theCHIVE iPhone app nightmare

a apple deathstar theCHIVE iPhone app nightmare
Dear Chivers,

TheCHIVE’s iPhone app (or lack thereof) has been a punchline on theCHIVE for many months now. What many of you might not know is we’ve spent considerable time and cost finishing an amazing app for y’all. We’re very proud of it, and we’d love to share it, but Apple seems to think the world doesn’t deserve it. Here’s the story.

Apple has been denying theCHIVE iPhone app for approval due to “objectionable content” for over 4 months now. We have submitted the app over 10 times now and have hit a dead end in the appeals process. Apple won’t even offer a detailed explanation as to why they are denying the app, other than it’s “objectionable”. This is why they have a “17+ Rating” which we are happy to apply to this app, but that doesn’t matter..

As some of you already know, once upon a time, we had a CHIVE app live in the Apple store. It was built by a third party company who approached us right after we started theCHIVE in 2008. They built the app for free in exchange for a rev-share on advertising (on the free version) and paid downloads (on the $.99 version). This was awesome at the time because we had no money to pay to build an app or knew who to approach to have it done.

The foreign company who built this app never paid us in full. But even worse, this company had complete control of our apps, which were very buggy and prone to crash. It just made us look bad and it was out of our hands to fix.

Our solution was to build our own apps in-house and regain complete control of everything, which we did. We hired a reputable developer to rebuild the apps but it was under the Resignation Media developers account on Apple. The app is nearly identical of our original app, minus the glitches, with a couple extra bells and whistles.

Here’s the kicker, we had the original CHIVE apps removed from Apple’s app store so we could upload our own, but they denied us AFTER they had already let us in!

Apple set a precedent by allowing the original CHIVE app to be available in their store in the first place and then they shut the door behind us.

So we need your help. If any Chivers know anyone at Apple in or around the app approvals department, please pass on our plea to have them allow the app. Please help us.

Thanks and Chive On!

John and Leo

PS – I know all you Android users are reading this and are wondering “What about us?!” We want to build an Android app. We will build an Android app. BUT we have been holding off because we want the Android app to mirror the functionality of the iphone app. We were waiting for the iPhone app to go live before hiring a developer to build the Android app so they can reference the functionality of the live iphone app, so we don’t have to wire-frame it from scratch.

ANDROID UPDATE: Due to popular demand, we will build the Android app as soon as possible.

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  • Gabe

    First, and i have the old one so i am happy until this gets resolved. Good luck

    • Tim

      Would not be a problem if you had a TouchPad, no app needed.

      • dbolusaf

        if u weren't a fucking douche there wouldn't be a problem either….

        • JerkFace

          Sorry I'm late guys but fuck you!

    • BlingBling Biatch

      Why don't you all go fuck yourselves and get the app thats on Boost mobile. WHERE U AT DOG?!

  • Chris

    Can you provide us with an Email address that we can all petition?

    • Sukit

      Fuck'in lame, come on man…….

      • me2

        seriously… we bomb that inbox until they open the app of awesome

    • WirelessCable
      • J.D.

        Not anymore.

    • DavidL

      Ditto. Email, please.

    • Sukit

      you think a billion dollar company would listen to…….anyone? Geeze man……..

  • MPC

    Damn 4s Apple jerks and stuff

  • http://theberry.com/ walkingtheriver

    "We were waiting for the iPhone app to go live before hiring a developer to build the Android app so they can reference the live iphone app. Make sense?"

    Absolutely does not make sense. How about you do it the other way around, seeing as your iPhone app was disapproved 10 times?

    • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

      EXACTLY!!! especially since Android is WAY more open minded about what goes on their market AND since (and no i dont officially "know" this but..) i assume there are more android phones on the market than there are iPhones. I would have to agree with walkingtheriver up there, get the android one out first. maybe if apple sees its popularity they will get jealous and want to jump on board.

      • hassssss

        Yes, Android is the #1 platform in the mobile market right now. But it's all about buzzwords right now. Apple iStuff is for hipsters and douche bags who need to be seen with the coolest shit, even though it's closed environment and overpriced equipment sucks ass and causes shit like this. But as long as you can say you have a program for an iDevice, suddenly you're fucking awesome.

        • Guest

          Don't people like you ever get tired of themselves? Do us all a favor and get your bottom two ribs surgically removed. if you could suck your own cock all day you might stay off the internet.

          • hassssss

            don't get pissy that you overpay for electronics because you're buying the "cool" shit that "just works." I bet you look fucking RAD walking around campus with that status symbol under your arm.

            • No-name

              Android doesn't work any better, mind you. Smartphones are nifty gadgets and downright shitty phones. It's been like that since day one. Trashing the competitor of your favorite brand for no damn reason has also been that way since day one.

              • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

                says the guy still walking around with a Razr in his pocket.

              • EvanMinn

                "Trashing the competitor of your favorite brand for no damn reason has also been that way since day one."

                Oh, the irony.

                I've owned both.

                They both have their strengths and weaknesses. It is strictly a SUBJECTIVE opinion as to which one's pros outweigh the cons for themself.

                Again: subjective.

                Anyone that claims either platform is OBJECTIVELY better than the other is just plain wrong. And a bit self-centered to boot.

                • EvanMinn

                  Oops, I misread what No-Name was saying.

                  No irony there.

    • @bunkerpunkk

      From pictures we've seen around theChive offices, they are almost exclusively an "iCompany". All of their computers are macs so one would assume that they all have iPhones. This being said, if you owned a company, and loved the phone you had (iOS or Android), would you spend your time and money on an app you couldn't use? Yes, they could switch all of their shit over to PC/Android but that is a lot of work for a fucking app. They are obviously working on getting both as quick as possible, so, for now, let's all go back to the "stone ages" and use our mobile browsers. Chive On.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002059474696 Vince Weaver

        assuming they're working on apple first because their office is apple-happy, is just bad business sense on their part. understandable, but bad nonetheless.

      • Malkintosh22

        Finally an educated, unbiased opinion. Hat off to you, sir.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002059474696 Vince Weaver

      Just figured it out. Spent money on Apple already. Need to recoup money to pay for Android app.

    • Spacemanspiff

      the sense u made is overwhelming

      I'm an android, call me Sitripio

    • Charlie_Cheen

      This isn't a post cheering iOS or Android but the simple fact that a lot of developers seem to overlook, which makes NO sense to me, is that there are more android based phones out there and that lead is projected to increase.

      Why wouldn't your put your app in the potential hands of more people?

      Being a happy android user and happy Chiver, I'd happily pay a few bucks for an Chive android app. That's not to say you shouldn't offer a free app, possibly ad supported, to get it in the hands of the cheapies that don't want to spend the $$

      • my5tika1cll

        If you knew the in's and out's of a PC or Droid, you would never be seen around an over-priced closed sourced POS like an Apple. I'm sorry, but for the most part, Apple equipment is child proofed for the people that probably should not be allowed on a PC anyway.

        • iPad2

          Some people are priviliged to own an iPad. Get over it you fucking tech cry baby

    • Ryan

      Android it up!!!! And get one that will work on the Tablets too, I have a Droid X and a Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

      • No-name

        … why do you have two tablets? You only need one… Hell, you don't even need one to begin with!

  • Zach

    So weird – in my other window, I am reading about Apple announcing the iPhone 4S. Anyway, that sucks – I had the original Chive iPhone app, but deleted it in favor of the less buggy mobile web version. How can sites like Break and Cracked (who have just as much "objectionable" content) get their apps approved and not the Chive???

    • Duvel

      Good point!

  • KDawg

    So Chive…. instead i suggest building an Android App, which wont be rejected then let Apple play catch-up once they see the umber of downloads. We Android people love our Android and detest the villainous Apple store and will gladly welcome you to our world.

    The Apple App can mirror the Android App instead. And we dont care if videos are flash, html5 or whatever format you want.

    Come on, leverage baby…

    • WS6

      ^^ This x a million. Screw the iPhone (for now) if they won't allow the app. Give us Android users something first for a change.

      • Ned Flanders

        Ditto this! Plus, since it is android, you can sell add space to foreign advertisers that will install malware on the phones!

        • LeMac

          This troll comes in……Apple flavor

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002059474696 Vince Weaver

      Absolutely! Apple is starting to mirror what Android does anyway- Android's market share is growing so quickly, Apple is having to cave to what Android users have/do. What better way to pressure the Megalomaniacs at Apple than to say, "Android has it…!"?

      If not- tough. It'll teach people to support a platform that isn't tied up in making every move a self-serving interest.
      Rant over.

    • Maytrix

      Just build the android app and fuck apple. Chivers just need to dump apple and get an android and the world will be a better place

    • http://twitter.com/ABQLifer @ABQLifer

      CHIVEdroid is OK for now, but we need something much better. Still happy to have it though….Chive on!

  • Dude

    I found this website that may help…. Lets e-bomb them.
    http://developer.apple.com/appstore/contact/appre

    • robinsos

      Good call! Just submitted my appeal, let's all clog their inbox with requests!

      • chris

        What did you use as the "apple ID"?

        • Malkintosh22

          I assume this would be the specific ID of the Chive app. In which case, none of us can really do shit.

    • Mike

      Done, and done…

  • E.D.

    Why not build the android first since you may encounter less resistance. Model the apple app after it.

  • Here for chivettes

    WHERE'S THE FUCKING WOMEN?!?!?!

  • John

    FYI:

    We're not doing a petition… yet. We know there are plenty of Chivers over at apple and we want to apply some gentle pressure before sending tens of thousands of Chivers to a support email. I suspect this app approval is falling into the hands of somebody unfamiliar with theCHIVE who saw something he/she didn't like and is just brushing us off. Do keep in mind, we're not some massive corporation with huge brand awareness. TheCHIVE is, and will continue to be, the underdog. We'll keep you updated on any progress.

    • http://theberry.com/ walkingtheriver

      Hipster Chive is hipster B)

    • Steve Jobs

      I approve you. Call back tomorrow.

      • OGMrWhite

        lmao

      • Time Cook

        Hey that's my job now!

        • Tim Cook

          Time Cook?

      • Ha.Ha.

        now I feel bad about this troll. Fuck. R.I.P. Steve, only used your name for kicks.

    • Ryan

      Have you guys thought of building a "web app" instead? I know all the time and effort (and $$$) has gone into the app creation, but there is a way around it. I'm just a beginner app developer but your developer might know more. Also, a web app may be easier to merge android and iPhone users by accessing the same content/page.

      See: http://www.apple.com/webapps/whatarewebapps.html

    • WoogyMonster

      If I were driving the magic Chive bus, go Android first. Take the revenue from that and hire a kick ass lawyer(s) and sue your way into the Apple scam. They already set precedence with the prior approval. I don't see any other way around it unless your ChiveAppleteer comes through to save the day with a ex post facto approval.

      • Guest

        WOW Mr. Woogy! You sound like a lawyer and everything, what with words like 'prior approval' and 'ex post facto approval.'

        Except, dumb shit, this is a private company, and they can do whatever the fuck they want with their own service, remember? Literally millions of other app developers have managed to get approved, so what's the chive's problem? Dig your head out of your ass. No judge would ever waste his time with this. That's capitalism and the free market, bitch.

        Oh right, you use, pff, android. So you're not getting laid and have a shitty phone. Must be rough, bro.

        • WoogyMonster

          Rough? Your mom was rough last night "bro". She might even walk a bit funny today. Why don't you do the us Chivers a favor and go fuck yourself? Oh yeah, get a real name other than Guest or Guest's Bastard Love Child, or My dick won't even please Paula.

        • dbolusaf

          u get pussy from an iphone? theres an app for that??

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002059474696 Vince Weaver

      Careful about assuming "tens of thousands", unless you've got the data. There's a lot of Apple users, but the number of Android users may just surprise you.

      • Pete

        This. Sorry Chive, but I really don't give a rat's book on asses whether you get an iPhone app, and I suspect there are a lot of Chivers who feel the same way. I'd be happy if you release an Android app, but frankly I wouldn't be particularly fussed if you didn't.

        I just don't really see what the big deal is.

    • https://www.facebook.com/chwex Carlos Baudelio Valdez Salazar

      I don't know much about the whole app thing, but wouldn't it be a possibility if you uploaded The Chive app in Cydia? I bet a big percentage of iOS users have their devices jailbroken.

      • Bubba

        DING-DING-DING!!! We have a winner! Stop crying and make this shit happen.

        Problem solved!

        And now get-get with android!

    • cjhz8

      You could still do a Jailbroken app release.

    • agonystes

      Yeah this is disenchanting for Android users. Sounds like we are second class citizens, and the reasoning seems really backwards to me, so NO it doesn't make sense.

      Hate hate hate iphones

      • No-name

        Hate hate hate smartphones in general, they all suck.

  • diddles

    how about FUCK apple and build the android

    • Ziplab

      My sentiments exactly

    • http://www.facebook.com/bradygrogers Brady Rogers

      that has always been my thought, i hate apple.

    • oskiderkonig

      Gosh, the fucking problem between Apple and Android never finish. Even here, c'mon guys, shut up and KCCO. Fuckin fandroids.

  • http://www.facebook.com/donovan.colbert Donovan Colbert

    "We were waiting for the iPhone app to go live before hiring a developer to build the Android app so they can reference the live iphone app. Make sense?
    So the quicker our iphone apps are approved and released, the quicker we can build and release the Android app!"

    No, makes absolutely no fucking sense at all – and I'll elaborate why. Design the Android app first, then release it to the far more accessible Android Market(s) (Google, Amazon, SlideMe, and others) that'll let just about any app on their markets. Then hire your iOS developer so they can reference the live ANDROID app. Because there is no lengthy period sucking on Steve Jobs' dick in order to get an Android app approved to market, it should speed up the whole development process and then once you've got the app out there it should be a simple matter to port it over to iOS and wait for them to take their sweet time in approving your app. Make more sense? Sure does.

    Your explanation sounds more like a lame excuse. Holding up the easiest platform to develop and publish an app for waiting for the most difficult platform to get published in? What is the real reason, Chive?

    I don't really have a horse in this race. Do what you want. But your logic sucks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/donovan.colbert Donovan Colbert

      Not to mention you wouldn't have to deal with that "objectional content" bullshit on Android.

    • jayman

      i*hone fanboys don't care what is better or worse. i*hone is the only choice for them. Most of us know better…

    • Dave

      Why would they hire an iOS developer for an app they've already developed? Your argument is invalid.

      • http://www.facebook.com/donovan.colbert Donovan Colbert

        You Got Me, Dave. I retract my argument. :/

    • samsquanch

      They said they want they Android app to mirror the iPhone app. If they were to build the Android app first, which has no issues with objectional content, then developed the iPhone app to mirror this, they run the risk of it not getting approved, which will mean that the Android app will not mirror the iPhone app. Pretty simple logic really.

      • http://www.facebook.com/donovan.colbert Donovan Colbert

        A: They're ALREADY not getting approved, designing solely *for* iOS.

        B:
        It is an app. Is your Facebook app different in any material way on your iOS device than on an Android device in how it displays the interface and what content it delivers? Let me answer for you, because I've got a couple of *both* devices (iPod Touch, iPad, Droid 2, ASUS Android tablet)… No. All their app is going to do is deliver the DAR and FLBP and maybe their forums – the same things you can access through a web browser on *either* platform. As far as the objectional content – I'm pretty sure it is some of the more risque photographs of women (and occasionally men, lately) and the occasional references to drug use that are hanging Apple up. Photos of toasty green buds are probably worse than the occasional nip-slip or camel-toe from Apple's perspective. With that said, if you understand app development or Information Security, you understand it is easier to make a *less* strict app, platform, or design that allows *everything*, and then tighten those filters down to limit certain content or functions. That is, it is pretty easy for TheChive to design an Android app that allows everything, then later make an iOS device and add content filters to their website to *prevent* certain data from being delivered to the iOS app while *allowing* that data to be delivered to Android apps. It is a win-win where Apple doesn't have to deal with content that shows nearly naked women doing bong-hits in a cafe in Amsterdam – but that data is delivered without censorship to Android app users. It is actually the *most* logical way to approach this for a site like The Chive.

        • http://www.facebook.com/donovan.colbert Donovan Colbert

          Basically each image in each post would contain a flag. 1 for objectionable sexual or drug related content, 0 for no objectionable content.

          If Client = iOS and If Flag = 1, then iOSappDelivery = False, else deliver all content.

          If the flag = 1, the content only gets delivered to the Android App. If the flag = 0, it gets delivered to everyone.

          Anything with a painted titty, the word cunt, anything vaguely dealing with racial issues, or that seems to promote drugs would be posted with the flag set to 1. Viola.

          There is the answer for getting iOS approval from Apple too, Chive. No charge. You're welcome. Fire your iOS app developer for not coming up with this elegant solution to your iOS challenges sooner.

          Dude, if you're studying for a career in IT, change your major to English Lit, immediately.

  • http://thechive.com um_yeah

    Android phones outsell Iphones 2 to 1, doesn't make sense to me guys. Who wants to work with a company like Apple where they decide what their users can have rather than letting the users decide. Everyone I know that had an Iphone has now switched to Android phones for the most part anywho…. Oh well, if you guys still want to waste your time with Apple feel free, I surf the website just fine on my phone without an app so no skin off my bareback!

    • http://www.allinbayarea.com TWON925

      I think this dude it on something most of us can just view the site from our phones I m not sure the real reason for the app. if it makes u guys money go for it but im not sure all the headache is worh something that doesnt cause any of us any less chive is worh it. Focus on the Chivettes, Funk the App thats my humble advice!
      Chive on

    • Ned Flanders

      "Everyone I know that had an Iphone has now switched to Android phones for the most part anywho…."

      No, no they did not. Stop making shit up. We get your point, but don't just be all full of crap and stuff.

      • http://thechive.com um_yeah

        We had 5 users in my office and now we are down to 1 on an Iphone…. Just saying, not preaching. Who really cares anywho they all do about the same thing if you are just a typical user.

        • MXI

          ICraps dead, Droids will rule, only market for Crapple now is pads and thats not for too long. Sheep phones. We had 600 users wanting to connect ICraps across EMEA and USA, now down to about 100 cause SGS2 rips the ICrap apart and spits it out.

          You can update droids you dont have to buy new ones. I support them and hate Icraps, love droids and symbian. RIM is OK. Never seen a Mango yet but some bright spark will bring one in soon I am sure.

      • Joe

        According to a ChangeWay survey: 70% of iPhone users are satisfied with their phone, as opposed to the 49% of Droid users that answer the same.

  • marc

    I WANT TO JIZZ ON PAULA HAIR !!!

  • bitchesaintshit

    yeah, like these guys say go back in time and build the android app first, that seems like a legit solution to this problem, can't see anything implausible there.

  • Kliphy

    Apple iPhoney? Who CARES? GO ANDROID! Forget the People's Republic of iPhone!

  • CroatianFan

    CHIVE ON

  • Patrick

    yeah this is why apple users annoy me, they know they are getting fucked but take it with a smile. Just build the android app first!

    • The_Dood

      Yeah, I would stop using Apple's products if they treated me like that…

      • mxi

        Crapple should only sell phones in North Korea, they would get on well.

  • SweetAwesomeness

    I like that this was tagged as "OWNED" lol.

    anyway…seriously guys…get with the program and just go with Android for now…

  • Kiwijoe

    Lets build a app for a increasingly less popular OS branded phone that does not allow it's users to make their own choices in what the see or access before releasing it on a increasingly more popular OS that could potentially make more money and allow it's users to view anything they wished.

    hmmmm seems legit!

  • Tatts

    Was there a fanboy bell? I think the PS3 is WAAAY better than the Xbox. Wrong forum?

  • Android Dude

    Sounds like you’ve got it backwards. Spend your money on a guaranteed thing, Android. Let Apple play catch up.

    • schmapple

      srsly!

  • Ruckus

    Fuk apple put the app on Cydia, most iPhones are jailbroking

    • chode

      I don't know a single person with a jailbroken iphone…

    • http://twitter.com/noxesthor @noxesthor

      Fuck yeah put it on Cydia!

      • http://www.facebook.com/brooklyntini brooklyn tini

        YES!!!!!

    • juniorjoel

      cydia it

  • Screwhead317

    What about a blackberry app for those torch users? they call it crackberry for a reason.

  • twat

    should have put it on betamax first.

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