Friday Dopamine Dump (40 photos)

  • Will


    Not my chair, not my problem

    • Dick Salad

      I did the ikea thing a few years ago when I got out of the military and got a new place and needed all new furniture… never again… Their furniture is shabby laminated crap and I'd rather pay extra for real furniture that doesn't require 4 hours of building shit with a little hex key.

      • its_forge

        First thing us smart ones do of course is get hex bits for our cordless drill. = )

    • rphilman1

      Wait, something is wrong with that chair… the legs are where the back should be! Haha!

    • Bobby

      If you're missing the part of the brain used to parallel park, you probably shouldn't be assembling furniture from Ikea.

    • Underbaker

      I wonder if that is the person who assembled it or the guys wife who is literally ROFLMAOing? Probably his wife.

      • Bob Saget

        It is the photographer's cousin, assuming the fetal position out of pure shame. This was on Reddit's front page a day or two ago.

    • Andrew

      Nice – Drinkin' outta cups!!!

    • geff

      That's what I always say!

    • Sticky Wickets

      5 6 4 3 yeah right!

    • Bon_nie

      Thats what you get for letting her out of the kitchen!

  • Instadeath


    • Bob


    • traw the ruler

      swing and a miss, douchebag.

  • Lucky_Charms

    #15 Jamie Hyneman

    • phideauxe

      Looks like Ron Swanson to me……

    • Sanchez


  • Humphrey

    #22 I have the weirdest boner right now.

    • rphilman1

      Not weird… not weird at all.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I has the droid she may be looking for! In my mutha fuckin pants yo!

    • Unfkngblvbl

      light saber boner? red or blue?

      • JLC

        Red now, blue later.

    • Dick Bag

      Why is it weird?

    • illuminati

      find her…….COMB THE DESERT!

      • Colonel Sandurz

        Sir…are we being to literal?

        • Darth Helmet

          No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert and we're combing the desert

          • Darth Helmet


            • Trooper

              We ain't found SHIT!

      • JHL1

        1,2,3,.Thats the combination to my luggage

    • Just Sayin'

      She set her blaster to stun….

  • KyleGoldstein

    #33 can he read???

    • OpMongoose

      Contrary to popular belief, Tracy Morgan can, in fact read, however as the picture shows he does not have opposable thumbs.

  • jb

    #39 you gotta you gotta go

  • Michael Trent

    #22 I'm in love #36 I lol'd

    • Dan

      I don't understand… why is #36 funny???

      • Kyle429

        Really? Wow…

      • Guest

        #36 Is Boba Fett at the Antiques Road Show with Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

      • DrROBOTO

        its antique roadshow w/ boba fett displaying his custom han solo carbonite still in the box…
        I dont think you belong here

        • Sarcasmatron

          Yes leave this place, This is a nerd only zone and if you dont get Star Wars references then you are dead to us.

  • nemesis

    #35 truth

    • AssClown

      School is a lot like a penis.
      It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

    • Underbaker

      Just remember Atheism is a religion, and if you show me yours I feel obligated to show you mine.

      • nemesis

        No, atheism is not a religion. It's just the rejection of a set of beliefs, that's all.

        I'm not showing you anything. I do think that a lot of theists refuse to acknowledge the persistence of their doubts as evidence of something.

        Take it easy 🙂

        • Underbaker

          But I don't doubt that there is a God, I think that Atheist refuse to acknowledge the persistence of their doubts that a God doesn't exist.
          But I am willing to concede that from a purely scientific view point that only the agnostics are the only non-religious people, because they do not cloud their judgement with a total belief/non-belief of a God/Gods.

          • sadman

            Indeed, sir. To make absolute claims about existence when we can't view 98% of our universe, takes a serious leap of… faith. My main problem with atheists is that their hatred of faith skews their science.

        • etcrr

          A religion is a set of beliefs in which a group of people agree and profess those beliefs to others. People who believe in atheism have become violent of late and therefore persecuting others who believe in God. This is called evangelism. Nemesis, Whether you like it or not, Atheism is a religion, it just isn't convenient for you to accept it

      • BigRick69

        ATHEISM IS NOT A RELIGION!! Atheism is not solely a belief that there is no god, it is just a way of living in reality to find true answers to questions about the universe. It is not a set belief system like religion because it constantly changes with new discoveries. If you look it up on Wikipedia, atheism qualifies as "secularism" or "irreligion". If people ask me if I am religious, I say no. If they ask what I believe in, I say it would take a while to explain. Sorry if you are offended when an atheist tries to educate you about logic and science, and please never feel obligated to explain your religion to us as we probably understand it better than you do.

        • Underbaker

          I will accept Wikipedia view of Atheism if you accept the Bibles view of Christianity.

          • BigRick69

            So you will merely accept Wikipedia's definition of atheism if I accept that Christianity is the one true religion out of the 1000s on the planet (Correct me if that isn't the bible's view)? How can you possibly be so vain as to believe that your one religion on one of an infinite amount planets has the answers to everything about the universe, or to believe your one of 7 billion human lives lasting 80ish of the14.3billion years the universe has been around is monitored and controlled by a god who created all existence and that grants you the fortune to win $50 on a scratch off lottery ticket? And to believe this Even though many religions like yours have come and gone, your beliefs are always modified to fit new science, and your people once condemned anyone who believed the earth wasn't the center of the universe, they flayed themselves during the black plague to because they believed this repentance would cure them, they worship their lord jesus who preached humility and acceptance in large golden temples (YOUR POPE LIVES IN A PALACE, SITS ON A THRONE, AND HAS AN ENORMOUS GOLDEN CROWN) all whilst damning all gays, heathens, and members of other religions? If everyone accepted religion consistently from the very beginning, we would believe weather was an act of the gods and sacrifice was required to bring rain and that all disease and disabilities were a product of evil spirits. How about you go fuck yourself and continue to not accept anything that makes sense.

            • BigRick69

              INB4 TL;DR
              sorry about the run ons and shit this just finally had to be said.

              • IICoLt45II

                i would click thumbs up twice if i could

              • Truth

                BigRick, I wouldn't just give you a thumbs up, I would give you a high five and then buy you a beer for being intelligent, logical and having common sense. Chive on brother!

            • Underbaker

              Glad you know me so well. For the first half of your rant you could equally apply that to the non-belief of a Deity. For the scratch off, I believe the lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math. I'm not Catholic and don't need a Pope. As for damning people I believe in hating the sin not the sinners. As for the last statement, I forgive you and I accept plenty of things that make sense. The point of the original statement is that Wikipedias does not hide its views on religion and politics, being very biased in each so I consider it the Bible of the Atheists. I am not asking you to accept my beliefs, please do not group me with every other belief you heard about claiming to be Christian and I will try to not do the same with all people claiming to be atheists. TTFN TTYL

              • BigRick69

                I like you Underbaker. You're the most tolerable religious person I've met.

                • Truth

                  "Tolerable religious person" LOL what an oxymoron.

                • Underbaker

                  Hey I do believe in God, but I'm not a moron and do love a good debate. I do occasionally lose it with idiots, but as I said in the past if I was just like Jesus then I wouln't need him. Thanks for the chat BigRick69.

            • Dirk Diggler

              Catholics worship the Pope. Christians worship Jesus Christ. There is a big difference.

              • JHL1

                Cover up, your ignorance is showing.

            • Trololol
          • christopher hitchens

            If atheism is a religion then not collecting stamps is a hobby. And what can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

        • VanIsleChiver

          we probably understand it better than you do.

          Fuck you're an arrogant piece of work!

      • Otter

        The above sign doesn't have anything to do with Atheism. It's merely saying Practice your beliefs and don't try to sell me on it.

    • Dirk Diggler

      Same could be said about homosexuality. You wanna be one, fine. You wanna be proud, so be it, but you start teaching my children that it is ok, we got probs… Dont push your immoral values on me, and i wont push my moral ones on you.

      • william wallace

        *cough*, douchebag, *cough*

        • poopsicle

          why you so gay william?

        • Dirk Diggler

          why douchebag? Because it's true? You don't want religion pushed on you and your kids, fine. Dont push homosexuality on me and mine. So go back to making out with your boyfriend mr. wallace. Just don't do it in front of my kids. ( I dont even want straight couples making out in front of my kids, but at least that is natural)

          • Stoops

            So what happens when one of your kids comes out of the closet, because he/she had been gay since birth? 1 in 10, maybe more are gay or bi. Be ready for that crushing blow to your world view.

          • william wallace

            Douchebag because its douchey. You're a bigot, its alright though, so are many Americans.

      • nemesis

        You lost all credibility when you started talking about morality.

        • etcrr

          Nemisis your arguement is invalid, it holds no weight or value go back to your non church and take it up with them

      • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

        Maybe you should take an active part in your child's life and reaffirm your beliefs, rather than deny other people their pursuit of happiness.

        • Joe Mama

          so, should someone be allowed to have sex with children because it makes them happy? How about someone have six wives because it makes them happy? Where does it end?

          • Underbaker

            It stops where the majority says it will stop by passing laws to make it illegal, because contrary to popular belief this country is not free, but a democracy ruled by the majority. The majority has passed laws that says sex with minors and having 6 wives is illegal. Got that bit of wisdom from "Law and Order"
            perp – It's a free country
            Fin (Ice-Tea) – This is a democracy, and the majority of us don't like what's going on here.

      • Becca

        Send your future bigots to a private religious school YOU pay for. Otherwise STFU. If you don't want your children to learn tolerance then don't let them in public.

    • DoomsDayDub

      Dear Everyone Responding to this Picture,

      Shut the f*ck up already!


      • Underbaker

        I apologize that our debates are offending you, but you do have the option of going away yourself and leaving us to our own amusements. Or to put it in BigRick69's vernacular "How about you go fuck yourself".

        • BigRick69


    • Doc Posey

      I posted this on facebook a while back and quickly lost two Alabama friends. Awesomeness.

  • jasgat66

    #7 Gimme my goddamn nuggets bitch..

    • techno_viking

      Nuggets? Black people for some odd reason all order the Filet O Fish. Only reason it's on the menu…

      • Pasty White Fella

        LIES! I eat that shit too.
        Great hangover food, if you can believe it.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Nigettes fighting over Nuggets… stay classy you skanky HOES!

    • Master_Rahl

      oh man, I'm 2 hours late with my witty joke. Nicely done.

    • Nny

      Give the bitches nuggets. Bitches love nuggets

    • VanIsleChiver

      working a 12hr nightshift I like to visit Prison Planet and The Chive but I cannot believe how racist Americans are.
      The USA is circling the bowl … racist bigots

  • Brian


    And here's his current house.

    • Dan

      Don't break American laws, even if you live in New Zealand and are not breaking theirs!

    • somebloke

      Big Business to US Govt: "Get this guy"
      US GOVT: "Yes master"

      US Govt to NZ Govt: "Get this guy"
      NZ Govt: "Yes master"

      NZ is just USA's bitch now.

  • jake

    She looks reasonably attractive without all the war paint on

    • Dufius

      Too bad she is dumb as fuck…..

      • The Pict

        I don't think there is any doubt she's smart enough to make a sandwich

        • Dufius


  • Ken

    #29… I feel your pain Al!

    • tralfaz

      His name is Habib.

      • Jeff

        Well done sir

    • The_Dood

      That was the background on my work computer for at least a month at the end of last year.

  • iambigd42

    #11 the force is strong in this one

    • homey the clown

      thanks Chive, this photo made me laugh-

  • ben

    #24 looks much better without all the makeup, but still just as annoying.

    • Chris McRae

      She is Hot without the makeup.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I still wouldn't mind taking a bat to that CUNT'S face!

      • Mr. Burgandy

        Amen Brother!

    • Master_Rahl

      now if only there were a mute button on her.

      • vandinz

        I could use my dick as a mute button.

  • passwordistaco

    #40 If you run like that you deserve to get caught

    • Auz_E

      Mad Cow Disease was taken, so they called it menstruation instead 🙂

      • Kris

        I lol'd.

  • Wakka Wakka

    #40 Mad Cow Disease "Mooo Bitch"

    • Sixk

      LMFAO and made me pee a little!

  • Dukeofohio

    #1 iz may not have good gramers and spellins but i can assembale things that come with instrections and dezined for people with iqs below 70

    • Evil Dung Beetle


  • nejyarnek

    #5 too much green, and that doesnt look like ALL the bacon and eggs you have.

    • rphilman1

      You can never have too much "green".

  • Verbal_Kint

    #39 crackception

  • rphilman1

    #39 Moon rock?

  • Tillman

    #6 Thank you, I feel the same way. I have always hated Valentine's Day.

    • Sundevil8181


      • Andy

        I second that !

    • Soulkilled

      I fell the same way!

    • ImpressMe

      Yeah…or just pissy because she never got a Valentine from anyone.

  • Guest

    #22 well i guess that explains why they can never hit anything

  • Verbal_Kint

    #24 less terrible to look at but still a fucking imbecile…

  • Dan

    #1 Yeah, she's a real carpentry genius…

  • Eric

    #4 Well it is now. Thanks a lot.

    • HandEgg


      • Edwin Winnipeg

        KISS = suckass fruits who cant play for shit
        BLACK SABBATH= awesome

    • WhatsThatSmell?

      Nickelback. They killed Rock and Roll. Ozzy was wrong…sigh.

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