Lifeguard finds a love letter floating in the pool (2 Photos)

One of our Chivers is a lifeguard at a local pool. The other day he discovered a note floating in the water and decided to dry it out. This is the last page of the love letter from a 14 year-old boy to a girl...

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  • hoops

    "if some ass hole is trying to be a fuck face and ill make his face a fuck face"

    this kid is a goddam Casanova

    • fed

      pure poetry. i smell a new meme coming…

    • ssstoopid

      I will have their ass by the throat… lol, when did asses start growing throats?

      • Hich

        Then proceed to slit their neck. There's just… so many body parts.

        Doesn't change the fact that this kid is my hero, though.

      • Dr3xell

        hahahaha that was the best damn part! I started howling at work and people thought I was nuts!

    • 4nbstd

      "I'll give that girl a fuck face. Bitches love fuck face."

    • NoMoGeronimo

      "If some douche is trying to be a duck face and ill make his face a duck face"…

    • Herro

      I choose to believe that a grown man wrote this. It's funnier that way.

    • Raunchy The 1st

      it was probably from a Chiver.

    • hater

      I wish that was a real letter….. Faked by a chive dude and sucess proved by posting. That spent about 4 seconds in water (if at all) for the posting effect.

  • Jason

    didn't bother reading it but it was most likely awesome if it made it onto the chive.

    • http://www.last.fm/user/mutiilator Brand_n

      You probably should have read it, as you'd see the folly of your comment.

    • j_rizzo

      Not necessarily – you made it here are are not awesome.

      • grammar nazi

        *and

        • j_rizzo

          Heil, Douchebag!

    • Loser Alert

      Unlike you.

  • forrester

    this is getting to sad babe

    • Wood

      grammar nazi must have logged off

      • James Westfall

        …or you didn't realize that was actually in the letter.

  • John T.

    wow

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000018963941 Tim Brown

    Oh, Life is about to smack this poor kid in the face within a couple years!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505897576 Nathan Stotts

      Yes, yes it is!

    • https://www.facebook.com/JohnCspencer John Spencer

      Maybe perhaps slap him into a fuck face?

  • vindi

    tl;dr

    • ????

      than why comment?

      • Paula

        then

    • KyleRetrato

      I know right!?

    • Dr_StrangePants

      no one's pointed out that there's
      ANOTHER PAGE to this on the
      other side of that soggy paper.

  • MilesJ332

    I don't know why but after reading that I have a boner. Black people are funny!

    • amazing

      total win

      • Allen

        What in that letter makes you know they are black?

    • logandeezy

      racist

    • vindi

      Since when have you heard a black person named Christina or Ryan??

      • Frank Viola

        Tons of black Ryans and black Christinas usually go by Xtina

      • Rooster

        The note was found in a pool. Since when can black people swim?

        • vindi

          They can swim if you take your foot of their head.

        • The_Dood

          Since Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

        • countrylifeguard

          i work at a pool in the hood…they definitely cannot swim haha

    • Jack Mehoff

      You can't blame this one Black people, that kid is white.

    • Raunchy The 1st

      black people aren't nearly that awkward around women. the kids' obviously white.

      • lil whitey

        and if it was a black guy he would have said, "sorry fo' rapin you but it waz fuked up dat youz peppa sprayed me..iz cool tho cuz I is used to gettin peppa sprayed by da bitches, my mamma boyfriend sayz that gettin peppa sprayd shows I becumin a man an shit, know what I'm sayin…If I see anutta clownz doll in you bedroom imma bust a cap in itz azz…I cant believe you granny iz 55 yeerz old…she da oldest granny in da hood. please bail me out of jail tomorrow and I will giv you mamma her gold toof back. 3rd grade was fucked up last year, and da year beefo, and it gonna be wack next yeer 2."

        • The Real D.Nozzle

          damn. white people have got problems.

        • Cast Iron Skillet

          if find this funny because i imagine the ass-kicking this guy would get saying this to a black guy's face.

    • FunnyBlack

      Funny!

  • jamison

    i hate clowns but if you were a clown i'd still love you

    • SteelCityChivette

      that was random I'm random that's a cool word I'm hungry. 😦

      "Wife", whatever you feed him, please be sure to slip in a healthy dose of Ritalin.

    • Clown Sex

      that would make for some mentally scarring sex when they get older.

  • doodle cakes

    stupid.

    • Milesj332

      Believe me, I am a black man. Only a black kid could write like that. The reason the letter was found floating in the pool was because most likely the black kid drowned while he was trying to take a bath!

  • Scruffy

    Don't they teach these kids punctuation anymore? ffs

    • http://www.facebook.com/FightingCorsair Dave Gal

      He must not be used to writing more than 140 characters at a time.

    • sheoncebelieved

      that's one hell of a runon sentence.

    • equalizermax

      Welcome to the digital age. The emoticons are the punctuation marks.

    • KMD

      Fake letter by a chiver….this should be obvious.

    • Cristi_P

      Yeah, my first though was "this 14yr old needs to go back to first grade and learn to write"

  • Dan

    "I like your boobs rubbing up against me" – way to turn her on.

    • 123

      Bitches love compliments

    • fbjvk

      shit turned ME on damn

    • Bdrizzle

      Who doesnt like boobs rubbing up against them?! Kid knows whats good!

  • anonymous

    Not Chive worthy

    • devon

      i roflmao personally

    • Honk

      i beg to differ

      • anon

        If you believe that was a real letter, your stupidity should have a post as well

  • oX_Animal_Xo

    This is written in English right?

    • PANCHO

      WRINGLISH yes

    • Dr_StrangePants

      I sincerely wouldn't be surprised if Romeo here
      is an English as a 2nd Language student.
      I tutored children before, and they never stop to take a breath/ snap-pause after a period.

  • Sped

    "…I will have their ass by the throat…" That's incredible. How would you do that? I didn't even know the ass had its own throat.

    • gumball

      "I will have their ass by the throat and slit there neck" – I don't even know where to begin…

    • Bubba

      Now you know: farting is just an anal burp!

    • Wade Wilson

      It's called a rectum. I think…

  • saltygary

    "No Child Left Behind" is a failed policy.

    • Rob

      They are too worried about teaching children how to take standardized test, and teach them how good obama is. Fucking propaganda.

      (I refuse capitalize obama.)

      • saltygary

        When I was a kid I was taught about how good Regan was. As American's it is important to learn to respect the office of the president, no matter who is in the chair.

      • http://www.facebook.com/Cheeselea Chelsea GoddessDivine Foulk

        "I refuse capitalize obama."

        Good to know school didn't fail you!

      • Matt

        No Child Left Behind was put into place during the Bush administration, and it was awful. Even if schools WERE teaching about how good Obama is (They don't) it's only because he has approved new policies that are put in place to fix the problems with the old system. So really, you don't aim where you throw your hate do you? Just kinda spray and pray?

    • http://www.facebook.com/Cheeselea Chelsea GoddessDivine Foulk

      Pretty sure we've known that for a while now…

  • waryee

    o puppy love…mine was a cheerleader and i used to tell myself that it didn't matter that she was all that smart. no joke hah. good times.

    • ...

      cool story bro

    • j_rizzo

      You meant "wasn't all that smart", yes?

      • waryee

        no.

        • j_rizzo

          Then what you wrote makes no sense. Bad times. No joke.

  • killa87

    "and i like your boobs rubbing against me lol"
    words from the heart

    • Fercho

      i really don't think those words came from his heart… really

      • Zombie Cyclist

        the heart … is his penis.

        • SteelCityChivette

          <<insert red and throbbing joke here>>
          (must put in carrots because not sure if lame…)

    • markkens

      but never again will he feel those boobs

  • Tiago

    Two words for this kid: FRIEND ZONED.

    Sorry.

    • 213

      That's three words….

      • ur-right

        ???

  • a-non-e-mouse

    if that's the common love letter of a 14 year old these days, we're all fucked as far as the future is concerned…

    • Steve

      Ever see the movie Idiocracy???

    • northerner

      The result of guv'mint intervention in our Education System. And the NEA. Their answer? Throw more money at the schools, they're bound to get better. Didn't work. This poor kid's the evidence. No they're not all that bad off but there are many more than you think. I run into them all the time even in industry line jobs. And it's why many colleges have to have remedial education classes just to bring entering students UP to the minimum levels just to START college. Sad.

      • http://www.facebook.com/podplesky Joe Podplesky

        Just for future reference, you can't just add an apostrophe and "s" to a word to make it a contraction.

    • Wade Wilson

      I think we're fucked for this and many, many more reasons relevant to today's youth. Kids are fucking retarded these days…and parent don't help, because they're just a fucking stupid. Why I always say most smart people know the benefit of NOT having kids.

      • anonymous

        Wow. True.

    • Spivias

      ya so much for fighting for a brighter future
      might as well keep burning gasoline

  • http://thechive.com um_yeah

    Like a train wreck, I couldn't stop reading…… I hope I was never like that…. Wait, where did you get that? Dam I was wondering why she never wrote me back!!! Give it back or I am going to turn your face into a f*ck face!

    • beer

      You can say fuck.

      • illogical

        fuck.

    • Zombie Cyclist

      You didn't write that, you understand how to use punctuation. Look at that, you have commas and everything! Good job!

  • franklin

    ' you should get a copy and hang it on your wall'

    looks like you got your wish, only this big wall is called the chive and there's a lot of people laughing at you, kid.

  • Hank

    Maybe he should learn to love grammar before he goes after the ladies.

    • Wildaas

      He should also learn to stay focused…oh look a kitty…and then maybe he could make his point better…oh a cloud….

  • sheoncebelieved

    man, kids today are retarded. not a single period. the dumbification of the US at its finest

    • Mr_Rob

      Agreed. As said later, punctuation marks must be very expensive in his town…

    • Basil

      You forgot a period at the end…

    • jimmy

      Yeah, and he didn't capitalize either….

    • assntitties

      emoticons replaced punctuation long ago

    • Coldzilla

      Oh the irony…. 😉

    • http://www.facebook.com/Cheeselea Chelsea GoddessDivine Foulk

      Seriously. Crazy kids with their no capitalizations and missing punctuation and their bikini avatar pictures. You said it, Sheoncebelieved!

      • Admiral Ackbar

        This kid can't even spell the love of his life's name right! Chrstina one time and the Chrsitina the second.

  • That Guy

    DAMNIT! i what wondering was happened to my letter thats my only copie it okay hahaha ill send her link so she can see and love me with us to have lots babies fun time always till i give her many love gifts ❤

    • absolutcarcrazy

      You are totally get some boobs now!

      • Raunchy The 1st

        hey, he's gotta start somewhere.

    • bigdeal

      lol the needle went a little too far into the classic chinese broken engrish area but good lol

  • william

    if ANYONE is fuckin with you i will have their ass by the throat!!!!! lol i laughed out loud in my office. i will be using that one later.

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