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August 9, 2011 |
In: DAR, Random
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A lot of people make special request for 'Keep Calm' these days. It's Tuesday so let's have some fun. I think the Chivers should decide what #40 has to do for the shirt.
Keep the ideas creative and remember it has to be (somewhat) tasteful… ish. I'll run whichever idea gets the most thumbs by the couple and see if they'll do it in exchange for the shirt. With pics, of course, or it didn't happen.
Well…. do a redhead, find her sexy Chivers yoga pants, FLBP, mind the gap, underboob burn your bra in the middle of nowhere?
Let's see how many of those 9 (!) CHIVE classics she can mix in one single photo. Now THAT's a challenge!
- "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
— LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21
Paula…. I think that is a Great Idea…Way to go..
I hate you Paula, but damn do I respect this suggestion.
Or one of each
OH! and Hump! 10 CHIVE classics!! DO A PERFECT TEN!!!
- btw dear Lauren ( <3 ), you reading this? Up to a challenge too?
Paula, you were -124 yesterday. Look what you've done!
I KNOW, gah! But I'll gladly sacrifice some useless points (that I can't seem to spend anywhere in the first place) for the good cause that is the Chive.
And here I was, thinking the -124 was your (p)enis size, in centimeters.
That's one massive vagina.
Any news on if LG is taking up the challenge?
L.M.A.O. That is NOT LG.
agreed. this chick doesn't seem like a self-aggrandizing skank. just a regular one.
You obviously don't know…but I'm kind of a big deal. My apartment does actually smell of rich mahogany. You may call it self-aggrandizing but it's actually just good ol' fashioned fact. /end sarcasm
You 'trolls' need to stop reaching so high. Your stubby little arms can't quite accomplish things the way that us big people can. …And by 'big people' I mean people that actually know how to remove their head from their asses. I'd help you and support you, but you'd just say I was trying to play the martyr, or something like that, I'm sure.
LG, say the word and I will go Seal Team 6 on their ass.
YN1 Murphy here from ANT and just wanted to say that you are the coolest , hottest, smartest gal us coasties on base have ever seen (online, offline, you're hot as hell). These pricks would have a heart ache if they met you and they're just pissed because they'll never in their lives be able to even know a girl with your natural beauty and class.
Love that you're a Chiver and now we have to take a Chive Everywhere shot together on base.
Did not say it was. Refer to earlier comments for clarification.
Touche, got me there.
Also I'd say her doing 7 or more from these 10 should earn them both a shirt, but who am I to give away Chive tees
- the one you love to hate
You're Mac The Intern, to give away Chive tees.
I LOL'd at 'Smack the Intern", great idea… mostly because he now refuses to take off those 'pant sleeves'.
Anal? Well, I like that from my bf
Wasn't that how he broke his foot the last time?
I'm giving you a thumbs up just because you're going by the name "Verbal Kint." Well played.
Would be funnier if it was "Verbal Kunt", though. . .
Why's everyone thumbing this up? It's probably a dude
While it would be great to see something self deprecating that we can all enjoy, I think she should ALSO do something good for society, like volunteer for an evening at a homeless shelter or something like that.
I thumbed you down, because I initially thought your comment was dumb, but now I realize that I'm just a selfish dick, so please accept my humble apology. That was actually a great suggestion.
You DO realise that you're on The Chive, right?
Oh damn, really? I keep thinking this is Reddit, because the pictures are all the same. Thanks for the reminder.
Oh no problem, no hard feelings. Here's a shortcut back to reddit for you: http://bit.ly/fTtVEr
Sounds like you're butthurt. What day of the month is it?
You're on fire Paula! You have 6 comments in a row over -50.
Wow, Paula, great friggin' idea. Gotta hand it to ya.
I agree with Paula…for once.
Great call! perhaps side-boob if she's going to be doing hump aaand gap too… saves her some issues if she's not a contortionist. Def gotta put a chivette tattoo on too to automatically join the ranks of sexy chivers among us.
it is do-able with a mirror. effectively 2 pics, front and back, in one.
Something involving another girl and a cup?
Just give him the frickin' shirt. She's smokin' hot!
Fix the economy
end world hunger.
FEED THE CHILDREN
SAVE THE WHALES
sea sheppards did that already
Those idiots did precisely DICK.
FROM BEING MADE INTO CONDOMS.
#39 HAVE HER DO THIS.
EXCEPT FOR THE BLACK ASS-PART.
THAT ASS IS BLACK NOT
He must bring you…..a shrubbery.
AND cut down the largest oak in the forest with… A HERRING!
She has to jump into a lake whilst dumping like that dude from Tosh.0 awhile back
You are wrongly assuming that anyone except you thinks Tosh.0 is funny, or ever watches it.
agreed. daniel tosh is about as funny the holocaust.
Who's Daniel Tosh? Who cares?
Negative Gal (my fond nickname for Paula..referring of course to her points and a pun for all you DNA research scientists) has a great idea!
Tonight I'll FAP to Paula.
Well THAT's a first!
Now Paula…you can't be a virgin…again…
I guess the holocaust must be pretty funny then.
only if you have the worst sense of humor since thinking daniel tosh is funny.
Over a year of Chiving, and this is one of maybe three that made me actually laugh out loud!
Mind the gap, in just heels with a hint of side-boob. Always epic.
#40 Do Porn
GET SOME BOOBS.
OR GROW SOME BOOBS
A gif of her dancing in a thong would be nice. Face required.
hack Paula's page and delete her existence from cyber space
Either that or exchange your avatar for your real photo: http://bit.ly/jEtT63
You have a hairy ass, Paula?
At the end of the month, yes.
The first day of the month I set it on fire.
Next time you set your ass on fire, cover yourself in gasoline first. Trust me, it works much better that way… for all of us.
Yeaahhhh… not falling for it. Already burned off my moustache on last saturdays "Chive 'Cat Saturday' flaming cat race".
I am now unequivocally in Paula's corner… Damn what has the world come to. I fell in love with a troll…
Well, I know that if MY girl said she would do anything,It would have to be a threesome with her hot girlfriend…..Pics or it didn't happen
I believe a hump day post would be more than enough (possible mind the gap as well?).
On a side note, I had my "Keep Calm" shirt delivered on Friday the 5th and returned home to find it gone. Welcome to Chicago… I swear if I see someone wearing that shirt walking down my street… I'll probably just buy another one. FML.
burn your bra with a tastful kiss involving another girl in public, must see both in the same pic.umm ya, i think i wouldnt mind seein that.
Make him and Bill Murray sandwiches while they play poker…
have her take some creative pics of her spelling out the chive with her body. eg: one pic she shapes her body into a 'C'.. then a 'H' and so on. then you can put it up in the office.
why the hell should you give him a free shirt when he's the one that gets to bang that?
Ass drop gif
Sex in the back of a volkswagon?
very uncomfortable place…..
More pictures! Mind the Gap…. Hump day Wednesday… lots of options here people
You could ask her to stop cheating on you, but that probably still won't happen.
Aisle three… Burn ointment.
make those donut hamburger things, with bacon of course, then actually make those cookie monster cupcakes that look legit and not melted pieces of delicious crap
As much as some of you hate Paula… You have to admit she's got this one right.
This might be a record for thumbs up for Paula.
Fucking bad for my reputation though, but HAD to do it of course. FOR THE CHIIIIVE!
Send a pic of her wearing HIS brand new keep calm shirt full of large holes, showing plenty of skin…
Nah, that would be too mean
make her and her hottest friend make out wearing wet t-shirts!!!! take a pic then send to theChive!
Burn your bra with a smile!
The answer to #40…..is #41.
THANK YOU!!!! I was wondering when someone else would notice.
I also assumed that I saw what theChive did there.
I'm seconding someone else's vote of "threesome with one of her friends"
That would have been me,Forge
dirty old fuck.
She can re-create the Burn ur bra bare a$$ in the mirror picture
oh and give him the best blow J ever……..got to hook a brother up when you can.
How about she send in a post for burn your bra.in a white wet t-shirt.
How about go find a b/f that isnt lazy and cheap
Well played Jessica. LOLd indeed.
you "laughed out louded"?
Yeah, I agree. I mean just because she doesn't have a disgusting body doesn't mean this asshole should get a hard to get shirt for free.
she should probably make him a sandwich in that outfit…with lots and lots of bacon..and they take pictures of her preparing it
you're not cool. you're trying too hard.
Do a body paint version of the "keep calm and chive on shirt" to show how badly she wants a real one.
reenact 2 girls one cup with her best friend and a chocolate icecream cone.
I say she has to woo the ugliest, fattest, stinkiest, horniest, loneliest, most desperate Chiver out of his mom's basement to a bar/pub/park of her choosing and fuck him.
Ugly, fat, stinky, horny, lonely, desperate, still-living-in-your-moms-basement Chivers – the contest begins! Send in your pics of you "doin' your thang" now!
That'd be too easy. All she has to do is pick one at random.
I love thee The Chivery
Whatever happens,That guy has to get down on one knee and ask that awesome chick to marry him!
bite your tong sir…. Never forget that no matter how hot she is right now, she will bitch up later in life… Hit it and quit it, don't forget the quit part…
I say she has to buy another shirt of equal value!
#40 #41 I think you already know what you want Mr. John. subliminal messages FTW.
It's not what she must do for Chive, it is what Chive must do for her (for more, obviously).
That's good enough for me. Give the girl a shirt.
She can just have mine. It came in the mail pre-stained with mustard – or some other yellow shit – that won't come out. I'm blaming fuckin' formerly fat Patty.
That would be in the butt Bob.
Paint his house?
#48 nice …
Image search Norma Stitz. You won't forget it!
Dammit Paula …
DON'T. Please stop advising that. You did it yesterday, too.
Oh don't worry, I forgot about that already. Thank you for being worried <3
Chk out those shoulders….she must be swimmer….
dammit… got me on that one.
Somebody really knows how to use that loofah
My GAWD I think you guys have finally found the perfect ass!!! Dont get me wrong there are lots of very fine specimens in the weekly DAR, but this has to be the perfect ass. Well Done Sir – Extremely Well Done – Wheres the tissues this shit is sticky
Not nice…damn near perfect.
I think I'm in love…
Can't believe it hasn't been said yet:
it hasn't been said before because we aren't all so pathetically desperate for fap material as you are.
this girl needs more cheesburgers
Now that's a gap a guy can really park a Greyhound in…
#10 I bet that thing is wrecked…
He could just hold her and slam her into his junk….wait…..wtf did I mean by that?
LMAO! That comment is AWESOME!
imagine the sacrifice you'd have to make to be his gf. you will forever be ruined to all men after that. "you dated who? [tosses napkin on the table] well we all know how this plays out."
It's not blown out, the new PC term is now 'Comfort Fit'
I wonder if he say’s “now I must break you” before he taps that ass
I’ll bet her vag looks like a giant open face roast beef sandwich
Looks like a worn-out catchers mit…
One of his loads would drown her.
small price to pay to have everything handed to ya i guess.
Poor use of the word 'small'. Really.
Can we please get brothas to stop wearing jeans shorts? Its a bad look on every dude.
He had a growth spurt. Leave the kid alone.
They just ran out of jeans making him his 68 x 89's
AMEN. And not just brothas but everyone, damn.
They're called jorts, bro.
Please hand over your man card for knowing this.
i dunno macs custom made shorts were trend settin',just shouldnt dark socks with them thats where we go wrong…..o.0
I guess denim is the only material which comes in XXL TREETRUNK size.
Not often you can get a BJ with both parties standing up, either.
Shaq's finger is bigger than my dick
so is everybody else's.
Head shot. pink mist.
Man, that one was tossed up and you knocked it out of the park. Bravo.
HAHAHAH! The alley oop!
No chance she can take anything more than just the tip. The laws of physics make anything else uncivilized. I actually feel bad for Shaq because I doubt he has ever experienced truly full penetration.
you've clearly never watched porn… ever…
Lotta dudes in here talkin about another dudes dick as if they've all seen it……party foul bro.
I have to wonder how it's even physically possible. You'd think she'd be dead from internal hemorrhaging by now.
many hilarious comments, but penis size doesn't scale up with body size. So she isn't ruined for all future men. except for the part where he is really rich too.
You can pretty much refer to any chick that's been with Shaq as 'a human sleeping bag'.
I don't think sloppy seconds begin to describe what is left of that poor girl… 'her vahina is like wizard's sleeve.'
I would imagine that guy could unhinge his jaw and swallow a 12" sub without chewing.
His jaw area doesn't even look human.
Jabba the Hut's first cousin.
It's like Peter Griffin's bearded cousin.
Did we really need the red box to see this?
Breaking News: Fat Booth app reaches beyond the phone
Holy Shit! WTF is that?
I've met him. He's an alright guy with an unfortunate condition. He knows people stare and talk behind his back, but ignores it and lives his life.
hell, the chive isn't even considerate enough to do it behind his back. they feature him on their site with a red-circle around him. classy.
This is a medical condition. He doesn't look like that simply because he's overweight.
I also know someone with this condition. He's very patient and understanding when people stare at him. He's also a doctor with tons of money. Haters gonna hate.
not only swallow it, but store it for a late-night snack.
Fuck 'Angry Birds'; I like me a good game of 'Angry Chivers'.
You suckers can't seem to rise above 'easy' level though… Put in some effort will ya!?
"Rise Above" ….Pearl Jam fan? PJ20 in Long Beach next month?
What asswipes are thumbing down PJ???
I'm tired of your shit. It's like, I don't even enjoy trolling you anymore. It's not you, it's me…
It's just doing it because it's points are slowly climbing towards positive.
you're an idiot.
Challenge accepted…what thread shall we hijack?
Well I'm hijacking your thread right meow, to repost my Cat Saturday post that Mac the Intern accidently deleted (THAT's why his pants were cut up btw):
"As long as Chive keeps naming it "Cat Saturday" instead of "Caturday" as it's supposed to be, me and the neighbourhood trolls are holding our weekly "Chive Cat Saturday Race".
We've collected 16 stray cats this week so this saturday should be fun.
Around nightfall we'll soak the suckers in gasoline and bet on what flaming furball will get the farthest.
I'm hoping to earn back some money this week as last week I DID bet on the cat that ran the most before turning into a flaming pile, but the sucker ran in circles!!! ARGHH!!"
. . . .she was struck with delusions of adequacy.
Didn't see that one coming huh?
Don't make me give you a thumbs up… :p
angry paula is angry
#7 Not single? FUCKFUCKFUCK!
Has a boyfriend to make nekked video for? YEAHYEAHYEAH!!!!
Who gives a shit, seriously?
To make matters worse, it's Young Neil from Scott Pilgrim.
I know! And you were oh so close to being with her too!!! Damn bro, sorry. I really thought you had this one in the bag….
and? who gives a fuck?
Yeah, you had a shot. (guffaw)
Hey there, I noticed that you found a photo up there and posted it again here. Go fuck yourself!
Ya, I hate nothing more than when a guys posts a pic here of something posted up there! We need to stop this shit.
reposting other peoples' pics is the chive's bread & butter. you must hate the chive then.
haha. hate-ception. the chive just posts stuff someone else has already posted. so, you hate the chive. you go fuck yourself. hypocrite.
Hot raver chicks are my kryptonite
See what i mean when i say all chivettes are whores.
I think #3 is the father of #2. Just sayin…
Oh really? You're a bright one. Ya stupid ass-clown.
Wow, I wonder how you made that association, must be a fucking genius of some sort!
So he is the father?
I like men okay?
Cute… Run along, now….
#36 I ROR
OMG! Absolutely awesome
i could watch all day… productivity? pffft
whoever she is, she can't dance for shit.
Know how I know you're gay?
Because you watch a LOT of gay porn and mistook me for someone in one of the videos?
Whatever, dude. I was entertained watching it, but I guess some people are not as easy to please.
Can we get a Richard Simmons GIF for Yaweh?
"Can we get a Richard Simmons GIF for Yaweh? "
Why? Is that how you habitually pass the time?
No, she really can't. I've seen exotic dancers who dance like this and one time the owner caught me watching one with this look on my face like 0.o and said "Yeah, it's her first week. I don't think she's going to last." This is not how you shake your ass; this sounds sexist as all hell but it's kind of a sign of a girl who's never had a really good night in bed. Nonetheless she's certainly got a very cute butt.
Too creepy, did not read.
Yeah sorry I'm old enough to have been to a topless bar there kid. LOL
"it's kind of a sign of a girl who's never had a really good night in bed."
exactly. that's what i was insinuating. ( but i'm guessing most of the guys here, like dub, had their only sexual experience consist of a jar of peanut-butter and the family dog)
What's the peanut butter for?
Because I only spread jam on the inside of my asshole and let the dog lick it out. Not peanut-butter.
…a sweet bike !
you don't need to dance to shake dat ass!
i know right? even if it was just a silhouette i'd be able to tell she's white 'cause of how bad she dances. lol
That's an expensive looking bike.
I'd let her buy me lunch.
That's a Triathlon Bike, shit… I'd fuck a triathlete
#26 I've had that calculator. It's not that impressive.
You know how I know you're gay …
Because i'd fuck the girl and not play with the calculator?
No, because you fuck dudes.
Yeah. He had better at least upgrade to a TI-80 if he were to ignore what's going on behind him
Seriously? WTF Hank?
wtf. That's obviously a TI-89. noob.
You've had that calculator… sexually?
Who hasn't? I like smashing my flaccid penis between the case and the calculator. Then I'll get hard and BURST out like the hulk.
This is part of a set right? also with http://www.google.com/search?cx=w&q=gtfo+bitc…
Does anyone have more of them? know where they came from?
He's pushing the wrong buttons to get tangent with her curves.
Get off me bitch! I'm doing science
What the hell is going on in #26? Turn around damn it!!!
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD ON THIS PLANET! LET HER IN THE BED!!
She has AIDS, he's a gay math major. Get the picture now?
hes gay. thats what is goin on
Unless that's his sister. Then a calculator seems like a decent object of distraction.
sister…smister…she's obviously cold and wants under the covers.
Nah, a true Chiver would look at any of his female family members and say "Challenge Accepted".
Who took the picture?
He just got out the joint.
Oh fuck off, he's doing math.
#5 16 will get you 20
Dar is to Late as Paula is to a fat cow
Haha, I like how you re-use the same comments!
This looks like it's in Seattle? Those smoothie shops are everywhere. Plus these butts look like small Washington grown butts.
The butts are teeny and pale in Boca Raton too.
it won't get you 20 if they don't tell.
Fark…do i have to explain everything around here.
Wish you would quit the "16 will get you 20" bullshit……both girls are fully, though skimpily, clothed…you don't like what gets posted go to church and get off the Internet.
Typical chivers ,obssesed with chics with a boys tush.
whats wrong with that? :p
these girls are way legal
#4… Fool me once…
First! I mean gayest!!
#14 you on the right, as you wish and #48 fuckin incredible
The whoreness on the chive these days is getting ridiculous.
dont like? dont look at it.
The chive is probably the best site on the web keeping it real, sexy, light, funny and all round manly.
i want more of #14 and #30. i would like #14 at the same time
is the third one $100 extra?
Can we just go with the happy ending and save some serious cash.
Don't forget to rinse! HA!
can I write this off as a business expense?
Really? Are you sure? What does BSDM stand for?
At first, I was going to write something dumb and annoying, basically troll you. But, then I took a deep breath and decided to just enjoy the DAR today, and not be an asshole for once.
At first, I was going to upvote your comment. But why should i thumb somebody up for 'not being an asshole'?
down u go, troll
True, chicks love assholes. So, fuck you Cindy. What time should I pick you up from your kitchen?
boring…. be gay like me!
If only I had your strength…
It's all in the wrist.
you do Paula but smell isn't everything
#2 Dad??? #3 ! ! !
#10 he should be arrested for child porn…
he must tear that thing to shreds
You know babies come out of there right?
doing shaq would be like giving birth to a 40 pound baby
It just doesn't look natural.
I think you're confusing him with yourself.
He must be normal size down below or She'd be dead!
I'm just going to say what every other male here is thinking. Standing BJ.
to be quite honest? no, i wasn't thinking about someone standing in front of Shaq and sucking his dick. you might want to get that checked out……
#40 Have her keep the heels on for the evening
Maybe ask her to buy some underwear that doesn't look like grandma's 80's wardrobe hand-me-downs.
LOL@U imagining someone's grandmother in underwear that fits like that
LOL@U still being around despite everyone and their grandmother finding you creepy.
Only the pathetic troll jagoffs find me "creepy," everyone else seems capable of conversing normally with me or ignoring me.
No man, you're pretty goddamn creepy.
Creepy and delusional. We've got a sociopath on our hands here.
Nah, still just all sockpuppets belonging to *one* person. Buzz off, crusty little sock.
Nope.(In all honesty) I'm just impersonating the dub from several posts up, but it ain't me as the other two. We just all all happen to think you're a creepy old bastard.
1) I want you to know that I deeply and honestly care what you think.
Yes, that was sarcasm.
2) Forty-nine. Is not. Old.
Man seriously get a life !! Stop fucking pies while watching the disney channel you worthless piece of feces.
If you're here often enough for my responses to bug you, then you're here just as much as I am and are just as much in need of getting a life. Anything you imagine beyond what you see here is your problem, not mine. I'm a happily married middle-aged dude with a slightly boring evening job. That's it.
Just thought I'd add myself into the mix. I think you're creepy, too.
Another crusty sock!! I don't think I've been trolled by this many socks since my Usenet days.
I'm sure you'd like to think that some, one cruel person is trolling you, but it just isn't so. Don't believe me, just look at your rating lately, more people dislike you than not. What you choose to do with that, is up to you. We're just trying to help you out.
Concern trolling is *so* Nineties.
Being creepy is timeless.
No Screencap from WWE's Monday Night Raw with the "Keep Calm and Chive On" sign dead center in the screen. Perhaps you're waiting for the next "Chive Everywhere" post.
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