Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Dear minions, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you during yesterday's DAR, but like I said in yesterday's 'Awwwww' gallery I would probably be having sex at the time.
    Aaaaand so I did. But I'm back now, so if you need a good hug, come to Paula. I may still be a bit sweaty and sticky, but a hug is a hug.

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – a hug is a hug, of course, of course
    – and no one can hug a troll of course
    – that is, of course, unless the troll is the famous Miss Paula

    Aaaaand FIRST!

    • ant

      DONT YOU RUIN MR. ED AS WELL YOU INTERNET DWELLING SHE DEVIL!!!!

    • http://thechive.com Mr_Zambu

      Hugs

    • Herp Derp

      In all honesty, go fuck yourself.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Thanks, but I just had me some serious troll-on-girl action so I'm fine for meow.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
        — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

        • Evariste

          Proofs?

        • Juan

          Is paula a man or a lesbian?

          • gobigred

            let us leave it at confusion…sexing something requires handling it, and that would just make it happier.

        • snoobs89

          congrats paula, u finally popped ya troll cherry! ❤ who's the unlucky lady?

          • Will

            she probably gave them an std (serious troll disease)… Ithankyah

    • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

      only time i thumbed up a "first"

    • winiblues

      hey Paula, I've always been taught to take care of my parents, So I make sure my mum cums first..

    • Sploooge

      Do you need a helping hand Paula?

    • The_Marc

      Hug from Paula? Don't mind if I doooooo….

    • Bill

      Paula is Lauren, Lauren is Paula. You just can't explain that shit.

      • dOOb

        Ya…. that's what I figure too. Just not sure how a sexy lady like LG could come up with some of the shit that spews from Paula. Not sure if that turns me on, or makes me want to light her on fire…

      • Isanbod

        Actually, you can. It's called Multiple personalities. But then, you also have the Crazy vs hot curve to consider. She's hot, but is she hot enough to put up with Paula?

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      Sweaty? Sticky?

      <shiver>

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Are you sure it isn't Parkinson at this time?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

          No, but it might have been that…thing you left in the dishwasher….

    • Shadrock

      I've decided that I'm totally going against this Paula guy and either voting up or down on each post to do exactly what he doesnt want … put his reputation score to zero!

    • Isanbod

      A hug, From you. Only because you make me laugh. Oh, and pics of the troll/girl action or it didn't happen…

      • Isanbod

        You know, rule 34 and all.

    • meh

      You aren't famous, AT ALL. You are tolerated at best. Don't pretend you are more than some annoying person on the internet that no one cares about. You aren't. You aren't funny, witty, or special in any way. You are just another person on here. Get over yourself, you're getting way stale

      • Isanbod

        Meh, your just jealous your not a Troll…
        And admit it, Paula has gotten more action then you.

        • meh

          L
          O
          L

        • grammar police

          *you're and *you're

          Remember in school when we learned conjunctions? It's a big word with symbols 'n shit, I know, but in means "you are". Maybe next time 😉

          • Isanbod

            Nah. I learned on school house rock. but hey, keeps you Grammar Nazis busy.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        When I'm on The Chive I feel like I'm wearing a crown.
        You can be my court jester.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • meh

          Well that's pathetic. And I think you can entertain yourself just fine. Lastly, how about a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up. Chug it, please.

      • not paulas friend

        AMEN

    • max-pow

      I can say with 100% of certainty that Paula is not a troll….is someone from the staff at "the Chive". She/he/it never says "first" and is not…like other trolls that say firs and are third or fourth. NUFF SAID!!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I am honestly NOT one of the Chive staff, I'm even on a different continent (in the Netherlands) and time zone. I am also NOT Lauren or any other Chivette. Won't keep repeating this forever but this is how it is.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
        — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

        • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

          Dutch?!?

          Holy shit I think I just had some kind of -ism. Or maybe an -asm.

          • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

            You forgot to shiver. Again. So no Parkinson, amnesia then?

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – the one you love to hate

            • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

              Some things go beyond a simple <shiver>.

  • LOLOLOL

    #17 Here, we observe a woman in her natural habitat.

    • Syn

      This is life in a perfect world.

      • DrROBOTO

        perfect world = bigger tits

    • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

      the world would be a much simpler place. "woman, kitchen now." "woman, bed now"

  • http://www.writesomethingfunny.com trboerger

    #7 Mind Blown

    • Bill

      Can plz somebody tell me how this works? It's against every law of physics i ever knew.

      • http://www.writesomethingfunny.com trboerger

        the craziest thing is that they stop automatically

        • Crappola

          Programmed to dispense 15 ounces.

          • pdiddily420

            WARNING: If you have friends who are the type of people who like to tap the top of your beer bottle with theirs to make it overflow, DO NOT USE THESE CUPS! I was at a Phillies game and my buddy gave the bottom of my cup a jab with his thumb, popping the magnet up and causing beer to spill out everywhere. Waste of beer…good thing it was only shitty Budweiser.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Hole in bottom of cup (duh), flat round plastic object, like a small coaster, in the cup. Cup placed on pin that pushes object aside and puts beer in. Take cup away: object seals hole. Object contains ads like for Reddit.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
        — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

        • jim

          yeah right, ill believe it when i see it. For now im thinking criss angel or something

          • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

            Even when I'm not bulshitting they just won't believe me. See http://youtu.be/B-sOgG3h6l0 that Livewire posted.

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
            — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

            • Eddie

              I love you paula.

        • Rikki

          shut the hell up Paula..

    • Phil

      HOW!!?

    • livewire

      Bottoms up beer filling system you tube video here http://youtu.be/B-sOgG3h6l0

      basically theres a small magnetic disc in the bottom of the cup that is lifted when they insert the cup on the machine but that then closes and seals the cup when they lift it off. these guys deserve some sort of nobel prize for the best use of an engineering degree i've seen in a while

      • Coolhand37

        the best part is you don't have to lift up to make it stop. The system is calibrated so the weight of the beer pushes the magnet back down when the cup is full.

        • NebraskaGuy

          Pure genius! Now we can all get drunk juuuust a little bit faster!

        • Crappola

          No that's not how that works. It just only automatically only dispenses about 15 ounces into a 16 ounce cup.

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          You suck at Physics. The beer is pushing just as hard on both sides of the disc. Also the pin doesn't move, the machine just stops pumping.

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – the one you love to hate

          • amrith777

            paula–you make me hot when you talk about the laws of physics

    • hMMMM

      saw this in Madison Square Garden a few months ago. Definitely awesome.

      • hMMMM

        craziest thing is after you get your beer, you look at the bottom of the cup to see what's going on at the bottom and….nothing. It's just a regular bottom to a cup.

        • Crappola

          There is a magnet at the bottom, with an advert.

    • Monk

      They have these at the Jaguars stadium in Jacksonville.

    • gharvx

      Problem is that the little rubber piece at the bottom dribbles out beer…. it's slow so product loss in not a huge issue – but you ahve to watch your clothes when sitting or it looks like you pissed yourself.

    • fibonacci5150

      teh F*** just happened, ok beer for breakfast today

    • Michael

      Been on the waiting list for their "home model" prototype for quite some time now. BUILD FASTER DAMN YOU!

    • Jhish486

      This actually started at the Thomas and Mac building at UNLV. Genius!

    • TAMZz

      I mean, like how the hell it happens

    • _bigdeal

      fuckin magnets ___ __ ____ ____ ?!?

      • juggatard

        how do they work?!?

  • mcsgwigga

    Tits and pussy – perfect wake up #12

    • n_kb

      not enough pussy

      • gobigred

        small pussy is the perfect pussy

    • HeyJewed

      Was actually able top distract me from the fact that #11 looks just like Taylor Swift…

    • The_Marc

      Is that cat licking its lips??

      • JK (from Chicago)

        Wouldn't you?

        • The_Marc

          *high five* WIN!

    • WirelessCable

      Kiisu!!!! (keet-su) So CUUUTE!!! Oh looky! perfect curves!! +1 internets.

  • Catence

    #15 – seriously. some people should not be allowed to procreate.

    • gobigred

      but not you and I.

    • daveh873

      To be fair, she's trying not to.

      • hMMMM

        No…she already did procreate and she's just trying to abort mission b/c of the iPhone. We all know how important the new iPhone is/was/will be…

      • DrROBOTO

        why is your right titty so much smaller than the the left!?!?!

        • jay

          I would say she has her priority's in the correct order.

    • That Guy

      tell me about it. i feel for her. she is too stupid to know what a mistake she is making. the empty feeling she'll have after the baby is ripped from her body and the emotional pain she'll have to deal with.

      • http://affeslist.com Affe

        Psh, she'll have a new iPhone. I'm sure they have a baby app

      • ThatGuy

        imposter

  • Pail

    #3

    DOUSCH!!!

    • gobigred

      confidence defined.

    • KFC

      shirtception? (self facepalm for using such an obvious and overused yet funny meme as a comment, i could'nt help it)

    • http://twitter.com/The_Scofield_ @The_Scofield_

      -S +E… You're welcome.

      • Teto

        Douech is not a word. Clever, though…is what i'd say if it were clever

    • Guz

      Dear Phil McKraken,

      Yesterday's point demonstrated, with bells on.

    • Lulatsch

      Are you serious?
      This is the most awesome Guy alive!
      When i'm grown up, I want to be as cool as him.
      I mean LOOK AT THIS T-SHIRT!

    • Kyle

      Yo Dog…

    • saosinh

      Seahawks punter Jon Ryan. Dude's awesome.

  • Dan

    #3 Goofy, yet awesome!

  • ozman

    #13 HOW?

  • joe

    Dear god and TheChive. Never do that again. #14

    • confused

      i feel so weird right now

    • Swiss dude

      But still not as gay as twilight

    • http://www.gfys.org/ Hand of fate 125p

      That`s me bitches !

    • LuvH8fulChix

      Oh crap. Turns out I'm gay. Thanks Chive.

    • WirelessCable

      I have the weirdest boner right now…
      **not really**

      Agreed! NEVER AGAIN!!!

      @the dude in the photo, you have permission to be forever alone…

  • n_kb

    #10 Damn, I feel horny

    btw. She was also in Laguna Beach on MTV

    • Bill

      When she was a baby when teletubbies were aired in 2000 she must be now around 12 years old? Well thats pedobear approved.

      • n_kb

        well it says she shot from 1997-1999 so she would have been about 15 now BUT according to her IMDB page shes born in 1987 so shes 24. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2004140/ so the Jessica Smith pictured isnt the sun baby. Case closed.

        • gobigred

          I have the weirdest boner right now.

        • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

          that and i doubt they used a baby from Phenix, AZ in a British tv show

          • vmax

            All this was discussed when the photo was posted on Reddit several days ago. Whoever is xposting should read the context before ripping the photo. http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/jbzg6/remem

            • gobigred

              maybe you should just stick to reddit then and leave us losers to fend for ourselves.

            • Drew Jenks

              Obviously, we're not here for the latest in internet hilarity and boobs. If we were, we'd go to reddit. We're here because the majority of people who post comments here aren't complete fucktards trying to hide behind their computers to seem tough and cool (you're in the minority by the way.)

              • Martin

                Pretty sure they just have the same name, and they're not the same baby.

  • http://gypsy-whisperer.tumblr.com Bella

    #17 If only there was endless brownie batter. The world would be a better place.

    • haha

      I love Pie

    • Syn

      only if more women stayed in the freaking kitchen the world would be a better place.

  • Dan

    #14 NOT AWESOME!

    • http://gypsy-whisperer.tumblr.com Bella

      If you look at it from the waist down, I see nothing wrong with it.

      • http://www.gfys.org/ Hand of fate 125p

        Aaah good to know people here are fapping to my pics.

  • jordan

    #15 Abortion? there is an app for that… you'll be fine

    • HermesAthena

      LOL

    • Bill Clinton

      and this is why im long APPL

    • deacon

      fake. it was posted and within 29 seconds someone took a screen shot of it? I think not

  • gobigred

    #24 entirely too much effort for a friday.

  • cjr

    #2. But the question remains. "Who killed 2 Pac?"

  • Colonel Mustard

    #12
    My thoughts exactly.

  • tawhitlow

    #14 Do I even need to say it? MOAR please

    • http://www.gfys.org/ its_forge 107p

      Thats my gay lover. ❤

    • sheoncebelieved 99p

      FIND HIM!!!

    • Tyler Durden

      Paula?? Is that you?

  • http://twitter.com/Floptickle @Floptickle

    #24 The Amazing…. GEOOOOORGE COSTANZA!

    • Adam West

      where's his computer? I don't get it…

      • Grammar Ninja

        He doesn't need a computer. All he needs is the Penske file.

    • PoorDawg

      I thought that was Art Vandelay?

  • Dagoth Wit

    #7 WANT!

  • Dantheloser

    #7 What magic is this?!

    • gobigred

      been around for a while…cost of the special cups keeps it from being implemented. Which, when you really think about ballparks charging you $8 for a beer…makes no sense considering the speed of which I would drink more beer if the lines were shorter thanks to this amazing device.

    • avidavid

      There's a magnet at the bottom of the cup that opens up when they put the cups on the tap. Works great, provided you don't displace the magnet with your finger or something…

    • Monk

      They have them at the stadium the Jaguars play in. Not only does it pour faster, but there is no excessive head since it fills from the bottom, so no wasted beer.

      • Oooops

        there is no such thing as excessive head

        • Boomer

          Agreed!

  • bringonthehate

    nothing but fags on this site

    • wellperfect

      so, top or bottom?

      • panama99

        "Bringonthehate" seems like a bottom type……

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      And your point is?

      Hugs,
      Paula
      "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
      — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

    • http://www.gfys.org/ AVERAGE CHIVER

      Ssssshhhhhhh ,dont let the secret out man.

    • WirelessCable

      Nah, I am generally what most people call awesome… it's impossible for me to be labeled as such… I am a top Chive content contributor, you may now thank me for my hard work.

    • Nicnac

      Psst. We knew that about you all along.

  • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

    i miss HHNF

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Learn to aim then.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
      — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

      • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

        ummm i think you read that wrong. but it's ok, i laughed at it anyway

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          No I didn't. I am a troll.

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
          — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

          • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

            yes, yes you are. a highly entertaining one at that. i' m a huge fan of your work.

            • God

              You are both retarded.

              • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

                that's cool

                • burke is gay

                  and your both GAY

                  • http://twitter.com/theterryburke @theterryburke

                    your internet words hurt me so bad.

          • Bill57

            a damn ugly one at that

    • Rgx3

      Am I the only one that thinks Paula is HHNF?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Hardly. But I'm not. And not Lauren (<3) either.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
        — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

    • _bigdeal

      are you kidding me? ill say no ty to her constant complainy comments and gay flirtations in the comments section

  • http://thechive.com Mr_Zambu

    #12 there is something mesmerizing about boobs…. is it because they were the first thing thrust upon us when we're born?

    • Dude

      I have often wondered about that – what is so awesome about a woman's breasts? Why do they make me feel so giddy inside when I see them? I could never really figure out exactly why they are so awesome, so I just accept it and continue to enjoy them as much as possible.

      • http://twitter.com/dagleja3 @dagleja3

        Well put!!

      • gobigred

        any red blooded male always wants what he can never have…boobs fall into this list rather easily…and dont give me any crap about fat guys having their own titties…there is a reason they do…they too the easy way out.

  • alate

    Today, I made a new chiver, yep, I'm proud

    • http://www.gfys.org/ sigh

      Another one bites the dust.

    • Adam West

      Congratulations! Welcome to the world little Chiver!

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #14 followed by #15, LOL!

    Hugs,
    Paula
    "Paula is to Chivettes as DAR man is to awesome…"
    — LG – twitpic.com/5q3g21

    • The Buddha

      #14 i think you look great in this pic Paula! Dont let the haters get you down!

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