Everything on the internet is true, and SOPA is a good thing. (30 photos)

SOPA for Dummies.. and smart people:

PROTECT IP Act Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

Learn more about how the government is trying to take over the internet with their “draconian” SOPA bill and shut down innocent sites on a whim.

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  • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

    #11
    E-mailing that one to the wife.

    • Verbal_Kint

      You too?

      • taco taco

        I am forwarding this to all the women I know. We need to protect the women!

    • BType13X2

      I wouldn't I emailed it to my wife, and now she said those dreaded words,"When I get home tonight we need to talk."

      I don't suppose I could crash on someones couch you know lay low for awhile?

    • goodnuf

      Pretty sure my wife will say she'll risk it.

      • Quagmire

        She already did

    • Jeffster

      I was under the impression your wife already knew that.

    • Mr. B

      Worst comes to worst she'll get cancer and I'll have my sweet revenge!

    • Guse

      Hey guys, I have a few extra Keep Calm shirts. I was going to give them to my family for christmas but the sizes are a little off. The Chive makes their shirts a little larger than normal shirts. I have them for sale on eBay, and AM NOT asking outrageous prices like most on there! Just want to get what i paid for them. Go to eBay and search for seller ''tsutter11'' and you will find them.

      • Cum Dumpster

        I'll take them all….I ran out of toilet paper……

      • Guse

        or be assholes and thumb me down. I'm just trying to get these shirts to real chivers, and thought this would be a good way to do it. I'm only asking for my money back that i put into them.

        • Guse's Mom

          F
          U
          C
          K

          Y
          O
          U

          • Guse

            would you rather I just sell them to someone who is going to turn around and ask 80 bucks for them? A lot of people have been asking for the "Keep Calm' shirt, so I was just trying to help those people out and make sure they don't get ripped off. I always thought community of the Chive was full of awesome people. Apparently not. I guess I'll just take those low prices off and make 400 bucks this weekend off of t-shirts.

            • Ned Flanders

              who cares, go away…

      • Unfkngblvbl

        okay, now you're being a douche

      • its_forge

        0 results found for
        tsutter11

    • Biggus Diccus

      Reminds me of something I heard a while back, "Semen has benificial properties when applied to the skin, especially the face."

    • Shout out to P

      DONE..Like it will matter

    • Bdrizzle

      Response to this being sent was, "I'll take my chances"….FML

  • http://www.douggoff.com Doug

    #9 It's called bulimia!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=110000566 Zeb Westrom

      It's called a high metabolism.

      • VedHead77

        I combine my naturally high metabolism with a healthy dose of tapeworms. It's the equivalent of the "double tap" to obesity.

    • http://www.facebook.com/vincent.villette Vincent Villette

      It's called natural high metabolism

      • Cum Dumpster

        It's called natural high metabolism

        • james

          It's called natural high metabolism.

          • pjsupremex

            its called exercise

            • Say what?

              It's called natural high metabolism

              • SenatorBurns!

                It's called take a lot of shits

        • Guse

          Hey guys I got some chive shirts for sale on ebay and I'm a fucking idiot.

          • the diggler

            I have some naturally high metabolism for sale on the ebay.

          • Alex

            http://www.cracked.com/article_19296_6-lies-about

            Check number one you dumbfucks!

            • phdonme

              No cross referencing necessary…One article by Cracked is all I need to know it's right,Derp

              • its_forge

                The Cracked staff are all a bunch of college graduates sitting around wondering what the hell they're going to do with all this information they've just shoveled into their heads and typing up articles full of that information and gleefully getting paid to do it. Their stuff is at least as accurate as anything else on the web and probably decidedly more so. I'd certainly trust Cracked over Drudge for example.

    • Tri140point6

      It's because I don't crap my chunky monkey

  • Verbal_Kint

    #27 Women going commando is so goddam sexy. Cause you just know…

    • disturbed

      Keeps the flies off yer pizza?

  • AssClown

    #3 There's already a plague, and it's spreading from New Jersey westwards…

    • Fuck You Clown

      Says the clown who does not live in the US

      • AssClown

        Haha, touché. Actually it's also spreading to the north, south and east of the world. Luckily the plague dissipates when in contact with large bodies of water. Alas, it's only a matter of time before it will mutate in a water-resistant organism and find it's way to our already badly plagued continent…

        • Cum Dumpster

          To long of an explanation of your joke..not funny anymore….

          • .......No.

            This.

  • Will

    FU SOPA!!!

    • the diggler

      yup. and as soon as the US passes it into law, it will shit on other countries until they pass similar draconian measures (i.e. Canada, etc). YOUR government doesn't work for you. it works for special interests and money. those that deny this are naive….

    • thedude325

      I like you mr. government man, hell, you can come to my house and fuck my sister! This is absurd. The government cant even keep track of it's own fucking money. How it it supposed to regulate the internet?
      This is not the will of the American people but rather the will of a few power hungry politicians and Hollywood execs.

    • fibonacci5150

      we need hackers to fight for us now more than ever

  • Byrne0ut

    #24 made me laugh

    • Occupier

      I'm sorry but I didn't get my Masters in Eastern Yugoslavia Under Water Basket Weaving just so I could get a job at McDonalds! My degree alone demands a starting salary of 150k!!!!!!

      • NofxFan

        It is true that there is a giant inequity between the amount of wealth the richest 1% have created and what is left for the other 99% of the US population. Opportunity in the US is nothing like it was one generation ago or even a decade ago. Many financial reports can back this up.
        I have a degree, five of my good friends have degrees, and of course student loans, and we cannot find any jobs that actually use our degrees. Half them have two jobs because 9 to 10 dollars an hour doesn't pay the cost of living. People are NOT asking for 150k, not even 40k a year starting out. We are asking for a few dollars over minimum wage. These are Computer Science, Journalism, English, and Finance degrees. You are not helping the millions of people, or anyone for that matter, who are struggling right now in a tough economy by making light of it, exaggerating, and spreading misinformation about what the Occupy Movement is about. They are protesting for us, because we are too busy working two jobs to pay off debt.

        • George

          The level of wealth inequity in the US is unmatched by any other time except for the 1920s. Kobe!

        • UTES

          @NofxFan How many of your buddy's worked in the field they were studying while going to school? I ask this because pretty much all the people that i went to school with that were full time students but choose not to work are in your shoes.

        • rabble

          Dude, I'm an undergrad working part time (full time in summer), in my field, and make almost double minimum wage. I chose my major based on what I like AND by what there would be a demand for. I feel no simpathy for people with liberal arts degrees crying about not making enough money, before picking a major you should have done some research about post graduation oppertunities.

        • Paul

          Hate to say it but:

          Journalism is dying fast

          What the hell were they gonna do with an English Degree

          Computer Science degree, awesome…you and 40 million other new graduates (statistic completely made up)

          Finance…well you just fucked.

          Personlly I have a job right now that i dont really like doing stuff i never wanted to do just to be employed. It sucks out in the world in general. The key is not to be your job.

          • its_forge

            What a bunch of bullshit, dude, every one of those careers is something that should have led to getting decent work and you know it. Stop saying bullcrap just to say something.

        • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

          I hate to break it to you, this is a direct result of too much supply (people with college degrees) applying for jobs. I hate to break it to you, THERE ARE TONS of finance jobs, especially with relation to Financial Planning, but then that requires working hard, cold calling, and talking to people. NOT just sitting back in a plush office job, analyzing data and running figures! BOO HOO
          The hens have come home to roost, with our messing with the invisible hand of economics. Minimum Wage, Government Intervention, Giving away loans and grants for ANY and ALL students to attend schools, thereby EXPONENTIALLY raising the cost of college tuition and lowering the quality and standards of college education.
          I personally think it's awesome. It's thinning out the herd and trimming down the fat! All the more proof that government intervention to CREATE EQUAL OUTCOMES … and NOT equal opportunities is NOT WORKING AND NEVER WILL, in particular regards to the long term.

      • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

        Well my job of Ethiopian Stick Figure Interpretation DEMANDS and GARUNTEES that SOMEONE (even if it's hard working tax payers) GIVE me MY $200,000 a year salary. Don't argue with me, I GRADUATED from college and you haven't — I EVEN wrote a paper about it.

        Trust me, what we need is a more fair, democratic economic model, that allows for the equal and fair sharing of all of the capital resources.

        • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

          — Oops .. I meant .. MY advanced graduate degree of Ethiopian Stick Figure Interpretation!

          I am so educated that I have a hard time typing what my brain is thinking quickly enough!

      • etcrr

        the only three things demanded of you 1. pay taxes 2. pay taxes 3.Die. In the mean time occupy a job

    • Frustrated

      Everyone when I was growing up: Go to college! Get that degree! You wanna spend the rest of your life flipping burgers?!?!
      Now that I'm graduated and still unemployed: You lazy little shit! You too good to be flipping burgers?!?!

      • Byrne0ut

        @ frustrated I actually just finished a book that I think is worth a read. Its Called the Education of Millionaires by Michael Ellsberg. Its a quick read and definitely worth a look.

        • Paul

          does it work?

      • Dick Salad

        You ever heard of migration? Yea it's something animals do as a basic instinct to preserve their species. They don't sit around and wait for the sunshine to come to them. Sure it may be comfy in mom and dads basement and you might have to take a couple shit jobs. Your obviously capable of using a computer I'd start looking for locations where the economy has done well. They are all over the country. Besides if your applying for a job "flipping burgers" why the fuck would you list any type of college degree to begin with?

        • Dick Salad

          *Sure it may be comfy in mom and dads basement and you might have to take a couple shit jobs but you might want to consider going to where the jobs are*

          oh and you're*

    • UTES

      Myth: The Occupy movement represents the 99%.
      Reality: You don't represent me nor do you represent a lot of other Americans.

      • NofxFan

        Do you mind showing any evidence as to why you feel this way? Do you not believe in the financial inequity that currently exists in the US? This is not up for debate, there are many reports showing that more and more of the wealth is going to, and staying with, the wealthiest 1%. Our financial system is broken and needs regulation like the kind that used to exist in America. Maybe you do not understand at all what the movement is about. It is not about 200 people not having jobs.

        • Dick Salad

          I don't know if you've ever picked up a history book at any point in your life… but this is how the world works. "The wealthy" will always find a way to game the system and maintain their wealth. "The system" certainly doesn't prevent others from becoming wealthy. You may wish to believe that somebody somewhere is planning your demise and capitalizing on a plan to make you indebted. I for one am glad that I had grandparents who survived the Great Depression and taught me at an early age the value of a dollar. They also taught me a lot about investments, savings, diversity, and the importance of hard work. Sadly a majority of Americans these days are lazy plain and simple. People budget more money into daily entertainment than savings. And rather than spending your education learning a practical skill everyone wants BS degrees in shit like fashion.

        • dOOb

          I'm just gunna sit back and watch the gong show. You guys are gunna scream your faces off over Internet Censorship, but you'll happily take it in the as* when your government, big banks and dirty corporations screw you, your economy and way of life over. I DO love how the majority of you think this "occupy movement" is just a bunch of pissed off university grads with huge debt complaining about entitlement. God Daaaaaaaaamn, your politicians and big business execs are beating off to your stupidity… playing right into their hands… Blind, Stupid Lemmings…

          Before you know it, you'll be BEGGING for a One World Government to fix all the worlds problems…

          Now… bring on the down votes…

          • Dick Salad

            I'm honestly just sympathetic. After all it takes a village to raise a… well you know. Good luck with not taking charge of your own life and still having the pipe dream of believing everyone can be wealthy.

            • etcrr

              Dick, I don't believe that everyone wants so much to be rich, I think that they are jealous of the rich and they want everyone to make the same amount of money, which is the same as socialism. If that's the case they should move to a socialist country

          • Byrne0ut

            I would never be for a 1 world government. And I completely understand where the occupy movement started from, but at some point it co co-opted and taken over by some people I don't happen to agree with.

        • UTES

          @ NofxFan I don't agree with OWS protesters. They have the mindset that they are entitled to wealth but are not willing to work for it!
          You can do anything you set your mind to in this bad ass country (Merica FUCK YA!) but it NOT going to be given to you. It takes dedication and hard work. I've had a job since i was 15. I went to school full time and worked full time. Just got a new job a few months ago making a conformable salary and it's all ME! Nothing was handed out to me. Just my point of view, don't have to agree….

          • the other Jen

            STFU ABOUT OWS! SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY! FUCK!

          • NofxFan

            The points you are making are obvious. I have worked hard since 15 and a half. I have done everything you have said, and am making a comfortable wage as well and continue to try for new jobs. Although you are wrong that you must work hard to become wealthy. In a capitalist society, you just need a lot of money to make more money, which is fine.
            No one at OWS is saying "give me lots of money for very little work." I'm not sure where you heard that. They are upset that the government has given billions to large corporations, setting up a corporate socialism. They are unhappy the majority of American familys, the 99%, are making less or the same on average. Not everyone can be wealthy, and when the wealthiest hoard money, there is less left for the middle class. Take a look at these financial graphs and maybe you'll understand what the real problem is that we all should be protesting and trying to regulate.
            It's on the internet, so it must be true! http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/02/income-in

            • UTES

              My odds are 1IN 22 in being a Millionaire ! Bad ass.

            • bravesfan

              And what your little graph fails to show or talk about is that the majority of those that were in poverty 10 years ago are now out, and those that are currently in poverty are "new". So, good try, but you have been fed a big line of crap and ate it all.

              • its_forge

                …but you don't have a chart or a graph or a citation for that of course.

        • http://www.tube8.com SimonPhoenix

          Hey Fuck Face,
          Your statement IS EXACTLY why you can NOT regulate your way out of this mess. THE ONLY proper, fair and JUST system is CREATE EQUAL opportunity for ALL. This whole fuckin notion and nonsense of "equality in outcomes" IS A FUCKIN FARCE .. and "THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE" — there are many "reports" i.e. FAILED economies, countries and empires that have proven this. The government should be there for two (or more) parties that have issues with each other to meet/debate/sue and rectify their issues.
          Our Founding Fathers, knew this PERFECTLY well and that is why they created and developed the system the way they did. We have fucked it up beyond belief .. YOu ass wipes for wanting to take from others .. and us morons for sitting back and allowing it to happen.

          • freshfraser

            I've recently put up a sign at my college that says "Occupy the career center!" Surprisingly my realistic opinion hasn't held over all that well with some of the other kids on campus.

  • Random Guy

    #9
    because i work out

    • huh

      fapping does not equal a workout.

      • pooper

        HEYO!

      • Dick Salad

        Zing

      • Gnole

        It does when you do it all fucking day

      • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

        It does with my size of cock!

  • http://www.brandonloyd.net Vicarious_Ink

    #24 — I don't usually go for trolls, but when I do, I prefer this one.

    Stay employed, my friends.

    • huh

      I am employed, and I was a university graduate…easier to go get a job then to complain and 'protest' about it

      • Otoole

        Insert indignant reply here. Making wild claim about no jobs existing anywhere. State untrue fact about unemployment rates, available jobs, and education. Wildly call previous poster names, insulting their intelligence. Call those will jobs fascists, or other ridiculous moniker to hide own insecurities. Claim anyone who doesn't see it my way is out of touch with reality.

        • http://www.brandonloyd.net Vicarious_Ink

          You forgot "lives in parents basement with stacks of hot pockets."

        • doublepedaldylan

          The protests are not about 'give me a job.' It is about how corporate money has taken more or less control of our government (i.e. look at the SOPA bill video). THAT is what the protest was originally about. Yes, some seem to think it is about other things, but thanks to people like you and typically conservative politicians, it has been portrayed as lazy people demanding a job.
          The US is becoming extremely corrupted, and people are just listening to what they are told by the same people profiting from the corruption.
          Not that you will believe a word or this, and will assume I'm no different than the 'give me a job' group.

          • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

            lol .. NO ONE fuckin' knows what this protest was about originally. SO EAT A DICK ..

          • etcrr

            the ONLY reason that it might be true that "BIG" business has "Taken over" is that they lobby Capitol Hill. If the Senators and Congrssmen didn't take their money, There wouldn't be this situation So if your Congressman or Senator took money from big business vote them out.

    • BUMLOOKER

      WHO THE FUCK DO U THINK RUNS BARTER TOWN??? HUH?

      • Dan_Tastic

        Wow you guys are douche bags. Lol. Blame corporations for screwing America, not Americans for fighting back. Ignorant jack asses.

        • Byrne0ut

          Its not the corporations its the politicians who have allowed themselves to be corrupted.

          • Dan_Tastic

            Right, it's the fault of the one corrupted, not the one corrupting. You're a genius. How about both smart guy?

            • Byrne0ut

              Both are accountable, but people in elected positions have a certain degree of trust placed in them by the constituents who put them there. People in business are expected to look out only for their own interests, whereas politicans who were elected by a majority in their district or whatever are expected to put the needs of the people who put them there at the forefront. Elected officials who succomb to special interests instead of standing up for their constituents are in fact more at fault and more greedy because they know what they are doing is wrong.

              • Dan_Tastic

                People in business are not expected to 'only look out for themselves'. See, that's the problem with you guys. Your 'screw everyone but me' attitude is why we're f*cked. You can get rich and not destroy America at the same time. Based on your logic, if I could make money creating snuff films, that's cool right? Or slavery. Or child labor. Or dumping toxic waste. Business and ethics don't have to be mutually opposed, you choose to make it that way.

                • Seriously

                  Possibly you should educate yourself on the principles of capitalism. Businesses are beholden ONLY to their shareholders. If the public dislikes their practices, and stops patronizing them, they will change. Otherwise. F OFF.

                  • its_forge

                    Too bad it doesn't actually work that way. Google "Bhopal."

                  • streetsahead

                    "There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody. You built a factory out there — good for you!

                    But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn’t have to worry that maurauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did. Now look, you built a factory and it turned into something terrific, or a great idea — God bless. Keep a big hunk of it.

                    But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."
                    -Elizabeth Warren

                • Byrne0ut

                  I don't have a screw everyone but me attitude. I hold the belief that anybody can make something of themselves in the United States. The people who have to be held accountable are the politicians who allowed the banks to get 800 billion dollars in free and clear bailout funds in the first place. People like Hank Paulson who was CEO of Goldman Sachs before he became the Treasury Secretary need to be blamed, not business in general which is the way the Occupy movement went.

                  • Byrne0ut

                    I lost any compassion for the occupy movement when they kept interviewing these kids right out of college without a job who were demanding that because they got a degree they deserved to me x amount of dollars a year. That is bull because they have 0 real world experience. When I lost my job instead of getting all depressed and blaming the evil banksters I went out and busted my ass selling odds and ends to make sure my bills were paid until I could find a steady job. What these kids need to do is stop bitch and moaning and find an entrepreneurial bone and make something for themselves.

                    • its_forge

                      "when they kept interviewing these kids right out of college without a job who were demanding that because they got a degree they deserved to me x amount of dollars a year" Hmmm, now that couldn't have been a really perfect example of the corporate-owned media filtering the news they show you could it? Naww, that CAN'T be it.

                    • Byrne0ut

                      I agree with you on that.

                    • dOOb

                      I'm just gunna sit back and watch the gong show. You guys are gunna scream your faces off over Internet Censorship, but you'll happily take it in the as* when your government, big banks and dirty corporations screw you, your economy and way of life over. I DO love how the majority of you think this "occupy movement" is just a bunch of pissed off university grads with huge debt complaining about entitlement. God Daaaaaaaaamn, your politicians and big business execs are beating off to your stupidity… playing right into their hands… Blind, Stupid Lemmings…

                    • its_forge

                      I really don't know who you think you're spouting those absolutely meaningless Fox-supplied talking points to, but holy fucking shit are you wrong, and when you're proven wrong in the long run, you won't even be paying attention enough to realize it so y''know, I'm not even going to bother trying to convince you, I'm just going to laugh thinking about idiots like you and how you've been hoodwinked by the system.

                      For one thing you do realize the Occupy movement are picketing Congress and the White House as well right? That they're more pissed off at Washington than at Wall Street? Picketing Wall Street is just to make a point, they all know where people are *really* sweating bullets right now, and it's BOTH parties in Washington. But go on spewing your meaningless hatespeech, 'cuz it makes you feel better or something.

                    • UTES

                      Well said Byrne0ut!
                      I went to school full time and worked full time in the field I was studying. So after I graduated was able to command a better salary. Experience + degree = X amount.

                    • its_forge

                      If "it doesn't always work that way" doesn't mean anything to you then I guess you just don't live in any reality that I've ever come in contact with.

              • its_forge

                LOL they might "have a certain degree of trust placed in them" but then again so do the people who run SLAUGHTERHOUSES.

              • etcrr

                Kudos byrnout

            • UTES

              There is plenty of blame to go around. Case and point ready? If your not rich your can only blame your self! Hard work and dedication can go a long way in the USA…Bottom line GET a job! Your not entitled to shit! blame your parents for this mind set.

              • Dan_Tastic

                Wrong, hard work doesn't get you jack sh*t in America, having a rich mommy and daddy who buy your way through life is the only way to make it anymore. All of you Young Republicans who think your special, the only difference between you and the rest of us who are struggling to make it is your rich parents. You're not smarter, you're just f*cking lucky. End of story.

                • Dan_Tastic

                  And for those of us not lucky enough to be born with rich mommy's and daddy's, you guys say 'tough sh*t', right? The system is f*cked, and you don't care because your asses are covered. Keep blaming us, and when your parents get 'downsized' maybe you'll come join our fight you spoiled arrogant jack asses.

                  • Seriously

                    Jealous? Lazy? Stupid? YOU WIN THE TRIFECTA!!! Do you own an iphone? Ever seen a Dell Computer. STFU. Eat some more hot pockets. Whiny ass baby.

                    • Dan_Tastic

                      Great point. Thanks for your brilliant insights.

                    • Seriously

                      OH, pardon me. I must have missed your "brilliant insights" in the midst of you whining. What were they again??

                  • Dick_Hammer

                    Poor you, it's not fair that you didn't come from a wealthy family….I think the government should compensate you for having been born with that disability.
                    By the way, I'm also one of millions of other Americans "unlucky enough" not to have wealthy parents. Yeah…hard work doesn't pay off..I've been employed since I was 15, served in the military and went to college…all on my OWN DIME you fucking whiny piece of shit.

                    One last thing……go Fuck yourself!

                    • Dan_Tastic

                      Wow you sure told me! And I have great news, I'm converted! Thank you Dick! I now embrace all things Republican! Yayyyy!

                      Poor people are SCUM! If you get fired from a job, it's your own fault for being lazy! Corporations should be able to do whatever they want because it's good for America! Who needs AIR? PUSSIES THAT"S WHO! HA! TAKE THAT LIBERALS!!!

                      Remember when Jesus said 'help those that are the least amongst you. Clothe the naked, feed the hungry.'? He was just a stupid Liberal faggot! Rush Limbaugh was right when he called O'Bama a stupid spade!

                      Thank you Republicans. You are great human beings. Your tireless effort to make America a better place is really paying off. Keep on beating those women and children! Stupid Liberal weaklings can't take a punch to the face!

                      Bachman 2012! Bachamn 2012!

                    • Byrne0ut

                      Yes it is up to us to help the least among us, its not up to the government to steal our money and give it out as they see fit because in the end it will go to the special interest groups that got the politicians where they are.

                    • its_forge

                      Government can do it far better than any penny-ante charity can, we just have to actively participate in government and make it work right without letting assholes take it over and turn it into a cash cow for their asshole purposes.

                    • Byrne0ut

                      No government can't do it better they have tried. Everything the government touches turns to shit.

                    • its_forge

                      Well of course! Since (mostly) Republicans have been working for over thirty years to make absolutely *sure* it runs like shit, ever since the minute Saint Reagan said to. Fucking duh?

                    • Dan_Tastic

                      Tell that to the police, firefighters, army, navy, air force, marines and all of the other people employed by the government.

                    • Dan_Tastic

                      Really? Everything the government touches turns to shit?

                      Tell that to the police, firefighters, army, navy, air force, marines and all of the other people employed by the government.

                    • its_forge

                      Yeah these are the same guys who will vehemently defend our glorious military and its glorious purposes at gloriously defending our glorious republic from nefarious evildoers or whatever the fuck.

                    • Dick_Hammer

                      WOW..life really hasn't been fair to you, has it? Capitalism should be dismantled, corporations should take all profit and give it to those of us who weren't born with a silver spoon in our mouths. You really should get over yourself, quit whining, take your panties off and man up!
                      Your assumption that, because I don't subscribe to your socialist philosophy means I'm a republican is seriously flawed.

                      Again….go Fuck Yourself

                    • Dan_Tastic

                      Because I was arguing for the dismantling of capitalism right? I was arguing that we should give all of our profits to the poor, right? Are you too stupid to realize that there is a middle ground between 'destroy capitalism' and 'capitalism should be allowed to f*ck everyone over'?
                      I own a small business. I'm the man you Republicans keep claiming will be helped by your tax-breaks for the ultra rich. You're wrong, and you're too arrogant to look at the facts. Trickle-down economics is a joke. It helps no one except for the ultra rich. And that's what you idiots preach for on a daily basis. Give all of our money to the Koch brothers! That'll solve everything!

                      We are all getting screwed by the rich, even those of us too stupid to realize it.

                    • Seriously

                      HAHAHA. That's funny. "I own a small business". I will now judge you and say it is going to fail. Why shouldn't it. You don't think its ever going to amount to anything! Otherwise, why would you be crying for the government to help you out.

                      Oh, and why are you thinking about my dick. That is odd.

                      Now. Go fuck yourself. And don't worry i'm busting my ass to send money to the government to send you a check when your shithole goes under. ASS.

                    • Dan_Tastic

                      Riddle me this, Mr. Seriously: where do you see me asking the government to give me a single fucking penny?

                    • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

                      Yeah ,because the Koch Brotehrs are the evil of the Capitalistic world. They invented it along with the Jew Cousins who invented interest all those years ago and seek to enslave everyone who isn't a communist, lemming, group minded, greedy, little self-centered, NON-self reliant whiny, pussbucket of entitlement mentality, immature children.

                      EAT A DICK

                    • etcrr

                      I would like to see things from your perspective Dan, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass. Take an economics course and a business management course and your attitude will change for the better

                    • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

                      yea .. tell Dan-Tastic to go fuck himself .. rather than fuckin the rest of us ..

                      Shit for Brains .. literally.

                    • streetsahead

                      DId you happen to go to college on the GI Bill?

                    • etcrr

                      Dick Hammer thank you for your service

                • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

                  UM .. working hard and working smart .. STILL gets you somewhere in America. It might not get you AS MUCH AS IT USE TO .. but it still gets your more than sitting around and protesting .. or sitting around and waiting for the government to take from one group and give you. _Giving results to people, instead of giving them opportunity is what got us in this situation. Instead of helping people on welfare, teach themselves "new skills, degrees, or whatever", AND THEN GET OFF OF IT, we have taught them it is easier we have taught people it is easier to stay on government assistance and then substitute that money saved through tax payers (section 8 housing, food stamps, WIC, SNAP, etc. etc.) they don't "save" with the extra money and then go to school or whatever, they go and buy nice expensive things, or eat out dinner because it feels good and they feel less pity and sorrow for themselves because of the hand out they are taking. It's a vicious cycle.

                • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

                  ALL Republicans believe in helping the less fortunate (I mean MOST CONSERVATIVES ARE THE Bible Thumping RELIGIOUS "NUTS" . .you "godless liberals" slander us with) — just like Liberals do .. but we COMPLETELY disagree as the best way to do that. Look at Benjamin Franklin's Quote for helping the poor: I am for doing good to the poor, but I differ in opinion of the means. I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. In my youth I travelled much, and I observed in different countries, that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer. "

              • Georgia

                "If you're not rich you can only blame yourself!"
                Really? Quick, somebody send this guy to fix the whole 'middle east' problem, he's got everything figured out!!
                You can be clever, hardworking and proactive and still struggle in life, there is a certain amount of luck involved, as well as the way society is structured. Not everything is fair, and it never will be, but it certainly can be improved to what it is now.

                Oh fuck it, I'm going to go look at pictures of funny animals now.

            • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

              yeah moron! We are a Republican Form of government. If would rather educate ourselves with the newst Twilight Movie .. or which king kong size dick is running through Kim Kardashian this week … INSTEAD OF, educating ourselves with bills in senate or with our elected senators and congressmen and congresswomen directly .. THEN YES .. we are ultimately at fault AS WE KEEP ON electing the same assholes, term after term, who shit all over us, THEN BLAME the other side and convince just enough people (by small miniscule margins) to elect them back in office again, and put them infront of an all you can eat buffet, with all you can drink metamucil, exlax and stool softener JUST SO AS to make it easier to CONTINUALLY SHIT ALL OVER THE PEOPLE.

          • McBeastie

            Can't it be both?

            • Dan_Tastic

              That was exactly my point. But no, it's never the fault of the millionaires or the corporations. Let's blame the poor and the jobless. They're the ones f*cking up America right? Cluess f*cking jackasses.

          • its_forge

            : : Snerk:: It's not **both???** C'mon man, really?

            • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

              A little of column A … a little of column B.

              =)

    • Dan_Tastic

      Dear stupid fucks, the OWS isn't asking for handouts, they're the ones protesting the handouts, the handouts given to the super rich. Rush Limbaugh has enough money, he can keep his fat greasy fingers off of mine. You bitch and moan about the poor, but the people fucking you in the ass on a daily basis are the 1% on top.

      You are ignorant tools, and you're being manipulated by the media, which is owned by the rich fucks on top, into hating everything that threatens them.

      Let's hear your brilliant fucking replies.

      Wait, I can see it already: 'Uh, your a fag, the protesters want free money and jobs given to them and for capitalism to fail!'

      Wrong. They want justice. They want the rich to stop gaming the system. What, pray tell, is so fucking horrible about that?

      • streetsahead

        Totally disappointed that so many Chivers are dissing you Dan-Tastic. I agree with every post you've written.

        • etcrr

          Streets I am wondering how long you have had your plam raised looking for handouts?

          • streetsahead

            I've actually had a full time job since I was 16. I also have a Bachelor's and a Master's degree. Next question.

            • etcrr

              what do you do and what's your masters in, cause how can you feel that way? You wouldn't mind a hamburger flipper making what you make?

              • streetsahead

                How can I feel what way? I just think that people should have more rights than corporations, that's all. (And to answer your other questions, I have an M.Ed. and I'm a teacher. And since my job requires professional level skills and training, no, I do not believe a "hamburger flipper" should make what I make. I don't really understand why you asked that question.)

                • etcrr

                  Well a Masters in Education is fine congrats, Then you should be smart enough to understand that you have more power than Companies because you have a right to vote they don't. So vote the bastards out who cater to the companies. Stop whining about Companies have more rights cause they don't really it is just that they lobby congress for what they want and you don't. So get mad and LObby for what you want

                • its_forge

                  Yeah man, that was the nonsequitur to end all nonsequiturs. Yeah OWS totally believe people who do manual labor should get paid the same as people who went to college for 8 years and have been working in that career for 15 years. ????? The fuck?

        • Dan_Tastic

          Thank you streetsahead. I appreciate it. What really bothers me is that all of the people spewing hatred at me are being screwed by the rich assholes on top too, but they're so manipulated by the propaganda that they don't even realize it. Really fucking depressing to be honest. The price of democracy is eternal vigilance I suppose. At least there's always the DAR! Keep on fighting man.

          • etcrr

            they only screw you because you let them screw you, if you don't like what they are doing DON'T give them your business, write a letter to them complain and change to someone you feel better about

          • its_forge

            Some of these answers are positively off the hook, I mean if we were having this discussion in purpose I'd be fearing for my life from a few of these violent-sounding, angry, hateful chucklefucks. They defend the interests of people who couldn't possibly give less of a fuck about them *so vehemently!*

  • pooper

    #19 not to be that guy but safari uses the same webkit that chrome does.. so essentially its the same thing without the add ons

    • huh

      Well we can all agree that IE is only good for downloading the others

      • pooper

        cheers!

    • The_Dood

      I have never laughed so hard at a picture on the Chive…

    • http://www.thechive.com Lhturbo

      ill take the noob tube

    • Steve Lee

      Firefox also is apparently a paintball gun… not a real gun

      • its_forge

        Isn't that an assault rifle with a 40mm grenade launcher on it?

        • its_forge

          Ah, nope, apparently it's a Tippmann Rap4 paintball gun. Huh.

    • guestyguest

      But isnt a minigun technically just a flintlock pistol with a few add-ons? (extra barrels, metal cartridge capacity, built-in primers, etc.)

  • Jeffrey Lebowski

    #4 Idiocracy

    • some-dude

      Simpsons FTW!

      and Idiocracy is a fantastic movie.

      • its_forge

        It could have gone so much deeper.

    • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

      I was thinking the Occupy Wallstreet Protests .. but hey same thing I suppose.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=606371253 Shannon Coverdale

    meh

    • Shannon a girls name

      so's your face

    • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

      So is your giant C-Cup man sized titties!! Damn bro .. You should submit to "burn your bra" you disgusting fat body.

  • hMMMM

    #25 – SO TRUE!!! If breakfast is the most important meal of the day, then hook me up! I hate that continental breakfast bullshit…the best is when hotels have an awesome breakfast buffet, with the omelet station, make your own waffles….mmmmm…..lunchtime!

    • D-Rex

      I always thought that continental breakfast meant the Shoney's somewhere close by. LOL

    • Kris

      The Comfort Inn on Van Ness and Lombard (I think) in San Francisco has an awesome breakfast. I've stayed there every time I've gone.

  • MylesofStyles

    #11 You cannot argue with university studies.

    • huh

      The man in charge of this study deserves a beer from us all.

      • mik

        So if I deep throat all the bitches I cure cancer? — hello nobel prize

        • Verbal_Kint

          From a purely grammatical standpoint, it sounds like you're gonna be blowing some trannies later… Just sayin'.

    • Kaiwatha

      How much do you want to bet that all the scientists on that team were men?

      • Mad Science!

        I mean, obviously… All scientists are men, amiright?

        • http://www.tube8.com Troll_The_World

          Well all the smart ones, that do all the work. DUH?

  • @li

    #13 And the snooze button is a donut.

    • iAm

      ……or a 'get out of jail free' card

    • hgfjhgf

      ….is more like freebasing

  • Obrien

    #6 Amen

    • http://thechive.com/ cubanitagirl

      haha this pic got me on point that is exactly how i react lol.

    • kate_the_gate

      I'm just happy there are two Stallone-related posts with #8. I love him!

    • yapyap

      Of course the mans finger heals itself but i have to take time out of my damn day and pay to have a broken acrylic fixed. That would be what the wailing and gnashing of teeth is really about. I just wasted time and 40$ on some damned nails so they are all even.

      • Groggy

        You don't "have" to do any of that.

    • etcrr

      truth is often said in jest

    • its_forge

      I think I'm more than a little disturbed at them using pictures of women clearly taken from war zones and situations of extreme distress. Most of the women I deal with are like, "Fuck." And then they move on.

  • Anonymous

    If the government tries shutting down theChive they’ll be goIng to war with me

  • Holy Hell

    #2.
    So what's up with this show.
    Is it done ?

    • huh

      You question the greatness of this show?
      Good things do not happen to this fact.

      • Holy Hell

        To the contrary, I really enjoyed it.
        Was just wondering why there is no talk about it.

      • Christian Lander

        Stuff White People Like # 123, Mad Men

        Television is one of the keys to a white person’s heart. A proper reference to Arrested Development or the lending of a Wire Season on DVD are considered two of the easiest and most cost effective ways of getting a white person to like you. But with both of those shows off the air, their utility is being quickly depleted. Thankfully, there is Mad Men.

        Mad Men is a TV show on cable with low ratings, multiple awards, critical praise, and full seasons available on DVD. It’s no surprise white people love it. And while you could apply the previously mentioned techniques to gain white friendship, Mad Men has an entirely new world of possibilities.

        The show is set in 1960 and features meticulous art direction that strives to make the show as historically accurate as possible. This veracity makes the show especially vulnerable to one of white people’s favorite activities on earth: finding mistakes. And as is always the case with white people, the harder someone strives for accuracy, the happier a white person is to prove them wrong.

        “Oh yeah, it’s a great show don’t get me wrong. But you think at least one person would have know than those IBM Selectric type writers didn’t come out until 1961. I mean, it’s so obvious.”

        But it is not recommended that you start searching for mistakes on the show. Doing so would require a massive amount of time spent on the internet. Also, if you point out errors that other white people missed they might be intimidated by you.

        Instead, the best way to use Mad Men is to suggest or host a themed party.

        When you say the words “we should have a Mad Men party,” white people will immediately latch onto the idea and begin planning. By the end of the day, they will have picked proper attire and emailed you a drink and hors d’oeuvre menu. In the days and weeks leading up to the party white people will be thinking of clever ways to make it more authentic.

        Remember parties are fun, historically accurate themed parties are legendary.

        During the actual event you should constantly mention how much people used to smoke and drink back then. A few white people will lament the days when they could smoke anywhere, then another white person will say something about cancer and it will get awkward. At this point you should try to steer the conversation back to cocktails and how good everyone looks.

        The party should essentially run itself, however, you can severely curtail the amount of fun by saying: “I’m glad this isn’t really 1960 or else I’d be serving all of you.”

        White people often find truth to be very depressing at theme parties.

  • The_Dood

    #4 Is best summed up in two old cliches.
    1st Ignorance is bliss.
    2nd You learn something new everyday.

    • huh

      Happy, intelligent and with a job…life is pretty good dude.

      • Groggy

        As soon as anyone refers to themselves as intelligent, I raise an eyebrow.

        • The Credulator

          works that way for anything.

          calling themselves a badass means they're most likely NOT.

          calling themselves funny means they're most likely NOT

          or calling themselves awesome means they're most likely NOT *cough* chive *cough*

  • os99

    #26 For any U.K. Chivers, did you think: M25?

    • huh

      Yep, fucking sucks when having to use it to get to work.

    • CDW

      I thought it was the DC beltway. That road at the top left could be I-270. I live in the middle of the circle and commute to the bottom right corner of the map every day. Sucks.

  • vsinertia

    the guy before the last one….

  • BUMLOOKER

    #29 TARDIS MAN NOSE

  • http://echogeo.wordpress.com/ echogeo

    #2

    The fifth season of “Mad Men” – it has been announced that there will be seven in total – will finally debut in March after contentious contract negotiations between Weiner and cable network AMC had seriously delayed production.

    It's about freakin' time! Smoking, booze & Christina Hendricks already!

    • Holy Hell

      Thank you, sir.
      I had asked about it's status, and no one else seemed to know.

    • Verbal_Kint

      Hopefully they have this shit dialed in just as I'm finishing my catchup on netflix. Still only half way through season 3…

      • MattKL

        You mean smoking (hot) Christina Hendricks?

  • vsinertia

    the internet is one of the greatest inventions of all time… we should not let it to the wrong hands

    • McBeastie

      The wrong hands? Have you not read the comments section here, or anywhere else for that matter? It's already in the wrong hands.

  • BUMLOOKER

    #6 I HAVE NEVER BROKE A NAIL EVER…TRUE

    • pjsupremex

      cool story bro

      • .......No.

        wasn't a story bro

        • A BiPolar Guy

          My God, that's amazing! tell me more, bro

  • Andres

    #23 They're no real men

    • Big_Curt

      they get plenty of big booty bitches with titties tho

    • Ha.Ha.

      i actually like these two. I used to hate Timerlake but he's definitely getting better…that friends w/ benefits was a good little date movie. and kelso's cool…

      • MonkeyMadness

        "They're" = Fail
        There are definitely grammatical mistakes here.

        • .......No.

          pro-tip: don't correct someone's grammar, then use "fail" as a noun/adjective.

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