Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • Noelle

    FIRST! โค

    • Taz

      well big KISSES to you and a slap on your FAT ass for being so darn CHEEKY :p

    • Dormin

      'The heart saves a lot

  • davo

    Pure awesomeness as usual. chive on!

    • obvious

      Suck up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=587208531 Benton McGrath

    #1 Bitch I'll cut you with my razr

    • blankman

      What you talkin' about Willis

    • Chiver In Bio

      Nothing awesome about a fat kid about to break a scooter.

    • Obama4Lyfe

      This photo was taken in 2003? Yea, this kid is in jail by now…

      • Captain Obvious

        Can't decide to thumb up or down…

        • Radd

          Up, all day everyday!

    • qwerty

      You mean my razor! I still miss that thing

    • 7zark7

      is that the ghost of lil Tupac behind him?

      • BloodScrubber

        more like the ghost of Sammy Davis Jr . B)

    • http://twitter.com/ItsMeMvpJonny @ItsMeMvpJonny

      I wanna do hoodrat things

  • MDizzle

    Luckily I took a deuce before seeing #17. Impeccable timing.

    • Bigjohn

      KILL IT!!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Arachnophobe

      Fuck, dude, why'd you tag it down here? Now seeing it all over again! Not sleeping or shitting for the next week…

      • whirrrrr

        I demand that you post video updates of this week.

        • Dr_StrangePants

          yeah it was funny watching the staff mess around

    • Machinist

      Damn, I watched this over 10 times before noticing the little spider in the upper left corner… the big one jumping stole the show.

      • Erbn

        Even in relative terms that doesn't qualify as a "little spider." This clip confirms there is nothing good and wholesome left in this world.

        • gimletmike

          Spiders are good and wholesome. And yes, I have encountered bigger spiders than that. The main thing to remember when confronting a spider is stay calm (and chive on).

          • Dr_StrangePants

            not when it POPS-OUT of a freaking TOILET.
            I get half naked and sit on it for crying out loud.

            • Jen

              i shit naked

              • adamcoasttocoast

                haha

              • Jak

                Pics or it didn't hap…wait, nevermind

    • Sovem

      This is my worst nightmare every morning

    • Parkerdub

      just got back from work, all ready for bed…not sleeping now

    • Gilgamesh

      This actually happened to me in Egypt– but the spider was much, much bigger (look up Camel Spider!). Needless to say I was too scared to poop for about a week.

      • CamelSpider

        Is this why you leave the Cairo without so much as goodbye to me? I only wanted to smell you and taste what delicacies you were experiencing on your visit to my great country.

      • Micky

        Camel "spiders" are not spidersw. Nor do they have poison. They follow us around in Afghanastan because are shadows keep the sand cool on thier feet. ๐Ÿ™‚

        He was probably just taking a cool dip in your toilet bowl ๐Ÿ™‚ poor guy!

      • Mike

        UMMMMMMMMMM, LIAR…………

    • Zoey

      WOW! And I thought the Stink Bugs at MY house were a problem!

    • The1andOnly

      It's shit like this that makes me to never go to australia

    • gimletmike

      I learned in the Philippines to never lift a toilet seat with your foot or hand. My in-laws kept a stick in the bathroom for just this purpose.

      • LuvsHorror

        Well, I'm staying where it snows. If that happened to me, I'd have to move.

        • Jules-CO

          The black widows will hide under toilet seats every so often here in Colorado, there is no where safe to shat anymore!

      • jrey81

        yup! my lola taught me that when we went 2 summers ago!

    • Super Booger

      Thinking that bigger one on the bottom was shopped in.

      • Russty

        Agreed.

      • I_Hate_SPIDERS!

        Does it really matter? It's the reality of the whole thing that is nasty and makes your skin crawl.

        • hepatitis lee

          that is a huntsman, i put one in my mouth once to freak people out but i was drunk and accidentally ate it.

      • Fleeb

        Either that or staged. Either way I'll be looking under the seat next time…

    • Hmm

      The big jumping spider looks shopped to me, but maybe i'm just wishful thinking?

    • i map knees

      DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY

    • da2conan

      After that happened I at least wouldn't need the toilet anymore…

      • Craig

        I was shitting as I saw it…

        • KyleGamgee

          HAHAHAHAHA!

          Wow, that sucks.

    • ExistentialBanana
      • ...

        weak

    • Alan Garner

      now i look forward to alzheimers. i fking HATe spiders. if i saw that, i would just shoot myself. i can't live in a world where spiders hide under toilet seats and attack you! i will never be the same.

    • clickhere

      WHERE DO YOU FUCKIN LIVE ?????!!!!!!!!

    • Glenn_L

      Now if that isn't an excuse to leave the seat up…._

  • Tupac returns.

    #1 Fuck the kid and the scooter. theres a fucking ghost behind him!

    • https://www.facebook.com/JeremyHRoberts Jeremy Roberts

      Looks like the ghost of Tupac too. Midget Tupac.

    • Jewbacca

      Ghosts are white.

      • elay1300

        not black ghost

  • Fuck :/

    #4 suddenly hate my car… why can't this be mine?

    • cheezebits

      It's April O'Neil's, get your own.

      • qwert

        if only april was real ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  • ItTickles.

    #7 as i chive on the toilet..thanks.

    • ItStillTickles.

      #17 damnit.

      • BrotherRetardo

        Both would have worked!

        • It'sStartingToBurn

          #7 looks more like what i made in the toilet ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • MrAliasMan

    #22 Let me guess, if the car doesn't start, you get out and blow on the engine and try again.

    • mooseknuckle907

      hehehehehe you said blow

    • http://www.facebook.com/alexander.t.miller Alex Miller

      Now you are playing with POWER!

    • TheAndychrist

      What happens when you use the Contra code?

      • Captain Obvious

        You can drive how you want b/c you have 30 lives…

    • greg

      that actually made me laugh

  • Billbo

    #19
    Seriously… wtf

    • Maynard B.

      Happens to my kid all the time. How the fuck does he do it?

      • Shant1k

        Aliens

      • Giorgio

        ALIENS

    • Kman

      Knot gnomes

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=591747781 Erich Backhus

      Punishment for being an iTard?

    • Captain Obvious

      This happens sitting at my desk wearing my head phones.

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      Freaking out after seing #17?

    • The Doctah

      I know right

    • hotdog neck

      Happens to me EVERY time I ever put my earbuds in my pockets. Takes a long ass time to unravel them so I can keep calm and chive on.

  • http://twitter.com/viperspd @viperspd

    Tarantulas are your friend!

    • MonkeyMadness

      Not tarantulas that live under the toilet seat!! Fuck that!

    • The1andOnly

      tarantulas are as much as a friend as knives are good for hugs.

    • The Doctah

      The fuck they are. Nope. More than 4 legs and CRAWLS. Probably from satans ass

  • MAC

    #10 Remi Gaillard

    • myth1908

      nope, just chuck testa

      • IsEveryoneAsian

        Both of those guys are just stupid asians anyway….

    • lonin

      Who knew kangaroos were such dicks?

      • Stan_Dalone

        or a good judge of character

  • Long John silver

    #12 sex with a mermaid, you're doing it wrong

    • Dread Pirate Roberts

      Doesn't matter, still had sex.

      • Ha.Ha.

        and my hands smell like fish. i did it.

  • DaydreamKid

    #23

    Thank you? That's disgusting.

    • mooseknuckle907

      yes just a kid and not acquainted with beer thieves and not having a god damn place to set your drink when you take it with you to piss.

      • okawesome

        I am 30 years old and drink my good beer for the taste. I do not want to take it into the disgusting bathroom that smells like piss, that is disgusting and will make your beer taste badly. I guess if you're drinking miller lite it doesn't really matter because it already taste like piss. Grow a sac, chug your beer, then go piss.

        • BeerFan

          So you drink your beer for the taste, but chug it if you have to take a piss break? Make up your mind, nitwit!

          • mooseknuckle907

            well said. Douchebags can't help but be douchbags

          • okayawesome

            actually I leave my beer with my girlfriend, but I realize that you douchebags probably can't handle getting laid, and therefore suggest that you man up.

    • houtini

      how is that disgusting?!

    • DaydreamKid

      I don't take my beer into my shitter nevermind a public one. Finish your beer, take a leak, buy another one.

      • bridgemaster

        Really the shelf is only necessary when unzipping, unless you aim with both hands your beer is probably the least disgusting place you could put your other hand.

    • Captain Obvious

      Just don't piss on your beer or shit on your hands and you should be good.

    • Ha.Ha.

      the problem is mad people forget and leave that shit. and if you take your sights off of it for even a little bit, your beer gets lost in the mix…

      If it was clean, it would be a nice piss and snort station.

      • just a suggestion

        I wouldn't recommend snorting off of painted wood.

        • okawesome

          Talking about snorting and you are worried about the paint???

    • MIKEoxbig

      Way to sound like a pansy… i guess the thought of a shelf being convinient for some people is far too repulsive…really?

    • Douglisio

      Shut up everyone. We've all got drunk and had "that beer" with us, not realizing it until we've already staggered into the bathroom. Not only does this bathroom look cleaner than every bar bathroom I step into in LA, but that shelf is a very specific kind of well-thought-out awesome. You think Chive would put it on here if it wasn't? I claim ye nay-sayers not Chive worthy!

  • blackheimdall

    1:14 am working on my tesis… this is what keep me alive

    • joe

      thesis*
      gosh! if you're going to work on english at least spell it right.
      sorry.
      i am german

      • IsEveryoneAsian

        Typical asian…….grammar kamikaze

        • LuvH8fulChix

          Those damn asian germans.

  • Greg

    #17 Meh. I’d rather sit down and not check. I’d rather shit from fear on the toilet rather than shit standing up in my pants.

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Good point! I wonder why they thumb you down.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – the one you love to hate

    • bridgemaster

      Good Guy Greg lets the spiders bite his ass, they're just hungry

      • blah

        and i would rather shit myself than risk a spider like that pouncing on my cock

  • Arkriverrat

    #9 dude i think the speed is starting to wear off.
    #11 bitch took my bottle!
    #17 peek-a-boo!

  • http://www.kneedeepinabottle.com Navin R. Johnson

    #10 kangaroo on a spit tomorrow

    • Jen

      eww

  • joe

    #9 only when the wife is out of the kitchen!
    #11 ill blow shit up! bitches love it when i blow up shit!

  • MrMagicFingers

    #5 painting a baby elephant is never a cool thing

    • MonkeyMadness

      Why not?

    • amplidudes

      fucking human bastards … again and again and again and again …

    • Helmet4

      Unless you paint it pink.

    • BIll57

      pic looks old like back in my day oldthey probably used lead paint too the lead really explains a lot of my behavior i think i hate periods

    • Zip

      What elephant? You trippin' balls?

  • http://www.kneedeepinabottle.com Navin R. Johnson

    #1 bitches better recognize!

  • mooseknuckle907

    #11 and as Paul walked away. he knew in his heart he was vindicated

    • BSS

      Keyser Soze. The early years.

    • Lawrence

      Vladimir Putin as a child.

  • Dan

    #8 You just missed his birthday! Craig Ferguson did a bit on it Wednesday night.

    • Captain Obvious

      Nobody watches Craig Ferguson.

      • Yes

        Everybody watches Craig Ferguson.

  • ThornyDevil

    #15
    Needs to be photoshoped!

    • ThatGuy

      gross

      • ThornyDevil

        She should be the next meme, like bubble girl.

  • Dan

    #1 Whatchu talkin' 'bout?!

  • The Chive sucks!!!!

    First off.. 17 is fake.. Its not that hard to tell.. Also.. These pictures would of been awesome, if it wasn't for the fact that I saw them on other sites!

    The Chive sucks!

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Soooo…. have fun at those other sites asshat! Bye bye meow! Don't make me slam the door on your heel just before you leave.

      For some reason you never hear someone complaining how it would hurt to shoot a bullet trough your foot just before they shoot a bullet trough their foot. Chive haters are particularly dumb that way.

      Hugs,
      Paula
      – the one you love to hate

      • runtellthatpaula

        This is the site that chive robs from everyday… .http://uberhumor.com/page/1/

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          Fuck it, and where do THEY get all their material from? Who cares!? I love the Chive for more than whatever pics they post. How many sites arrange meetups and really help out people every now and then?

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – the one you love to hate

        • Jules-CO

          I'm sure the Chivettes actually do post their pics there… They just photoshop the Uberette part.

        • Jules-CO

          Also supposedly from Failblog.com, Reddit and countless others…Thus is the greatness of the internet, if it's not watermarked or security protected it can be anyones. SFTU ๐Ÿ˜€

        • Pete

          Interesting. I've just had a look at the site, and it seems that their content and The Chives is pretty much exactly the same. So someone is definitely doing some robbing.

          Only problem is The Chive tends to post their content two or three days before uberhumor…

    • Sovem

      #11 is totally legit.

      • Guesty

        I saw this kid walking downtown in Dallas yesterday and I took his picture just after he threw his juice box away, he then shot some stray dog.

        I sent the pic to the Reedit site and somehow the Chive stole it……

        Bastards!

    • thebadone

      Stupid noob ,that is not how you mess with the fanboys here. You dont abuse them directly..you mock them.

    • The1andOnly

      First off The Chive sucks comment is a fake…Its not that hard to tell.. Also.. This comment would of been awesome, if it wasn't for the fact that I saw this on other sites!

    • Joe Blow

      Hey! At least they dont put their watermark on other peoples original work without giving them credit….. oh…. oh they do that…. Wouldnt you think they would learn from how universally despised eBaums was?

    • Logan_the_Chiver

      the only question that should be asked in these situations is, "Why do you continue to visit a site that sucks?" are you seriously that mentally retarded that you forget you dislike the Chive until AFTER you visit? you should stick to your porn and leave the smart remarks for the smart people. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Jen

        'cause "smart" people obviously includes the people who type "MOAR, FIND HER, and Doesn't Matter Had Sex". Lulz.

        • Jen

          who the fuck are you

    • Guesty

      ok there, college student who still depends on mommy and daddy for every meal. you're not that far off, financially speaking. I still live in my parents' house, but times are tough man. I got laid off and shit…

      • Guesty

        Yeah the drive thru business is really cut throat these days – thats why Im blowing homeless guys for nickles and eatin garbage pizza.

        • Guesty

          and waste time on gay website like The Chive by impersonating Guesty.

        • Guesty

          Garbage pizza…does not exist. As for incredible penis, that does exist, had me some this past weekend!

    • Someother site

      Eveything is "seen on someother site" . Pointing that out is like pointing out that Pro wrestling is fake. Welcome to the grown up world. Way to show that you're 15 and posting from the lunch room.

      • Macho Man

        Pro-wrestling is fake.

      • 2nd year senior

        I got your mom on my computer but I stole her from another sight

    • ExistentialBanana

      Pro Tip: I don't think anyone here at the Chive gives a flying fuck about you Chive haters. We know the Chive, and it is awesome. Also, you're automatically a huge dumbass if you think "would of" and "would have" are interchangeable. Learn some grammar and stop visiting the Chive if the only thing you're going to do is hate on it.

      • ,opo,

        "Also, you're automatically a huge dumbass if you think "would of" and "would have" are interchangeable."

        finally. a chiver willing to admit Lauren Gentile's a dumbass.

    • DrLeppiwinks

      welllll I definitely didnt write this… thank you guys at my office

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