This is all true… mostly. (35 photos)

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  • http://www.allinbayarea.com TWON925

    #2 So Very True

    • tralfaz

      yes logic goes right out the window

      • Chiver

        since when did women have logic?

    • ROK247

      doesn't matter if your GF is 18 or 28 – as long as your wife doesnt find out, its all good.

      • Miyagi

        They referring to 13 the age or 13 from House. Because if she is like Olivia Wilde she can win every freaking argument she wants with me.

  • Pete_Rock

    #^
    How is this possible!?
    It drives me crazy!

    • jasonsapunka

      Because, at all ages, the way they want you to end the argument is: "I'm sorry, you were right the whole time. I was being an asshole. Here is wine and chocolate."

      • NJF

        I think Pete meant #6. As in the picture talking about 5 minutes in bed and 5 minutes in school.

        • Pete_Rock

          Yes that's true.
          I can't edit my post.

          • obummer

            Theory of Relativity proved on Chive….

        • jasonsapunka

          That would actually make more sense, but I just assumed Pete was going crazy as well.

  • jasonsapunka

    #35… and if you are, find new people to be around… like chivers and chivettes, of course.

  • mitter78

    #3 .. And i thought I was the only one.

    • AnthonySyl

      not me. i'm proud of my bowel movements.

    • Darkside

      Man law violation. Thats why I shit at home.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000486430436 Mo Swift Than Mimi

      lol me too, i don't even go in if there is someone else taking a shit until they leave

    • its_forge

      Yeah fuck that. I'm in the bathroom to poop, if anyone has a problem with that then well, they have a fucking problem.

  • jdfish2279

    #35 Two Spaceballs referrences in one day: Very nice fellas! and #15 made me literally laugh out loud.

    • ChelseaRules

      I don't understand #15. Can someone please explain?

      • Yep

        Do worry about it. Girls don't poop.

      • northerner

        OK Chels, you just washed your car and it rains. Efforts wasted. You just got out of your shower and you realize you have to poop. You just, hopefully, washed your…lovely bum. Efforts wasted. Toilet paper can only do so much. Clear?

        • ChelseaRules

          I guess I can understand how that could be a problem. For someone with horrifying pooping habits.
          I usually don't scrupulously scrub my anus in the shower, and toilet paper usually does a good job.
          I'm going to guess girls don't have this problem very often, since I haven't seen too many thongs with skid marks. And I've seen my fair share of thongs.

  • Brian

    #27

    The most ingenious ideas are the simplest.

    • Geaux Tigers

      +1 – shared on facebook

    • paulhitchcock

      Except it will never happen because you would have to get Congressmen and women to pass a law that would call for their removal from office.

      • Byrne0ut

        I believe constitutional amendments are passed at the state level, not the congressional level. So the individual State Legislatures would have to vote on and ratify the amendment taking it out of the Congress and Senates hands. Thats the way its supposed to work I believe

        • paulhitchcock

          Yes and no. The supposed quote initially says "pass a law." That implies a law and not a constitutional amendment. Secondly, there are two ways to create an amendment. One is with a 2/3 majority of Congress voting for it. The other is with 2/3 of the state legislatures voting for it. Neither will happen, as either way you have "professional" senators and representatives voting to limit the terms of other "professional" senators and representatives. The only way we're going to get term limits of any type is to vote the bastards out every other election cycle.

          • Byrne0ut

            I agree on the voting the bastards out every other election cycle.

            • its_forge

              Seconded. Give 'em a shot, if they suck, run 'em all out, no more of these 40-year incumbents any more EVER. I used to think about Strom Thurmond sitting there in the Senate so damn feeble-minded that his assistants had to #$@!)(& raise his hand for him, and I thought y'know, what the fuck good are ANY of them anyway?

      • ROK247

        i propose a nationwide referendum every 4 years (during presidential election). call it an ejector seat button for congress. if the majority of voters choose to hit the button, the entire congress is purged and can never be reelected.

        at no point in the history of our entire country would this have ever been possible, until RIGHT NOW.

    • Truth

      This is a hoax, propped up by a misquoted joke Buffett said during a CNBC interview. Truth of the matter, every year the filth of Washington vote for their own pay raises, paid holidays, and cost-of-living adjustments, without any request or implied consent of the general public. If people are so damned fed up with welfare leeches in this country, start by kicking these Washington Welfare leeches to the curb.

      • Byrne0ut

        Ron Paul has never voted to raise his own pay. He has the most consistent voting record over the last 30 years. He can not be bought by the special interest groups in washington.

        • j22

          Are you saying there is someone with integrity in Congress? Well then, let's ignore and/or demonize the man! Let's convince everyone that he is unelectable so that they will choose between the 2 establishment candidates who will just continue the policies of their predecessors.

          • Byrne0ut

            Yea its crazy right, a guy who talks about ending all the wars and bringing our country back from the brink of an economic collapse by referencing sound monetary policy must be absolutely insane. There is a reason his supporters are so intense, its because we actually believe in Ron Paul unlike voting for the lesser of 2 evils.

            • its_forge

              I don't know how any true Libertarian could like Ron Paul with all the lip service he pays to social conservatism. The guy wants to outlaw abortion for Chrissake; what the hell kind of libertarian policy is that?

              • Byrne0ut

                Well he doesn't want to outlaw abortion per say. His position is that abortion is an issue that the federal government should have no jurisdiction over and it is best to be regulated by the states. While it is true that he impersonally pro-life that absolutely falls in line with libertarian beliefs. According to the libertarian parties website they believe that abortion is a personal choice and that is up to individuals to decide for themselves.
                So on a personal level you are correct that Ron Paul is pro-life but in the political spectrum he simply believes that abortion is an issue that is best left to the states to decide. If you are a libertarian, as I assume you are from your last post, you should appreciate that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs on the issue of abortion.

        • its_forge

          He can vote against it all he wants but I'm sure he's happy that he's in the vast minority and his pay will go up anyway while he can still safely say he voted against it.

          • Byrne0ut

            As for this comment Ron Paul has actually been instrumental in halting congressional pay raises over the last 3 years. http://www.smallgovtimes.com/2010/05/ron-paul-lea

            Also Ron Paul is one of very few members of congress who refuse to participate in the federal pension program.

            Any other problems?

  • Pete_Rock

    #23
    Malaysia, my next vacation destination.

    • Josh

      Hi 5 from Malaysia!!!

    • Michael Lohan

      By the way, they're all dudes

      • http://twitter.com/rikooprate @rikooprate

        …and hookers.

    • Surgere

      Assuming that they're all actually women, of that group of 8, India wins.

    • Chiver

      so you like ladyboys then

    • Deadalready

      If in fact this is another troll by Chive, then we best start assuming they're pretty damn racist…

    • ttyl hef

      It's a man, man!

    • Darkside

      Know how I know you're gay??

    • David

      Translation-Fonthip vs 7 people from asia… Fonthip is the miss thailand universe winner in 2010 and she is 100% female, hope this clears up some confusion

    • Matt

      A reason I don't like the chive is that I'm Asian and 95% of the people here are fucking ignorant and racist, thinking every Asian chick is a tranny

      • David

        It sucks, so anti asian i hate it, where i live in soflo there arent a lot of asian people around but the few i know are the best people i know. One of my best friends is hands down the most gorgeous girl i met but she thinks shes ugly because she got ridiculed all her life for being chinese, it sucks. Chivettes are always being praised because of being so different, that what makes them beautiful.

    • Afghanistan2011

      Sad thing about this is that "most" of the really hot women I saw were kathoey. If you found a moderate looking girl she had a 99% chance of actually being a girl. These are way too hot to be women in my experience. Again, maybe they are women, but you better check before taking one back to the villa!

  • Holy Hell

    #34.
    This one gets me everytime.

  • keithp420

    #35 – nuff said…

  • Matt

    #14
    nope..does not work

    • Jeff

      well yeah if you were born in 2002 then yes matt it won't work, but I don't think a 9 year old should be on this site so go back to your playing with your toys.

    • CJizzle

      well then your birthday must be coming soon

    • Logan_the_Chiver

      add the age you'll be by the END of the year

    • Big_Curt

      for everyone born in the 1900s it does

      • ColaChiver

        actually it doesn't …87+23 …..equals 110 …..fail

        • The_Dood

          Because your birthday hasn't happened yet. Also, you were born no more than 51 days away from me.

      • SDC

        Dec 1975 equals 35 years old, add them together equals = 110
        Nice job guys….Monday Morning?

        • The Dream Is Dead

          By the end of the year you will be 36. Add that to 75 and you get…….wait for it…..111! Shocking isn't it.

          • Jacob

            Well, they should specify the rules. Otherwise, it does not always work.

    • SpacemanSpiff_

      Nigga if you got 110 is because u have to wait a bit

      • dustin

        shit got me cracking up

    • http://www.facebook.com/delbif Daniel Feldman

      The age you'll be at the end of the year… If it still doesn't work – use a calculator.

      • jen

        Born 1989. turned 23 this year, total is 112.

        Definitely doesn't work for everyone.

        • pinksheep89

          jen… all these posts were from a year ago. So if you do the math using last year's age, 89 + 22, if works!

          • pinksheep89

            it* works

          • RazorChiver

            I think this one is a bit over her head if she can't see it's from 52 weeks ago.

    • Texas

      if you hav already had your birthday this year it should work

    • ProdigalSOB

      the world's oldest man was born 19 April 1897. didn't work for him

    • Error-u-Id10t

      Didnt work. and before you act stupid allow me to tell you my b-day has happened this year. Its just done by someone who is fairly young.

    • Hector

      (19)78 + 32 (born in December) does not equal "111." It will when my birthday comes as it will for everyone by the end of the year. However, that is not what it said. FAIL.

    • truth

      yep. You have to be born before year 2000

    • poople dinosawr

      Even better, take the year you were born, all four digits, add your age, and it comes to 2011…. ooooh spooky… morons.

    • Smuggler

      For those born in the 1900s, it will be 112 next year, 113 the year after, and so on. Who…gives…a…fuck?

      • Georgie

        Thank you for saying this.

    • Akwingnut

      Does not work I was born in 71 and I am 39 which makes it 110

    • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

      did not work for me,born feb 64 I'm 48 that's 112

      • Math is hard

        You are not 48 until February 2012.

        • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

          Well, that's cool.I feel younger already! —

      • poople dinosawr

        got news for you bud… you're 47.

        • Smitty

          Fuck You.

          I think the man know how old he is.

          Lemme see, 36+74=110, and an epic fail. Stop special pleading with your but this, that and the other and moving the goalposts for this "special" equation. It's bull shit and it fails.

        • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

          Cool,Thanks! You made my day.—

    • andrew

      my birthday is so late in the year, this will be true for me only for 10 days. 10/365 = 0.027, so for 97% of the year, this equation is false.

    • psykogrl

      Yeah, mine comes out to 112 (81 + 31)

  • timmytooth

    #35 gave me a whole new perspective

  • sandyravage

    all true. all true.

  • paula_pissflap

    first

    • paula_pissflap

      shit

      • Chiver

        hah

    • http://www.facebook.com/RCChilds7 Robert C. Childs

      not even close

  • Lisa

    #28: that girl ended up getting fired for that picture. too bad, it's a great sign.

    • Ruzz

      Is that the girl from Mythbusters???

      • LC

        Haha no but it totally looks like her. This girl was a journalist.

      • Glaspotron

        First thing I thought when I saw this.

    • ImonFyre
      • its_forge

        Could they THROW a few more RANDOMLY capitalized WORDS into that ARTICLE?

    • meeeeeeeeeee

      lol this is so dumb. the people making the securities didnt rate the securities… everyone bitches about them being rated wrong but when the us was downgarded, as it should have been, everyone shit their pants about it. fuckin americans are dumb as fuck and wanna blame everyone but themselves (the people who entered into loans they could not afford)

      poor people suck
      democrats suck
      stupid people suck

      • Stewpid Uhmairican

        The companies putting together these securities did know what they were bundling. The rating agencies didn't understand the financial instruments they were rating but, perhaps because they get paid by having more things to rate, agreed to do so anyway and rated them favorably. Banks that spend a great deal of time and money researching repayment rates and factors knew damn well that stated income (unverified income claim) stated asset (unverified claim of assets) loans would fail. Arguing otherwise is stupidity.

        But "the government did it" look better on a bumper sticker.

      • SteelCityChivette

        Your use of "fuck" and the excessive amount of "e"s really helps to validate your cogent points. Thanks for your contribution, oh worldly scholar.

      • its_forge

        Guffaw @ you blaming the poor people. Somebody had to agree to pretend to loan the poor people the money, didn't they? Shit, I got turned down to put $2K more on my fucking Visa card so I could upgrade my air conditioning system in July in South Florida, but meanwhile down the street some guy who fucking works part time at the Shell station got a fucking mortgage for a $300,000 McMansion on the canal front! Why? Because the bank knew they could use that mortgage to turn it into a bundled security, bet that it would fail, and then foreclose on the house, kick the loser out on the street, take the house and resell it as soon as the market recovers! Win/Win/Win for the bank! Yay! Then when it all fell apart they just raaaaaaan to Uncle Sugar and said "waaah waah wee're to big to faaaaaaaaaail" and the goddamn government (ahem, a Republican majority under a Republican president but never mind that now) GAVE THEM WHAT THEY ASKED FOR. But you go right on asking why people are protesting okay? 'Cuz some people can swim all day in the sea of knowledge and never get wet.

        • JRA1234

          Partially true, The government forced banks to make riskier loans to low income minorities or risk beng protested and ostricized by media coupled with ridiculously low interest rates(Gov. to Banks or Bank to Bank). So in turn banks shifted the origin of income to per unit fees collected at the time of transaction coupled with ARM. This shifted their long tested methods of making money on interest they earn loaning money to people whom they knew would pay it back to per transaction fee on people using their houses as piggy-banks trying to make a quick buck in the market or paying off other indebtedness. This was exacerbated by Freddie and Fannie buying these morgages thus allowing the banks to make more of them. F&F where the ones the packaged the securities and coerced Moody's and S&P to rate them AAA because they always knew the taxpayers were on the hook for these GSE. We were downgraded because the government has taken no measures to balance the budget, hell hey haven't even passed a budget in over 900 days.

          You have been critically hit by wall of text.
          I know TL;DR

          • its_forge

            Okay agreed with two caveats: "The government" in no possible way and by no possible avenue held guns to the heads of those bankers and *forced* them to make those loans. Try as we may to prove it, government just does not do that – unless you can show there's some penalty or prosecution structure for *not* lending gigantic amounts of money to no-account douchebags (other than y'know, bankers, lol). And we were downgraded because the debt ceiling was held hostage by a tiny minority of the House of Representatives that the Republicans apparently are deathly afraid of for some reason unknown to anyone with the capability to actually y'know, reason, and who the Democrats are just too much of a bunch of goddamn pussies to stand up to. Otherwise yup.

            • McAnonymous

              BUT…when Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac – controlled by the government – start to issue home loans based on the pie-eyed fantasy that "everyone" should be able to live in a house that they own, the other banks have to follow suit. It becomes a race to the bottom. Fannie and Freddie own more than half of all mortgages in the US, so when the whale in the market issues a monster mortgage to a chump with no job the other banks have to try to compete for that same business or their stockholders would get really upset at the (short-term) windfall they were missing out on.
              Lets face it. The government f**ks up pretty much everything it touches! …and I'm afraid we have to blame both sides on this one. The program was started by Bill and only expanded by Bush. SAD!

              • its_forge

                Less than 10 percent of the mortgages involved in the crash had anything to do with Freddie, Fannie or the CRS. The numbers you have been fed are lies. The only thing that fucks people over more than government, is commerce. Wake up already.

    • northerner

      If you research those who blog Wall Street, for instance Market-Ticker.org, you see the truth in her sign. She gets it. What the occupiers really need to get and protest and what the rest of us should be banging Congress and the Whitehouse about. It's middle school math. Or was. Crooked bastards, all.

    • yeah

      whoever wrote the sign for her most likely failed their finance class(es) if they ever took one

  • http://www.allinbayarea.com TWON925

    #27 If he ran I would vote for him

    • http://www.facebook.com/damonaco Daniel Angelo Monaco

      He also owes a billion dollars in back taxes so whatever.

      • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

        Yeah this guy is a huge hypocrite. Not saying that I would be any better, but all politicians are liars. They might have good intentions but they all end up liars in the end.

        • http://www.facebook.com/ranDgallegos Randall Gallegos

          warren buffett is a businessman, not a politician.

    • http://thechive.com/ bkfrijoles

      http://www.cnbc.com/id/43670783/Warren_Buffett_s_… (whole article) and interviews

    • bulldog

      I actually really doubt he said this. He's not that stupid. Getting our deficit to 3% of GDP in one year would require large tax hikes (which I do know he supports, to some degree) or such staggering cuts to government spending and basic services that 100,000's of people would lose their job and we would immediately spiral back into a depression. Passing the law like he suggested would result in everyone in Congress being fired at once. Which is funny until the corrupt idiots now also don't have any experience.
      It's reasonable to do it over the course of a decade, and only once our economy recovers.

      Also, Malaysia FTW.

  • ShowtimeSully

    #17 So True. Example…
    8+ articles in works cited (A+)
    2 articles….(C)

    Professor logic

    • truth

      Woot. TheChive is a research website.

    • AnthonySyl

      whoever wrote that caption is dumb. it's called plagiarism, not copying.

      • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

        In quotes and cited = good.
        No quotes, no citation = bad

        Only difference.

  • SadSnoopy

    #24 – I don't see Gilder on here anywhere. Anybody want a peanut?

    • SimonDPieman

      Also, where the fuck is Winterfell?

      • jeralin

        In Westeros, Champ.

        • SimonDPieman

          well this is embarrassing…

          • Alex

            and alagaesia

    • Verbal_Kint

      no more rhymes, i mean it!
      ..or the cliffs of insanity…

    • darin

      ATLANTIS??????????

  • piburly

    #14 ….lies. Proven wrong by my 9 year old son.

    • alex

      Wish him a happy birthday for me! It's coming rather soon, no?

    • sandi

      for every one born after Dec. 31, 1999 the answer will be 11. This is a really stupid formula if you think it through a bit.

      • Bill

        You're right. This is the stupidest fucking shit in the world. Anyone who thinks this is remotely clever is a dipshit and likely never passed grade three. #14 It really pisses me off. I have seen this in many locations, posted on facebook, sent as mass emails, and listed on web sites as some sort of cool insight. All it is is bullshit! If you need an explanation why this is so, then ask and I will happily provide.

        • HerpDerp

          Sadly, basic math is like magic to many 'mericans. BTW, this only works if you've had a birthday this year already, making it even dumber.

          • CinematicHeart

            if I had my birthday it would be wrong.

        • Old Man

          Goozfraba

  • tralfaz

    #15 Shit, shower, & shave, in that order. Works 60% of the time all the time.

    • The_Dood

      No way I can shave after the shower. The razor doesn't cut for shit.

    • katie

      My boyfriend shaves before he showers

      • bettin'you'reugly

        Is his name George Glass?

    • northerner

      Which is why I plan my showers after I poop. Works most of the time. For the other times Wet Wipes.

  • Box man

    # 23
    Is it racist to say they all look the same?

    • Grizzlet

      Racist-yes. True-also yes

  • Monkey

    #20 LOL

    • An Average Chiver

      i don't know. mj was a pretty huge faggot too…….

  • http://twitter.com/ThePashaB @ThePashaB

    #8 You forgot the part that 25 years ago the middle class was eliminated.

    • OneManDifference

      I don't remember being eliminated 25 years ago. I do remember losing my business, my healthcare and my house this year though. The sign is accurate.

      • its_forge

        Ha, I suppose you think that's Obama's fault. LOL

        • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

          Very intelligent response.

          • its_forge

            Well? Does this person think something that happened this year is the fault of a president who took office last year or a Congress that took their seats 4 years ago? Or his he reasonable and realizes the current state of the economy is a trend we've pretty much been cultivating with our economic practices since oh, the mid-70s? In spite of some of the smartest people on the planet saying "y'all better watch out or we're all gonna be FUCKED."

    • SteelCityChivette

      Note: Johnny Cash and Bob Hope both died during the Bush administration…

      But obviously Obama *should* be blamed for everything that happened then. Stop killing our favorite celebrities, OBAMA!

      • SteelCityChivette

        (I'm hoping my implied sarcasm font read loud and clear)

    • no, no, no

      that doesn't even make enough sense to argue with…

    • Estée

      Let's just hope Kevin bacon does not die!

    • Toria

      It's okay though because Bill Murray is still with us 🙂

  • Chiver

    #3 Is it just me then who likes to take as long as possible when knowing they are next to someone who can't go if someone is next to them.

    • LC

      as someone who waits outside the bathroom for the person to leave before i go in, this upsets me

    • snowdrifter

      I know you ahole, and I hate you….I bet you only use the center stall too!

  • gottaluvaginger

    toyland… that is all

  • David

    #30 is so not true, I'm 25 and i can go to bed when i want, do what i want, i can eat a whole pizza smothered in nutella and gummy bears if i want. I'm also judged based on whether or not i'm a likable person and not judged on stupid crap like how good you are in sports. Things just get better with age. You are never as young as you are right now so dont live your life based on "things were better when i was a kid" fuck that, stop living in the past and enjoy life to the fullest right now 🙂

    • beat rice

      WHAT-EVA! I DO WHAT I WANT! but in all honesty good for you

    • Nicnac

      Get back with us when you're 35… and 45 😉

      • Bubba

        My point exactly.

    • LC

      you CAN eat a pizza covered in nutella and gummi bears, but you wouldn't, because that's disgusting. so just because you CAN do a lot of things doesn't mean you DO do them, so when you're a kid and you think "man I can't wait until I can eat ice cream for dinner and stay up all night," you don't realize that by the time you're old enough to do that you don't WANT to eat ice cream for dinner and you want to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

      wow that turned out longer than i planned. i don't blame people who stopped reading halfway through.

    • MylesofStyles

      I'm with you David. Ten year old me would never have dreamed of having a chick do a line of his penis.

      • MylesofStyles

        *off

        • Frank

          Either way

      • Bubba

        I'm inspired!

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