Celebrities should not be allowed to name their children (29 Photos)

  • http://mensconfidence.com/ TommyB

    #18 blew my mind. I remember reading about this. Who the eff names their kid apple?

    • Benny

      Sad thing about this? They actually named her Apple after the god damned company. Poor kid.

      • asdfl

        I'd say it would be after the Beatles' record label if anything. Of course that is still a company but i got the impression from this post you meant apple computers.

    • Winston

      After all the other names, Apple is the one that blows your mind?! That seems reasonably normal compared to 'Pilot Inspektor' etc

      • Guse

        This. Apple (and Maddox) seemed about the most normal on the list.

        • Not Maddox

          I'm not a huge fan of jolie, but kudo's to her for having the only normal baby name on the list. (maddox is a totally normal male name)

    • Anjin-San

      Considering that her family name is Martin,
      if I was a school friend of her, I'd call her "Appletini"…

    • isa

      Comparing with Audio Science,Moon Unit,Tu Morrow,Buddy Bear and all the Jamie Olivier Clan, Apple is a very very normal name…This kids are going to need a shrink for the rest of their lives…

    • Cap'n Crunch

      Steve Jobs maybe?

    • PlainJane

      Yeah because everyone should have plain names like John, Tom, Rick and Steve. Shits boring.

    • Mrs_Conejo

      Maybe Apple of my eye?
      It is also a really great photo of them. Lots of beaming love ❤

    • flibble

      Apple MArtin sounds like some kind of baked English dessert.

    • Apple

      He was one of Steve Jobs' best friends. It was a tribute to Steve and the compay.

    • kanda

      the son's name is moses lol

  • John

    People from the 'hood are also mentally challenged when naming children.

    • Bobby

      actually, the formula is quite simple; you just add "de" or "le" in front of a common name.

    • Not really

      They just combine all the names of the possible baby daddy

    • Miley

      Actually they take part of the father's name and combine it with part of the mother's name. For example, Jermajesty…guaranteed Jermaine Jackson's wife's name is Majesty or something close to it.

      • Tempest

        My husband worked with a guy named Lasagna and a woman named Toshiba. Your argument is invalid.

        • its_forge

          I work with a very lovely woman named Velveeta. YOUR argument is EXTREMELY invalid. = )

          • Smitty

            Well, if we are going to whip out our 'valid' ePenis:

            My wife's cousin is a Elem. Teacher. A few years ago she has a child in her class named 'Your Highness.'

            • Fifa

              My Math teachers last name in high school was "py".

    • Sarcastic Dude

      right because those white rich people came up with GREAT names.

      • benbobbins

        We sure do.

    • thedude325

      It seems like they just pick a name based off of the closest object or something they recently heard that sounded cool. Like camera…or denim

      • Ricco

        Or..OH shit the condom done broke!!

  • John

    #5 to be fair is the name George Costanza blessed upon us.

    • Sean

      They should have gone with Soda. It's a beautiful name for a boy or a girl.

      • Blumpkin

        Maybe Pony Boy?

      • nuccabay

        how about Mug?

      • Dude Abides

        Soda Popinski?

      • bigdeal


    • Jay Costanza

      To be fair, Seven was chosen for spiritual reasons, not to mention I think its a cool sounding name. Also, Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 are two of the most intelligent black people making music so your comment is just ignorant.

      • freshfraser

        Ah I didn't know, bad assumption then. Thanks for the correction!

      • ShakeyTheMoyle

        Just say "intelligent people". Let's try to do with all the grouping of people for a change, shall we?

        • ShakeyTheMoyle


        • freshfraser

          Oh there are smart performers, I actually just realized who this fellow is, and he's noooot who i thought he was :p

        • Ricco

          Impossible for blacks to do that, as soon as there's a smart one, they feel the need to point it out.

    • Tempest

      Hey, when in Rome… What do you think names like Septimus, Octavius, Octavian, Octavia, Primus, Decimus…come from? They were all derived from birth order. There were a lot of 8th kids I guess. There was also a trend of just naming every kid in the household after the father, even girls.

    • guest?

      If they had nine kids then it could be "seven of nine"….

  • whatever

    I cant say i'm surprised about Zappa calling his children some weaird names with muffin in it.

    • Burt

      Surprised dweezil was not mentioned. Named after his mothers toe by frank.

    • Jon.

      Frank is reported to have commented that, if his children have problems in their lives based on their names, it won't be because of their first names.

      • http://twitter.com/Pekito_RL @Pekito_RL

        I heard that moon station's original name was going to be "motorhead", but her mother said no

  • passwordistaco

    #7 Could name our children whatever the hell she wanted.

    • tristan

      yeah…shoulda considered the initials would be A.S.S. that won't be an issue or anything, nah.

  • Nik

    15 doesn’t even need to change her name to be a pornstar

  • The Bandit

    Some sound more like "Ben&Jerry" flavours….

    • Demonic1

      Schweddyballs Sheen?

  • danny


    • MonkeyMadness

      Yeah, that makes you sound all pious and stuff but you gotta realize they're not all Americans.

      • Contentious

        Passing you a dictionary, dude, so you can look up "pious"

        • MonkeyMadness

          Yep, I meant holier than thou, but pious doesn't quite fit. How about pompous ass?

    • Chan

      In New Zealand a couple named their child "Superman" only because officials refused to let them name his "4Real". Dumbass.

  • gallego smash

    #17 unless it has a hidden meaning to it. i thought maddox was a good name

    • Tony

      Sadly, it's the only normal name in the whole post.

    • http://twitter.com/toogeekyforyou @toogeekyforyou

      same here, I see no reason why Maddox is a bad name. Honestly, Angelina could name her did whatever she wants lol.

      • Smitty

        Fair enough, but put it together:

        Maddox Jolie-Pitt

    • Cardidge

      Coco probably only sounds odd in America. Common to do that with with the 1st 2 letters of a name in Europe esp France. Coco, Gigi, Lulu.

      • LCC

        Its fine if you're a stripper or a two but crack whore.

        • Cardidge

          Fifi, Kiki, Bebe, Mimi, Gigi All normal over there

          • Dray

            Thats Do do man, you're Gaga

            • Clumpy


            • http://twitter.com/Gingergreek @Gingergreek

              ANd a bit Loco….dammit!!

      • todrunk2fck

        You are claiming it's normal and you mention France?

      • Underbaker

        Maybe they were going for a wrestler, Coco B Ware.

        • Guesty

          or Coco Ice Ts wife

    • ShakeyTheMoyle

      "Maddox kitchen table" came to mind. 10,000maniacs…..I'm old^_^

    • Jessie

      Maddox is a restaurant where I grew up… best bison steaks ever!

    • Algernonz

      very common Cambodian name. (my name)

  • Zaxxon

    #23 's actually pretty badass.

    • pirate

      no, no its not.

    • Abraham

      Kids on a fricken smart phone and in a stroller. Get up and walk punk!

      • Dr_StrangePants

        oh sweet mother of god….
        i can't afford an android for a 4 year old

    • newscot

      Do you think he was inspired from that Halloween episode of South Park that Korn was in?

      • Ryan

        aaaahhhhrrrrrrrrr you crazy?

        • DrROBOTO

          johnathan davis also sucks at music and desperately needs to retire.saw em live 6 years ago and pout on the worst live performance ive ever seen.Ive seen local bands around here do better and i live in indiana

  • SheriffPablo

    Kevin Smith named his kid Harley Quinn for god's sake. I Mean, it's fine to be a fan of a comic/cartoon, but why would you name your kid after the Joker's Bitch?

    • Lazlo

      Better than calling his kid after one of the robins.
      Also Harley Quinn is a name you can get away with for passing as normal seeing as bother harley and quinn are names used by many people today.

      • Merriam

        The problem: Harley Quinn sounds like a girl's name. but both Harley and Quinn separately sound like male names.

    • newscot

      I think that's pretty cool.

  • Karen

    I actually like the name Maddox.

    • Bobby

      i actually like the name ford madox ford.

    • nuccabay

      ya thats the least bad one…at least peoples last names are maddox

  • Mad Hittman

    Noone named their kid Zoltan? That name is awesome

    • Just_some_guy

      That's because no one on this list was Hungarian. Still plenty of Zoltans kicking it over there.

    • Ramrod

      What about Thor? Come on

    • Smuggler

      Zoltan Mesko. Punter for the Pats.

    • http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

      Went to school with a kid named Zoltan Morckz . Hey you out there Zolly?

      • panama99

        wasn't Zoltan the evil robat alien in Toy Story……

        Great way to start off the kid.

        • guest

          zurg. zoltan was king of the space freaks in dude where's my car.

  • Mito

    Proof that people, along with pets, should be spayed and neutered.

    • Merriam

      YAY for Eugenics!!!

  • O.o

    I…I know we make fun of cage a lot..but…11 is just scary

    • Pudge

      some parents try to get their kids to behave saying "santa won't come" or "the boogeyman will get you", I just tell mine "Nicholas Cage is watching you"…. works every time

  • Nick

    #12 : Jamie Oliver needs his head checked.

    • Lisa

      Seriously someone call CPS on this guy

      • zighawk73

        Actually if you drop the middle names the first names aren't so bad.

        • DexLargo

          My daughter's name is Poppy and we love the name – combined with Honey is a bit much though.

    • Dr_StrangePants

      once again…it's like a bell curve
      like the ghetto, we see that rednecks who manage to achieve a fair amount of celerity manage to revert to questionable Name Selection

      • Flully Flullenberger

        I'm assuming the only thing you know about Jaime Oliver is that he's wearing a hat in that picture.

    • http://Cmock127.blogspot.com Tater

      My wife just pointed out one kid's I initials are PBR….

  • Magpie

    #15 think you know what to do guys, a bit moar of Memphis

    • crash0520

      I was wondering if I was the only one.

    • Wet_tosti

      I have the weirdest Bono right now !!

      • Mike

        LOL well played….

        • Paul

          I'm Irish, I fucking hate bono, but dam!

          • timok023

            I read that in an Irish accent

      • http://www.thechive.com AdamBaldick


    • asdfl

      Really don't think that's a strange name compared to the others. I think she does go by Eve though and not memphis. Eve Hewson. wtf is bono's last name anyway?

      • 314_nick

        His name is Paul Hewson

    • http://www.thechive.com AdamBaldick

      That look… wow

  • MattKL

    "In the delivery room, the person taking the baby name should be allowed to say 'Uh, no.'"
    –Lewis Black

  • Kenny

    Honestly? Celebrities can't compare to that little girl, I believe she lives in New Zealand, that her parents bestowed upon her the name "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii". Yeah. I think some parents, or rather people, just shouldn't be able to name other people. Or rather, kids.

    • the other OTHER Jen

      or that idiot that named his kid Hitler.

    • Winnie

      Or Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116… pronounced as Albin

  • Phil

    Jay-Z and Beyonce can give that kid anything they want except a last name.

    • Backslash

      Good job stealing jokes.

      • Flow

        Also I'm not a huge fan of either one and I still know that their last names are Carter and Knowles. I just can't figure out what's up with Seal

  • Marcus

    I think Moxie Crime Fighter is pretty cool, and come on Kal El is not that weird, he just named it after his favourite comics. To be fair there are actually people who were born called Superman.

    • hazel

      i agree with you moxie is and awesome name!

  • cr1min4l

    Beezow Doo-Doo Zoppity-Bop-Bop-Bop .. Laser tag anyone?

    • TitoRigatoni

      Difference is his parents didn't name him that, he changed his name to it.

    • Steph

      I was thinking the exact same thing haha

  • Renaldo

    Sure that’s what they say their names are, but I find it had that they actually go through life as Pilot Inspektor or Battery or Vegetable or whatever.

    • Renaldo

      Hard to believe*

  • fed

    #21 another proof that he's a douche

    • Shawn

      He's just to lazy to remember a name, so he named his kid "Kyd", so he can just yell: "HEY KID COME OVER HERE!"

      • Bryan

        what a dumb fucking name


      In Moody we trust

  • amplidudes

    Poppey Honey ??? Oh lord, in school they'll call her honey poo!

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