Truths for Mature Humans (3 Photos)

338 14
338 14
  • RF3

    stuf, you’re such a loser. It’s clear that you have been part of the higher education provided by US academic institutions, but also clear that you’re probably one of those people with a high book IQ but a clear loser in real life where it matters most. I’m guessing, though very confident, that your only friends are stuffed kittens and the make believe friends that helped you get through your adolescence. Even better, I bet you secretly enjoy theChive and that’s what has you so upset. Either way, we’re all entertained to know that you troll theChive every day. Cheers douchebag!

  • Josh

    All are true, except for number 6. If we didn't learn cursive, we wouldn't have our own unique signatures. We would all sign documents like kids.


    In my world Pants ARE underwear….still never wash them!

  • Matt

    I love all of these, with the exception of the one about people on bicycles. I love to ride, and thats where I make my living. And I keep a couple D cell batteries in my jersey in case you are an ass to me. I have had and won 5 fights in my adult life, while wearing lycra and a helmet. That Navy SEAL training really comes in handy some times.

    • depot

      Translation: "I ride a bike. Did I mention I win fights and was/am a Navy SEAL?" Congratulations, asshole, that's the best backdoor bragging I've read in a long time. And if you're getting in that many fights at work, then you either work in a cartoonishly bad neighborhood, or you're starting them all. And based on the fact that you A, wear a jersey, and B, ride around with huge fucking D cell batteries stuffed inside of it, it's probably the latter.

    • Waty

      Your on a bike with batteries.. I'm driving a metal truck weighting 3500lbs moving at 60mph. I'm going to win.

  • Brian

    #20- Too bad I already live in the ghetto.

  • tagbadger

    I love the last one. I hit that shit in my sleep so I wake up late and then have to try and remember whether or not I actually ever set my alarm. Damn reflexes.

  • Anonymous

    lmao thank you, these are all so true!

  • mrahel

    Hate to say it but the chive has mysteriously turned into my mother, forwarding chain emails with this stuff in it.

  • Mike Hunt

    #23 — there is another time when I look forward to red lights. red light districts!

  • Ethan Shuster

    Some freezers have a light, too. Mine does.

  • Prometheus

    more pussy please

  • AliceNRoses

    Did anyone else read all of these in their mind in Mitch Hedberg’s voice? I certainly did =)

  • Matt

    Guilty of bein a grocery bag bandit haha i always do it in one trip

  • Mladjo

    #5 How To Fold a Fitted Sheet

  • Michael

    For # 20…God forbid you ever have to see less fortunate people. Asshole.

  • Juiol

    #12 Pff, I'm already ignoring blu-ray

  • Anonymous

    All of these were stolen from, from the individuals who created them. True story.

  • dave

    Why does everyone hate cyclists? Makes me sad. The rest was funny and didn't make me sad tho.

  • @trustnoone73

    All but 30 true

  • skankhead

    25……… You do not say "what" you say pardon

  • Jon


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