Daily Morning Awesomeness (25 Photos)

The beertender–The perfect holiday gift for…yourself.

  • hater

    #1. Natural selection.

    • Ander

      doubtful. I'm sure they have several children already with multiple women. The dumber you are the more women let you in.

      • Ed McMahon

        @ Ander – That's the most idiotic comment I've read in 2 days. You win.

      • tralfaz


    • bob lee swagger

      Monkeys are natural climbers

      • MOAR

        nice name

      • Dalton


      • Nick Memphis

        Niggas gonna nigg.

        • Niggher Beater

          yep. fucking darkies need to be purged from the earth. KEEP THE CHIVE PURE AND WHITE! CHIVE ON!

          • KKKay?

            Obvious troll is too obvious.

    • mikey

      Wasn't even allowed at the back of the bus…had to get to their "corner" somehow…dealers gotta sell…

  • Rollout25

    #27 How about NO

    • Andrew

      The number of times that I have gagged due to this gif is just not ok with me. Really Chive? No hot girls or anything? You're going to use this to end the Morning Awesomeness? I'm going to have nightmares for weeks…

    • mooseknuckle907

      That's just fu*king creepy…but cool nonetheless

    • Goldskull



      • walther

        i can do that, i find nothing wrong with it

    • fallawy

      watch for the nails…

    • Emilie

      I can do that!! Double jointed all the way!

    • TheMoose03

      Thats hella nasty.. haha.

      • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

        looks like the work of the spirits from Paranormal Activity o.o

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1064188593 Josh Gorter

    #7 Fuck the cake where is my whiskey at?

    • Stan Stanson

      THis is how I wanna go out, look how many fucks she's giving right now – NONE

    • sdago25

      I really want a dr. pepper 10 calorie for guys now….

    • TDub66

      Don't end a sentence with a preposition……….."Fuck the cake where is my whiskey at, bitch?"

  • MattKL

    #23 On a boat?

    • Bob

      Got crabs

      • SheriffPablo

        Like a Boss

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #6 is actually about the national average penis length.
    The Netherlands aren't shown here because they didn't have glasses that were high enough.


    • Pawla sux

      sixth, Pawla? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF U.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        No, 17.4. True story.


      • TPF95PGT

        You know, it's not really important, if Netherlands drink more beer, maybe it's because of the national average pe*** length or maybe it's because of the national average cute girls.

        If there's not enough cute girls, you drink more and more till the cute girls apprears lol

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          You don't get it.
          Let's ignore the fact that there are plenty cute dutch girls for a minute.
          Still…. the more you drink, the prettier the rest of them get!


          • necause

            My thoughts are confirmed, our Paula is Dutch! What else could it have been with Rien Poortvliet as her father? Hoi Paula, see soon next time on de Veluwe 🙂

            PS: Totally agree

            • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

              Nah I think my dad is Theo Maassen or Jules Deelder, but it could have been anyone of mom's thousands of clients.


    • sad white guy

      Well every country in Africa is missing too…

      • stumeister

        South Africa is a country in Africa

        • Brutal Deluxe

          Do you have proof of this?

          • Naionaio

            holy shit. a comment on the chive that was ACTUALLY funnier than something a retarded 12 year old would come up with. someone throw a parade….

    • Šmajdova máma

      Still first! Czer Republic is the best.

      • hello please

        Yeah, but 95% of that total is made up by drunk Brits on Stag/Hen weekends in Prague. True story.

    • brutus

      i thought it was potency of the brews

      • lonin

        I thought it was a representation of alcoholics in each nation per capita.

        • ChaseTheWalker

          I thought it was beer?

  • jh3455

    #21 cam zink is the man.

    • Shaun

      Blew my mind when I saw this for the first time.
      "Yeah these drops are kinda scary cause you can't see the landing when you take off"
      Proceeds to backflip the damn thing.
      No big deal.

    • Specialized

      This looks like the same jump another rider fell on & then healed and went back and made it at the end of the MTB film "Roam". Regardless if it is or not, that is one hell of a sick jump!

  • illini2097

    #23 Doesn't matter had sex!

  • Jay T

    Cuteness overload!

    • Jesse

      wait until that thing is 1500lbs and expecting tickles.

      • Charlie

        Are you the one that's gonna tell it "no"?

    • Ron Jeremy

      Doesn't matter…looks tasty

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #18 girls, stop rubbing shit on classmates, it's gross…

    Well actually, it's not gross, but more something for at home, in private.


    • Jeff Stryker

      You're still here? Dude, it's been like months since I've been on and you're still here??? With comments like this??? Now I just feel sorry for you.

    • necause

      Zwarte piet

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      Paula, what have you done with LG? It appears she nuked her IntenseDebate account.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Yyyyeah, that was like a month ago already…. She won't come back.


        • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

          Good strong knots, huh?

    • hMMMM

      some girls just like their face well-done…

  • Art

    #19 Thanks, Ollie!

    • Si1entStatic

      And now lets go to Ollie with our black-u-weather, ollie?

    • OpMongoose

      It's gonna chive!!

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #8 yeah, because of the draft!


    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1064188593 Josh Gorter

      Kind of like the border between U.S.A and Mexico.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        There's a border!??


    • curious

      What say you? Real?

      Can this be real? http://bostonnudes.net/html/lauren1.html

  • Spt

    #24 a fair description of just about anything made there..

    • Innocent Bystander

      You mean, everything?

    • Olly North

      Contains American flags

  • http://www.facebook.com/RoBo2002 Chris Roberson

    DMA already? Oh it's past 3:00am… I should probably get to sleep

  • Me.

    #16 Awesome.

  • Him.

    #19 "It Gone Rain!"

    • Innocent Bystander

      Swimmin' Hole!

      • Me.

        "Who want dis dog?!"

    • Charlie

      Thanks, Wally.

    • MOAR

      "I'm at the wrong airport!"

    • Theresa

      Do you have an umbrella?
      Had one!
      Where is it?
      Inside out, two miles away!
      Oh, is there anything we can bring you?
      Bring me some soup!
      What kind?

    • Allenavw

      All the people look like ants!

  • Guy

    #23 "She put a bag on my head….does'nt matter…"

    • Franklin1138

      Ginger…mermaid…FLBP…yeah, doesn't matter.

  • Dude.

    #27 What the fuck?!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=507725936 Dawn DuBois

      I can do that as well 😦

  • laurennsfw

    still awake for the DMA, starting my morning off right and i haven't even gone to bed yet! 🙂

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Fuck off it's 09:24 already.


    • Yourpointis


  • g3nXsLack3r

    #18 On the way to a Halloween party. She's going as burnt toast.

  • Steverino

    2nd from left next to the well done chick….FIND HER !

  • derz

    #1 Two Nigs n' a Taurus moving company.

    • chocolate man

      You ignorant fool… That's not a Taurus…

      • hMMMM

        there's a driver as well, which would make it more than 2…

    • Waty

      Haha I thought it was funny. Most of the time you see those fools driving with all the windows down and each one stretching their arm out the window to hold them on top….

  • Hah

    Got a great buzz at happy hour. Went to sleep way too early. Woke up at 2:00. Couldn't get back to sleep. See if BFM shirts are in stock. Not. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU. See DMA. Cool. Gotta work 8:00. More FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU.

  • http://thechive.com/ Turduckenn

    why do they call it an xbox 360? because when you see it you do a 360 and walk away.

    • ThreeTequilaFloor

      If you did a 360 you would be facing it again. Math is hard…

      • Naionaio

        someone doesn't know what moon-walking is. the chive is super white(yes, i'm white, so fuck off with the shit about black people).

        • WhiteyKeepsMeDown

          moon-walking is for black men who become white women

    • OneEndedStick

      Herp Derp

    • Kodos

      another product of public education

      • Benny

        Why do they call it a PlayStation 3? Because you have to update 3 times a day before you can update it!

        • bob lee swagger

          Benny, why do you make terrible jokes? Answer: Your mother used to shake you as a baby regularly.

          • guest

            What's the difference between benny and turrdukken? Answer: well they both make bad jokes and i can't remember the rest but your mothers a whore

          • Benny

            It's The Chive. The jokes always bad. Deal with it. B)

    • Rafiki

      obvious troll is fag

      • Benny

        Hey… wanna blow job?

  • Julian

    When people 'steal back' their bikes, isn't it possible somebody else had the same bike, which they just stole thinking it was their own?

    • bob lee swagger

      Of course it's possible. The more important question is why are you over-thinking random shit on The Chive? Get a life.

      • Marc

        because he has a greater capacity to think than you. mind blown.

  • http://www.theironyou.com Mary

    #1 cracked me up!

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