• echogeo

    A true, classic list that never seems to get old no matter how often we see it.

    • hello please

      It's drivel.

      • DaddyD

        But still true and still funny.

    • TheAutomaticMan

      Almost erie how accurate it is, isn't it?

    • Bobby

      I would say only about half are accurate. And the rest are just stereotypes that are probably 50 years old.

      • fignewton

        Bobby is a pussy whipped bitch, that's all.

        • Hannah

          Bobby is probably getting more pussy than you ever will.

          • 4everAlone...

            Is Hannah Bobby's wife?

            • Hannah

              nope but any guy that can see that this isn't accurate will easily get laid by the normal females than any of the douchebags on here today

              • The other Bob

                But a guy with no sense of humor will get laid less than the guys who realize this list is wrong, but still funny.

  • Jordan

    Where are the ladies. Come on chive this is stupied.

    • Brutal Deluxe

      Oh, the irony!

    • justabill

      Then only click on the ladies. I don't get the issue here.

    • that guy

      or stupid. Either way you want to go with it

    • Knyfe

      have you checked the kitchen?

      • MissMayhem

        you know. I hear that anyone who says that insult actually has a small dick

        • Ant B

          you hear wrong

        • Knyfe

          and i hear that women who can't take a joke have a hard time getting laid.

    • Max_Power

      Ha, looks like you're the 'stupied' one mate

      • MikeG01sf

        Stupied is as stuupid deos

    • Tommy

      Seriously…I way to hold it down for the ladies ya dummy!

      • Man

        Thanks Tommy

    • snooze

      says the guy who can't even fucking spell right

    • Cpt Obvious

      Don't be so harsh on his spelling, dyslexics are teople poo

      • Mickael Duncan

        I agree. DYSLEXICS UNTIE!!!!

    • Lev

      Maybe a little understanding of the ladies will help you actually get one. If that doesn't interest you, and you are just here to fap, go to Google and type "boobs". It might take you a couple tries to spell it correctly, but you will be proud of yourself for putting in the effort.

    • chad

      bitch bring me a beer

    • Shillio

      i actually agree with you. chive is becoming more and more retarded and these kind of posts only appeal to dumb fucks. thank you and fuck off

      • Mickael Duncan

        My momma always told me to never take advice from idiots or a Shillio, and until now, I never understood why. Thanks Chive!

    • Speny

      Pornhub. Get a sense of humor u tool.


      You just got negatived on like 400 something times hahahahaha

    • Jennifer

      I'm a lady, I thought it was funny.

    • she's a witch!

      thank you I agree. it's sexist

  • Ned_Plimpton


    When a man says he'll be somewhere in 10 minutes, he leaves his house in 20 minutes.
    When a woman says she'll be somewhere in 10 minutes, we know it's bullshit because the kitchen doesn't move.

    • Eric

      It goes more like this…

      A man says he'll be home in ten minutes, he doesn't mean it…
      A woman says she'll be ready in ten minutes, she doesn't mean it…

    • Weeblewobble

      Oh look. A women in the kitchen joke.

      • true story

        I know, plimpton is either a douche living with his grandma or he's married to a fat, ugly chick- only guys like this find this joke from the 50s still funny…and given the amount of thumbs up there is a lot of losers out there-

        • Tim

          go burn your bra you supid feminist

    • TheAutomaticMan

      I lol'd haha



    • Jake

      i laughed my dick off

      • BoomShakaLaka

        …and then you didn't think it was funny?

        • rob


  • Shannon Coverdale

    True story bro!

  • LukeTheTerrible

    im glad i'm not first.

  • DemonDan

    Garage Vs. Kitchen

  • kimohoyo

    lmao. thats the truth

  • Manzing

    Epic, now I'm ready to punch Friday. Right in her titty!

  • LucretiusCarus

    Forgot the bit when she says "Nothing's wrong" and you know you're in for a shitstorm.

    • twoedges

      and the amount of shit you are in is indirectly proportional to the length of time it takes her to say "nothing's wrong"

      • LucretiusCarus

        I think you meant inversely proportional, but yes. You are right about that one too.

    • RobsterCraws

      Guy– Are you ok? Girl– I'm fine.

      • HatBomb

        Guy— Fuuuuuuck. Girl—Amassing energy for the nuclear meltdown just around the corner.

      • Adriana


    • Ekajevans

      I don't understand what is so hard about saying what's wrong; and if you're not going to tell us then pretend to be happy. I love women, but sometimes they are just… Phew.

  • Token Black Chiver

    When you find a woman who is worth all of these things… none of them will even matter.

  • squosh

    Bunch of crap. Hope you guys from the chive don't really believe any of it.

    • BostonChiver.

      I believe most of it, actually all of it. Is this a bio of all of the girls I've ever dated?

      • squosh

        You've probably just dated the wrong women. Try some smart ones. They're harder to impress but they're worth it. Higher education doesn't automatically exclude attractiveness and it only includes arrogance in people that are good at learning things by heart without having own, original ideas.

        • BostonChiver.

          My girlfriend is in cancer research at Harvard and is brillant, doesn't mean she is exempt from a majority of these facts. She takes 45 minutes to get ready, and I take 5. She has way too much shit in her bathroom that I get hit with typically 3 bottles in the shower and her shoe collection exceeds my total garment collection. Facts are facts 😉

          • squosh

            Still.don't agree. That's just one case. And with smart women I don't just mean women with high education, but women that are able to think outside the box. People that aren't bound by stereotypes. Must women I know that act like it's described here often think themselves that those stereotypes are true, and have been taught to believe them since they were little.Others have just watched to much Gossip Girl.

            • BostonChiver.

              You should apply for a fellowship at Simmons, you'd fit right in.

              • LucretiusCarus

                Hey, they have an awesome library science program at Simmons. Hot librarians = win.

              • squosh

                Sounds cool, but I live in Switzerland.^^

            • TheAutomaticMan

              My wife is extremely intelligent, college and all that, holds a great job, and does it well. Still, she fits 95% of the things on this list. Especially the eating out, argument, and future sections. She is awesome, and totally worth all the stuff that she comes with, but she is still a women…… they're all the same to some degree.

            • Endo

              TOO! GOD DAMN TOO much Gossip Girl. …all this rambling about smart people.

            • AussieChivette

              Stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason… When there's enough of a certain type of people doing the same thing it then becomes a 'stereotype;. We're not 'bound' by the, but it doesnt have to be a bad thing if we fit some or all of them. And if its just who you are there's no reason to go out of your way to break them. I'm doing a double degree in law and psychology, dont have much shit in my bathroom, have a fuck tonne of shoes and cant stop buying makeup. Doesnt mean I watch too much GG, it means I like shoes and makeup.

              • squosh

                I don't say everything listed here is absolutely wrong. And I totally agree that it isn't a bad thing to fit some of them. But this post suggests that all women and all men are alike and it speaks in absolutes. I don't criticise the post itself, but the reaction of many chivers.
                You can say that some of the things mentioned here are often true.
                But how many of them are true because men and women are truly different and how many are true because of a need to identify oneself and find a place to fit in?

                It's true that some stereotypes are quite accurate, but most of them originate from prejudices against someone or something unknown, something different. They're more assumptions than certainties. And if someone gets treated like he's always doing something because oft this or that, they may slowly start to believe it themselves.
                But that's also more an assumption. Would be interesting to know if any studies have been done about this.
                And I'm also thinking about studying psychology.^^

                • svp

                  holy crap its a joke!! kcco!! no need to get mad about it. are you going to go on every website created and comment on things that bother you? dont waste your time like that.

                  • squosh

                    I'm not mad. Or angry. And why are you getting mad about me commenting on this post? I'm just stating my opinion and I'm discussing it. And I get that it's just a joke. It's the reaction to it by many around here that worries me.Also I don't think that my comment will ruin this post for everyone who likes it so I don't see any harm in it..And I don't see how bringing up a discussion and writing a few sentences is a waste of time. It's not that hard to type.:P

      • Brutal Deluxe

        It's the bio of every girl from the dawn of time until the present. I've enjoyed this site much more since it switched to an all-science format.

    • Lev

      The guys at The Chive get paid quite well to have lingerie-clad women goof around in their awesome Venice Beach office. You might stand to learn a thing or two from them.

    • Collin

      Some of its valid down here; other bits sound like sexist drivel.

      Still, it might describe American better than Swedes; I always figured your people were better adjusted in general.

  • Trav1121

    The 'Future' one is so true it is sad. 😦 Used to spend my money without a care in the world! Now I have to save it all for our future. Haha

  • poboi850

    every word is true

    • @timchipp

      I disagree with the one about guys only being aware of little people in their house. But other than that, dead on.

    • gonzo

      almost everything…
      i have toilet paper in my bath

  • Kyle

    The offspring one is sad but true for my childhood.

  • David Allen

    Sexual relations ~
    Take mans number and divide by 2.

    Take woman's number and multiply by 2.

    • BostonChiver.

      Not true in all cases…I've met some shiesty women in my day at UMass….

    • mikeltn

      Who with any self respect actually discuss numbers. I will fully admit that I never want to have any idea of how many guys where there before I was.

    • spanks mcslappy

      change the two to a ten.

    • Pokepoke

      Very dangerous, divide with zero and watch the world die

  • not a stereotype

    Really, Chive? This is so disgustingly sexist and insulting, I'm unsubscribing.

    • Brutal Deluxe

      Oh, please don't leave! Where are we going to find another idiot who can't identify jokes?

    • Watch out
    • C-Web

      Really? You know this is a comedy website. Learn to take a joke!

    • BostonChiver.

      Bye! Don't let the virtual door hit you in your cottage cheese ass!

    • Abraham

      Just like yesterday's girls who were broken up with… Shoes on the other foot now isn't it.

    • Bill Erickson

      This is a website which 60% of the subject matter is scantily clad women and dick jokes. You're just now finding things sexist? Duh! Get out of here. We didnt want you anyway.

      • Lev

        Yeah, why is it that everybody who declares sexism demands The Chive to cater to their needs rather than simply going to another site? You don't see us guys going to The Berry and getting outraged that the posts don't cater to us.


      thank god. that's all we need another feminist who can't take a joke. bye-bye!!!

    • Orion Coob

      Insert tear *sarcasm* go change out your manpon and turn in your man card

    • Justin LePla

      It's a joke not a dick don't take it so hard.

    • I-Need-$$

      Forever ALONE!

      • squosh

        It was meant as a joke. but it seems like many guys around here think the crap written here's true for all women. There certainly are some that are the way women are depicted here, but there are also many women who don't act at all like described here.
        Also I just stated in another comment that this is a bunch of crap and I'd hope no one really believes that all women are like that, but about 19 thumbs down prove that I hoped in vain.

        • Dr. Fap

          Let me wipe that tear from your eye. Don't worry everything will be ok, the bad man is gone.

        • salute my shorts

          If you get as upset when men are described as lazy, lying, bastards whose only purpose in life is to cheat on you and hurt you then you have an argument. But you don't do you? When you hear these same comments painting men in a negative light, you laugh and say "i know thats right". If you're going to get upset, then get upset over something that matters, and in the mean time get yourself a sense of humor. Nobody thinks that all men or all women are one certain way.

    • spanks mcslappy

      everyone of those must be true for you, if you are insulted. truth hurts. buh bye now

    • Graham Nichols

      go to the berry, fool

    • Shawn

      Someone missed the joke.

    • yolo

      Really? All the pics of half naked women doesnt bother you but a little bit of humor and your ready to dump the chive??….typical woman

    • Tim

      go lick a vagina you lilith fair dike!

    • Shillio

      Agreed. Chive is no longer for smart people.

    • kimohoyo

      quit crying & kcco

    • eclipze

      It's a joke, not a dick …..

    • she's a witch!

      yesss thank you

  • BuffaloJustSayin

    ::Yawn:: …what did I miss?

  • MarthaJeane

    I buy most of it except dining out.

    There is at least one guy in every crowd that pulls out the calculator or leaves way too little money.

    • Bubba

      That's the girly one.

    • dirtysteve99

      Well done, you could have gone Scottish/Jewish with that one, but you didn't!

    • rich

      i think this list is speaking "in general".

    • Ned_Plimpton

      George Costanza…

    • YOYO

      I agree on the coming up short, but its probably because he's low on cash, but next time he'll cover the whole tab

    • Jimmy C

      I always tip at least 20%, but come on…nearly 50%? And only an idiot will pull out a calculator.

    • MattKL

      I don't mind springing for a friend if we're eating out(because I know he'll get me next time), but if we're both going in on it, then hell yes I'll get change. Money's money.

      Now if it's a date with a pretty girl I'm on, that's a different story.;)

  • sebastian

    hahahaha epic!!!!

  • Anon

    Damn, a lot of woman hating going on in this post.

    • Lil John

      It's not hating when you just sigh and accept it.

      • squosh

        True. It's just stereotyping in its purest form. The mother of all prejudices.

        • The_Dood

          You know why stereotypes exist? Because they're usually true, or were at one point.

          • ya kent

            ye thats really deep the dood… obviously really great understanding of stereotypes

        • Endo

          STFU Donny.

        • RobsterCraws

          squosh–Reading all of your posts from this one gallery…. you seem to have to world figured out, good for you. Self-righteous asshole. Cool profile pic, you're so artistic.

  • Brutal Deluxe

    If you finding those are difficult, wait until you get around to the g-spot.

  • Abraham

    Seems like chive is making up for yesterday's dumbass post about attention seeking women who need to be comforted for guys leaving them. Every guy complimenting their looks and forgetting there is a personality (or lack there of) that goes with those tits and ass. Looks aren't everything…

    • mikeltn

      The only guys that are concerned about personality are the ones that have no shot with a girl that has the looks.

      • Abraham

        You're an idiot… Congrats on officially sucking at life.

    • MattyBoh

      Amen to that, I'm sure I'll be seeing my ex on here in the next couple of weeks.

    • Person

      True statement. If you are a good looking female and your dumped by a guy….chances are something is wrong with that girls personality. Guys are too shallow….they'll hang onto a good looking girl for the simple fact that she's good looking. If one is dumped? That's all on her…they must have horrible personalities.

      I'll take a medicore A-cupped, flat assed girl anyday over a bitchy broad who posts half-naked pictures of themselves for the world to see.

      The most sexiest feature of a girl is not the size of their tits, or their "hump", or their "gap". It's CLASS. Classy girls are the sexiest, and sadly, while I love this site, I scroll right past the galleries of the broads I described above. Have no interest.

      • Hahadamit

        Agree. Class is sexy in both guys and girls. Often overlooked, and hard to find. But very important indeed

      • Clay

        amen brother. agree 100%

    • Devin_Medrano

      You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. I applaud you.

  • Ely

    I know it's a satirical post, but the success thing, girls we don't really think that, do we?

    • squosh

      I can't really speak as a woman, but I came to meet some girls who really think that way. But I don't think those women are just like that. it mostly has to do with someone's upbringing.

      • Endo

        Do you comment just to see your comments?

      • Endo

        You spend half your day saying this is not true, then argue with a woman who says it's not. What are you, a woman?

        • squoshs ex bf

          squosh is a self-righteous prick. He has everything figured out and so deep in his comments. This site posts picture of camel toes, cleavage, people doing stupid shit and baby animals. Enjoy its simplicity and take it for what it's worth, or you can go back to your emo poetry blog.

      • Edd

        Squosh yes you really can speak as a woman……

  • NonBrit

    Women nowadays aren't needing a man to pay for their shopping. They're also going shopping in pajamas, though I don't know how many guys here are upset about seeing yoga pants at the supermarket!

    • Anomanom

      God I hate seeing people (men and women) at the shop in their pyjamas. Or worse yet pyjamas and slippers.

    • Dick Salad

      Err… the amount of money a woman makes is irrelevant, they'll spend all of theirs and yours when given the chance. Besides being financially independent and emotionally independent are not the same…

      • NonBrit

        My wife must not have gotten the memo. She's brilliant (PhD), she's good with money, and she doesn't tell me where to spend mine. And she's far from the only woman I know who is like that. It was my mother keeping the spending in check when I was growing up. If you haven't met these types of women, you need to find a different, better place to hang out!

        • brit

          fat thumbs and phones don't go well together so thumbs up dude

  • davischm1

    Agreed! lol

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