It’s Monday, you could use some motivation (25 Photos)

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  • mr_chiver

    i hate being first

    • figleaf

      um…. then don't be. Or at least comment on a relevant subject besides your firstness. Don't people realize the comments are about the pix and not themselves?

      • avidd

        But i'm so great. Everyone should know.

    • KeepCalmDriveOn

      #12 She knows you were first.

  • Tom

    #25
    100% chance that I'd sleep with him.

    • Ash Housewares

      This is my Boomstick!

    • Utah Chiver

      Baus…

    • pretty smile

      "Welcome to S-Mart….."

      • REVOLVER_KAZ

        You fail. It's "Shop smart, shop S-Mart"

  • hark1985

    #24 FTW!!!!

    • Martin_McFly

      true story….

  • gmen

    #16 still haven't stopped laughing

    • JHL1

      I bet the creator has trouble reading signs from behind them as well. 😉

  • 80's Baby

    #17… Dont get my hopes up…

    • ekgraider

      FYI it will be a blow job from a guy.

      • Azazel

        Whatever….its free.

        • Dick Salad

          Just make the first drink a strong one

      • Lilrob

        Doesn't matter…had sex

        • Slappy

          Not according to Pres Clinton.

    • dirtysteve99

      There's a hefty charge when you try to leave the establishment too.

    • Ysoserious

      Thats a little boy. Just so we are clear

    • flee

      child prostitution 😦

      • Slappy

        Have you met Pedobear? He's around here somewhere. He's never far away.

  • Blame_anxiety

    #6 Windows 8. The new Vista

    • dirtysteve99

      EOW
      Every Other Windows.
      The key to knowing which ones will suck. Vista sucked, Windows 7 is alright, sooooo…

      • Redynz

        EOW is the Beta…

      • elbruces

        But even for the ones that don't suck you have to wait for service pack 2.

    • thedude325

      Ugh…it doesn't look like you can do shit on it. Seems like an Os built around facebook and twitter.

    • Blame_anxiety

      Windows 8 will not work for business and everyday users will be completely lost. It's only made for touchscreen.

      • dirtysteve99

        Yeah it's that 'Metro' interface isn't it? I suppose it's ok for touch stuff, they put it on xbox, but it's better suited to that kinect that no-one is using.

        • Blame_anxiety

          Exactly. Just another way to sell more hardware. I played around with Windows 8 for a while and found that because Metro replaces the Start menu, it wasted so much more time. It's clunky, even for touchscreen.

        • Gamertag

          You mean the kinect that's reached over 10 million sales? You must be a sad PS fanboy.

          • PekelMeester

            I think the kinect sold more than 18million units. I also read somewhere that it was the fastest selling consumer electronic device.

  • Bon_nie

    #20 doesn't matter, had sex.

    • Forest

      DOES matter. Matters A LOT. Two halves can't make a whole without a hole! Giggity.

      • Bon_nie

        The dudes got a hole! Hence buttsex!

        • Forest

          Touche, Bon_nie. You've bested me this time.

        • etcrr

          i like buttsex too bonnie just go slow at first

          • Bon_nie

            No problem, anything for you fake etcrr – although I prefer the real one.

          • If you said so...

            Going slow for the first minute is the key. After that, well, it's anyone's oyster…

    • noegod

      It sooo matters!

  • B!!!

    #15 good news, you can't get a pregnant chick pregnant

    • SlamaHard

      sorry i don't sleep with girls in grade 10….

      • http://twitter.com/Onoku @Onoku

        you're missing out bro

    • dirtysteve99

      Planning on wetting the baby's head you dawg?

    • bob

      One of these chicks is not like the other….

  • Guest

    #21 mother of pearl..

    • Dbswv

      We need MOAR!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Image Search Norma Stitz. You're welcome.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "I wish I could give you 2 very enthusiastic thumbs up for that Paula. You gave me a good laugh 😀 – MissChris"

        • Paula's_Tricking_you

          Don't fall for this trick…you'll be thoroughly disappointed

        • Habsy

          At least now we know Paula's real name.

    • OnehandJack

      Leigh Schuyler. You are welcome.

  • LaurenGoMeow

    #19 kill it.. burn the spider

    • Shak

      Warcraft daily, anyone?
      Go ahead, call me nerd and s$#t 😉

      • rynaldo

        nerd? i was thinking virgin….

  • Stick

    #13
    Fucking 9gag bullshit

  • nice!!

    #4 very proud…teach me!

    • Habsy

      I don't think I would ever pass the finals. Just have to repeat the class over and over again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001048362918 Jason Brooks

    #3 if only this was true, we wouldnt have to put up with Justin Bieber, ah but we can dream cant we

  • jasonsapunka

    #13 Why "K" ? I thought his middle name was Fart.

  • reaperMEDIC

    #10 She's not making me a sandwich…. but I'm scared to tell her.

  • Tim

    #24 Second time in a couple of weeks you posted something like this…it's really not funny. Great way to fuck up an otherwise great site.

    • Bon_nie

      You're supposed to take it for what it is – a joke!

    • MylesofStyles

      Damn straight. It's a good thing it's as funny as shit, otherwise I would have been offended as well.

    • Mike O

      What are you taling about.
      I Laughed my ass off

    • Blue bronco

      You're bring shame to people named Tim.
      Lighten up

    • Shawny

      My dad has Parkinson's he tells me that he doesn't even break a sweat wanking one off now lol. Life is lemons. Make lemon aide

      • AnyoneForCoffee

        Sir, your dad is a frickin' star.

    • HUH?

      you forgot to download chive service pack 7, it edits out all the non-politically correct ones.

  • cmui

    #10 Real men don't bake

    • thedude325

      …tell him that.

    • Moe E

      A real man bakes. shows the wifey what's good and how he wants it. Then retires after he's got a woman that's mastered it. Your a goof.

  • BigPup

    #17 is on Expedia booking a trip to Thailand RIGHT NOW…

    • Chiefhenry27

      I was in Thailand 2 months ago and this is pretty accurate (didn't see that actual sign – though some close). Those women are aggressive, grabbing your junk as soon as you walk into the bars.

      • Azazel

        Do they use protection?

    • misslisa

      The diseases are free too! For some strange reason they don't advertise that part though…

      • BigPup

        How much do you suppose sarcasm cost? I'll bring you back some.

        • misslisa

          Aren't you sweet! Don't worry about me though, I've got enough sarcasm on my own. I'm sure the duty /import fees would be a bitch anyway. 😉

      • Cantaloupe

        Yes, every girl who has more sex than you is a disease infested whore.

        • Erin

          as opposed to….? you?

  • BJ in MA

    #24 is Soooo wrong …. it's funny

  • Patrick

    #7 I miss dorm life

  • dagleja3

    #4 – Where do I sign up?

    • Coastie

      I already did! Oohrah Coast Guard

    • ThatGuy

      It took me way to long to get the pun in this one because I was so busy fantasizing about motorboating those tits.

    • a coastie

      yeah, most coast guard women, enjoy there short hair cuts, there ugly faces, and a giant lip of chew… i should know.. Semper P and all

  • Stevefrombluesclues

    #14 i imagine the world's largest popcorn kernel popping would look similar to this

    • Bunny on niteshift

      My philosophy of life today.

      • TheWarrior2

        I didn't know Michael Bay was a chiver!

  • organix85

    #21 Moar!

    • OnehandJack

      Leigh Schuyler

  • aciekay

    #13 true story.

  • Fuck Chive

    #25
    Bruce Campbell > Chuck Norris

    • Con-Text

      Blasphemy! Chuck would shove that boom stick right up Bruce's ass and pull the trigger until it goes click.

      • its_forge

        Bruce is manlier and more awesome than Chuck is even when Chuck is trying and Bruce is napping.

      • tempest

        Nonsense. The boomstick never goes click.

    • R.Descartes

      Two such strong elements cannot reasonably be compared without bringing about the onset of intellectual agnosia.
      Or to put it in the vernacular of most chivers, it would be like trying to determine who would win a race between Superman and Flash.

      • JHL1

        Superman

        • NotJHL1

          Flash

      • Frank

        Santa

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