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Daily Morning Awesomeness (30 Photos)

April 24, 2012 | In: Awesome, Funny, Morning Awesomeness, Sponsored

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Category: Awesome, Funny, Morning Awesomeness, Sponsored

Bill

FIRST! Ha!

GoodforBill

Congrats Bill – I got a first yesterday and it felt awesome. My day started with a "first", led to a sweet BJ in the shower by my buxom wife (who then insisted we have McDonalds for breakfast) and then I won $40 on a scratch ticket!

https://www.facebook.com/tim.posta Tim Posta

you, Bill are as lame as #15

LiveNletdie

Second!!

Bill

i.e.: 1st place loser/
If you said so…

The only thing worse than being first, is hoping you were first, but being happy with being close to being first.

Guse

Oh come on! Who actually says "Second" and gets it?

BabyFart Magizax

#27 hot cat?? Good morning!!

Taco_Depot

i just. don't. understand you. BabyFart.
Hobo Chef

Like a hot pocket but a but more gamey.

Hobo Chef Spellcheck

*bit

BabyFart Magizax

And #21 is disgusting and weird

Georgeo

#21 What did I just watch?
bake

i laughed at this for like 5min

…….

the gif pretty much sums up the odd creepiness of the video but just in case anyone really wants to watch a train wreck heres the full video.

Brian P.

I fuckin' hate "art."

brett

I can't thumbs up enough

Mark

Hahaha, the horror in her eyes every time she's about to fall is priceless!
andysniper

i somehow stumbled upon this about a month ago. i laughed for 4 straight hours after. true story.

Evan852

it's actually a 20 minute "art" piece of her dancing to tribal music on butter, and basically falling HARD the entire time…fucking HILARIOUS!

full video below… http://gawker.com/5902822/woman-in-tight-dress-sl…
tapsnapornap

You forgot hilarious

RandomTask09

Chive, thank you for creating a great site that we enjoyed for years. But the
current ads on the Mobile site are taking you away from this greatness.
The current ad format is only a nuisance, but since you also need to make money
please try/experiment with another format to insert ads.
Ps: Ditto for the Berry

Jobiwan

Totally!!
Chunk Pants

Everytime I try to close the add it send me to the app store on my iPhone
bonk

Before they fix it, you can use for example firefox + adblock on your phone.
No banner adds

Agreed. This is such a turnoff for the chive. It gets in your way as you scroll the page and just looks cheap. Example. I scroll down to submit this rant and there it is right in the way.
Goose

The ads are annoying as hell. Half the time when I try and close them they take me to the app store. I've stopped checking the site as much on my mobil as I used to because of it.
Mitch

Amen, you're about to loose some loyal fans. Do you really think people are going to click on these? Most people I know avoid them like the plague because they are so annoying.
Nerdman Techsnob

Doesn't happen if you're using blah blah blah version 2.0
John c

This was the truth morsel on an honest cookie!
http://twitter.com/McBeastie666 @McBeastie666

What's a Berry?

MylesofStyles

*@McBeasty666

http://twitter.com/McBeastie666 @McBeastie666

*milesofshit

MylesofStyles

*lol U MAD.

IndyMN

I've found that a well-placed, very fast tap on the banner's "x" will close it almost every time. It's gotta be fast, though; a normal leisurely tap (even on the "x") will open the ad.
James

You may not like firefox, but if you do have it install adblock plus. I haven't had an ad in years. If anything install firefox and only use it for this site if you need to.

Chelmsford Spuds

Yep – what James said.
I find it hard to believe there are people out there who do not use Firefox and Adblock. I too have not seen an advert in years on either my Mac or PC, adverts must be for poor people or something. Not so sure about mobile devices as I don't Chive with it – you know the photos are small enough as it is, the last thing you want to do is make a problem worse (plus the ads too it seems).

SwanDiver

#17 I love you mom

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=679850617 Jeremy Warren

You cause anarchy without a balanced breakfast!
Soviet Plague

I love your mom too. *wink wink nudge nudge

maclean

#21 seriously, wtf?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=679850617 Jeremy Warren

#25… I would like to think we all would like to grow old with the one true love of our lives. +1 for an awesome elderly couple.

Professor America

Yes, it would be nice to think that Jeremy. Unfortunately, it doesn't usually work that way and old people smell weird. True story.

DaddyD

Yeah, but since they smell funny in the same way, they don't notice each other's aroma.

DaddyD

Should be able to give this a +5
Joeyk

The way Up shouldve ended
CT dude

Me and the chief in about 45 years…

Yes i know its not..

#21 Snookis funny cause she's fat.

NME

Oh, Adele…you really are rolling in the deep.

Strike

#26 And not a single fuck was given…until she was nailed by a semi going the opposite direction.

http://www.facebook.com/sam.machielsen Samrit Machielsen

Too bad she didn't get the Darwin award.
Brian P.

She doesn't even thank the driver for being alert enough to not kill her.

Kyle

Oh I'm sure she feels like the driver was an idiot and that it was completely their fault.

tapsnapornap

Nailed it.

Z_b

tapsnapornap

My question in who filmed that?

tapsnapornap

*is

rdpre

What a dumb cunt.

DrFunkenstein

F#ckin A. She shoulda gotten hit.

central_park1

But she put her hands up just in time to stop it. Impressive.

MattKL

#16 I can't help laughing every time.

Underbaker

This almost makes me want a cat, just so I can torture it like that.
Frank

Despite knowing that the object is a feather, I chuckled to myself when a couple of times it looks like a giant spider's leg and I imagined the cat getting into it with a 2 ft spider.
who cares

Seriously? Must be a cat person thing cause nothing about that is funny. Fuck cats.
http://twitter.com/TAndrewarhol @TAndrewarhol

All that's missing is a spiked pit for the cat to fall into.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=565202104 Sean Burns

number 15 why not just get a tattoo of a giraffe? lol

ShakeyTheMoyle

It's an interactive tattoo….wonderful conversation piece. I'm not a fan of tattoos but that one is pretty cool!

Brutal Deluxe

An even BETTER conversation piece is interactive boobs.
Jones

I don't care how "interactive" it is, its ugly as fuck. Tattoos are supposed to be art imo

http://markalmighty.com Mark Almighty

Define "art".

Frank

Art is when you get a C because you painted an awesome cow but your teacher doesn't like cows so she takes off a lot of points for personal feelings and not artistic quality. At least that was my high school experience with art.

JHL1

Nailed it.

morebeer

because hipster, thats why
Because

She's not tall enough

2Dogs

#14
Children of the lawn

RandomTask09

Or 'Lawn of the Flies.'

Boink

^Crabs*

2Dogs

Official "Bludgeon the Babysitter day" promo card

RG3

See the kid between her legs, She's about to get it….

Travis

Snooki Does Daycare
bud

hahaha thanks RG3, i almost missed that. and i think these kids have done this before

Tommy

Yeah. An she has a bangin body. Yum.
Jones

It takes wanting to hit that to a whole other meaning.
Yo Mamma

#19 Yea! I finally made the Chive!
:-p

Trish?

http://cinemaplastique.tumblr.com MigraineBoy

#21 I have the weirdest boner right now.
russ

#3, how do i sports…

this guy

derp!

Dave

#14 Kid is about to lay the wood

russ

SOON…
Muadieb

Wish she was my babysitter…
Witchlover

Ya, I don't know…hows about….FIND HER!
sic4x4chic

Surprise buttsecks in 3, 2, 1 . . .

That's not chicken..

#27 I think our chicken rolls are slightly undercooked..

http://m.facebook.com/KCCOHockey? TBASHAM

im pretty sure dog is still the prefered meat in authentic eggrrrrrolls,

Fuzz!

#30 Pedo bear trap!

KyleGamgee

Not sure if referring to headlights…

(you just squinted like Fry)

Chunk Pants

fucking stupid idea for a tattoo
#15

Anon

Clever idea but I'd take a pass
Logicyup

Beats some tribal shit or barb wire, although not as good as a heart with "mom" or what ever, cause moms kick ass.
rich

I would go so far as to say ALL ideas for a tattoo are stupid.

bud

and i would go as far as to say you are boring as hell

FortBurg

Thought it was cooler at first glance when it looked like a statistical regression.
Joe

Also, I don't know what that girl is doing with her face but it's giving duck face a run for its money.
Matt

Funny thing is, the Chive already posted this before–in a page of "loser tattoos."
Now they think it's cool?

Yeah

#30 Explains what the "Kony guy" was doing..
Anon

I hate people like #26 who don't look and just assume everyone will stop for them. I guess they forget that when they are driving they sometimes miss things or have brief lapses.

Otter

Yep. The Self Important jerks are everywhere. What really gets me is how she continues to stroll across the street as if nothing had happened and STILL doesn't look for oncoming traffic.
Justin

That guy could have ran her the fuck over and the video would have shown she was at fault.

Someday she'll be eliminated from the gene pool, someday

Brutal Deluxe

I'll get to it this afternoon, so stay off my back!
Cecil

You sir, are mistaken. The words 'She' and 'was at fault' cannot be combined in any sentence. Thus, you are a misogynist! Misogynist being apparently on par with rapist or murderer it seems. Do yourself a favor and just admit that she was born being in the right.

AmBush_Steve

Can't believe the down thumbs for something that's so obviously sarcasm. Pretty good sarcasm too.

http://thechive.com LukeTheTerrible

Yes, all of you are correct, and righteously so. The pedestrian deserves our unanimous hatred, and has earned our collective desire to see her dead, lest she further pollute our pristine genome. Kill All Pedestrians who Dare wander onto our Sacred Motorways! Kill!

Brutal Deluxe

Luke is right! We should pre-emptively kill people who look like they might wander into the roadway at some point! Dibs on everybody!
Cecil

See my above comment white knight.
Shouldn't you be bowing to a vagina somewhere and denouncing the right of other males to breath or something?

http://thechive.com LukeTheTerrible

Well yes, Cecil, I would be bowing to one right now if one was available, and appropriately fresh and tasty, of course. And yes, Cecil, (you know me so well), I would denounce the rights of all other males, if not to breathe, at least not to breathe anywhere near me. The world would be so nice if it was inhabited only by women and me. Come on, tell the truth – wouldn't you have it the same way?

Mike

Fuck that! They are only acceptable because boobs…

http://thechive.com LukeTheTerrible

I'm sorry you've had such bad luck with women, Mike.

Boobies

Chive, we need more than 30 images for DMA to get us through the morning!!!!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1574538852 Harm Harmsen

#14
NOW SQUAT !!!
Doof

I gotta say something funny! Damn I failed….

Professor America

Yup, you're an idiot. You can't even impress strangers on the internet.
TDub66

'cause you are not funny
http://www.myspace.com/theamericanmaniacs BentWrenches

Here,try this. #10 ALIENS

Uhhmm

#26 dont blame her. she was in a rush to get back to the kitchen.

Turtlehead45

That should teach her a lesson for leaving the kitchen in the first place.

Penelope

She was probably out buying more groceries, it looks early, maybe some bacon

Bender

she must have been doing the laundry
Cecil

You sexist, hilarious bastard. Consider your hilarity applauded, and your sexism chastised.
You funny, terrible, awesome bastard.

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