Daily Morning Awesomeness (25 Photos)

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  • NeYo

    FIRST!!

    • JJJ

      You are a cunt.

      • NeYo

        Thanks for the response. It's why I do it. lulz

    • http://twitter.com/ShirleyMiller11 @ShirleyMiller11

      Life is short,we always need passion! Try— onenightcupid.c/0/m —, a place for people who wanna start a short-term relationship. And also for finding soul mates. Tens of thousands honest members with real photos and detailed profiles. Come in and give it a shot, you will find your saucy match there. Have fun! ^_^

      • trollolol

        obvious troll is obvious

    • MRPOOP

      BALLS IN THE MOUTH

  • etcrr

    #24 awkward boner but funny as hell

    • fuckoffstan

      Shouldn't you be playing bingo at the senior center?

    • Heather

      Isn't that that fetish chick?

    • http://thechive.com/ mattythegooch

      Her hands are still mobile, and mouth unrestricted……not a total loss.

    • Rach

      derp

    • moogle



      Chuck Norris lost all his awesome

      • http://togtfo.com Don

        You can only lose awesome if you have it. He never had it.

        • hydrogenbond

          I'm glad I'm not the only one who is sick of all the Chuck Norris BS

    • bob

      hot.
      and helpless.
      giggity.

  • etcrr

    #25 Gotcha! Payback from a bitch, Bitches love payback

    • fuckoffstan

      gotcha? holy fuck you are pathetic

      • Wark

        Did this guy take your virginity and now he never answers your calls or something?

      • James

        this coming from a dude named fuckoffstan?

        • LBL

          Thank you from pointing out it was from him. i now verbally (typingly?) retract my thumbs down from fuckoffstan's comment. Stan_Dalone was, and probably still is, worse than a hipster, d-bag, and a dude that does the duckface all rolled into one. Stan_Dalone could be in reality a super hot chivette and I would still hate her. i would feel bad about it, but that's how much Stan should fuck off

    • panama99

      Too funny. The girl did great.

      This from a dad with a 12 year old daughter. I want to download this one.

      • Coward

        right-click -> Save Picture(or Image) As…

  • blub_glub

    #27 I just wanted to see how this would look in the comments.

    • dedubs

      so… why didn't he just whittle the cork so it would fit?

      • Heather

        Depends on if it was a real or synthetic cork. If it was synthetic, its nearly impossible to do because they start to fall apart.

      • nemesis

        Because drinking the whole bottle is more fun than…well…not drinking the whole bottle. Don't ask me why, it's just science.

        • JHL1

          He blinded me with science.

    • AmBush_Steve

      Put the cork in upside down. It always works, synthetic or not.

      Besides, 1 bottle and he's passed out. Lightweight. Stick to a couple of bottles of beer.

      • Dan

        Wine is more alcoholic than beer, sometimes to a great extent, and often relatively inexpensive. That's why cheap wine is the homeless man's drink of choice. You might want to actually turn 21 before you start making stupid comments.

        • The Foley

          I still agree though that passing out after one bottle of wine is lightweight, a bottle of wine normally only averages to around 8-9 standard drinks a bottle.

        • AmBush_Steve

          (sarcasm font on) Wine is more alcoholic than beer? Really? Thanks for that lesson on fermentation. (sarcasm font off) A little lesson of my own now. Wine typically has an 11 to 17% alcohol volume (22 to 34 proof for the U.S. folks). Depending on what country you're in, beer is on average 5%. That bottle of wine is 750ml and a typical bottle of beer is 355ml, or a little less than half. Assuming that the bottle of wine is 17% (17% is rare) If we do the math, this young man drank the equivalent of between 6 and 7 typical beer. I'll let you all make the call on whether or not that's a lightweight.

          • get a clue

            I was waiting in anticipation for this one. Someone makes statement, then a tasteless response. Followed up with my favorite, the "know it all" who has obviously an expert after is many adventures to wineries/brew tours.

            • Underbaker

              Followed by the asshole who pretends to be above it all but must make a comment and then the smart ass who thinks it is better to be a smart ass then a dumb ass. <img src="http://images.sodahead.com/polls/001010875/smart20ass20webdesign_xlarge.jpeg"&gt;

              • get a clue

                Touche '

            • AmBush_Steve

              No adventures on winery / brew tours. Just speaking from my experience as a cork soaker from way back.

              • c.ash

                you know…when you came in here, i could have sworn you where already an expert cork soaker.

                • Underbaker

                  Do you think you could teach me to be a cork soaker? (had to share for those who don't know what we are talking about)

                  • AmBush_Steve

                    Thanks Baker for the back-up and the laugh again over this classic SNL bit.

          • Guest

            Why should we assume that the wine is 17%, when by your own admission that is rare? In fact most red wines are between 12 and 15% – there are very, very few outliers on either end. Only fortified or dessert wines are higher, and this doesn't appear to be one of those. Some varietals tend to be lower, such as sauvignon blanc, but that is a white wine. Within that spectrum, the bolder more tannic varieties that tend to come from California are usually between 14 and 15%, whereas Bordeaux's from most producers are on the low end of the range, between 12 and 13%. Everything else usually falls in the 13-14% range.

            14% (midway between your estimate, and on the high end of mine) would be about 5.9 beers. That's a strong dose in an hour, but usually not enough to make someone pass out. A simple BAC calculation, assuming a weight of 68 kg (looks about right), consuming 750 ML of 14% alcohol in 1 hour gives us about .173% BAC. That's high, but pretty far below the rate that would cause involuntary unconsciousness (typically sets in between .25-.30%).

            The Asian factor could play a role – it is known as Alcohol Flush Reaction, and is caused by a defective allele that is common (though the majority do not have it) in certain Asian populations, but extremely rare otherwise. The guy in this photo is not exhibiting any of the early physical symptoms, the most common being an obvious flushing of the face and neck.

            Then again why are we assuming he passed out. Maybe in his impaired judgment he merely decided to sleep it off on the dining room floor.

            • boll

              WAAAAAAAAYYYYY TL;DR

            • Your Neighbor

              Man, if you are that dedicated to examining this guys drinking habits, I really hope your real job is curing canser or finding alternative sources of energy.

              • Your Neighbor

                sorry, cancer not canser

            • Underbaker

              How many people read that in Sheldon Coopers voice?

      • The_Stif

        Asians have a difficult type metabolizing beer. and he is small. Probably did actually hit him pretty hard.
        http://www.wisegeek.com/do-people-of-asian-descen

    • FunctioninAlcoholic

      Should read Wine Wednesday then I would understand, but that was your Saturday night?

      • thatdude

        @The_Stif you say that we Asians have a hard time metabolizing alcohol? Bitch please, come here to the Philippines, every European/American that I know passes out before we can start the real party. stop the stereotyping and mellow down on reading stuff on the Internet.. Oh I forgot, EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET IS TRUE… my bad on that part.

    • lonin

      That's a great bottle of wine. Not hard on the wallet with excellent flavor.

  • MattKL

    #13 And the Pulitzer goes to…

  • Me.

    #8 the moment he jumped off reminded me of this… <img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/2n07894.jpg&quot; border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">

    • stumeister

      hahahaha thanks for opening my eyes !

  • Sgt. Website

    #14 fucking love this. Kristen Wiig just did a hilarious Lana Del Rey on last weeks SNL.

    • http://twitter.com/McBeastie666 @McBeastie666

      she did. but i wish they would bury that secret word sketch. shit's not funny.

      • ROK247

        maybe if they do the same tired shit 130 more times, it will start to grow on you? seems like that's their plan.

  • Him

    #17 would have been 5 second notice but they let him stay due to cake.

  • Afro

    one hour later.. second

  • Brian

    Fucking Chive On form Michigan Tech Winter Carnival All-Nighter.!!!

    • Yooper

      sausage fest

  • fuckoffstan

    How about you just make a goddam short-film next time?

    • Dr. Evil

      hey Dick Head how about you go back to school, fuckin drop out

  • Heather

    #19 Epic

    • offy mcoff

      Surely he was off-side….

      • dagleja3

        The ball was not passed to him by a team-mate, so no off-sides

      • iugbdig

        Wow….. sounds like you really know your soccer bud. (fucking idiot)

        • Mike Duncan

          Many North Americans don't. If we want to watch diving we go to a pool.

      • Leonel_LyL

        LMFAO. You don't understand the game, mate. 😛

  • twentyseven

    #27

    • trollerface.jpg

      asian. *hands-miracle.jpg*

  • Bob Lee Swagger

    #9

    Want to snowboard SO BAD…damn this terrible winter

    • wantomas

      Ugh, tell me about it. Cali is struggling. We need a post of chivettes doing sexy snow dances. That might please the gods…

  • tabooli babaganoosh

    you're not half the man your mother is.

  • http://marcussam.wordpress.com/ marcussam

    #2 hungry again…

    • http://thechive.com/ GernBlansten

      Started drooling the second I saw that…..

    • sdago25

      How do they do that type of magic?

      • Elan

        Looks like it's just Pancetta put into muffin liners, and then cooked in the oven with the eggs in the center. From the cheese, I'd guess that's either under the egg, or added afterwards. Really doesn't look that hard.

  • vodkamartini

    #19 Just do it bitch

  • aciekay

    #21 i just hate spiders..

    • Wark

      Yeah, they're just so financially irresponsible. Get a job, spiders!

    • dochandy

      me too.

  • Mathias

    #19 Pure genious!

    • whtevvr

      And apparently you're not, because you can't even spell 'genius'.

      • Doobsy

        LOL!!!

  • Jon

    #12 still counts

  • A2_tha_MFK

    #1 Nailed it!

    • MonkeyMadness

      It looks like a big cake.

  • myself

    #16 One good full body sneeze and death. Anyone know what the deal is with the chains?

  • Crispy

    #6 If I were their father, I would buy them whatever toy they wanted.

    • Cowboy1354

      After you give them the fake "disappointed in you boys" in front of the wife. If your divorced it's Chuck E Cheeses and ice cream till they pass out.

  • POSTdiluvian

    #23 that's…. not love

    • thatguy

      clearly you have never been in love

    • sadman

      Did you ever see Misery from Stephen King? She only breaks his knees with a sledge hammer so they can be together.

    • Not a fan

      No, but if he wises up it could be a foursome.

    • Boooger

      No, its way fucking better!

    • mtpuckhead

      GO AVALANCHE!!!!

  • pete

    #6

    #7 – mom? oh my gosh

    • Ken

      Shopped… you'd see the left side of that chicks body (at least a little bit) on the other side of the leg…. I call bullshit

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