These books actually exist and they just made my day (36 Photos)

226 18

I couldn’t make up these titles if I tried.

Via Boredpanda

226 18

    #29 I swear we had this book in our house as children!!! Hilarious reminiscing happening right now.

    • Alex

      "A one hump camel makes a one hump poop and a two hump camel makes a two hump poop"

      Best quote from a book EVER.

    • ChelseaRules

      Why is there an apple on the cover? I'm about 99% sure an apple doesn't poop.


    • The_Dood

      I always enjoyed "You're a Naughty, Naughty Boy, and That's Concentrated Evil Coming out the Back of You!" myself…

    • Longtimelurker

      Was your copy scratch & sniff too?

    • Gallus

      I saw this book in a store once. I laughed my arse off and considered buying it just to have it. I didn't, but I wish I had.

      • StickyWickets

        It's actually a pretty common book. I read it when I was a kid.

  • Lisa

    I want to buy all these books and prominently display them in my living room

    • Kody Fossett

      Yes… Just yes

  • MattyDeuce

    #20 I swear, I have met that one before…scary shit, kids.

    • MattyDeuce

      BTW, I see he has written other cliffhangers such as Apeshit…so there's that.

      • Biggus Diccus

        Yeah that made me laugh more than the other titles.

    • T Bags

      Here is his full list of books. My favorite is Satan Burger!

      • Noo

        Apparently he wrote the prequel to Twilight. Called the Faggiest Vampire

        • Dan

          "War Slut" sounds like the best book ever.

    • Dick Salad

      #6 is the 'O face' I get from looking at this book.

  • jean.

    #35 I can think of a couple.

    • bz1

      I would hope so, being a woman! ;-)

    • A-state

      I actually own a copy of this book! its hilarious.

    • Gadsden

      That comment is so much better cause your attractive!

      • tapsnapornap

        Her attractive what?

        • Dick Salad

          you new here? she submits all the time and is smokin hot

          • Dick Salad

            oh nvm I see… your not you're, I'm going to put my power point away now.

            • tapsnapornap

              Yeah it's my clever grammar comment. I have commented here a few times but generally refrain from putting the hottest girls in my comments, and having the comments read "these girls are hot" Also, I comment on the Throttle more than I do on the Chive.

          • jean.


    • Dick Salad

      Can I play 'just the tip' with yours?

      • jean.

        I'm going to need a power point and I'll get back to you.

        • bz1

          Good reply! Bravo! ;-)

        • Ekajevans

          You and your power points….

        • Cthulhu26

          please refer to the "why you should let me rub your butt" post

        • Dick Salad
          • jean.

            It's the kitten, it's get me everytime. Game on.

            • Billy

              To bad no one here actually knows that it isn't the size of the kitten, its how you rub it.. And I got that covered ;)

              • jean.

                What about the cookies?

                • Billy

                  You will be in the kitchen making them after I'm done ;)

                  • Billy

                    ANNNDD I well get to play peekaboo afterwards muahaha

        • tapsnapornap

          Here's a kitten…?

    • Underbaker

      Is Peek a Boo an acceptable game? ;-)

      • Billy

        I'll answer for her lol.. it isn't, for you sir

        • Underbaker

          I was asking for all the chivers, you are just trying to keep her for yourself. :-p

          • Billy

            Ya damn right.

  • Bud

    #26 Drew Bledsoe?! Can we verify if that is actually the former NFL QB? I'd say it got a little better for him regardless of what he was doing as a child.

    • SmokeyMorgan

      His son is autistic. I assume that would be the subject matter of the book.

    • My name a Borat

      Harrowing tale of Pain, Pleasure and Tom Brady taking your job

    • untamedride

      until Brady kicked him out of New England

      • Guest

        dude's still rich, fuck him

  • james

    now i really wanna read "I knocked up Satan's daughter."

    • john v.

      I'm pretty sure I did.

      • Bookworm

        Is it any good? ('Cause I think I want to read it too now…)

  • Brian


    Me, too. My ex wife.

    • Capz

      Tell me more about #39

  • Zedhere

    #3 Im thinking about this book right now.

  • Maynard B.

    #36-Where can I get a copy of this book?

    • James

      B&N, I almost bought it a couple days ago

    • 0331

      Just remember, once you buy it, you're on the watch list.

    • guy

      Amazon. Even has a few good reviews. One guys says it is good for kids.

    • brandon

      Lol ill buy it im already on the watch list for explosives

  • Fun_with_Numbrs

    Should have sub-text

    "Where the drapes are always open."

    • wrangler 86

      here we call it "Mind the gap"…

  • Joeyk

    #31 My brother has this book in his bathroom, informative read whilst taking should i put this elegantly…a massive shit

    • lemurfart

      i also have this book hilarious

    • Patrick

      Contains a shit load of quality info too.

    • Theresa

      I got the calendar for christmas!

  • Brooke D

    #8 Ross? #27 No

  • *dash*

    #22 Killer Bunnies? Monty Python tried to warn us, we should have listened

  • Couvs

    #12 The "Double Penetrator" on the side of this cover made it even better!

    • Urethra Franklin

      Starring Tom Selleck apparently

  • Ryan

    Hmmmm, I own three of these books.

  • nick
  • mshaw166

    #25 – original title was going to be called "The art of Marriage"

  • SolidusSnake420

    #18 Christopher Hitchens is amazing

    • llano2

      Christopher Hitchens just died of cancer. Karma?

      • Cantaloupe

        An 8-year-old died of cancer yesterday. Karma?

        • ScientificBoink

          Did the 8 yr old use a sexual innuendo as the title of a book about a woman who is the model of selflessness?

          • A2_tha_MFK

            What keeping the poor of India poor? If you'd actually read the book or actually looked into what she is really about you'd see why the title fits.

    • Jeff

      God is not Great is also a good read.

  • SomeGirl

    #26 Hahahahaha Drew Bledsoe would know!

  • tapsnapornap

    I know a few of these are real, but all of them? really? like, fuck…really? PS I think my wife must've had #3

  • DemoPenguin

    #19 Callie from ugly Americans.

  • ChelseaRules

    #9 reminds me of King of the Hill.

    • sdawson22

      Corner Gas!

  • deleted6677875

    #32 there are advantages??

    • Misfit7734

      you from uruguay?

      • uru

        that's right!

      • Dreadjaws

        I don't know him, but I am.

  • Roy Stalin

    #20 – from the author of apeshit!

    • cld

      #3 is there one to reduce your tummy too?

  • Seldi84

    #1 I had that as a kid, Still probably up in the loft.
    #15 #16 They are just disturbing, Who ever approved those must be into some werid shit.

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