Daily Morning Awesomeness (25 Photos)

  • Homer


    • buzz killington


      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_


        – # 1 commenter of 2012

    • ned kelly

      self love for homer… knock the mushroom of its stalk mate….

  • Homer


  • spencer r

    wat up im number1


    fuck both these dudes^

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Gently, there's a lady in the thread meow.

      – # 1 commenter of 2012

      • The Foley

        At the same time?

  • http://www.xplicitbootlegs.com TripKore


  • http://twitter.com/seanwoyna @seanwoyna

    #4 MLP FTW #18 Camelbak bottle 😦 #25 Theft Level: Asian

    • Brad

      #4 is now officially 20% cooler.

      • HUNK


      • Randomiss

        Please I'm as much of a brony as the next guy but thats just over used.

    • 6655321

      Have you ever seen an asian?

      • http://twitter.com/seanwoyna @seanwoyna

        Do you realize what continent India is on?

        • Nice try but

          I'm with countdown up there. I knew what you were talking about but it was still a shitty joke.

        • Otter

          Actually, in the UK, Indians ARE classed as Asian. Wiki 'British Asian' or… "In British English, the word "Asian" is often used to refer to those of South Asian origin, particularly Indians, Pakistanis and Bangladeshis, as well as the less numerous Sri Lankans, Nepalese and Maldivians."

          • mr arctic

            that just shows how much no one cares about the UK

      • countdown

        Indians are from Asia, simple as that.

    • SeV1eRe

      #18 Ah crap… A love mug, I'm so screwed >.<

  • Patrick

    #18 …My Christmas Tree. Well, I'm screwed.

    • NcouthYouth

      I'd rather have that than a glass of chocolate milk… I'M screwed.

      • Ramrod

        Yeah, but a christmas tree isn't a delicious drink! You would enter the undead a very satisfied and happy zombie. Maybe you would be in such a great mood you would lead them to a civilized co-existence with humans…or maybe you would feed on brains. I don't know. I'm not a scientist or anything.

        • sober for two weeks

          My weapon of choice shall be a Jar of Weed

    • prune

      I shall smother the zombies with my sinister blanket.

    • That's Questionable

      -___- i'm sure the bristles will hurt more than a 1' tall bose speaker

    • Anjin-San

      a telephone?

      • Heather

        Me, too.

        • h-dog

          I have a file folder between me and the phone. It's really heavy and the papers inside have lots of muthafukin paypa clips.

    • Frank M

      Well, it looks like I'm going to be using my Infinity Cascade Model 7 Floor-standing speaker as a club to bludgeon undead skulls in… Like a Boss!

      • Jester

        I'll also be using a speaker… Like a Bose!

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      I suppose I could try to tickle the zombies to death then.
      <img src="http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0/dc/f/AAAAAvjKG0UAAAAAANz3Sg.jpg?v=1205255157000"&gt;
      – # 1 commenter of 2012

    • Dude

      I've got a roll of TP, wanna trade?

      • Bill

        Yeah a nice pile of papers. Be aware Zombies here come the paper cuts

        • Distracted-CO

          I'll be armed with a stapler….Maybe we could meet up and pummel them with packets?

    • Tom

      I've got a radiator, but i doubt i can get it off the wall

    • heywoodjablowme

      a 4 drawer filing cabinet… fuck yeah!!

      • The Foley

        Desk lamp.

    • dashete

      Ha, I've got a red marker.

      It's so Shaun of The Dead

      • ern23

        You've got red on you!

    • frantic

      The Book "Math for engineers"??
      Sure, I will survive…

      • GI Joe

        A sleeping 25 lb Beagle…I'm screwed…

        • yoselahonda

          You can use its sweet flesh as bait and then gtfo.

    • josh

      my dog

    • tralfaz

      A decorative wreath, that should buy me some time.

    • Radam3

      My PS3 controller. Its red so it will hide the blood well. And I think the G23 in the small of my back, may help take care 13+1 of them… or 7 with the double tap! 😀

    • Tyst Jak

      Min Katt

      • Dorkfish

        stapler and pink eraser, FUCK

    • tapsnapornap

      Metal coat rack…I can work with that

    • drwar41

      chair fight with zombie

      • Fun with Numbers

        A Chobani?!?! AH…..shiiiiiiiiiiiit

    • Rob

      Swiffer duster with febreeze.

    • Shinanigins

      A heavy old printer….. great I will be worn out after killing one zombie. And no way I can outrun them carrying that thing.

    • Kautious

      A remote…

      • nate

        stainless steel coffee mug. very confident in my weapon

    • Wet_tosti

      Blanky,pillow and my girlfriend…however if i threw my gf to the zombies i might get away.

    • ZachBob

      A hammer. Not bad, but I'm still quite screwed.

    • Dr_StrangePants

      a box of matches
      ….it's got potential

      • farmy75

        a post it note

        at least i can blind one eye

    • misschris

      I get to use my bowl of cereal… (lucky charms, to be exact) Not sure how that's going to help me… :S

      • Ellen

        I figured you'd be eating a can of tuna.

    • kieran

      bedroom wall

      • fibonacci5150

        hahaa, well you could use paint chips. Time for me to make paper ninja stars

    • Dolphhonkey

      Dual-wielding scissors with a letter-opener in reserve. I cannot WAIT for that day to come.

    • StaticFX

      empty Styrofoam coffee cup!!! oh shit

    • r151

      A universal remote. Can I use pause and escape?

    • https://www.facebook.com/Juan.Guillermo.Chaves.F Juan Guillermo Chaves F

      either a stainless steel coffee mug full of cold coffee or a tylenoll pill…..im fucked

    • oliverklosov

      A 2011 Mustang 5.0…Silver. Not too shabby.

      • ale

        My Lion King´s coffee cup full of pens… I could break it in one zombie head, then I´ll die.

        • oliverklosov

          Oooh yeah, you're not gonna last too long. You don't have any scissors in there?

    • kodakkid

      A cell phone damn I hope they have an app for that

    • ern23

      Another computer monitor….I have 2 sharpies, 2 pens a paperclip and a pair of scissors on the base of that monitor though, do they count?

      • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

        A 20 gallon steel barrel..I can do some damage with that.

    • drew

      A ceramic bobblehead Lincoln Memorial. I reckon I could make it through four score zombies before they got me.

    • DirtyChar

      I have a Wii controler

    • Dew

      A glass of milk and a heavy cookie jar…. time to run!

    • OhOkayThen

      A black Sharpie. I'm dead but I'm going to draw some funny mustaches on them on the way out and we will all laugh!

    • Michael

      A full length mirror, it would confuse them i guess!

    • Yo Mamma

      Computer speaker….DAMN!!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=526770996 Jay Hernandez

      There's a fucking door on my left. I guess I run.

    • Jim

      Hey, same here! I mean, if I can figure out how to wield an 8.5' Christmas tree, I'd imagine it can be pretty useful.

    • https://www.facebook.com/doucant Smootchie Scheff

      Mtg cards, i can tap three lands before i die

    • Yea Yea

      A post it note. What the hell man. I guess I can kill them one paper cut at a time.

    • isawoj

      Chloraseptic Sore Throat Spray. I'm dead. =/

    • DrByronstein

      dvd's………..fauk yeah!!!!

    • WhizzleStik

      Cheap floor lamp…screwed!

    • Buford_Justice

      its going to be hard to use a laz e boy, they dont throw very well.

    • J.r

      Bottle of Febreze… I guess it will help with the stench?

    • Bob

      A clipboard…. Ninja!

    • Gamer scout

      A gyroscope.

    • itsgalf

      Dill Pickle flavored potato chips…Does anyone know if zombies are allergic to Dill Pickles?

  • GunnerX

    #25 She's been practicing

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Meow THAT's a gap!

      – Fan testimonial: "You provide a necessary spark to our site."

    • Mike

      Its a fanny, not a swag bag!

    • McG

      How the…

    • Sean

      Now that is some kegel power

    • Red

      What, up her snatch?

    • Nerfherder

      It would be funnier watching it run backwards. Giving birth to a case of beer and stocking it on a shelf would be quite a sight 🙂

    • http://thechive.com/ Turduckenn

      In the full video, she spits on her hand then moistens the insides of here thighs so it will stay. No joke.

    • Sixsev

      That thing's got it's own gravitational pull…so dense, not even light could escape.

  • Idunnolol

    #18 Dammit now I gotta survive with a speaker

    • RedGuy

      At least I have two speakers! Better than one

    • Neven

      same here… must download bieber for my protection, that will scare zombies off!

      • belieber

        Not worth it. better to be (un)dead.

    • Blake

      Just my luck…there happened to be a zombie on my left >.<

    • Miros

      A wall… guess I'm cowering this one out.

    • chicago

      ditto. like a midevil ball and chain, but actually is a left speaker trailing from 16inch 24gauge wire. not cool.

    • Biggus Diccus

      I don't think the mini desk fan is gonna cut it.

      • Brandon

        A spoon and cereal bowl aka sword and shield >:|

    • Jack

      The only thing to my left is a box of cheez-its. Can I try again?

    • Itch

      A can of Febreze. Damn.

      • OhOkayThen

        Actually, I'll bet zombies reek.

    • gravely

      chocolate covered zombie anyone?

    • Lela

      A pencil sharpener -_-

  • Sean

    #2 Oh Pizza Tree oh Pizza Tree, How lovely are your sausage.

    • mooseknuckle907

      Pepperoni bud…you've failed

    • Benny

      It's always about sausage with you, isn't it?

  • That guy

    #18 – Toilet paper dispenser. S*#T.

    • MattKL

      I see what you did there.

  • Dr. Spaceman

    #18 Dammit picture! If you were pointed to the right, I could have had a knife. Instead, you point left, and give me an empty pop can.

    • caleb

      If it was beer, you'd have a chance to die happy.

    • josh

      you misspelled soda

      • chicago

        agreed it's: "soda" can

        • TheAutomaticMan

          to most americans yes, go to Ohio, or Massachusetts….. they'll look at you like you have purple skin if you ask for a "soda"

          • The_Dood

            I'm from Ohio, and yes we call it pop, but soda is occasionally used as well. My dad calls it soda pop.

    • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

      No shit. On my right I have a very large knife,pair of scissors,stapler and gatorade.On my left a fucking barrel.

    • Boomski

      ITS POP!!!!!!! >.<

    • eli

      bottle of fucking lube. fucking great.

  • Dantheloser

    #18 A book. I'm fucked.

    • ..........

      maybe you can bore them to sleep???

      • Dantheloser

        Yes, because books are boring. 'merica!

        • https://www.facebook.com/doucant Smootchie Scheff

          Learn them some 'spect

    • MacNCheesePro

      Same here. Ironically, it is "The Art of Public Speaking" maybe I can talk a whole group of zombies out of eating brains and convince them that it will just get taxed one day.

  • Ander

    #3 Too late… Too damn late…

  • http://twitter.com/GazRipsCones @GazRipsCones

    #18 A white T-Shirt with paint and plaster on it…. I'm fucked

    • Brutal Deluxe

      I have another monitor. I'll test it out on my wife. Wait here.

      Oh, fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. No cops, okay?

  • Tim

    #18 An empty duffel bag. Fuck

    • josh

      you could wrap the duffel bag around the zombie's head…and then beat the hell out of it. you got to be on your A game against these zombies

  • Art

    #25 Someone's been doing her kegel exercises!

  • HerkemerHomolka

    #18 a telephone 🙂 I can always call Chuck Norris for help.

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      Congratulations, you've just made the first ever smart comment on the Chive!

      OH! But make sure he doesn't get bit though! A zombie Chuck Norris, that would really be the end of the world as we know it.
      <img src="http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000917781/Page_1_4_xlarge.jpeg"&gt;
      – # 1 commenter of 2012

      • Bill

        When a Zombie bites Chuck Norris, the Zombie turns into a Chuck Norris.

    • caleb

      Chuck as nothing on John McClane. Bruce Willis is just solid good stuff (in movies).

  • -U-S-M-C-

    #18… A bath robe… Damn

  • Zomb-screwed

    #18 Immediately to my left is a pillow…slightly further to the left is actually "Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life" by Neil Strauss…so that's lucky

    • StupidFresh84

      That's strange I have that exact same book sitting on a table to my left, but technically the sign is pointing at a dry erase board on my wall….fucked

    • Clams

      Were you at my desk 40 minutes ago? I kid you not that is also to my left!

      • Riz

        WTF? This just freaked me out, I have a phone to my left and under the phone is a book: Emergency by Neil Strauss. How weird is that?

  • Nina

    #19 so fucked up so true
    -a loyal chivette

    • 2pumpdump

      show us your bewbs pls

  • http://youtube.com/tomificated Tomificated

    #18 good thing i sit next to my gun case when i chive 🙂

    • HeyJewed

      Unfortunately I am only sitting next to my .22 target pistol.

      I guess things could be worse…. I could be the guy that has to fight the zombies off with his christmas tree!

      • Brody

        A .22 would be perfect for zombies. It's a lot lighter to run with, has less recoil, and when it penetrates the skull it does not exit, it just bounces around your brain. .22 > 12 Gauge

        • Williamson

          I can see someone read Max Brooks. Do some research and then tell me the .22 is the best. I'll take 5.56 any day.

          • TheAutomaticMan

            you can get a modded AR platform that shoots 22LRs, might not have the distance of a 5.56, but accuracy and stopping power are there, and it's quieter, and easier to make an effective suppressor for. I'm with Brody on this one.

    • TheAutomaticMan

      Um…. that case may be kinda hard to swing around…… especially if all the guns are still in it…… i would empty it out, maybe use it as a ramming type device in conjunction with a cart of some sort.

  • MigraineBoy

    #25 Now THAT is some extreme hardcore kegel exercising.

  • http://twitter.com/mkingscott @mkingscott

    #18 A frickin' laptop? What good is that?

    • Distracted-CO

      Order some guns online?

      • Noxes

        Google how to kill a zombie with mind powers?

        • ATouchofInsanity

          Email Chuck Norris

    • Sittinathome

      you keep a computer next to your computer??

  • Ricco

    #18 A Fucking calendar, I'm screwed. #17 2 girls and a dog. #7 I wouldn't touch that shit. #24 disturbing.

    • Natureboy

      let's play Funny/Not Funny

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