You think you’re so damn clever… (28 photos)

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  • a_schoenoprasum

    #21

    clever but still a cheap ass

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1102047130 Thom Stokman

      $ 2,14 is 8% youre right pretty cheap
      But then again demanding a tip by making a separate section for it is kind of a dick move in my opinion

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1102047130 Thom Stokman

        Wow wait Im stupid its $3,14 wich is 11,7% wich is decent Idsay

        • its_forge

          In the US the standard tip is 15%; you tip a little less if they weren't so good and up to around 20% if they were better than average. If they really just sucked beyond any possibility of redemption you either don't tip them or leave them three cents.

          • real talk

            if they werent good.. they dont get a fucken tip..

            "oh no.. but i cant make a living without tips"
            get a different job

            • its_forge

              Yeah bullshit. You're the kind of guy who also so very consistently says "take any job you can get." That's exactly what people who wait tables have done is take any job they can get. If they weren't attentive but were obviously trying they should get something, 10 or 15 percent at least – and if the kitchen sucks or is just socked under that's not their fault either. It's not your job in this world to make the lives of people who are already miserable more miserable, and all your attitude is going to get you is not being able to go back to places because servers are always going to treat you like shit, because you're "the guy who doesn't tip." Look, you can choose to go through life being a fucking asshole and everyone thinking of you as a fucking asshole, or you can think about other people once in a while and you're happier because they're happier. It's called karma, look it the fuck up.

      • Hooter Brown

        $3.14?

      • Johny

        pi = 3.14

      • Primer Gray

        Demanding? Never been to the states I assume. Service industry makes a shit hourly wage, so they rely on tips to make decent money. Leaving 8% is a shitty tip.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1102047130 Thom Stokman

          from The Netherlands didnt think of that ..tips here are just extra not big source of income

          • Stop being pointless

            And that is why your economy isn't in the shitter…

        • somebloke

          If they want more money, put the prices up. Or get a different job.
          Tipping is a scam – pay what is on the bill, no more.

          • asdf

            fuck you

          • Obama

            Amen!

          • maggie

            youre an idiot. id love for you to come into my bar so i can smack you in your fucking mouth.

        • Nina

          It's not natural to think about tipping if you're not from a country where it's done. I was shocked the first time I saw someone tip a dollar on a $2 bottle of Bud Light in the US, but then again bartenders where I'm from make a minimum of $20/h.

          • its_forge

            Western Europe: Paying guys who serve whiskey what they're WORTH. ::nod::

      • The_Dood

        That's on every receipt in which a tip could be given, when you pay with a credit card.

      • dalexmu

        3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384460955058223172535940812848111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160

        • Alpha0010

          True, I wonder how many decimal places they charged it to.

    • derp

      This picture always starts the tipping flame war.

      • drew

        Actually, any picture of any receipt starts the tipping war. Somehow, people still don't understand that:

        1. Expectations of tipping and subsequent pay for wait staff vary from country to country.
        2. People (and their opinions on tipping) vary within those countries where it happens.
        3. Arguments on the intarwebs are a waste of time.

    • hate_pi

      I hate approximate pi

      • its_forge

        I love coconut cream pi

    • Joh DOH

      Why are people assuming that it was a server.

      I went to a chinese place to pickup food and they put the tip thing on the receipt.

  • Smokin' Joe

    First

    • Dayna

      nope, but first at FAIL. How's that working out for you?

  • Buford_Justice

    #26 They forgot one.
    I guess old people can still contribute.

    • MDC

      well said!!

    • GMO

      This is from an elementary school in Pittsburgh. My son's classroom. HAHA Tennis balls were on the list of supplies to send with them on day one.

  • nouu

    wattup fags??

    • pjsupremex

      hi how are you today?

    • jacked off

      what-a-ya-faggot?

    • its_forge

      This still isn't 4chan but hi anyway.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1102047130 Thom Stokman

    #10 I would totally buy that

    • stan

      The beginnings of a hipster.

  • SoMoS

    #2
    Do you imagine what was doing the guy who discovered this looking the note so close … ¿?

    • jeff

      sitting in one of their prisons for having a second child or going to church…

    • Billy

      Mr. SoMoS, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul!

      • The_Dood

        That was the worst occasion that I've even seen that quote used. You fail, hard.

        • its_forge

          This

      • ChaseTheWalker

        I didn't "listen" to anything… sorry.

      • Jen

        you heard his print? didn't think so. lame attempt at being clever.

        • Jen

          lay off the name, bitch.

    • pjsupremex

      bad grammar is bad!

      • SoMoS

        I would like to see how you write that sentence on another language. I don't know you but I currently speak 3.

        • DoomsDayDub

          I guess you only write 1 though.

        • English Lesson

          ""Do you imagine what was doing the guy who discovered this looking the note so close ""
          ———-
          Can you imagine why this guy was staring at this note so closely before he discovered it?

          *English is very tricky, but don't give up on it.

          • Bubba

            Google translate is very tricky, but don't give up on it.

        • dcolbert

          In butchered Spanish:
          Porque te piensas el hombre quiene discubre este cosa leer con muchas proxmia la dolare en este fotografia?

          In English:
          Why do you think the guy who discovered this was looking so close at this bill?

          But yea, you got the idea across in you non-native language, so fuck the haters, SoMoS. You're right, most of them probably can barely manage the one they know.

          • http://thechive.com/ cubanitagirl

            lmao!! very butchered spanish. but yes the idea gets across lol

            • Just some dude

              true, but i cant really say anything cuz my spanish sucks portughese in the other hand
              Porque você acha que o cara tava olhando a nota tão de perto quando descobriu isso?

    • geez

      Oooon Weeeeeeeeed

      • Dr_StrangePants

        they have weed in China?
        …i'm gonna need a LOOOOOT of Rice

        • Turntable

          HalfBaked

  • JHarris

    #12 First I was like 'huh?' And then I was like 'wha?' And then I was like 'Wow.'

    • BOB

      I agree with the 'wow'. That's a flying omoplata, not a high percentage move but still damn cool looking.

      • Frank

        I thought omplata's worked in a chocolate factory.

    • Craigery

      Seems like a lot of effort just to grab someone's arm.

      • drew

        My first impression as well. Seems to me that while you're up there you may as well just kick him in the head and save yourself some effort.

      • tapsnapornap

        …and then put so much pressure on the shoulder it feels like it's going to get pulled out and they yelp like a little bitch, or just tap…

    • Cauliflower ears

      Flying Omaplata….sweet

    • keepinitreal

      This might work in real life if you don't have any nuts…or don't care to keep the ones you have.

      • its_forge

        This. It's like that stupid Crane maneuver from Karate Kid, it looks great but there are so many dozens of ways to defend from it and another few dozen ways to make the guy trying it on you wish he'd never been born. I know at least one Gracie offspring that would start from that maneuver and end up with Mr. Flying Omaplata's leg behind his head and his head up his ass.

  • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

    #2
    Someone needs to get out more often.

    • HUH?

      dont you think this is probly shopped?

      • Wha--?

        Then maybe the shopper needs a life.

    • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

      Stan_Dalone

  • maddjoker

    #5 umadbro

    • Notawesome

      bright one aren't ya?

  • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

    #27
    Hints of a redhead…moar?

    • JOHN

      Thank god for women like you..

    • Hans

      Yes, CHIVE, find her!

  • carl

    #3 is clever, #27 is hot

  • Gigity

    I whispered #28. My collegae: "what?"
    Me: "hm? oh no, nothin'…"

    • Biggus Diccus

      Sofa King We Tod Did

      • http://www.facebook.com/bill.whittle Bill Whittle

        WHALE
        OIL
        BEEF
        HOOKED

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000219160779 Teresa Rebecca Cunningham

    #27 isn't funny but it is wonderful.

  • spoon chest

    #27 is the most clever of them all

  • chicago

    #28 is new. chicks are meant to say and do it

    #27 is Super alright

  • goonertilidie

    #28 Thanks, Chive. Now everyone is looking at me funny.

  • AssClown

    #6 Two in the pink, one in the stink…

    • Biggus Diccus

      I prefer 1 on the clitter 4 in the shitter

      • @li

        I prefer to use my dick.

    • JHL1

      The proper comment for #6 is:
      Don't walk and live long.

      • JHL1

        You can optionally add "and prosper" at the end, but I think it makes it too laborious.

  • josephreusch@yahoo.com

    #11 man hands?

  • NO EVERLAST

    OH THEY HAVE KNOCKED TEN YEARS AGING OFF THERE LIFE USING THE THE TARDIS

  • BabyMistakes

    #8 Is that Mark Linkous?

    • SkyVader

      No, Sarah Jessica.

      • Eh.

        boooo. I didn't need to click to see what your reply said, but for some reason I still did.

      • 032

        close. Dylan.

  • NO EVERLAST

    THE WOOD DON; WORK U KNOW IT

  • NO EVERLAST

    U HAVE NO PROOOF THAT PEOPLE CAN STOP AGING AND GETTING A WRINKLY BROW ITS LIES BOTOX AND PHOTO SHOPP JUST LOOK AT THE BINGO WINGS

    • Foi2

      Please lay off the mushrooms before you post online.

      • NO EVERLAST

        U HAVE NO IDEA SOOOO STFU U LAME SHITTY UGLY LOSER

      • Dayna

        i think he's make more sense if he WERE ON mushrooms. I think this is a lack of meds case. "No no i feel fine no reason to keep taking my Zyprexa"

    • willypguts

      I know. This is definitely the kind of issue everyone should be incredibly passionate about. Keep spreading the word in all caps so that people will read it and understand.

      • tommy

        occupy the bingo wings!!!

        • Dayna

          i think if he were on mushrooms he'd make more sense

    • http://www.facebook.com/gilmourw Mitch Moseley

      Do the bingo wings come with ranch or blue cheese?

    • Dayna

      i think he's make more sense if he WERE ON mushrooms. I think this is a lack of meds case. "No no i feel fine no reason to keep taking my Zyprexa"

    • twisty

      Someone forgot to turn off his Billy Mays.

  • jrey81

    #27 way to let em breathe! Moar! also for shits and giggles

    • Billy

      That guy got his ass kicked by someone.

      • jrey81

        i think it's safe to assume he's gotten his ass kicked several times… props to the camera man too… i'm sure he took his share of lumps.

  • NO EVERLAST

    ASK YOURSELF WHO WANTS FAME ………………………………………NOT ME ………………………………………………..SO FUCK ………………………………………………………….OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

    • Notawesome

      u mad bro?

      • The_Stif

        He has been trolling all of the posts.

  • beasty

    #25 I don't understand.

    Billy Mays = Cap Lock?

    • Slap-Chop Vince

      ALL BILLY EVER DID WAS SELL STUFF WHILE BEING THIS LOUD!!!!

      • Rusty15s

        "I'M NOT YELLING, I'M PROJECTING MY VOICE AND TALKING WITH MY HANDS."
        R.I.P. Billy Mays, haven't seen a pitchman as awesome as him yet.

    • goonertilidie

      BILLY MAYS HERE!!!

    • nope

      way too fucking soon!!!

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