quoting Confucius.

    • tralfaz

      Confucius say "He who stand on toilet high on pot."

      • deebo

        Confucius say "He who go through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok"

        • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

          Confucius say "man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger"

          • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

            Wow did i just say that? Feeling 15 again

            • rebel

              Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

              • the elusive

                Many with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

                • Bluto

                  Confucius say, "Woman who fly upside down have nasty crack up."

                  • pdiddily420

                    Confucius say,

                    " Virginity like bubble… one prick, all gone"

                    "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it"

                    "foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ."

  • toby

    #19 She is definitely his sister/cousin.

    • Pedobear

      Who cares! Find her!

      • https://www.facebook.com/samuel.bolduc Samuel Bolduc

        Just to find out she's underage

    • The Spicy Italian

      or perpetually stuck in the friendzone

  • yawn

    Meh pics are Meh…

    • https://www.facebook.com/bfcknrzl Brad Stevens

      lame puns are just lame

  • Anne Shebib

    #1 mmm back bacon

  • Cumplaint

    Why promote these fake twitter accounts with their old jokes?

  • punisher

    Its funny how quickly the chivers get their panties in a bunch whenever somebody says something against this site. Plus they cant come up with better replies than `where are you here` `you are a troll` etc. Calm the fuck down nerds.

    • gay

      I don't understand the phrase —— "where are you here" —– what does it mean?

      • rwj

        Always trying to correct people (typo/grammar) coz they have no life is also what the nerds do here.

      • Vinny Jones

        he means when someone says anything derogatory about the chive or chivers, said chivers always think it's on the cutting edge of wit to ask something along the lines of "why are you here?" or "you're a chiver too 'cause you're on the chive, so that must mean you also suck". 'cause you know, people can't visit a site without being a part of the overall franchise, amirite? silly cunts.

    • ImpressMe

      Its funny how the same little, nerd boys keep coming back under multiple names just to get attention…even negative attention…..I guess mommy and daddy didn't hug you enough……awwwwww

      • EdWood

        I think it's more like…………
        Too many hugs from Daddy.

      • Robert Plant

        nope, i only sign in under my own name, faggot.

        • Robert Plant

          ok, I'm just kidding, I use about 10 different names just to be a dick.

    • mikey

      Calm the fuck down nerd

    • nemesis

      Yes. I too find that funny. It doesn't make me laugh out loud.

      The Chive wears ladies undergarments.

    • TAMZz

      Better to be a nerd than a DOUCHE!!!

    • Coldzilla

      Im sorry but who the hell uses the word "nerd" these days?

      • ???

        i…can't tell if you're being serious or not…..

        • Coldzilla

          i…can't tell if YOU'RE being serious or not…..

          • the truth

            here you are again, being a prick. big surprise.

            • Coldzilla

              LOL and how, pray tell, was I being a "prick"??

              It was a JOKE

              Man you REALLY need to pull that stick outta your ass

              😉

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=514615429 Pat Overton

      Hey nice name. You punish people to make up for your impotence?

      • Robert Plant

        no one cares that he can't pleasure you. faggot.

        • Robert Plant

          Sorry about my over use of the word "faggot", I had some wild butt sex last night and my ass is so sore that I'm still walking with a limp. After the first twenty-four guys it started to hurt so I called them "faggots". Now I can't stop saying it.

  • xXbeermonkeyXx

    #14 should become a real law-bidding sign. planking is just out of hand and stupid

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