Daily Morning Awesomeness (20 Photos)

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  • Chive or die

    First?

  • Chive or die

    Where the hell is Paula wanted to share this momment with her…and then slit beibers throat.

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Good morning asshats!
    Let's start the week friendly this time. Care for a free drink?

    <img src="http://www.streetdrugs.org/IMAGES/rohypnol-2.jpg"&gt;
    Hugs,
    Paula
    – aaannnddd… FIRST! FIRST on the FIRST post of the week! HOW does she do it, HOW!!??

    • the anti-paula

      and a good morning to you paula, I hope you have a pleasant day filled with snakes, constant justin bieber music, and miserable weather!

      • Ti9

        *yawn* that was lame….

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Well you got your wish on the bad weather part…

        <img border="0" src="http://m.buienradar.nl/"&gt;
        Hugs,
        Paula

        • feegle

          youre ugly

          • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

            The difference between you and me is: _I_ know!
            Another difference: I don't make 3 (THREE!!) errors in a 2-word sentence.

            Hugs,
            Paula

    • An Average Chiver

      i'm so glad i found a site that has other people with absolutely no lives.

    • monoxxide

      who cares if you're first i've been first also it's not that big of a deal

    • Dan

      Actually, the mashed potatoes video was the first post of the week, so calm down you definitely aren't the first of the first.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        That gallery was published after the DMA, but placed below it because the DMA is more important. So: I'm FIRST! FIRST! First!

        Hugs,
        Paula

    • miscreant

      Unsuccessful troll is still a troll.

      Here's a nice cup of STFU to go with your benzos.

    • Scott

      My guess would be because after you just collected another 20 bucks from some random dude you rolled over and flipped on the monitor.

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      Do you have those in suppository form?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Yes, but those have a side effect. When you wake up you start to …

        Hugs,
        Paula

  • hater

    #20. WANT!
    #6. MASHED POTATOES!!

    • Anti-Joke Chicken

      Actually, #6 is just a large accumulation of snow.

  • maclean

    #13 "you'll shoot your eye out!"

    • Pants

      Must be Italian.

      • maclean

        fragil-ay

    • Underbaker

      I double dog dare you to lick that pole!

  • billy9

    What the hell with the last gif? 😀

    • https://www.facebook.com/a.d.lahey Andrew Lahey

      It's a lesson against cheating

      • derbymon

        Yea…fuck that guy!
        Dump him.
        Lucky it's just water

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=900785222 Frédéric Purenne

      It's a very old GIF made from a "tour de france" clip.

    • Tyler

      Attempted homicide.

    • GoGlas

      Fake…check out the half arsed punch,then the "victim" goes over to the bridge wall to help the set-up

      • cjuncosa

        Yeah, good call. Allowing yourself to get thrown over a bridge is a great plan. Who's laughing NOW?!

        • GoGlas

          They were laughing all the way to the bank.They got $500 from you've been framed.Which was alot back in the eighties

      • Michael Cane

        He trips over his own bike and lands on the wall…

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #24 Good riddance. Please do this to ALL those 'sport' cyclists.

    Top 3 annoying, selfish road users:
    3. One of those guys;
    2. small group of those guys;
    and on 1: large group of those guys.

    Hugs,
    Paula

    • Jesse

      can trolls drive?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Just af fine as seriously drunk humans. And also: that doesn't stop us from driving. We're asshats that way.

        Hugs,
        Paula

    • Kyle

      Damn it, Paula is right…

    • MartiniSteve

      This is so fake. Watch the guy hop up on the wall by himself before the other one throws him over.

      • Huddo

        Absolutely – the dude nearly throws himself over the edge before angry dad gets there. I'm calling fake.

      • Ddd

        I thought that too at first, but it also looks like he gets his feet caught up in his spokes when the dude pushes him into his bike, and he's trying to use the wall to support himself while he frees his foot. People do awkward things in moments like that, so it could be for real.

  • maclean

    i got a final tomorrow, but I stayed up to catch the DMA early, wish me luck!

    • igotonethisweektoo

      gl

    • amrith777

      Good luck!

    • You got an F

      fuck you.

      • poop

        ^ yay internet!

    • frankus

      ME TOO

  • Chive or die

    Are you trying to ruffie us Alan?!

  • Harmonica

    #24 Karma is a bitch

    • Herp Derp

      this is so awesome!

    • Dr_StrangePants

      Brown jacket just materializes outta fucking nowhere.
      Where was this i wonder?

      • Kyle

        Gray… Not brown. Does the US school system not even teach colors anymore? I knew we were failing at math and science… but come on…

        • Fez

          I believe your are either a) colour blind, b) a dog, or c) a massive troll

    • Active_hunter

      Actually, Karma looked like a dude. One very PO'd dude.

    • Dimitris

      Shit….I feel old now.This was one of the firsts videos i saw on the net.13-14 years ago………….

  • patov40

    Does anyone else get high, and masturbate with a cheese-grater????

    • chiver

      nope, i dont think anyone does that

      • An Average Chiver

        i do

    • its_forge 112p

      OMG I thought I was the only one!! I also like to spice it up by sticking a bottle of Guinness up my ass while singing Lady Gaga!

      • Davlin

        Doesn't matter, had sex…

    • johnny-k

      It`s like talking to your mother in law, slightly amusing but mostly painfull…

    • Bullwinkle

      only when with your mom

    • Dan

      Not since the last time I tried it.

  • BigHate

    #19 Not sure what's going on here but I like it.

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      White chicks can't dance.

      Hugs,
      Paula

      • maclean

        Agreed.

        • Mak-Da-ripper

          black people can't swim.

          • pl,[p

            …….what does that have to do with white people not being able to dance?

            • JOHN

              Fred Astaire
              Gene Kelly
              Ginger Rogers
              Donald O'Connor
              mikhail baryshnikov
              robert muraine
              bboy Cico
              bboy Casper
              bboy Milky
              bboy Rubberlegz
              Just to name a few…
              Watch the Freshest Kids: A History of Bboying. One of the progenitors of the bboy movement was a white kid from brooklyn

              • Foosbah

                really? you thought it was being presented as a stone-cold fact? you're "special" aren't you? or have some insecurity issues

              • tehtay

                it's called HUMOR. the chivers should get to know the meaning of the word.

              • Christian Lander

                To be offended is usually a rather unpleasant experience, one that can expose a person to intolerance, cultural misunderstandings, and even evoke the scars of the past. This is such an unpleasant experience that many people develop a thick skin and try to only be offended in the most egregious and awful situations. In many circumstances, they can allow smaller offenses to slip by as fighting them is a waste of time and energy. But white people, blessed with both time and energy, are not these kind of people. In fact there are few things white people love more than being offended.

                It is also valuable to know that white people spend a significant portion of their time preparing for the moment when they will be offended. They read magazines, books, and watch documentaries all in hopes that one day they will encounter a person who will say something offensive.

                • Steve

                  Black people call each other brother because they all have the same dad.

                  • Christian Lander

                    *I'm white, sir. That doesn't concern me.*

          • *Ue8u

            awww, little Mak doesn't think it's fair to only make fun of one ethnicity at a time. poor little fella….

      • JOHN

        thats a lot of racist bullshit. go fuck yourself.

    • Goldskull

      Six seasons.

      And a movie.

      • Charlie

        WIN!

    • Anon

      looks like she is taking a request to do this so expectations of "good" dancing shouldnt be held

    • tapsnapornap

      Something to do with Community….

    • Dr_StrangePants

      you've got to be kidding me…..all the more reason for me to love this cast
      http://www.hulu.com/watch/224686/attack-of-the-sh

    • ROK247

      looks like annie has a hot dance number in this weeks christmas episode.

    • SpacemanSpiff

      everyone seems to not notice the confused pussy in the background…either that or it's mesmerized

      • Bob

        Forget all this chat, its a hot girl dancing, that is all that matters…..

  • Andy Valentine

    #24 – Now I don't condone cheating, especially when it's somewhat dangerous like this, but, overreaction much?

    • swenka

      Hell no. Badass of the day!

    • xXbeermonkeyXx

      im guessing this is fake, the jumper almost throws himself off the bridge the first time hes shoved

      • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=900785222 Frédéric Purenne

        Not fake…

      • Phil

        Yeah he also drags the bike with his foot out of the way of the other incoming cyclists

        • http://www.facebook.com/caleb.jaqua Caleb Daniel Jaqua

          Pretty sure he's tripping. I've seen bicyclists fight, and they are not coordinated at all (unless they're on a bike).
          They're like mobility rain-men.

          • Captain Awesome

            That's funny, don't know why you are getting thumbs down.

            • Major Bitchin'

              Because he's a big pile of gay.

  • http://www.theChive.com Mack318

    Words. Can't. Describe. The. Epicness. #20

  • https://www.facebook.com/unbelievableflows Cameron Hoehn

    #21 What Daniel Radcliffe's doing with the money

    • Benny

      Who?

      • pointgiven

        Potter got sponsored.

        • Benny

          Potter, who?

  • Brother M.

    #19

    christ, white people can't dance……..

    (and before one of you lame-asses says anything about black people, i'm white. so get over yourselves)

    • MattKL

      And yet for some reason I can't turn away.

      • oiunre

        you should get over that once you actually touch a tit. hang in there, you'll make it. maybe. fuck it, i doubt it.

        • AstroMikeDexter

          Well.. that was unnecessary.

        • DMAC

          Let us know when you touch your first one. We'll have a party

          • patov40

            really? you're that unoriginal?

    • Bullwinkle

      Also, White men can't jump.

      • Rocky

        And black people can't shut the fuck up in a movie theatre.

        • Bullwinkle

          1. It's the name of a movie.

          2. I'm white, so I could give less of a crap what black people do.

    • Cas

      She's a comedian so I'm guessing the purpose of this little jig was for comedic value rather than to show off her dancing talent.

    • steven

      lemme guess you think you can dance?? but you white so you cant. you'll never be black you stupid retard!!!!

      • Trotter1982

        Thank Jesus.

    • hMMMM

      Julia Louis Dreyfuss begs to differ.

    • JOHN

      as a white guy I will happily school any challenger on the dance floor. I have beaten numerous black challengers and am the best popper I have seen (in person). stop hating your race and maybe learn to dance. Its a skill like any other.

      • Ted Nugent

        pointing out most people of his race can't dance = hating his entire race? seems legit….

    • nouu

      well hey, at least black people CAN dance…but not much else..go suck some more dick you weak ass white faggot.

      • JOHN

        I guess its true that only WHITE people are racist. Jeneane Garofalo and the rest of left wing america are right, white people are all racists.

        • Midwesterner

          lol at all the butthurt commenters. the chive has ENTIRE posts making fun of asian people, but a white guy say white people can't dance, and everyone starts crying. time and again the chivers prove they can't take a joke outside of "doesn't matter, had sex" or "know how i know you're gay?". honestly, get the sand of your vaginas.

          • Sarcynic

            *out of* And I agree.

            • Prangsta

              I can't believe this whole stupid thread was about black and white people dancing. Everyone stfu and tell me where the clip is from!

              • NJF

                Attack of the Show Alison Brie dancing.

  • Jay T

    #8
    playing with a cock, she's doing it wrong.

    • -0l-

      that's a hen you moron. try getting a sense of humor that isn't as lame and stupid as a 12 year old.

      • timmy

        I believe I will side with Jay T on this one. Don't be upset that you didn't think of it first. I mean, should we applaud you for knowing the difference between a cock and a hen? I think not.

        • etcrr

          Jay-T gets the nod of course it's a hen that's the point of the joke!

          • Sleep_Salone

            Stan gets the nod due to his expertise on beastiality.

        • nieni

          timmy, you're trying too hard…..

        • An Average Chiver

          i know right? us chivers love us some cocks.

  • hugepens

    #4 makes me wish I had an office job.

    • amrith777

      Especially at "Cisco"–I hear it's a great place to work.

    • tom

      makes me wish I had a job.

      • Mister

        makes me glad I can chive at work right now.

        It's good to be the manager.

      • Mister

        That and I get to sneak and jerk-off on my employee's keyboards and they can't do shit about it.

  • http://www.markmushakian.com Mark

    #3 "It begins!" and #5 made me smile so long and hard, a tear almost came out 🙂

    • MrAliasMan

      @3 being a future Chiver of FLBP

      • truthserum

        whore on!

    • Conor O'Neill

      Long and hard, lol

  • Brendan

    #8 Must think she is the cock of the walk

  • http://www.facebook.com/woyna Sean Woyna

    #21 Stay classy NIU

    • Mark G

      HAHA, NIU makin the DMA. I remember seein those kids running around with fake weapons all the time last year.

    • Dan

      I was thinking the exact same thing.

  • MrAliasMan

    #6 Parents over protectiveness. Used the same kind of material they used on the police car in Demolition Man.

  • g3nXsLack3r

    #23 Because the ornaments were repossessed by the IRS?

    • Charlie

      I see what you did there.

  • MattKL

    #1 There's a joke in there somewhere.

    #5 Some paper dust in my eye right now.

    #9 Epic Connery

    #17 Meanwhile in Canada…

    • VanIsleChiver

      That's middle to eastern Canada… we don't drink that molson crap out west 🙂

    • Jonny

      #1

      Q. Why did the fish cross the road?

      A. Because the lake is always bluer on th….. nope, not funny.

      • Trotter1982

        I enjoyed it.

    • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

      Watched Dr.No the other night. That's epic Connery #9

  • Black6dog

    I'M DRUNK BITCHES FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

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