Daily Morning Awesomeness (30 Photos)

  • Ralphie

    #8 Yes please

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    Good morning my darling minions! Did you sleep well? I sure did after reading the latest love letter from a minion:
    See http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

    – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

    • TheCab

      Fuck you

    • 2thefatAttnWh0re

      I guess if you can't get positive attention, go the easy way and aim for negative attention…

    • therealguy


      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I ate them. All!

        Send moar troll killers!

        – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

        • Sachiel

          i hate that a person on the internet that types stupid shit annoys me.

          • a-nom


        • Mac

          you must be very bored.. needing that much attention must take up a lot of you're time.. here's an idea.. get a job and stop living off of the state…. just saying..

          • Spelling Police

            *your. "you're" is a contraction of "you are."

            • Taco

              Yes, your. As in, your criminal status is unacceptable. Or, your mother is a slutwhore. Not you're, as in, you're a moron.

        • CameronJan

          Yup, Paula and I slept very well.
          I throat fucked her and we slept very well.

        • I love Paula

          of course you ate them, and anything else your beef curtains could swallow. Now here's a novel idea…shut the fuck up already

          • Simon_Phoenix

            You do realize that "Paula" is LG, right?

            You stupid asshats.

    • Jared

      I dont understand, but Ok.

    • EataTaco


    • EatingaTaco


    • AteaTaco



      Paula, you undoubtedly lead a sad and meaningless life. I'm certain, in your own mind, you feel that you are some sort of "anti-hero" or something similar however, let me be the 1000th to inform you that nobody at all cares in the least about anything you have to say. I take it that your use of, "minions" is some sort of sick and twisted fantasy that you are similar to Lady Ga-Ga or something? Again, let me tell you that your twisted little delusion that you actually have fans or that anyone enjoys your moronic, needy, and sophomoric ramblings is in fact, nothing but a delusion you have created in order to feel some fleeting glimpse of popularity. I can only imagine the type of person you are, sitting around all day trolling various sites in a last-ditch effort to stay relevant in the twilight of your fading, meaningless, and empty life.

      The Chivers frequenting this site are a happy lot. There is no need for you plop your fat ass down and crap out the chunky excrement you alone consider banter. Please excuse yourself from this site, and if you have any consideration for humanity, the internet all together.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Nah, way too many misses here. Read the fan novel below.

        – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)
        – Anti-Fan : http://bit.ly/badminion (second comment thread)

      • http://www.cupcakesbymartha.com MarthaJeane

        I enjoy Paula's posts. Mostly because I enjoy people who take themselves so seriously that they get super upset about Paula's posts.

        • Canadianmedic

          Exactly it's not so much the post itself as the reaction it inspires that makes me love Paula

          • ILIKEFISH

            Exactly, it's not so much the post I find stupid, but the people who enjoy Paula's posts. I mean, it is inspiring to see barely cognitively efficient people attempt to engage in low forms of conversation, you know, to make them feel like they're "one of us."

            Bravo Martha and Canadianmedic, you are an inspiration to speaking monkeys all across the land. Through you, we can all contemplate just how strong the human spirit really is.

  • Derp

    #2 Sadly I'm sure some people use it

    • https://www.facebook.com/CazArmour0n3 Caz Bliss Armour

      Sadly, I know exactly what mall that is in. Garden State Plaza in Paramus, NJ. -_-

    • 6655321


    • Boom!_Headshot!

      and sadly, people will complain if they break

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #15 Yeah, that's one way to grow mold in your bed.

    – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

    • Sid

      Kind of like the mold growing between your legs

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Hell no!

        I've got much better mold, wild and untamed and in a variety of colors!

        – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

        • Billy

          Do you work under the Chive offices? In that clothing store.

  • Hopdaddy


    • Hendu0705

      Eat shit and kill yourself.

  • Silly Bear

    #3 like a boss……….. a needlessly reckless boss.

    • Richard

      This is one of those products that seem really clever for about 2 seconds.

    • juiol

      "Who cares the seatbelt might save my life?! I much prefer wearing this t-shirt everytime I drive. Much smarter!"

    • ThatsMyName

      Fuck Tha Police!!!

      • CheezyBeef

        Wow, you are quite mature. You're awfully cool.

    • MarauderV8

      They should call it "Darwin's Shirt".

    • Hendu0705

      I've never really understood why people get so invested in others wearing seatbelts. It's a preference really. I mean, it's a law, but who gives a fuck. If someone wants to seemingly endanger him/herself by not wearing a seatbelt why should I or anyone else have anything to say about that? Just a thought. It's weird that people have chosen something so trivial to actually police each other up about.

      • http://www.facebook.com/zeb.westrom Zeb Westrom

        In theory, your thought process is perfectly logical. However, it fails under application. Hypothetical situation: let's say you are in an accident and both parties are equally at fault (a true unavoidable accident so to say). If the other person was not wearing their seat-belt, expect to get sued for all that you're worth. True, they might not win the case, but you still have to put up with all the court BS until everything is resolved.
        TLDNR: just because other's peoples actions don't affect you directly doesn't mean they won't affect you indirectly.

        • Agreed

          Hence the individual mandate in the Affordable Care Act.

          • Kristen


      • chim richels

        When you get into an accident and get thrown from your car and block traffic for 3 hours causing me to be delayed en route to my colon cleansing, then I shall spit on your seatbelt-less torso.

  • Bob

    #19 I'm not sure if I'd go wherever they're going…

    • Pants Pudding

      Do you know how awesome it must be there that they have to get dressed up like that?

    • Chim Richels

      Chik Fil A protest

    • Dani

      Why am I turned on from looking at this?

    • Underbaker

      I think they are going to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Lets do the Time Warp again….

  • Lisa

    #29 is awesome. I would totally do that if my kids were still little.

    #30…amazing grandma's are amazing. 🙂

    • Bob

      Granny is going to get that fucking reindeer…

      • Pants Pudding

        She'll beat it to death with her rack.

  • SuperiorTo8

    #7 Kids are such lightweights. He hasn't even finished off the neck yet

  • Jammin

    http://thechive.com/2012/08/02/daily-morning-awes… #3 is a lazy ass for wearing that shirt. Funny tho

    • https://www.facebook.com/MortenPrangNorup Morten Prang Norup

      I find that t-shirt utterly ridiculous. Who are you fooling by wearing it?
      The police? Well, yeah, somewhat.
      Death/injury/mame? Hardly
      Yourself? Ayup, only yourself.
      Don't be stupid. Just use the fucking belt FFS.

      • nuccabay

        who are the police fooling with click it or ticket laws?
        caring about the well being of citizens – hardly
        making extra money – YUP

        • Darwin agrees

          do you have any idea how much it costs to scrape your mangled ass off the pavement and clean up the mess you left because you went through the windshield? not to mention the time, money and resources spent investigating every fatal accident scene?
          Not saying a seat belt will save your life but they typically increase your chances

  • SomethingClever

    #21 looks like a weather tidal wave. Just wow.

    • Mac

      hey I'm going get rid of that -1 because that is what Chiver's do. I'm confused why someone would give your comment a thumbs down…you made a comment most of us were thinking. KCCO and have a GREAT DAY! PS Power Ball lucky numbers: 3 16 48 56 58 4 (Choose these before Aug 1 and win)

      • Mac

        Fucking shit balss mother cuntsheep I should have gave you those numbers yesterday! My bad but fuck man so close right. Anyways KCCO right

        • Mac

          Banana Peppers in my cereal today >.< So exwited!!!!! weee

    • https://www.facebook.com/oliver.buckmaster Oliver Buckmaster

      i remember this scene from Independence day. "Welcome to Earf!" – will smith

    • Ken

      One amazing example of a Shelf Cloud.

  • Andrea

    i haven't even gone to bed yet! how will i know if i made it onto redhead thursday?!

    • AJG


  • fuetcrr

    shut up stan/etcrr

    • etcrr

      Sad trolls are sad, bet you feel pretty stupid right about now

      • Anti-Trollz Mafia

        Foreverz Alone……..

      • fuetcrr

        because it's so hard to make a new account and post from 2 different ones in the same thread?? this is what- your sixth, or seventh new account? deleting bad comments as usual from each one. A 60 year-old that comments on girls 1/3 of his age is terribly sad.

  • Anonymous

    #21 is this how independence day started ?

  • Nicktachi

    #14 Whoop!

    • Anon

      Love the Olympics 😀 Love cheering on Canada. Like picking the States as a backup to win all those ones we don't stand a chance at 😉

      • Charlie

        So any event not in the Winter Olympics?

    • Chim Richels

      Every time I see pictures of those girls, I can hear their psychotic parents waking them up at 3am to go to practice.

      • Underbaker

        So that was you hiding under their beds?

    • CaptMike

      Nice job winning girls!!!! ps..The girl on the left scares the poops out of me…..demonic eyes!

  • Rob

    #21 isn't this how independence day started?

    • Woody Hayes

      i thought the exact same thing…somebody call jeff goldblum.

      • https://www.facebook.com/mckee.travis Travis McKee

        Ha…Chivers all think alike.

    • https://www.facebook.com/CazArmour0n3 Caz Bliss Armour

      Where's Will Smith when you need him?!?!

      • heywood jablowme

        probably mugging shamelessly in front of a camera somewhere.

    • TheFifthIngredient

      Welcome to Earf!

  • wareaglemike


  • unstablegirl

    #12 That's a very flexible pussy.

  • sjd

    No bro….I ain't mad

    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

      No, no, no! Around the NECK! Choke him!

      – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

      • Bob

        Whats wrong with america….

    • CaptMike

      To the black man; thanks for taking it all in stride -Stewie

    • jay Trumbull

      reminds me of my first childhood crush

  • Kunal Patel


    "I have a dream…"-MLK


    • Guse

      If my daughters have taught me anything it's that we're not born racist. My kids (lilly white) couldn't care less if their friends are black, white, etc. as long as they're friendly, they're friends.

      • CheezyBeef

        Nah, they just experience other people and then learn to hate them.

        Kids don't hate anybody.

    • Bob

      WTF with the kids? Kinda racist showing a black kid trying to be white, or is he one of those aboriginiese that do the tounge clicks.

      • If I had a son

        He's trying to steal the white kid's wallet.

      • FunKiller

        Just a little ashy….it's all good.

    • Dan Cathy

      These two are not welcome in any of my restaurants.

      • Moo Cow

        Don't worry…only the white kid will show up. The black kid is going to get burried in the sand by a cat.

  • US Ranger

    First time seeing DMA launch. Guess having a 5 month old wake me up at 3am ain't so bad after all……

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #20 Paula doll?

    – Fan Novel: http://bit.ly/goodminion (first comment thread)

    • Funke

      if anybody ever makes a doll of you, let's hope it's a voodoo doll.


      I just made a doll of you Paula! Come dig it out of my toilet.

  • etcrr

    #25 Nice leg

    • Bill57

      it is a nice leg and it is funny because the leg is supposed to look like it is on the guy but it isnt on the guy cause the guy is not real but it is a real leg on a playground and you know it is a playground because there is a slide and a jungle that belongs to that guy jim. one time I new a guy named Jim he was nice but he didn't have a playground

    • CheezyBeef

      The fact that it's on a playground should tell you that leg belongs to like a 12 year old which makes you are pervert.

    • Chris H.

      HEY EVERYONE- iT'S THE CHIVE'S JERRY SANDUSKY…."ETCRR". Why don't you have a seat, dirtbag.

  • etcrr

    #1 what are ya thinkin bout? That movie Twister

    • Islandtime

      My home town St. Simons Island, GA

      • robsterling

        Any other Golden Isles Chivers on here?

    • Bill57

      that movie twister was a very good film and expreessed values aned morals and honer cause it was about tornados that went round and round and round and then people chased them and somebody almost got hurt but they had morals so it was okay

  • peosh

    super cali fragalistic epsi alidocious.

    • FIFY

      super cali fragalistic EXPI alidocious.

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