• thomas


    • Slim


      • The Chive's Dick


    • Dirty Dingus

      The real truth…this guy spends too much time in the friend zone.
      "someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make us feel" That's bull shit!
      If a girl makes you feel bad, life if too short to 'just take it' and hope that someday she comes around and decides you're the nice guy she's always wanted.

      • DexLargo


        There's being nice, and there's being a doormat. The thing that the 'nice' guys who complain like this don't realize is that nice does not equal milquetoast.

        No girl wants a guy who has no personality of his own. You like self-confidence in a woman? Guess what – they like it in guys too.

        • Stephen Bittner

          good point.

  • Brandon

    theCHIVE is certainly making up for the inactivity this past week! Well done!!

    • ryan

      nothing will make up for that lackluster performance

      • The_Dood

        I can think of quite a few ways, however none of them are feasible.

  • rikooprate


    • meh

      it sounds like it was written by a guy who dates immature girls, or he is in high school/college

      • ....

        Or a guy who doesn't get dates at all

        • The Chive's Dick

          or a chiver.

      • SheriffPablo

        this guy just hasn't been kicked in the balls by life enough to realize that there is no ideal woman. all women are bitches in their own unique way, all men are assholes in our own way, and in order to find happiness you just have to find the bitch that matches your asshole type.

        Unless you're a jersey shore guido-douche. Then Fuck You and stop breathing my air.

    • prokop


    • kingblc

      Exactly my thoughts.

      • Justin Hall

        "Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel."

        Is the writer fucking retarded? If the woman doesn't respect you, then she's going to treat you like shit. And whether she admits it or not, the woman will respect you if you call her out on her shit when she deserves it.

  • bud

    you can add "don't eat my french fries" to that list. if i ordered it, i'm going to eat it.

    • Dr. Toboggan

      ~A-FUCKING-MEN~ written as my girlfriend is drinking my soda…….

    • sowasred2012


    • womp

      i second that

    • 03_SE_XTERRA

      or if you wanted french fries i would have bought you french fries..even if you only wanted to eat 5 i would have paid for a super size just so i can eat my own damn fries

      • nate

        hahaha so clownin, but so true.

    • JulianSWalker


    • Lefty8

      On the money…

    • Theocrat

      a real good guy figures that his woman might be hungry and orders extra, even tho she says she is not, no really shes not.

    • Woody

      If ur gf says she wants nothing to eat, the correct equation is what you want to eat x 1.5. Hasn't failed me yet

    • guest

      lol awesome!!!!

  • whyme1973

    Perfectly written.

    • The Foley

      It was kind of crappily written…

  • Turd Burglar


  • BB Jon

    Real Man of Genius

    • Mr. Footlong Hotdog

      Reeeal Men of Geeen-iuuuus!

  • Tuff Guy

    Too long…

    • Dolfan0925

      Yup. Brevity man.

  • ADHD

    Quit reading after a few sentences

    • Chad

      It was extremely long I agree.

      • frankus

        thats what she said

    • Underbaker

      I was going to, but I thought being the Chive it was going to end in a really good joke. I was wrong.

      • ADHD

        i tried to read it again, i cant get half way through….i'm done.

    • -k9-

      no boobs. I dont get on this site to read.

    • Eddy

      but then scrolled down to make a comment???

  • Willy

    That is Real Talk!!!!

    • GlibTongue

      It might be, but a woman's reaction to things like this sometimes are…

      'So I should change? That means you don't like me as I am?' and the issues groooooooooooow.

      So sometimes shit like this cool. And sometimes men should just shut up, drink a beer, and walk away.

  • Every guy ever

    Don't forget blowjobs!

    • Blumpkin

      This ^

    • MonkeyMadness

      You're still talking to the girls, right?

      • Every guy ever

        I'm a Chiver, so obviously not……

    • TheOneAndOnly

      yep I was the 69th thumbs up….

  • joe chiver

    I like Chive because Breasts, not some high school melodramtic shit that is way too long to read. Stop it chive. Stop it right now. Back to boobies.

    • Colomtnrunner

      Maybe you should have paid better attention in high school, then you would have been able to read the post in its entirety.

    • Irishstephen

      Joe… this is how you get REAL LIFE boobies around you instead of just the kind you see on your monitor and in the magazines under your bed. Pay attention now and let the grownups talk.

      • SquishyFlint

        Wait…they still print *magazines* with boobies? On paper?

        • Irishstephen

          Well played.

          • Justin Hall

            If by "real life" boobies you mean, "I only like you as a friend" boobies, then yes, this is how you get those around you.

            • T-Money


      • ICEMAN

        i agree

      • double F

        so you get girls by bitching at them cause you aren't man enough to hold their attention? lame. that was one long i'm a pussy rant. double F

    • Jeff DeBoer

      If you only want boobies, just go to a porn site.

    • wtf

      Right on!

    • double F

      i agree. i'm not sure that guy can speak for a guy cause all he sounded like was a little bitch that can keep his woman in control.

      • Volcanoes

        what. the. fuck.

        i'm really fucking tired of men being taught that being a macho aggressive asshole is masculine. being a man has got nothing to do with controlling women or putting down other men who have traditionally feminine qualities i.e. empathatic, considerate, kind, gentle (basically being a decent person). "keep his woman in control"? Seriously?? if you are a "man's man", that's totally cool, but don't try to show us how big your dick is by putting down someone else or relying on sexist ideas about dominating women. if you have to try that hard, no one's buying it anyway. just jerk off to your own reflection you self important prick.

        • double F

          look another cunt that takes it in the ass from his girl if you can even say ya got one. my dick is as big as it needs to be, but i don't know why you are so interested in it. this little shit is all but in tears over something as lame as a girl's attention. i used to worry about such things but i grew a pair and got out of highschool. ya that kid is a nice kid. but unless he mans up then he'll be in the friendzone no matter who it is. you would let him rot in his own adolescence while i'll shoot it to him straight. i can guarantee you that sort of girl just wants to turn eyes that aren't looking at her and ignore the ones that are. and controling a person is not a macho aggressive masculine stance but stance from a competent, confident person that can be assumed by men and women alike.

          • Volcanoes

            why is a girl's attention lame? i think what this guy wrote is cliche and generalized and superficial, but my beef is with all the comments that aren't attacking the cliches, but stating that because this guy displayed the smallest bit of sensitivity, he's a little bitch or a pussy. that's misogyny and it's getting fucking old.

            • Volcanoes

              i am getting really fucking sick of "the friendzone". the friend zone happens to women too. women also hear "i don't think of you that way" or "you're just one of the guys". but you're never going to hear a woman complain about guys not appreciating a Nice Girl because we’re taught it’s our own fucking fault when we’re rejected—we aren’t pretty enough or thin enough or sexy enough, we weren’t sexual enough or were too sexual, we put out too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough, we didn’t wear our hair the right way or our skirt the right length, we’re “too tomboyish” or “too butch” or “too feminine”, or we’re “not their type”, or we’re otherwise not good enough in various ways to entice the man to grace us with his affection. Showing interest in me, being friendly with me, getting close to me, or eating a meal with me (even if they paid for it) doesn’t obligate me to open my heart or my legs. And anyone who doesn’t appreciate my friendship sure as hell doesn’t deserve my love or my pussy.

    • bklynsoul

      couldn't have said it better myself…this is some lame facebook status garbage…don't make me ashamed to wear my "keep calm and chive on" shirt! fuckin' joe chiver, right on man!!

  • michael

    This was written by either a thirteen year old or an eighty year old with about zero relationship experience.

    • Big John

      Sounds like a guy tired of the bullshit to me, but hey, some other people live for bullshit.

      • Srioue

        *most people*


    • Prangsta

      This mostly sucks.
      Yeah, after you see those shitty boxer shorts for the millionth time you will be begging for some sexy clothes.

    • bumble

      true dat

  • Rose3191

    I love this!

    • damn skanks!

      judging by your display pic, i can tell your a slut…. good luck never finding a man like this.

      • MikeBedlam

        Judging by your reply, I can tell that you're well acquainted with your right hand. Good luck never finding a female with a heartbeat.


        • Brian

          AMEN! LMAO!

        • Irishstephen

          **starts slow clap**

          • thepoopsmith

            *clap* … *clap*

          • Kak

        • bitch plzzzzzz.

          #1 im left handed mothafuckaa #2 im a chick who has no need to use it anyways so kiss my little white Texas ass I dont have to show my tits to get laid or make anyone want me. #3 your effort in perfect grammar just makes you look like a queeeeeeeerrrrr. #4 FUCK YOU i really dont give a shit honestly because its time for me to smoke a fatty and enjoy theCHIVE the way im supposed to.


    • ryan

      That other guy is obviously not a nice guy, we do exist

      • bitch plzzzzzz.

        Maybe the other guy is really a chick who can spot a fuckin skank when she sees one. Call this guy a pussy because he finds normal chicks worth his time. Praise this chick all you want until she fuckin breaks your heart by cheating on you with your best friend after you put up with months of bullshit from this "real woman" who probably never even washed your clothes did your dishes made you dinner and still woke you up with a BJ because she probably stayed up all night getting drunk and fucked by random strangers whose soon to give you the herp. Have fun with that ill stick to treating my man right and in return get what i worked for. SO FUCK YALL HATERS. p.s. you nasty internet boys don't be actin like you get any cuz if you were you wouldnt be wasting your time arguing with people you will never get to meet anyways.

    • JOE


    • aosux

      Whether you are the girl or the guy, this crap would last 2 weeks in a real relationship. Find someone you are compatable with and compromise because it's a partnership.

    • colomtnrunner

      I love YOU!

  • Bobbo

    true story

  • broxstar

    what a pussy

    • JOE


    • Big John

      You must have just seen your own reflection.

    • JOHN

      Absolutely. This kid is the reaon for the friendzone. Make a fucking move you bitch!

  • Obvious man

    Sounds like a guy who can't take a hint.

  • dave

    No wonder this guy doesn't have a girl

  • Homer

    Man up…if your "girl" does this crap, toss her overboard. Chicks need to learn their place. Don't write up a manifesto about it….that's what chicks do! Just dump her and move on.

    • chris

      Bravo. I think that was written by a chick. Or Justin Bieber.

      • Sarah

        I agree. If your girlfriend does all that crap she's not worth it. For every nice guy, there's a nice girl.

    • bumble


    • 1time

      damn strait! who are these weak ass dudes claiming they represent us men who ACTUALLY give a @*#$ about ourselves?

    • double F

      you know your statement is what i expexted to see pretty much the entire page, but i had to scroll through a whole lot of teenie boppers bravoing the bitch's rant. they need man up or turn in their man card.

  • General Wartz

    It is dumb. If you like it, you are an idiot.

    • JOE

      OK GERRY..

    • Julian

      and your ugly

      • General Wartz

        No. Ugly people write that kind of stupid crap.

  • joey

    this man needs to be honored!

    • None

      If by 'honored' you mean a swift kick directly to the balls… then yes! Multiple honors!

      • chris


      • Incredulator

        "balls"? he has no balls.

        • None

          Well played, both of you

  • Kaiser

    they wont listen.

    • Ramrod

      i hear you, man

  • Dunny_

    I think someone's been stuck in the Friend Zone for too long.

    • concerned

      Totally Agree. "someone who will love you no matter how bad you make them feel"? give me a break. If a girl makes me feel bad, I'm out. And whats wrong with girls wearing short skirts? A short skirt is one of gods greatest gifts to man. It sounds like this guys been through a lot but man up bro. seriously

      • docbrown88mph

        Yeah, I thought I was reading the ramblings of a man tragically caught in the friendzone without even knowing it yet. He clearly had a past relationship with a girl who enjoyed attention from other men (read: slut), and he is still bitter about it. Ladies, please, don't stop wearing short skirts. Boyfriends like short skirts. On second thought, I am starting to think a woman wrote this in regards to what SHE thinks a man should want. I say this because there wasn't one mention of a blowjob in that entire paragraph….

  • HairyKnuckles

    Could have been MUCH better… Kind of lame if you ask me.

  • Mike

    Excellent writing!
    add one more thing to the list: We are not mind-readers. We don't know what you are thinking about. If there is something bothering you, say it

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