Please, let me help you (30 photos)

  • Adam

    #30 the definition of insanity: watching the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    • Arid

      Not expecting…..but definitely hoping.

      • Bob


  • Bob

    #30 SO CLOSEEEEEEE ! It gets me every time 😦

    • Toothy

      Mia Isabella is smokin'…NSFW

      • TheItalian

        Pretty sure Mia Isabella is a tranny… and #30 isn't it.

    • elo2


      • I agree

        Obama Must Go Goddamnit!

    • Paula_

      The rest of the clip:

      – Fan testimonial: "Paula…. FUCK OFF!. The Chive and all Chivers hate you. Please die today in a car accident or from a heart attack. – anonymous"

  • Peanut Butter

    Jelly Time

  • Shat_Thrice


    Missed it by that much.

    • Nishtai

      He would've looked a lot like Lando Calrissian.

      • Guest

        I think they used Billy Dee Williams as the template for his pic – that's too much of a coincidence otherwise.

        Sad, really, how things worked out for MJ.

        • Nishtai

          I don't know if 'sad' is the word I'd use. He made those changes by choice. Bad advise and a shit-ton of dough can cloud your better judgement. I think the sad part is all the people trying to fuck him over some money that ruined his health beyond repair. I don't know, I always loved MJ, so I'm kinda biased, but I think that's the saddest part.

          • Mark

            Just to set the record straight. There's no doubt he got a lot of plastic surgery to change the shape of his nose. But, the white skin was a rare skin condition. It worsens when you are in the sun which is why he tried hard to keep out of the sun and wore gloves so often.

            • ScottyDoesn'tKnow!

              ^^ dumbass

            • Nishtai

              Vitiligo is not a 'rare skin condition' is just a skin condition. Just so you know. He bleached himself white because it wasn't that much appealing to the masses if he looked like that. At least that's what he thought

    • Frank

      "Juuuust a bit outside."

      • OnehandJack

        Got a seat in the front row!

    • A Guy

      Nailed it!

    • Ranger Rick

      He was sooo wrong!

  • Trav1121

    #8 Should happen more often!

    • Key Ring

      Or he could just call him a cab…

      • guest

        maybe the car owner just wanted to sleep in his car… now his keys are at the bottom of a river so even if he got home safely, he couldn't get into his place.

        • Notmyname

          PLEASE – do you REALLY believe that?

      • Trav1121

        Take a cab? Sure, that is an equally good idea, but this way, a stranger can be hilarious and heroic at the same time. Great combo! Haha

    • dirtysteve99

      Well, this is staged, if it happened in real life, there's be a lot more violence.

      • Notmyname

        Doubt it – it is going to take that drunk guy five minutes to figure out what actually just happened. By that time, the other guy will be blocks away.

        • dirtysteve99

          Again, yes, but that was a skit, in real life, things would get nasty, fast.

      • 3 to 20 characters

        Wait, this was staged? That explains how the camera got there. It all makes sense now.

  • Charlie_Cheen


    They thought he would look like Lando Calrissian?

    • Deep Dish

      I've altered his face. Pray I don't alter it any further.

      • dirtysteve99


    • wut

      Ended up looking more like the emperor

    • Goose

      This deal is getting worse all the time…

    • MonkeyMadness

      It's a trap!

  • Rodion Butyrski

    #30 I love how Chive closes posts.

  • S.Hood

    #30…I love you

  • Ethix_

    #10 The top prize in a drinking contest

    • Dr_StrangePants

      Indeed I AM in Thirst

    • Unfkngblvbl


      • Jesus

        Please, let me help you.

        the rd in third has been replaced with st…. so, it will be 3st (thirst)

        • omgh4x

          by your exact logic it would be thist.. idiot

  • craig

    #1 you go grandma!

  • Calcman

    #15 I willing to help…

    • Vent187

      He still got to bang her 72 times, and got paid!

      • Dr_StrangePants

        And He is NOT the Father !

    • hootie

      That story is complete bs-

  • whyme1973

    #21 Great ass.

    • Scott

      "Oh did I say top shelf? Better check the bottom one too."

    • Mel_Gibson

      FIND HER

    • Rich

      Either that's a really low kitchen counter and stove or she has incredibly long legs

  • weelee

    #1 #21
    Sexy & vigilant!!

    • English_Rob

      shouldn't that be vigilant & sexy?

    • A Guy

      You spelled GILF wrong..

  • Markoda

    #21 Why help when you can stand back and admire the view?

  • flybirdsfly

    #4 Nothing smells better than fresh Colon.

    • Guest

      I wish I could say I think this was 'shopped, but sadly I believe that everyone on there actually thinks that's the way the word is spelled.

    • hootie

      freshly evacuated colon, yes sir nothing better…

    • Clint Bozic

      Do you wonder if anyone going through this post was wondering what could be wrong about this? That'd be funny

      • Ed Jones

        I do, and I can't stand it. Cologne, dammit, Jim. The warp drive can't take any more colon.

    • Kevin Portillo

      Ohhhh Shiiiiieettttttt LOL I wasn't thinking of cologne! I just thought WTF!?!??!

  • IrishInNJ

    #8 Awesome. And smart.

    • This is Me

      WIN win win and WIN

  • twd22285

    #21 *Intentionally puts stuff on top shelf*

    • Underbaker

      Or the bottom one, still get a great pay off.

  • misschris

    #15 Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

    • CosmoKramerTheAssMan

      that's an awesome article. lucky bastard.


      • hootie

        its also made up-

  • electric boogalo

    #20 that's what they should do to all soccer players when hurt.

  • Txheat81

    #21 moar please

  • Machew

    We should call Alex butter because the boy is on a roll

  • David Allen

    #15 Where do I sign up for that?

  • Jackson


    Anything I can do to help, please do not hesitate to ask!

  • Machew

    We should call Alec butter because the boy is on a roll

    • Hmmm.

      Matt you?

    • ush

      Do the one about the butter again. That ones my favourite

  • Sarah

    #2 #7 THE CUTENESS!

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