My kid thinks he’s a beaver (5 photos)

Thanks to Marc for sharing his story of half-kid/half-beast with us!

  • Alex

    Hate kids. Do not care.

  • surfer

    Maybe cuz his dad's a pussy.

  • Paula-tician

    I believe they make a bitter liquid you can apply to the surface of the crib that should stop him from doing that. It's used to keep kids from biting their nails and you can find it at your local drugstore.

  • PubicJones

    Just smear rat poison on his crib. No more bite marks. More money for the parents to go to Vegas with.

  • davey

    lame post.

  • sic

    My kid did that, I just wrapped electrical tape around the railing

  • Jeff

    The majority of babies do this to their cribs, even if they have a bunk or teether.

    • Jeff


  • TheBoris

    I have the same crib. My kid does the same thing. Barbarian child.

  • Casual Reader

    Tom Waits explains his son's "cribbing" at the 2 minute mark:

  • Nom

    My thoughts exactly on your avatar pic

    • Profiler

      And yes, its REALLY is her.

      • Juam

        and? who gives a shit? she ain't gonna fuck you.

  • Jordan

    Some of you are truly awful people.

    • I4froid

      Are those metal screws used to fasten that plastic?

  • Anonymous

    Oh my gosh…that is so funny my son who is now 2 years old did this exact same thing, I was surprised his lips weren’t cut up from the wood splintering. He chewed a divit about a 1/4 inch deep in his.

  • SteelCityGuy

    I wasn't aware the Wachootoo were biters, but if you want it, you got sister!!!!

  • Anon

    Give him a frozen waffle. It soothes the gums and is nourishing to eat. They work wonders for teething issues. Putting hot sauce on the rail will keep him from nomming it.

  • Rooster

    I would just put some crazy hot sauce on there. keeps the dog from chewing up shit.

    • LuvH8fulChix

      (mental image of rooster running around putting hot sauce on all the dog shit in his yard)

  • MonkeyMadness

    Put a Hannibal Lecter mask on him and tie him to a dolly. Also, make sure you put the lotion on the skin.

  • Qjee

    Seriously, Chive? An invisible advertisment on the main page that plays sound? No, no, no, NO!

  • elboberino

    Is that rain gutter?

  • Big D

    Great, now instead of being poisoned by varnish he'll be poisoned by BPA. In 5 seconds, I found 2 links to safe products:
    or "Bite me Bumper crib rail cover. It's on amazon"

    • LuvH8fulChix

      And don't give the kid any water, he could drown.

  • ivanh

    like a bos

  • mattythegooch

    #5 – real life Chucky doll??

  • bob

    shouldn't the challenge accepted picture come before the solution photo?

  • Oooops

    I've got three kids, the third of which is too young for the crib, but my other two chewed the shit out of theirs. We just let them. It only lasted for a few weeks and they were fine, although our cribs were solid hardwood rather than cheap wood-like material.

  • Erich Backhus

    My daughter did the same with her crib, didn't hurt her at all and she never actually gnawed wood from the frame.

  • Kris

    Hahaha, I did the same thing when I was that age! According to my parents I chewed through three bars of my crib. Their solution was to put hot sauce on the crib but it made the house stink horribly. They ended up getting a bunk bed, putting me on the bottom bed and putting the top mattress on the floor in case I fell off.

    Come to find out I have/suffer/whatever from pica, so don't be surprised if he starts eating paper when he gets older.

    • LuvH8fulChix

      Yeah, 'cause it's totally a genetic disease.

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