My expectations feel violated and dirty (33 photos)

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  • RobertQ

    Errmah gerr

  • MaaaGooaaad


    • zzzzzzzzzzzzz

      should have been able to tell that it was a joke. who doesn't like having their butthole licked?

      • MaaaGooaaad

        These are FACTS!!

  • jimbozo

    #6 Sounds good…i think I'll have that.

    • JHL1

      I haven't heard of the Regal Beagle in a long time.
      Come and knock on our door…..

    • ps86

      excuse me, flo?!

  • stevedave

    I was very happy to get a couple shirts and some other KCCO stuff yesterday… but what's up with the shipping costs Chive? Does it really cost almost $10 to send a shirt regular mail to Canada???
    I love this site, but it seems like that is a little excessive. I will pay whatever for a shirt, but don't try to make extra money on the shipping.

    • meanwhile


    • Daniel Tosh

      You can always schedule a pick-up

      • sdago25

        How can you be on TV and on the internet at the same time?

        • Daniel Tosh

          If you haven't notice I only work 30min a week. That gives me enough time to be trolling cyberspace.

        • Outlaw

          Because he likes to party

    • Alex Haschen

      Its international shipping… move to America

      • Guest

        Indeed. Try calculating the cost to send that T from Canada to the US. You'll find out its even more.

      • Marc J. Wrzesinski

        Well technically…

    • MaaaGooaaad

      You spelled… " Got the shirts Chive, Thanks. " wrong!

    • Guest

      Consider yourself luck, my shipping was 13.73.

      BUT, I scored two military green KCCO shirts. Who cares what the shipping cost! :)

    • Guest

      ok, so then look at it this way, you paid $34 for the shirt and shipping was free.

    • HumpDan

      You could always buy a counterfeit shirt from Ebay and pay twice as much for shipping.

      Stop complaining.

    • Mad Hatter

      Be happy you got a shirt, douchbag. I tried to order one here in Afghanistan but couldn't because of the shitty internet connection.

      • Guest

        Mad Hatter Are you civilian working over there or serving our country?

        • Arcona

          he's a terrorist who loves the DAR

      • Kitra

        I vote we take his and ship it to you. And he pays that shipping, too.

    • Mac

      WOW!! A WHOLE $10 ON SHIPPING!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! now where's that sarcasm button I've been trying to locate on my keyboard.. stop bitching..

  • Shannon Coverdale

    #18 Yup

    • Jen

      story of my life!

      • its_forge

        If you have small boobs and he still doesn't remember the color of your eyes he might be a small boob fan.

      • Shannon Coverdale


        • Jen

          pics of my barely there tits? no way. you probably have bigger tits than i do.

          • usmc_chiver

            The perfect tits fill a palm. Anything more than that it just a waste…

            • brian


            • Islander

              So the size of coconuts ,those trees can hold a lot of them too.

          • GernBlansten

            Still….pics. And you can make up for it with an ass shot if you want.

            • Jen

              i only like to show my ass to the man im screwing. not the whole world. maybe im a prude.

              • brian

                Hang in there Jen. Some of us who have grown up and understand quality don't care for the jumbo fake tits that seem so important at the Chive. Small works GREAT for me. It typically goes with a great ass and a fit girl. With a brain, personality and pretty face, I'd say you're pretty much perfect.

                • Jen

                  thanks, brian. thats very nice of you to say considering you dont know me. i am pretty fit and i do have a great ass and legs. i think i will cut my losses.

                  • brian

                    I say you have no losses to cut. Idiots will say stupid things. (Which doesn't mean I wouldn't love to see your face as you sound great!)

                    • Snuggs

                      And i you look to your left you will see the elusive Internetus WhiteKnightus. A rare species that hasn't yet realized that being the "nice guy" on the internet is even less effective than in real life, they are an important prey species for the Female Complement Fisher.

                    • ManicCynic

                      You are my new best friend.

                    • FunKiller

                      You totally just ruined it Brian……..

    • Blue Balls

      Women have eyes now?

      • Underbaker

        Only the ones with little bewbs.

    • Alexis

      My boyfriend still doesn't know the color of my eyes….we have been dating for almost 2 years.

      • Dr_Fap

        Sound like a healthy relationship.

  • Takingbackcider

    #13 And Talking Heads becomes Taking Meds.

    • That Guy

      Credit where due: This is by Evan Dorkin, from an issue of his comic series 'Dork'. Seek it out. It's loaded with awesomeness. Much of it hilarious. Much of it self-loathing. All of it wonderful.

  • tv_paul

    #21 I could do that easily (if I was hit by a semi doing about 70mph but I doubt I stick the landing )

    • Underbaker

      But what about the scores?

    • Brian

      The fact that she lost points on this vault is a joke.

      • johnny

        agreed! that shit was perfect!

    • GernBlansten

      But can she stick the sandwich?

  • Deepfap

    #16 I wanna stick my dick in it…I WANT IT TO STICK ITS DICK IN ME!

    • thedude325

      It's laughing at me!

    • Kodos

      think Estelle is dead

    • Richard

      In the winter I want to freeze it so we can use it as ice blocks and slide down hills then melt it in the summer and drink it.

  • KCO617

    #32 just killed me…oh wow, bad taste. Bad taste all around.

    • bozz

      how? batmans parents were killed. are we just not allowed to talk about batman anymore. morons.

    • Aurora Chick

      I agree Chive. Get rid of this shit!!! You had me laughing and now my heart cries.

      • Alex

        What? Batman's parents died in a COMIC BOOK/MOVIE it's not real so why is it in bad taste?
        It's not like that kid's crying because his parents died…

  • The Guy

    #33 Or duck? #15 that guy is really proud of his accomplishment

    • B-LOVE

      I believe the ladies have exceed the the ducking weight limit.

      • Vince

        Too fat to duck.
        It's called pick it up and move it, Jesus Christ woman, it's a ladder.

        • Alpha0010

          There is a guy holding the other end. He is on the up escalator and they are going down.

    • Ken

      "Works well under pressure" not going to appear on either of those girls' resumes.

  • Hrdwood

    #2 Arrogant storage bastards… think they know everything.

    • GernBlansten

      Now they just need to explain it to CERN…..

      • P90

        It's like the duct tape of the universe, it holds everything together.

        • SirLoin

          So it's the Force?

          • P90

            Well it does have a dark side and a light side.

  • chopper

    #6 yummy, I think I'll have that for lunch myself
    #18 yep, sounds about right

  • IrishInNJ

    #12 What?

    • FunKiller


    • hey now...

      It's supposed to be like a real dream. Teeth falling out, realizing you're naked and other stuff that doesn't make sense.

      • Firefighter23

        One time I had a dream that I was naked in math class beating off in the A/C unit.

        • a-nom

          hahahahaha! Awesome

    • Woody

      Don't ask me, too long to read and figure out…

      • Brandon

        Haha, read the first block and thought the same thing and skipped it. Waste of my time, yet Ill sit here and read the comments….

    • electric boogalo

      I gave up on it. Too long. Stupid words.

  • saucypants

    #26 #32 I'm laughing WAY too hard at these.

  • @RyanMatthew54

    #7 You probably went over a bump or something

    • Awesome

      I didn't hit no fucking bump!

      • FunKiller


  • Gabriel

    #32 Your meme is bad and you should feel bad

    • apes

      this absolutely disgusts me. as it should for everyone. so fucked up and disrespectful. i live in colorado and when someone posts something like this it shows how heartless everyone can be. it needs to be taken down.

      • bozz

        oh my god YOU ARE SO DUMMMMBBBBBB. its not about colorado its because batmans parent were killed in the comics. reading your self righteous complaint made me more dumb thanks.

      • P90

        It has nothing to do with the shooting, it's about Batman's backstory and if you don't know that then I must ask, where have you been for the past 40 years?

      • a-nom

        Seriously dude…aweful things happen all over the world on a daily basis…should we shut down movie theaters now since it's disrespectful to go and be amused? Or should I stop taking a plane because of 9/11? Should I stop giving to charity because it may or may not end up with the needy people. Stop living in the past and in cynicism…move on…it's ok to laugh. I'm almost positive that those that died wouldn't want you to live in fear, remorse or regret. I know i wouldn't. It's a joke, it's ok to laugh…

      • Alex

        Why does everyone think this is to do with the shootings? It refers to how in the fiction, batman has no parents, I'm pretty sure this picture has been around much longer than since they happened.

  • crustybubblechunks

    #16 Picture it Sicily 1912

  • etcrr

    #13 funny a fuck

    • windowlicker

      I agree. This is funny because the song "Once in a Lifetime" contains lyrics that if put in the right context, could be the same questions someone with alzheimer's might ask. lol.

    • Bill57

      you are right it is a funny fuck and so are you cause you are funny and smart and that is a good thing cause its good to be funny that way you are happy and not sad cause its bad to be sad

  • kal50

    #14. Ya but it's Costco. I'm sure they can get you 15 gateways if you need some…

  • Today is...

    #21 brilliant

    • stonewall_79

      That's perfection right there.

    • Guest

      I can you believe they didn't give her a perfect score??!!!!

    • Guz

      That good and she still only came sixth. All of them are absolutely awesome.

  • Brian

    Yeah, but no one is gonna bitch at you for sticking your junk in it later.

  • goldengekko1

    #33 one of the funniest things ive seen in ages haha :D

    • whyme1973

      Genuinely laughed out loud at this.

  • PHARIS88

    #30 I don't know if I really got that one…. But that is a good question… lol Do they?!?

  • FarknChiveon

    #17 I think your grasp of lemons is #11

  • RichMahogany

    Nailed it. #21

    • Forest

      U-S-A! U-S-A!

      • luke

        Congrats on the gold in this competition, but just to confirm, you do realize she's GB?

        • luke

          sorry just realized she is American. oh I'm a twat

    • tapsnapornap

      But without the regular sarcasm of a "Nailed It" comment

    • a-nom

      Amazing talent

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