So about that Sexy Chivers… (7 Photos)

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Once a year, the Chivers are allowed out in public for our annual Christmas undoing. Last night we went to IRIS, the spectacular Cirque du Soleil show at the Kodak Theatre.

At that time, I had every intention of bringing you a Sexy Chivers today but the wheels fell off that intention somewhere in ether of the evening. Ever have one of those nights when you tell yourself, 'alright, fuck it, I'm getting Christmas Uncle drunk tonight'?

So please accept my apology for all this, it's happened before and I can't promise it won't happen again. We're not the smartest lot over here. I'll make next week's Christmas SC one for the books, promise. Stay tuned for the Friday DAR, I'm sure you'll find some hi-res Chivettes in there somewhere.

Also, if anybody has seen Mac the Intern today, please return him promptly to his parent's basement.

Chive On,


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  • sterling jd

    dear chive. no need for apologies. its good to know that the people who work on my favorite site of all time are like me and love to get drunk!

    • Blow Me.

      What a bunch of faggots.

      • 4098

        agreed. they run a fucking website. ass-weasles.

    • lonin

      I got "Christmas Uncle drunk" last night and I still came to work. Rookies.

    • sterling jd

      I wanna make sweet sweet love to your Poopholes Jhon.

    • jaml

      False. Self promotion stunts should be void of douchery and then to listen to some freshman saying "cool you get drunk too" just cheapens even more.

  • Daguerilla

    Found Mac. He’s posting as sir tickle.

    • trollface.jpg

      blatant two pussies trying to act cool … good site, but mark zukerberg isn't cool

  • munkeboy

    Cool story Bro!

  • Dalton144

    You guys are a bunch of piss flaps. I get shit faced every night and still make it for a 12 hr. shift. Punk bitch

    • Uncle Sam

      I'm guess that's why I can buy a DVD player, made in China, for $12….but the same shitty product 'Made in Merica' costs 15 times as much.

    • HipposKill

      I just . . .get some help?

    • Sandra

      That's sad. I feel bad for you that you have to drink every night. Been there done that. It sucks.

      • hello please


    • designit

      piss flaps. funny words are funny

      • AdamBaldick

        No my friend, you're funny

    • laugher

      Something to be proud of…Douchedom lives..

  • MissMechanic

    Party on! You guys do a great job on the site already, you guys are sexy! Much love keep calm and chive on! Thanks for putting a few of me up there in the past :P

    • BentWrenches

      I think female mechanics are sexy,why no profile pic?

    • loserpatov



    So I don’t get it… “Sexy Chivers”? Aren’t Chivers males who look at this site? Does nobody else get it? Wouldn’t “Sexy Chivettes” be much more accurate? How does nobody pick up on this glaring inaccuracy???

    • 4098

      No, I have. I just don't give enough of a shit.

    • AdamBaldick

      If you think it is the title that matters, then you've got it all wrong

    • Apple

      This obviously should've been posted on the Berry.
      Mmm wait, those are their sisters. Never mind.

      • laugher

        Doesn't matter…Had sex..

    • Bezaile

      So female Chivers aren't Chivers in your opinion? Considering "ette" is defined as "a lesser form, thereof," I'm inclined to think you're either not smart enough to make a comment such as what you have, or you're a sexist. Either way, you lose.


    I don’t get it. Where’d my comment go. Why is it sexy Chivers and not sexy Chivettes??? Aren’t they girls???

  • Texan

    I feel you… I drank 3 long island iced teas and half a bottle of gin last night. Good times

  • All methed up

    Christmas uncle drunk. Very clever I’ll have to use that one

  • John

    Worst. Sexy Chivers. Ever.

    • zym

      Foreshadowing, motherfuckers.

      Get with your 10th grade english.

    • Northrop grad

      John, will you guys be going home to Fort Wayne for Christmas this year? There's a lot of Chivers here in you hometown!

      • tkid

        Fort Vegas FTW!

      • John

        Yep, we're all coming home to Fort Vegas. I'm sure you can find us out at Columbia Street on the 23rd in roughly the same condition you see me above. As always, please say hi and the drinks are on us.

      • Verbal_Kint

        how irrersponsible. you can't have an open container of alcohol, the drink, anywhere in a vehicle. bad example. Enter text right here!

        • The_Dood

          Actually it is legal for a passenger to have an open contained in Tennessee as of last year, if I remember correctly.

        • hMMMM

          it's called a limo. travelin in style nowadays, huh John?

          • Verbal_Kint

            it's still illegal to have an open container in a limo douche. dad was a cop for way too long.

            • Obama

              California Vehicle Code prohibits open containers with the following exception

              23229. (a) Except as provided in Section 23229.1, Sections 23221
              and 23223 do not apply to passengers in any bus, taxicab, or
              limousine for hire licensed to transport passengers pursuant to the
              Public Utilities Code or proper local authority, or the living
              quarters of a housecar or camper.

              look who's the douche now fucker.

              • Kaiser_Soze

                are you sure that they are in CALI??? fuck off

                • Gabby

                  the chive is based out of Venice Beach, California

            • DoomsDayDub

              Your dad being a cop is practically proof that what you're saying is false. Get a life!

            • KyleGamgee

              Better luck next time, Kaiser Soze.

              • Vervbal_Kint

                Its not Kaizer, its Verbal dick muncher.

        • poetic

          and he was driving no handed!!!

          (you idiot)

        • rabble

          There are states with no laws regarding open containers (of alcohol), and there are states that allow people to be drinking in the vehicle as long as the driver is not. That is why I always buy a beer when driving through Mississippi, because I can.

    • JROC

      Next week sexy chivers Xmas edition.

      • Active_hunter

        With an addition – there must be a red bow in the pic.

    • JDB

      Eh, party John.

    • Jason

      Not the worst. This could be much much worse…

    • AssClown

      I beg to differ:

      • Paula_

        Mac's on a roll!

        – Fan testimonial: "Paula, I'm going to vote you down on this one, because I know that's what you're after. As long as we have an understanding that I think this is completely hilarious."

        • DeDav

          I would facepalm here, but thankfully it works…

  • mike b.


    The guy just wants to hug his lamp, guys. Let him be.

    • MacNCheesePro

      I thought he was puking in a fishtank at first…….that would've been just as good, lol

    • 2pumpdump

      snookie? Is that you?

    • dagleja3

      It's all fun and games until somebody still their head through the lamp!

    • bh4q

      i love lamp.

    • Dunny_

      "And this lamp. – The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all I need."

      • Colin

        DO really love this lamp or are you just saying you love things that you see?

        • SquishyFlint

          I…LOVE lamp.

    • Mac

      I heart lamp.

  • paulson


    … and then Mac was on a conveyor belt

    • Rahm Emanuel

      Is he wearing black sneakers with a suit? Pay the kid enough to buys some appropriate shoes would you!

    • SquishyFlint

      That's actually where the coal chute into his mother's basement drops him off.

    • etcrr

      and then Mac was on a conveyor belt saying paint me like one of your french girls

  • R2GFan

    #7 I love…lamp.

  • James Baker

    #1, #5

    I actually like this site for its flaws. I'd rather have a John that got drunk and didn't post an SC every now and again than some indifferent corpo. website that delivers content exactly on time and goes home at 6pm sharp every day.

    • winfields

      That is a really good point, and thank you for bringing that up.
      Part of the fun with this site is that (for the most part) you never know what the next posting will be, or at what time for that matter. Sometimes DAR is early, sometimes DAR is late (what time is DAR actually supposed to happen anyway?) On the East Coast it's usually between 4:45p and 5:30p though it fluctuates. I even like how there won't be any new posts for 2 or 3 hours (like today) and then you come back to find a Dopamine Dump post, and on and on and on…. thanks for making this Friday bearable!

    • Ghost in the Machine

      Totally agree. It's stuff like this that makes it about "us", not "us" and "them". It's the same with SC, it's about real people, in real lives.

      • Rahm Emanuel

        It is called a hangover. Get over it, and put up the SC!!! Did we give up because we had a hangover when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor? NOOOOO!!!

    • Dman

      With that being said, i'm pumped for some SC next friday. :D

  • Claire

    It's ok, Johnny boy. Go have a good time and thanks for always responding when I write. Sadly, my boobs will have to wait till next week :)


    • Skedaddle

      If you can't wait, I can get my my email addy….

    • JROC

      why chive? why make us wait:?

    • Web Wizard

      If you really can't wait, there is still a way to post your boobs here

    • Dunny_

      dropping to my knees and looking up at the sky….


    • oooyeah

      Hang in there Whore ,he`ll make ur pic avlbl for the chivers so that they can fap very soon.

  • Clark_Griswold

    Uncle Eddy from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation drunk.

    • r00s7a

      That's cousin Eddie, dumbass.

    • J-Diddy

      Shitter was full!

  • Whoopi_G

    Penis pumps are cheaper than I thought.

  • Unfkngblvbl

    #6 You guys get a pass…Merry Christmas!

  • D.Bag

    If you're not barfing and you're non-functional, you are truly a lightweight.

  • jroc

    i can't jerkins off to this!!

    • Rahm Emanuel

      No actually you can jerkins off to this…but then you would figure out you were gay…

    • fapfapfap

      Challenge accepted.

  • Spencer_on_Fire

    If it wasn't for the drunkness and the good times, I doubt I would have ever been drawn to this site. Thanks guys for all that you do…….as for Mac, if he's lost in LA, he's probably stuck on Sunset with no clothes, sleeping on the sidewalk

    No, the lamp can't go with you

  • KimiD

    Dammit guys – the FIRST time I actually submit a photo for the Chivettes and you f*ck it up!
    Murray Kissmyass indeed!

    • The Dude

      Keep Calm Boo

    • Brian

      Lighten up, Francis.

      • KimiD

        That's Mr Cross to you

  • Chiver Troll

    #4 sexy chiver in my book

    • Becka7

      I agree!!!!

      • GamerGirl

        yep ;)

  • jennifer

    #5, #2

    No worries, John. Also, I think you're kinda' cute ;)

    • Becka7

      Yes John is very cute!

  • Jason Dean

    It's Christmas – if you can't take it easy and let some things go now…when can you? And not a single HO,HO, HO was given. Well, maybe a few.

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