Daily Afternoon Randomness (49 Photos)

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  • Will


    What is the average flying velocity of a swallow?

    • Christian Lander

      Stuff White People Like # 32, Monty Python.

      White people have loved Monty Python fore quite some time now. Considering that Monty Python are British, first appeared on public television, and have gone on to create some of the most popular films in white person history, it is no surprise. It would be normal to assume that all white people love Monty Python, but it's simply not true. You see, there is a very large, very specific group of white people who do not find the British comedy troupe to be entertaining. They are called women.

      It's not that white women are incapable of finding the humor in Monty Python. Quite the opposite. They have all the skills needed to appreciate the jokes: understanding of absurdist humor, love of all things British, understanding of world history and high culture references. No, what has driven white women away from Monty Python is the fact that every white male they have ever met has peppered them with so many reenactments that it's impossible to see the troupe as anything more than an annoyance.

      For decades, white women have been dating men who won't shut up about dead parrots pining for fjords, the Ministry of Silly Walks, and the Knights Who Say Ni. If you don't get any of these references then you are an excellent candidate to start dating a white man. As a nonwhite woman, you are very appealing to white men, in no small part because dating you would mean that they have at least two years of fresh Monty Python material with which to try to impress you with.

      • amrith777

        I'm white and a woman and I think Monty Python is hilarious and can quote this movie and others along with the best of 'em….

        • -0-09

          there are exceptions to everything. it's satirical, not flawlessly biographical.

        • Penis Wrinkle

          You're a dyke…it doesn't count

      • its_forge

        Die of terminal crotch rot.

    • hazel

      i so <3 this movie! its one of my favorties

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      What is your favorite color?
      "Yellow". "Oh wait, blue!" Boiiing.

      – the one you love to hate

    • Silentstatic

      African or European??

      • ad shat

        its about whogivsaf@cking miles an hour

    • IrnBru

      *airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow

    • ladel

      African or European?

      • its_forge

        Why, I don't know thatAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH

    • Mr Thundercack

      A swallow in motion tends to stay in motion…

      • Squooshy

        offtopic: She turned me into a newt!

        I got better ….

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002080535772 Ashley Mayfield-cowan

      depends, is it an african swallow, or european?


    • mith

      Build a bridge out of her!

  • Parch

    Murder shoes

  • Amy


  • MikeOlmos

    #3 OMG!

    • Daith_Lee

      Now next week, there will be skinny girls arching their backs to simulate a "hump" and people will lose their minds and forget how they went nuts over a "real" hump…I say real in quotations cause the verdict is still out on PS…

      • Jack_LeMac

        http://www.tineye.com/overlay/a620b291b4ccea2ecec… Verdict's not out, fake as hell

        • Daith_Lee

          Curses Jack! Curses! But in my heart of hearts…I knew it couldn't be true anyways. I dunno how you found it but good job, lol.

      • The Chivery

        What do you expect from people that have so little actual experience with women outside of rubbing one out to them on the internet AKA us Chivers?

        Chive on!

    • ad shat

      tap dat ass

    • slag

      Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
      It is so big. *scoff* She looks like,
      one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
      But, you know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff*
      They only talk to her, because,
      she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
      I mean, her butt, is just so big.
      I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
      out there, I mean – gross. Look!

      • ad shat

        go back to reading twilight..
        or get in the kitchen Slag.

        • Logan

          STFU about Twilight. i'm so fucking sick of seeing it mentioned on this site. get some new material for fuck's sake.

          • Logan

            Twilight rules the vampire universe..

            • Logan

              and name stealings' just as lame.

              • Logan

                I Love talking to myself.

        • slag

          I'm a dude. Now go finish your homework and get to bed early so your mom can come over later.

      • ad shat

        um that lady got more replies than you probably have friends there slag..
        that is an epic ass..
        you are probably flat chested and flat ass like most typical women i meet..

        • Kud

          you're an idiot.

        • http://www.facebook.com/wgrichardson William Richardson

          That's the beginning to Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot there ad shat.

    • guest speaker

      It did take a while to get past this ass. Epic is even an understatement! WOW!!!!!!

    • Bob

      That is so big it is disgusting. That's right, that shitter is TOO big.

      • Kud


    • thrillho

      That thing is EPIC


      DAT ASS

    • Sir Mix-A-Lot

      I'm not gonna lie… I like it.

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      SHOPPED! Not even my ass is THAT big.

      – the one you love to hate

      • ad shat

        damn and here i was so hop[ing you had junk in yer trunk ..

      • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

        Crushed. My dreams are crushed.

      • Johnny Two toes
        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          Good find.

          – the one you love to hate

    • Hubert Cumberdale

      might be TOO big…

      • Average Chiver

        imagine a hot, smelly, wet, long shit coming out of it. the only way it would be better is if it was in my mouth…

    • Hammer_Pants

      Somewhere, a black man just died.

      • Ezee

        I lol'd. Not some dumb lol, but on honest to goodness LOL!

      • MAX_POW


    • https://www.facebook.com/pctechjunkie429 Kyle White

      ^This. Chive, find dat ass. MOAR!

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/ADHDavenger13?feature=mhsn Firefighter23


      • 1234

        too much booty in tha pants!! THERE'S TOO MUCH BOOTY IN THA PANTS!

    • James

      Was her ass bit by a snake?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Yeah…. A BIG ASS SNAKE!

        Haha. ha.

        – the one you love to hate

        • Paula's an idiot

          wll you got the big ass part right you are all of that

          • Sleep_Salone

            Nice try Stan.

          • -0-09

            get a life, Stan.

            • Stan_Dalone

              I'd take credit if I did it but they weren't me Thanks for the Kudos though. She can make an ass of herself all she wants, she's good at it shew doesn't need my help

              • FuckoffStan

                Dude the only one making an ass out of themselves here is you. You wander around the Chive whining and bitching about Paula the troll and youre just as fucking bad.

                Paula can troll all she wants – its a free country/board but youre proving time and time again that youre nothing more than fucking pathetic hypocrite

      • PANCHO

        WE NEED HER!!!

    • http://tube8.com Simon Phoenix

      FIND HER!

      Fuck it .. JUST FIND HER HUMP!

      • bubba

        look out your window, i'm sure you can see it from wherever you are

        • its_forge

          Yeah really, or all the things being drawn into its gravity well.

    • bighipsrule

      Find her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        See Johnny Two toes below here: Photoshopped: http://www.tineye.com/overlay/a620b291b4ccea2ecec

        – the one you love to hate

        • Paula's an idiot

          don't go for it she's a total ass

          • 2pumpdump

            your just jealous. thanks for the find Paula

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000486430436 Mo Swift Than Mimi

          too good to be true :(

        • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

          as usual the original was just fine with me. stupid internets.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jumpqueen Nicole Morris

      omg is that real

    • notgivingmyname

      She has to be the daughter of a Centaur.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000611575348 Josue Rubio

      thats exactly what i said

    • Sigh

      He knows the drill!

    • 4SOC20saint

      neither version is that good but i prefer the real one cuz the PS looks retarded and kinda gross

    • lokkko


  • AssClown

    #1 Johnny Bravo – "I like pie, I like pie!!"

    • Mr. H

      "fur pie"

    • Stan_Dalone

      Johnny Bravo loved that cartoon, so hooky it was good

      • Mr Thundercack

        True..so very true

    • Video Game Nerd

      The cake is a lie!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=761074582 Jessica Condrey

        ^^^ lol You Beat me To it! :D

  • http://thechive.com/ mattythegooch

    Excellent DAR today,………. Joel – #27

    • Will

      i think John subtly added #28 after #27 too

  • Minha Lenha


    • Hoovus

      Now that ladies and gentlemen, is a booty!

      • its_forge

        girl haul ass she got to make two trip

    • R2G Fan

      Damn!!! That is fine!

    • MonkeyMadness

      It's fake, but I still like it!!

  • FloppyRocks

    #1 The cake was a lie!

    • Mrs_Conejo

      cake or death?

      • Mrs_Conejo

    • phonzo

      It's so delicious and moist

    • Cross

      Feed me!

  • Chell

    #1 the cake is a lie !!!

  • jrey81

    #3… real… shopped???? who cares.. .FIND HER!

    • MAX_POW
      • PAAP11

        Fuck!! Was hoping to see more!! Too bad it's fake. :'(

        • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

          was better unshopped anyways..

          • its_forge

            It is quite lovely unshopped.

    • Doc

      Is it wrong that for some reason I wanna motor-boat that?

      • Brett

        I was thinking the same thing Doc lol

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002080535772 Ashley Mayfield-cowan

      photo was probably real, but i bet you anything she had an ass injection or two……..hundred

  • Bogus_Shizzall

    #20 #29 #32 #45 #49

    Holy Hump DAR

    • punctuationcop

      some DAMN fine entries

    • R2G Fan

      Way to represent, ladies!

    • Mr Thundercack

      Onion asses…..so fine they make my eyes water.

    • George

      #49 is best Shaun of the Dead costume ever!

  • Obama

    GOD DAMN #3

    • Mcawsome

      I know right!

    • http://kyo9.blogspot.com kyo_9

      HOW MANY silicon she put in there?!!

  • chrisdg74

    #15 – Had no effect.
    #29 – You, sir, have chosen VERY wisely.

    • marco

      fuck, did he ever. lucky bastard…

      • McBeastie

        After that night she probably packed on 15 pounds, started wearing sweatpants around the house and he never received another blowjob ever again. Yeah, he's wicked lucky he got married.

        • its_forge

          Or if she's like my ex a single day didn't go by that she wasn't attached to his pecker in one way or another but she never did figure out that eventually you have to *pay* the credit card company *back.*

          • LawnGuyLand

            just work harder and stop your complaining biatch

            • its_forge

              ::snerk:: Yeah, no. We were each making about $50K a year and I never saw a dime of her money but I was the one paying all the bills. Ain't no pussy on the planet worth that, no matter how much of an oral fixation she has.

  • parker

    #20 deserves a few thumbs methinks

    • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

      i thumbed you down just for begging for thumbs.
      "post girls booty, beg for thumbs, refresh refresh refresh, lookie im internets popular!!"

  • Finster172

    #36 I SO want to be that straw.

    • Adam

      Oh Mila so incredibly sexy.

    • http://twitter.com/DJCrazyEyes @DJCrazyEyes

      Straw? I wanna be those clothes.

      • XiiX

        Yeah guys, good luck with that. I, personally, would prefer to be the guy fucking her. But that's just me…..

        • Kris

          Everyone wants to be me.

  • Asstastic

    #32 May I borrow it for a while?!

    • ROK247

      just 3 minutes – 5 TOPS!

    • shakes

      sharing is caring

  • lolwut

    #32 May I borrow it?

    • BeardPapa

      Asstastic called it first – guess you get sloppy seconds.

    • Asstastic

      That's just too weird…totally random…

  • AssClown

    #28 That's nothing, deep fried Mars brah, Bar!


    #29 – you've got some balls to post a hump pic of the bachelor party stripper

    • http://tube8.com Simon Phoenix

      Um … I think that's his wife … in their room .. AFTER THE Bachelor party .. unless I missed something.

      • ROK247

        he paid for the wife experience

    • Hand of Fate

      Are black tank tops popular among the strippers you've seen??

    • keepinitreal

      Nice…but I give this marriage 3 years at most :( Great arms BTW.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

        ya he married a hot girl, they're doomed. btw, your mom finish the meatloaf yet? she told me how you get cranky when dinner is late and runs over into your WoW time…..

        • McBeastie

          That was the weirdest "burn" I've ever read. Meatloaf?

          • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

            would you prefer mom to make you a different dish? she makes a killer tuna casserole.

            • Guesty


            • Randall Gallegos

              Dont listen to me ,am a retarded fanboy.

            • -0-09

              just…..stop. you're embarrassing yourself.


    I don't really know what the other chivers think, but i really miss "things that bounce thursday" and my quote of "mail order brides"…it's been a long time without those, chive. Don't think only with #3 you are cover….no, no, sir

    • Franklin1138

      I'm with you man. I went mail order bride shopping last night (inspired by The Chive) and found some real winners! I wanted to send them in, but couldn't find a way to.

    • mith

      I miss MILF Sundays….!

  • Kyle

    was waiting for something epic to happen… chivers good at shopping/gif… please do so!!!!


    that's all…why even bother with a string!!!

    • dirtysteve99

      so you cant see her asshole?

    • FungusAmongUs

      Are you blind? That's a one piece suit with a black border.

  • Cross

    #36 mad hops!

  • Mr. B



    • Crazy Awesome


    • Bob

      Wow what an original comment. Tool

  • Faizan

    first… ?

    • MAX_POW

      Yeah, right….from bottom to top

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