Daily Morning Awesomeness (30 Photos)

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  • Bill

    First!

    • :^)

      Last to get laid.

  • Me.

    #11 "I'm running from anyone trying to steal my virginity" also known as….No one.

    • ballstein

      good one

  • dazisafag

    #23

    you are still a pussy

    • Young Comfy Jones

      And you still can't do that

      • ggggg

        I'm too busy knocking people into concussions

    • Mel Gibson

      i fucking hate him so much

      • Munyshot

        he's not Jewish Mel. Besides you hate everyone.

    • sit ubu sit good dog

      puck wit……!

    • Smokey

      Golden Goal baby! Crosby Is The Shit.

    • Byron_Black

      Whatever, man. That is a hell of a shot!

      • fkslwojmtfj

        Fake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        *facepalm*

    • Kyle Ruts

      Skill wise hes good. Other then that hes a giant twat. Every time someone puts a sick on him he looks at the ref for a penalty. Its hockey not basketball grow a pair.

      • Nicnac

        Yah, I especially hated how he faked getting knocked on the skull twice in a row…

    • TylerPerry

      Cindy Crosbitch, being a pussy since who cares when…

    • http://twitter.com/Poliel @Poliel

      Internet tough guys…lol

      People used to say the exact same thing about Gretzky, funny how that happens.

  • Him.

    #16 Squirrels Squirrels Squirrels 😉

    • Stephen

      Hahah! This song whent through my head when I saw this too!!

    • Underbaker

      She must not be a very attractive squirrel, all the tables are empty.

  • passwordistaco

    #25 Best. Sign. Ever.

    • Logicyup

      Even if he didn't remember them, I bet he re-introduced himself. And I'm sure their parents had a week long face palm after seeing that.

    • Miguel

      Not as funny as the real non-photo shopped sign though ("I wish I only got 2 minutes for hooking."). Does anyone really think security would let a dick sucking sign though the front door?
      http://thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com

      Go Bruins, hope Seguin gets Cup #2 this year.

      • Miguel

        Should have said "Cup number 2". Toddler warm-ups have nothing to do with the Stanley Cup, unless you're talking about the LA Kings, man they have a good young team.

      • Caleb

        though the front door? God, you are retarded…..and even dumber after throwing the Asian kid stretch in there……Bruins fans can lick balls. Canucks all the way this year.

        • Trav

          Haha A Canucks fan calling someone else retarded? The place is thick with irony this morning. Oh wait. Sorry that is smoke from whatever you are rioting today, ya fucking loser.

        • http://www.thechive.com AdamBaldick

          Fuck you and your canucks

      • YUP

        Here I was loving this picture and you had to mention photo shop. Damn you, Miguel! Ignorance really is bliss.

    • sit ubu sit good dog

      you can tell he loves it by the expression on his face…..

    • vince chase

      its so fuckin hilarious

    • Underbaker

      So is the guy on the left part of that group, that looks like where 19 is looking?

    • Amigo

      just a couple of pucks

    • ROK247

      worst kind of photoshop fail is when your version isn't as funny as the original.

  • first

    Lol

  • Still_Counts

    #13 What kind of wizardry is this???

    • Logicyup

      The evil kind.

  • etcrr

    #14 is a boat load of awesome

    • Logicyup

      Get that elephant an eye patch and replace that boot with a peg and we'll have us the worlds most awesome pirate. He could bury gold anywhere and not even need a map. They never forget.

    • billiam

      restored my faith in humanity…

  • Hm.

    #24 Want!

    • fignewton

      You want to be gay too?

    • monoxxide

      if you want one, make one ,they are not hard to build. besides it beats paying like 400 bucks for one

  • MattKL

    …Seriously?

    It's a Rancor head, from return of the Jedi. Now turn in your geek card.

    • Burblecutt

      Don't mind him, he's the village idiot.

    • Logicyup

      You should hold onto it. For each geek fact you spout out, you receive a hole punch. Get ten holes punched and you can turn the card in to get your virginity back. Not sure why you'd want it back, but options kick ass.

      • Scumbag Steve

        I always wanted to be a virgin with Herpes.

      • Stans virginity

        Get me back? I never left!

    • Dantheloser

      How did you access the internet without a geek card!? That shouldn't be possible.

    • hud

      turn in your AARP card instead you fucking fuck.

  • Logicyup

    #15 That is wonderfully mean.

    • bastard

      fake

    • oopeiceacandy

      Somthing tells me a tractor is not very good to sneak up on someone in…

  • MattKL

    #15 Epic April Fool's joke!

    • monoxxide

      it's fake he would have woken up with the tractor engine noise they are not quiet one bit

  • joe

    #30 Is that real?

    • Anjin-San

      like a boss…

      • Anjin-San

        ..but it is not real.

        look at how the other guy moves while he waits for Obama to come.
        It is a movement loop.

        and also, I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time

    • Bill

      Oh yeah,… the dude has a half pipe just off the Oval Office… Dullard.

    • Hans

      Either way, Obama is an idiot and if re-elected will ruin your country, exponentially compared to what he's done thus far – standby for a front row seat all of you mindless sheep! Poor poor Americans, too fat, too lazy, and most of all too stupid… Poetic justice! Meanwhile we'll be watching and eating popcorn while the demise unfolds on TV!

      • hondo

        Hey America, Canada here, we don't agree with Hans. We think you're pretty fuckin awesome. In fact Obama is one very smart, talented motherf*cker. Hope you're having a fine cup of joe this am.

        Signed, some guy in Toronto.

        • portlandst.

          Seconded from Toronto!

        • DaBigMachine

          Hey Canada, we love you guys too, but please clarify what Obama has done that makes him smart? Because our unemployment rate, sky-rocketing debt, slumping housing market, rising fuel prices and higher healthcare costs aren't feeling so genius right now.

          • http://facebook.com/travisbartella misanthropetb

            He hasn't fucked things up as bad as Bush.
            That's a win in my book.

            • DaBigMachine

              Really? Did you not even read the post you just replied to? Bush did his damage and now Obama is doing even more damage. Neither were great, but Obama is one man wrecking ball. He's already outspent Bush in just 3 years! And what do we have to show for all the added debt? His signature Healthcare Law is looking like, thankfully, it's going to be struck down by the Supreme Court for being illegal… pardon me, "unconstitutional" (which means illegal). He's ran up the debt, we've had the longest sustained recession since the Great Depression, we've got record high fuel and energy prices (which he said early in his administration was by design), a housing market that is still in the doldrums and a country that is more divided than ever. So either way you slice it, he's still "f*#cked" things up pretty well. Or, to be kind, he sure hasn't helped anything. Heck, even Congress didn't vote for his latest farce of a budget. Not one single vote (even from a Democrat). So again what has he done right?

              • Beaver

                He's still fixing the shit Bush fucked up. I can't pretend to be well versed in American politics but all your Armed forces costs come form Bush and Obama was bound to have it tough when he too office during such hard times. Also the spending comes from bailouts to large corporations which are arguably an important facet of the American economy and contribute to adding jobs in an increasingly outsourced world. Blame Obama if you may but he is doing what is necessary to help get America out while trying to introduce new things like the costly but effective healthcare plan which would greatly help those who aren't so well off. He is in my opinion much better then 'King' Harper who was BFFs with Bush!

                • Nicnac

                  Canadians… don't try to reason with us. We have the attention span of goldfish. The current guy is the only one we can blame with venom. When the next guy is unable to fix anything, we will blame him as well.

                  • Justin

                    So true.

                • thedude325

                  Yea, Bushed made mistakes but Obama has only added fuel to the fire. He was elected to lead but instead he blames everybody and everthing except himself. It's Bush's fault, it's the economy's fault, it's the bank's fault, it's the tsunami/ earthquake in Japan's fault. The media is very persuasive in leading one to believe that Obama is just trying to clean up Bush's mistakes. This "healthcare" plan is 2000+ pages long and includes God knows what kind of regulations. They didn't even read it before passing it. Not to mention it is unconstitutional and is another step towards government controlling what we do and how we do it. Obama can blame as many people as he wants, but at the end of the day, it doesn't fix the economy and it doesn't get rid of the deficit.

                  • JohnAtell

                    Maybe you guys should elect congressmen with a variety of professions; not just businessmen and lawyers. Scientists, engineers, analysts. You know, academia.

                    • DaBigMachine

                      I see why you might say that, the problem IS the academia. We need people who have been successful in the 'real world' not academic types who've never tried to be an entrepreneur or worked in a corporate atmosphere. We currently HAVE an ex-professor for President who's surrounded himself mostly with academic types. And if they're not academic types, they just came from big money or married in to it (I'm looking at you John Kerry). Look at who are President looks to for back-up: Warren Buffet, George Soros, Jeff Immelt, and other special-interest string pullers. Granted their businessmen, and successful ones at that, but they're the puppet masters requesting legislation that improves their bottom dollar. I don't love Mitt Romney, but at least he's a successful businessman trying to actually be a political leader.

                    • JHL1

                      *into *our *they're

                    • thedude325

                      Thank you. Most congressmen are lawyers. People who couldn't cut it in applied mathmatics. Some businessmen in congress would be a good thing but look at assholes like Chris Dodd, the guy who basically co-caused the housing crisis and most likely initiated SOPA and PIPA. We need people who can think, that would be awesome.

              • assman

                you sir are showing your intelligence, and it is coming up wanting. Blaming one man for hardships and problems that took much longer than 4 years to generate shows no lack of forethought. I'm sure you are one of the real culprits of the housing failure…you know the ones that ignored the fact that they couldn't afford the house or the big tv or the giant car but decided if they'll give me a loan then I'll take it anyway because I want this thing now, I don't want to save up for it. The banks were sneaky yes, but in the end people like you signed on the dotted line anyway, no one put a gun to your head.

              • http://facebook.com/travisbartella misanthropetb

                Well, off the top of my head he killed Bin Laden, ousted Gaddfi, started pulling us out of a pointless war in Iraq, phased out expensive outdated weapon systems that weren’t even used or needed in Iraq/Afghanistan, removed restrictions on stem-cell research, provided federal support for stem-cell and biomed research, ended Bush's policy of giving tax benefits to corporations who outsource American jobs, and he got a new dog.

                Has he made mistakes? Yeah, but he's not 100% to blame for the state this country is in.

              • Visitohr

                It's still fucking funny how americans just rinse-repeat every election. Do you lot really think one guy (a 'president') can fix all that shit? You think obama can just undo the recession? Every election people just believe everything thats said and follow like lemmings, all candidates promise unreal changes and everyone's buying it. Then, 4 years later everyone goes …wait a min, he lied!
                You can elect whoever you want of the candidates, once they place their toiletseat in the bathroom of the white house, nothing big changes. It's politics.

              • Stefan

                High fuel prices? I'm laughing about that. Whats ur price? 50 cent? (haha XD)

                About 1,47 Euro here… *sigh*

                • sjakie

                  That's still cheap. It's 1.79 euro in the Netherlands… That's per liter, not per gallon.

          • Klix

            Our gas prices, real estate and taxes are just as ridiculous up here. There's a reason I buy my alcohol down there

          • D-Wiz

            wow you should change your name to DaBigDummy cause you don't know what you're talking about. I live in Canada and I can tell from your post I know more about American politics than you. lets start with your unemployment rate, which has decreased since Obama took over from Bush, your fuel prices aren't in the slightest controlled by the president, your higher health care costs mean you can actually get healthcare, the housing market is slumping because it was artificially inflated by the banks which was a major cause to the recession and which Bush did nothing to stop even though it was entirely illegal, and again, your debt was created by Bush not Obama. Maybe you should stop getting all of your information from fox "news".

            • DaBigMachine

              Really? Let's address your claim about unemployment first:

              – The unemployment rate when Barack Obama took the oath of office on January 20, 2009, was 7.8 percent. Today it's 8.3 percent. But that's only part of the picture, for there were 133.6 million people on non-farm payrolls that month. Now that number is 131.9 million, a 1.7 million decline. Under Obama workforce participation has dropped to a 30-year low. Workforce participation is an important figure because it tells us details about the job market that the ordinary old unemployment rate tends to obscure. When the Labor Department tabulates its data, it only counts adults as "unemployed" if they don't have a job but are still hunting for one. People who have given up searching for work get left out of the equation. So if enough people get discouraged by the barren labor market and stop looking for jobs, the unemployment rate, perversely enough, goes down.

              – Point #2 Fuel price – Are you seriously missing the fact that he has greatly reduced oil and natural gas exploration and procurement? The growth in these areas has occurred on PRIVATE LAND where his administration hasn't been able to 'control' drilling. What about not approving the Keystone pipeline? How about using the EPA to shutdown coal fire power plants by regulating them out of business? Every time they reduce our energy options they create higher demand (ie. costs goes up) for what's left. Get it? So yes, the President very much can affect energy prices through his policies. He's created our current energy prices which have significantly gone up since he was inaugurated.

              – Point #3 "your higher health care costs mean you can actually get healthcare" – Did you even read how dumb that sounds before you posted it? Higher health care costs now are causing small businesses and groups to lose or be dropped from their health care. And for what? A law that's about to be declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. He's driven up all of our costs for a failed policy. Time he should have used during his first year to focus on our economy.

              – Point #4 "The housing market is slumping because it was artificially inflated by the banks which was a major cause of the recession" – Yes, this had nothing to do with the Democratically controlled Congress since January 2007 insisting that banks give loans to lower income people (ie. SUB-PRIME) so they may get into homes and using Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to facilitate these sub-prime loans. Congress forces banks to do dirty deeds and they did their best to polish the turds they were given. Again, NO ONE forces people to take loans for more than they can handle.

              – Point #5 "Maybe you should stop getting all of your information from FOX news" – I don't get my new from Fox. Maybe you should get your news from sources other than MSNBC, Media Matters and most other main stream media "news" outlets.

              • Ryan

                Politics!

              • angry_redneck

                THEY TOOK OUR JOBS

                • JHL1

                  Dey tuk ar jobs!

                  • kashakesh

                    dey derk der der!!

          • Jules-CO

            Confused…Most of them were here before Obama and will be here after Obama….
            People: Quit thinking that every president is going to fix EVERYTING….impossible..

          • Sme

            But it was Bush and the republicans that started it and so now Obama is stuck with their crap yeah?

          • kashakesh

            i am going to reply at this level because from this point forward, you bring republican rhetoric in. no president has ever controlled gas prices – that's OPEC you might be thinking of. they don't control the debt (although they can take steps to manage this), they don't control the unemployment rate – that would be the successful business people of which you speak (the same ones that have been hoarding cash for three years) and healthcare costs – this seems to be an interesting mixture inflation vs. wages not raising at the same rate (for the last 40 years). Understandably, the president is in a position of leadership and people want to hold him to account.

            What has he done? http://whatthefuckhasobamadonesofar.com/ – yes, this is propaganda from the other side. it also happens to be true.

            For the record, i miss the innocent, pre-terror, pre TSA, blow-job having, bad sax playing days of bill clinton…

          • DrFunkenstein

            Unemployment rate: getting better. Debt: Repubs refuse to raise taxes on the rich, so no increased revenue. Fuel prices: Not controlled by the president, controlled by speculators on Wall St. Higher healthcare costs: Thank the repubs again for fighting against healthcare. Soooo what's the problem?

        • Patches

          Hey Hondo, fellow Canadian here. You don't speak for me, I agree with Hans. Obama is an idiot, and if re-elected has the potential to drag us down with them.
          Oh and by the way, Canada has a majority Conservative government 🙂

          • Steve

            Unfortunatly……

          • D-Wiz

            which was illegally obtained through voting fraud. but hey, cons just want power so who cares how they get it. and harper is dragging us down quite well all by himself, i wouldn't worry about obama if i were u

          • DaBigMachine

            From what I hear Canada's been doing with the new government. Good on them!

      • 'Merica

        I'm certain you meant that you'll be eating dick. Don't worry, we'll continue to be fat and rule this world long after you bow to whatever silly government is installed this week. Believe me, your rulers line up to blow America. Sweet dreams.

        • ReadABook

          This fool in no way represents the opinions of educated, or even reasonably intelligent Americans. It's a shame that the whole " 'Merica" phrase has come to embody the dumbest examples of humanity we have to offer.

          • Canadian

            I never understood the whole "Merica" thing either! How does that sound badass to anybody?? It just makes the Americans look to fat and lazy to bother spelling their own countrys name properly…

      • THIS IS MADNESS!!!

        Pretty sure we're kinda screwed no matter who is President, so focus on your Congressional elections. They are the ones who affect the U.S. the most. The President just has control of foreign relations. It's not even like Obama doesn't sign stuff that is shady from Congress.

        • DaBigMachine

          I guess you're not up to speed on his ability to bypass Congress using legislation through regulation (ie. the EPA), or his ability to not do his Constitutional duty of upholding the laws set by Congress through the Department of Justice (see: Eric "Fast & Furious" Holder). Or perhaps, his desire to be "flexible" with the new President-for-Life of Russia on missile defense? The list goes on…

          • Fred Garvin

            Trying to reason with moms basement is a waste.
            The comment section here proves the Republic is doomed.

      • bubzub

        What you and pretty much everyone seems to not realize is that if AMERICA goes down, we're taking the rest of the world with us in financial despair.

      • Hans-free

        Obvious troll is obvious

      • Da Sandman

        fucking retarded americans… obama is way better than bush and you're all to stupid to realize it… in case you din't notice: the whole western world is in a crisis… fuel prices are going up everywhere in the world. Obama can't do anything about it so giving him shit for that is just ignorant. Saying that the health care system is useless just makes you even more of an idiot. Bush completely ruined your country and obama is now left to clean up the mess he made.

      • world

        Dear America, this is the complete opposite of what the rest of the world thinks.

    • dominantone

      If it had been real I think I would have liked the guy a bit more.

    • guest

      I just think it's hilarious that this huge political argument/discussion came from one little gif. I thought this was supposed to be a fun site, not a political war zone.

      • Thror

        Oooo, but it has been fun. You yourself said it was hilarious, and I agree. There's gold to mine up in them thar hills…

    • Chief Hosa

      Ride a f@cking bike to work you lazy bastards or buy a motorcycle. Don't vote Obama if you want to pay enormous healthcare costs. That is all.

      • davo

        lol at you Americans and your political bullshit! Yep, you're all going to make a difference arguing like retards about it on a website! Good work everyone!

  • ggggg

    #26

    Anchorman #2 coming soon!

    • Trav

      Yes to Anchorman 2, no to stretching baby fake props 2. 😦

    • fil

      anchorman 1 sucked anyway, so what's the big deal. God, it was such a retarded movie….

  • Rollout25

    #4 Yeah that seems about right

    • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1064188593 Josh Gorter

      Still a ginger

    • kirah

      seems right and scary as hell…… *shudders*

  • ggggg

    he is 20 years old lol

  • passwordistaco

    #28 That's where the magic happens.

  • ;) .

    #25 "Idk come back to my bus and refresh my memory"

  • RealZoo

    #16 "I'm just a squirrel……trying to get a nut!"

  • yazz flute

    #26 Hey everybody, come see how good I look!

    • :^)

      Cannonball!!!!

  • http://m.facebook.com/KCCOHockey? TBASHAM

    23 doesnt matter if you have a headche and yoir vagina hurts to much to play

    • sit ubu sit good dog

      #23

  • b3nje

    is #30 real!?!?

    • Kid

      This is the internet…everything is real.

    • thom

      That douche couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time, and wouldn't know his own name without a teleprompter.

    • kellen

      no matter. if it is true, the president is skateboarding… skateboarding?! If i remember correctly, he is the f ing president, not rob dyrdek

  • Richard

    #20

    But what? It's not like the dog died, only the foster parents (And also John lives because of it, therefore humanity)

    In other words: WHO'S a good dog! Is it you? Yes it is! Yes you ARE a good dog!

    • Rollout25

      No, the dog did die.

      • Ettienne

        Indeed, the dog got it. Now turn in your geek card.

    • diamond

      Hey Janelle, Whats wrong with Wolfie????

  • tek

    #19 i think its more like dragon warrior

    • http://www.facebook.com/KakaiXero Chase Whosoever

      you are correct sir,

    • Byron_Black

      Final Fantasy.

      • http://www.facebook.com/dtranchemontagne David Tranchemontagne

        Wrong. Dragon Quest/Warrior

    • The_Dood

      It's the beta for the NES game they're working on.

    • Lonnie P

      dragon warrior indeed..or dragon quest for you traditional types

    • ZachBob

      Not a new feature, just an April Fool's thing. I tried to get it, but there was no "quest" button…

  • Grippy
    • TruthHurts

      Wow, that showed em! Now you can go get laid (snicker).

    • http://www.facebook.com/alexander.t.miller Alex Miller

      The Mrs. and I would love to point out that it may be "Dragon Warrior", but the real name of the series is called "Dragon Quest". TSR(The company that owned Dungeons and Dragons before Wizards of the Coast and Hasbro) had the rights for "Dragon Quest" in the U.S. at the time, so Enix had to pick something else back in the 80's and early 90's. But KCCO. Google did something awesome on April Fools Day yesterday.

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