Daily Morning Awesomeness (25 Photos)

  • womp

    First! go birds!

    • blub_glub

      you saaack

      • DaddyD

        And you have probably cursed your team by being such a twit.

    • Fuck YOu

      which birds

  • Phew

    #2 New meaning to "I've got the clap"

    • Roady

      now that's a scary thought

    • cheezman100

      *I've got the crap.

  • Bill Murray

    I use my dick cheese as a condiment.

    • Harold Ramis

      Because nobody else will

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.c.rice Richard Rice


    good start

    • JAS

      My last dog was a rottweiler who got pneumonia when she was 6 weeks old, and I had to do the same for her a few times.

      It's kinda gross at the moment, but worth it.

    • Kaiwatha

      and that firefighter is hot… ๐Ÿ™‚

      • the other Jen

        he is really hot. in the first pic it looks like he is thinking "fuck, i am really about to do this…IM GOIN IN"

      • Jhdisa

        When they make the movie, Chris Pine will be the leading man.

  • blub_glub

    #3 funny, i never thought of god as an asian

    • theyellowfever


    • Stan_Dalone

      who said that was God? One big Bust of an Asian

  • Hymienz

    #15 virgin ketchup bottle. Once you pop you just cant stop.

    • Spengler

      so it's sponsored by pringles?

    • Franklin1138

      That dude looks A LOT like Robbie Robertson from The Band.

    • Fuck YOu

      whats it from

  • Still_Counts

    Diabeetus with a hint of heart attack.


    • Roady

      Well you have to die from something, it might as well be something you enjoy

      • SenorWilson

        Yeah, I'm not sure if I'd enjoy marshmallows on meat…

    • Brutal Deluxe

      Is this actually any good? Have any of you eaten one?

    • TDub66

      Where's the bacon?

  • HeyHeyHey

    #19 How do you fuck that up? Eh, now he has a kickass bed. Where the wild things happen ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • blub_glub

      heh .. i see what you did there

    • JAS

      I wonder what the difference in the charge was…. because I'm seriously considering ordering one like that. And have an "orthopedic" mattress.

      • Machinist

        The story goes that he only paid $25 bucks for it! How can you make an error like that at the factory???

        • Andrew

          it was a publicity stunt.

        • occupy a job

          they thought it was just for a display at a store.

    • LC

      best mistake ever

      • Rrrrrandy

        I would say that my birth was, personally, a better mistake than this

    • Turvs

      The company thought it were for a shop window.

    • Mr. H

      How do you fuck that up? ask this guy on the chive, he fucked up a whole load of t shirts!! lol!!

    • keepinitreal

      Fake for publicity. Who orders custom slippers? Oh wait, that guy looks like he really would.

      • http://www.facebook.com/cmchristou Chris Christou

        Erm… Maybe a guy who needs UK size 14.5 slippers… Which is US size 15… Which is way above average… Which means that he would have difficulty finding slippers in his size.

  • https://www.facebook.com/petev23 Peter Vigil Jr.

    RIP #28 – Chive on

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      CIH Randy!

      – the one you love to hate

    • Jonathen

      He probably realizes now that in heaven, every day is Hump Day.

      • Nate

        looks like he got to enjoy Hofbrauhaus for at least one day, somewhere, somehow. Let's hope heaven is as fun as that place is. RIP Randy

    • Derp

      Am I the only one who reads "genuinely" as "generally" and then has to re read it in order to realize he was actually a nice guy, not some times but all the time?

      • http://thechive.com/ Turduckenn


    • SimonPhoenix


      GOD BLESS!
      and of course … CHIVE ON!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001143045246 Raymond Amoroso

      Chive on Randy!

    • Raymond

      Chive on Randy. May every morning be awesome and every afternoon be random.

      • Peace mang

        Hope heavens cool bro.

    • CHiver

      RIP man.. and Chive On! Hope there are lots of Chivettes in heaven!

  • Umph

    #24 I often get off while on the internet.

  • DanFromDetroit

    The Occupy Portland camp a few blocks from my apartment is starting to smell like pee really badly. #4

    • DanFromDetroit

      Oops – meant to reference #5

      • Davinport

        Bring back Firefly!

        • Mr. H

          where's the cake?

      • Texas

        Thats because they are the Pee Party they aint occupin anything

    • correction

      badly usage here = it's poor at smelling like pee

    • elbruces

      Well then quit peeing on their camp, you jerk.

  • Mike

    #28 Rip man. Hope you're enjoying a brew twice that size up there. Cheers.

    • bob lee swagger

      There is no heaven. Randy is dead and gone, deal with it

      • BSS

        Is it necessary to be an asshole all the time?

      • Martin

        If there is no heaven, Randy will lose nothing. If there is, you, my friend, lose everything!!

        • sadman

          Pascals Wager.

      • Mike

        You sir, can eat a bag of dicks.

      • SupGois

        Clearly nobody will miss you when you die.

        • Jake Dent

          Wtf dude that's a Chiver down, show some respect.

          R.I.P. Randy Hope they got internetz wherever you may be, Chive On!

          • SupGois

            Its directed at the forever alone bob lee swagger.

      • Ha.Ha.

        Guesty? That you?

      • Ali

        What was the point of your comment? You might not believe in heaven and that's fine, but to make a heartless comment like that is unnecessary. Grow up. RIP Randy

      • onethirdjewman

        i'd say go to hell, but i guess that doesn't mean anything to you. go rot in the ground, then. either way, fuck you

    • IndyGirl

      A colt's fan check, looks to be at the Claddah in Indy, check check. Sorry for your loss and a Loyal Chiver will be missed. Show some respect assholes, seriously.


        I was thinking the same thing. RIP bud.

      • Indysoldier

        Claddaugh* I'd want it to be my last meal if I had the chance! mmm corned beef and cabbage rolls

    • Here's Johnny

      R.I.P Randy. Chive on!

    • RAS

      R.I.P Randy

  • blub_glub

    #9 meanwhile, in kazikstan…

    • Amy

      Shouldn't distract him. Might get in an accident.

  • g3nXsLack3r

    #10 – Once played a game of "Would You Ever?" where the question was "Would you try to save your dog from a burning house if you knew there was a 50/50 chance neither of you made it out alive?"…I'd do it if I thought there was 90%+ chance I wouldn't make it out, because most of us pet owners know there's a 100% chance we would spend the rest of our lives wondering if we could have saved them. Was in a house fire once and thankfully doggie got out before I did. God Bless those firefighters!

    • http://twitter.com/MikeyWins1 @MikeyWins1

      would you rather… pee out a golf ball or poop out a watermelon? You have to answer.

      • blub_glub

        pee out a golf ball. as a female, i'll be peeing out a watermelon eventually…

        • ANR

          You do realize that you do not pee out of your vagina, right?

          • sadman

            Most women cannot locate their clitoris, so I would be they also do not understand the pluming.

      • Anon

        yah that question is biased ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      • BoomBoom

        would you rather hold paula in a loving embrace or hold poop barehanded.

        • Stan_Dalone

          Do I have to answer that? lmao

          • Sleep_Salone

            No, Stan. In fact, you don't ever have to answer anything again. Thank you in advance.

            • It is a cool story!

              As much as S_D's comments make me want to stick my finger through my eyeball and wiggle it around, I enjoy the replies to them. The hate for this persons retardation brings me joy.

        • Allen

          Is it my poop or someone else's poop?

    • blub_glub

      that's so true!! glad you n yer doggie are ok. Chive on!!!

    • Kris

      I had to read that a couple of times to understand it. Long night at work…

      Anyway, that is truth.

    • Ezee

      Doggie looked around and said, 'I love food person, but eff this, I am outta here. I won't bark either to wake person up.'

    • http://www.facebook.com/evelyn.ponce Evelyn Ponce Quintero

      not to mention that dogs are better than 99% of all people…

    • derka

      You know how to test the proposition that a dog is man’s best friend? Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, drive out into the woods somewhere, and let them out. One of them will be glad to see you.

  • blub_glub


    • GI Joe

      WOW!!!! Really???

      • GI Joe

        Oh well, I still got in my Bill Fucking Murray t-shirt order…:) It's been a good day…

    • Scotty

      There's nothing that makes me want to see a comment more than seeing that is has been deleted -_-

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1064188593 Josh Gorter

    #23 I guess it's true there is no roll he will turn down.

    • SpellCheck

      Good lord, how freakin' hard is it to spell???
      Your sitting RIGHT THERE on the damned Internet – friggin' use it!

      It's ROLE … ok? There is no role he will turn down.

      A roll is something you eat or do if you're on fire … stop, drop and ….. ROLL!

      • Roady

        of course you are right but geeezzz calm down you ok?

      • hMMMM

        *YOU'RE sitting right there…

        Don't you feel like a jackass? Trying to correct someone on the proper use of role vs roll when you don't even know the difference between your and you're.

      • Wolowizard

        Woah somebody needs a dose of calm the fuck down.
        Also it should be You're or You are.
        See that is how you correct somebody's spelling without over reacting, it is possible to do you know.

      • MatadorPride

        yah, but it's an accidental pun y'all…rolls made him chubby

      • Jak

        Regardless what is on the internet; You can't fix stupid. Good job on being a complete assclown.

  • Dan

    #5 is great. Bring back Firefly!

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Yeah! WITH Summer Glau and Denise Milani!

      – the one you love to hate

      • Soon

        Ohhhh… Denise Milani episodes FTW…

    • doreen

      If I ever meet someone who watched Firefly and didn't like it, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end them.

    • TitoRigatoni

      It wouldn't be the same, since they killed off Wash and Book ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  • manchakattack

    #28 is so sad.
    His family and friends are in my prayers.

    Only the good die young.

  • Joe

    #12 Do a Kickfl……oh..nvm

    • blub_glub

      shits weaaak

      • ShitsStronggg

        try laxatives.

        • Stan_Dalone

          strong maybe good but smell isn't everything

    • eddy

      Are you Joe Biden by any chance?

  • http://twitter.com/MikeyWins1 @MikeyWins1

    #11 Girl in bikini bone dry, girl in underwear soaking wet… YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT!

    • tri140point6

      Maybe the girl in the underwear is just really turned on and that's why she's wet

    • Anon

      When the girl on the left is Laura Vandervoort (Australian actress who was Super Girl on Smallville), your argument is invalid.

    • beasty

      You said "bone" hehe

    • Doug

      Wait, I CAN explain that … !

    • Derp

      Who's the one on the right?

      • DrROBOTO

        the girl on the right just got out of morning shower and put her underwear on.

      • Franklin1138

        I was going to say she looks like Jessica Moore. Google her if you want, but 90% of her stuff is majorly NSFW.

  • maggiemay13

    #11 This isn't just woman's logic, I've heard guys say the same thing. And yes, it's fucking stupid with zero logic.

    • moniesLOL

      No, it's woman logic.

      • Roady

        could be a woman's prerogative, they love pulling that one on us all the time

  • adam

    #28 Not awesome!

  • Anonymous

    Lmao. Ketchup.

  • sshuggi

    #2 Forever alone…

    • thedude325

      I guarantee he built that so he could futher modify into FAP machine

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Anyone drunk enough to date me yet?
    Haven't got any replies on my Chive Dating profile yet. Oh wait, fuck, have to add a photo first.

    Anyway, #11 reminds me:
    Scumbag Girl: wears low cleavage, calls you a pervert when you look at it.

    – the one you love to hate

    • moniesLOL

      +1 for Paula ๐Ÿ˜‰ I'm glad you're only -108 now

    • http://www.facebook.com/adrianphoenix666 Rachit Pradhan

      a plus frome me as well!

    • Stan_Dalone

      for a troll who love to be negative in numbers you sure are trying to be more positive congrats

    • HandsomeJack

      Tell ya what, Paula … get you're score down to at least single digits – don't care if it's negative or not, and I'll date ya!
      We'll take my trusty van for a long ride, but first I'll have to make room on the seat for ya, here lemme move these rolls of duct tape and candles – oh what fun we'll have!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I am a bit suspicious…
        What you want to bring to the date sounds a bit too much like my own 'Dexter kit'…

        – the one you love to hate

        • HandsomeJack

          Just bring yourself, and maybe a bottle of Nair hair remover (hair clogs my drains), but most importantly, BE yourself!

          Above all though, relax! Don't be a 'nervous' date, like all the rest, and end up crying that you just want to go home.

          Not that that's ever happened before … ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Commando00

      Yeah I had a woman come up to me in the gym the other night and asked me what I was staring at……"your tits" I replied…..the guy next to me started laughing as she stormed away.

      • HandsomeJack

        Lol that's awesome and oh-so familiar!

        All my dates end that way … sigh!

        (But I have a good feeling about Paula … she might be 'the one'! … so excited!)

    • Stan_Dalone

      wow paula you came to visit my stream page, to what do I owe this rare but prestigious visit?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I was really, really, really bored, also hit by a car today and still can't see straight because of that, and distracted by a DD redhead bending over my way so I misclicked, screamed in horror as I yanked the power cord out of the wall socket but it seems it was too late, Intensedebate already registered it…

        – off to kill herself meow

        • Jafo

          well good luck with that apparently getting hit by the car didn't do any real damage. you could have been killed, we don't want that now do we. The site would get boring without us arguing lmao

        • Stan_Dalone

          well good luck with that apparently getting hit by the car didn't do any real damage. you could have been killed, we don't want that now do we. The site would get boring without us arguing lmao

          • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

            What was that about posting under different names again meow?

            – just failed at suicide

            • Stan_Dalone

              I didn't think trolls could die? or do I have my mythology mixed up?

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          well good luck with that apparently getting hit by the car didn't do any real damage. you could have been killed, we don't want that now do we. The site would get boring without us arguing lmao

          (What, am I not supposed to join in?)

          • Jafo

            nice how you duck the conversation, but since you ask I decided to experiment if you could or other people could I wanted to see how it could be done and since I asked you some time ago and you wouldn't answer the question I figured I would find out for myself

          • Stan_Dalone

            See, I realize I have not discovered anything other people didn't already know it just took me time to learn, so yes I did. but in the name of science and experimentation.

          • HandsomeJack

            Paula, in all the excitement, you forgot about our date!

            Tsk tsk!

            I'll forgive you … this time ๐Ÿ˜‰

            • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

              Well… no single digits yet.

              – the one you love to hate

              • HandsomeJack

                I'll be waiting …


                ~The one thumbing you UP!~

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