I wish they weren’t, but these things are all just too true (41 Photos)

  • GeeROiD

    If you believe I'm not FIRST

    You're gonna have a bad time

    • Iso

      I believe you need to come up with something better to say.

    • JustSuper77

      If you believe that anyone cares that you're first,

      You're gonna have a bad time.

    • bubbles

      first post something interesting, and if you are first, you can then be like "fuck yeah" and not mention it to anyone ever.


      See #29 and #21

  • Trav1121

    #41 Yes, please! Get him in there!

    • testudo321

      What's with this referee jokes?

      • goon

        NFL Refs are locked out.. The replacement refs have been embarrassing. Including simultaneously calling a touchdown and an interception, followed by leaving the field before the game was actually over.

        • testudo321

          Oh I see (not that I know anything about American football).
          Referees playing the tough game of idiot ball.

          If my recollections of similar incompetence by our footba… err soccer referees are correct they perhaps didn't leave early but have in fact fled?

        • M.O.T.

          What, two officials disagreed? Holy shit how did they continue!? It's as if they'd have to think and decide on something logically. No other sport does this, it's not as if (our) football has more than one official so that you're ensured of more accurate decisions. No, if they disagree, the game stops, they go home and everybody cries at the confusion.

          Also if they're locked out can't somebody just let them in the back door?

      • bewbz

        does testudo mean you're a terp too? If so, no wonder you don't understand a football joke considering how amazing our team is this year 😛

        • Peter

          Damn it, Gringo, We Don't All Watch American Football

    • Cheesehead

      LOL I wonder what Scott Walker thinks of union labor NOW??

      • emailhobo

        I think he thinks NFL Unions are great! The refs are paid by the NFL not u and/or me!. Smart ass.

  • Real talk

    #36 Thank you

  • Rusty Shackleford

    #13 So true, so very very true

    • Iso

      Why are you limiting it to just "friends"? Is there anything wrong with friends of friends, acquaintances, strangers?

      • Si1entStatic

        because then they risk being labeled as "The creepy guy that eye fucks everyone he sees." Once that gets to Social Media you're screwed…. for life.

        • Guest

          That's why I wear my sunglasses – in the grocery store. And if a guy doesn't want to fuck a good percentage of the girls he sees, well…

          • The_Dood

            Not where I live. I would say the percentage that aren't just frankly hideous or morbidly obese is around 20.

    • KyleGamgee

      Okay, good. Not just me then.

    • FolleRousse

      Works women to male friends too.

  • Dwide_Schrude

    #26 I find it depressing that I always laugh the hardest at the pictures that are the most embarrassing.

    • Tony

      thumbs up my friend!

    • Biggus Diccus

      This is the most true of them all

  • Dwide_Schrude

    #38 oh, they're cutting all our heads off today!

    • Louie

      read this while listening to this act on pandora!

  • Jason

    #3 I would fuck her arm pit

    • Kp1000


      • Jen

        and/or her back rolls! get some flour, man.

        • Mike

          Have fun with the neck rust, that's nasty as hell

    • kigero

      Didn't lady Gaga just try and pass this quote as her own? (read it in a tabloid on the way to work, please don't. Judge)

  • KingThing


    • RoguePyrate

      I need a drink…

    • MikeyMack

      A-men or A-A?

  • FunKiller

    #34 Are those happy tissues, or sad tissues?

    • JustSuper77

      I believe they are both.

    • cliqueded

      God damn I love that movie.

    • DaddyD

      The ones on the left are sad tissues. The one on the right are happy tissues.

  • Whoopi_G

    #13 Sadly, yes.

  • KCCO

    anyone else think at first that #28 was jerking off?

    • Christian


    • mr_brojangles

      His angry jerkoff face made me laugh.

      • spook01

        madness is funny as hell too!

  • JustSuper77

    #3 A wild Snorlax appears…

  • CowboyChiver

    #17 So true…

    • a-nom

      Too bad Jefferson never wrote it…

  • tv_paul

    #34 Sure and it's not just for breakups, maybe before a first date or there's nothing good on TV. or you looked a chivettes bored at work posting or well actually you don't need a reason plus it's free..

    • a-nom


    • loves sammiches

      I was scratching my balls, and well….

    • _DoC_

      Also when it's Tuesday, or when you've gotten too many boners during the day and it's starting to be an inconvenience…

      • Jen

        or masturbation monday!

      • Sam

        Wackoff Wednesday!

    • Craigery

      Or your girl/wife went grocery shopping and you're alone for an hour.

      • CanadianChivette

        Alright, someone tell the truth.. Do guys actually just touch it for no reason when they're alone?!?

        • balls

          oh you innocent Canadian Chivette

          • CanadianChivette

            Far from innocent..
            Just don't see the need to touch it all the time! Ask your girl for head, give her a little surprise while she's making you supper!

            • tv_paul

              I may be wrong but I'm guessing you're not married and don't have any children. The days of spontaneous sex are pretty much over for me (sigh). We have to schedule everything, between work and the kids it's tough. Enjoy it while you can, I envy you & your significant other.

              • CanadianChivette

                26, Mom of 2, happily married! I miss the spontaneity as well, just gotta find the time to have those sexy little moments that make you want bedtime to happen that much sooner!

                • tv_paul

                  Well I am impressed. I'm a lot older than you and I'm guessing my kids are too so that factors into things. Keep up the good work and your husband is a very lucky guy.

        • ZachBob

          Alone and bored, yes.

          • CanadianChivette

            Good to know!

  • JDD

    "Treats women like shit"
    Those are the pants he is trying to get in!

  • http://thechive.com/ no_angel

    #3 she ate Marilyn?

  • *dash*

    #37 is cause Ted's a bitch and Barney is awesome

    • a-nom

      Oh irony…

    • Notknowing

      Barney is tha SHIT! I aspire to be like him.

      • a-nom

        So you aspire to sleep with idiotic females that have no self worth only to end up with a supremely irritating and unattractive Canadian…seems legit

        • Urethra Franklin

          How is Robin unattractive?

        • Jesus

          Hey, why criticize if someone has different goals than you? Some people seek true love, others want to taste a little bit of everything that life has to offer, if ya know what I mean 😉 And, dude, Canadian girls are HAWT. Canada's a cultural melting pot with a much lower rate of obesity than the States. Ponder those words…

      • Craigery

        You aspire to be a douchebag asshole? Well at least your aspirations are realistic.

      • http://twitter.com/LosTorre @LosTorre

        Barney the character? or the gay actor?

        • Hanx

          Exactly. I don't see how one thing has to do with the other.

    • Mackin

      Also because both are fictional characters.

    • Jim

      Yup. Barney treats women like they're the most important person in the world (right up until he disappears whilst they're still sleeping). Ted dumps all of his emotional baggage on girls after 5 minutes of meeting them under the guise of being 'sensitive', 'in touch with his feelings' and 'a nice guy'. In reality he's just socially awkward and drives women away.

      (Yes I am aware, both ted and barney are fictional.)

  • misschris

    #41 Would probably work out better

    • Binx_

      Until he catches all the ball

  • Craigery

    #18 It's usually printed inside the door. You just have to be able to read.

    • fotnot

      and i guarantee…a few randoms out there walked over to the microwave to check this….

      • Yup


    • http://euroranger.wordpress.com/ Euroranger

      All that explanation did was make me hope someone Photoshops this pic with the caption "Who The Fuck…Reads The Inside Of Their Microwave Door?!"

      I mean seriously…how bored does one have to be to be captured by the seductive writing on the inside of the microwave door?

      • FknNickDuh

        Couldn't agree with you any more. Probably safe to say that that is the norm since it's a meme.

      • Jim

        Except that it's usually written on the outside on the door (that you have to open every time you operate the microwave) or next to the time and power settings (that you have to use every time you operate the microwave).

    • M.O.T.

      It's on the front of the door of every microwave I've ever owned or seen.

  • bubbles

    #40 is how i feel after eating pappa johns pizza.

    • Binx_

      Chili season approaches

    • Craig K.

      I finally realized where I know this character from. Gru has a truly ugly ass.

    • FknNickDuh

      real life LOL'd at that

    • http://www.itabloid.gr George

      Wow! Athens, Pireos Street. I see it every day, going to work!

  • LFG

    False in tests 10 minutes of sleep seem to have the fastest act of waking a person up in the shortest amount of time possible

  • Craigery

    #37 Are fictional characters on a TV show that bears little resemblance to the real world. Also, the one who gets laid every night is gay.

    • DDD

      Actually it bears quite a resemblance to the real world…….. The actors themselves are trivial to the point being made….

      • Craigery

        Oh yeah, it's totally realistic. I like how the main character grows up to be Bob Saget.

        • dtosc

          it is realistic in the sense that the nice guy usually finishes last and the ass gets the girl most of the time.

          • Mackin

            Many so-called nice guys are just asses that don't have it down pat. "Nice" is a term people usually use for "I have no problem with". Think about it. When was the last time you used the word "nice" and was it really a compliment? I know many KIND men who get laid quite a bit.

            • https://www.facebook.com/crookedhalo999 Mark P Constable

              Nice =/= doormat

              • https://www.facebook.com/crookedhalo999 Mark P Constable

                Pfth, ascii codes. Nice does not mean being a doormat. One can be a nice guy and be awesome at the same time.

            • Jesus

              You got it, man. "Nice" means "I'm being nice because I'll do anything to get in your pants, no association with whether I'm actually nice or not" which is code for "creepy/needy". Asses tend to be confident and don't act like a creep. But not everybody who is confident and doesn't act like a creep is an ass.

    • ddd

      "the less fucks you give, the more fucks you get"

  • rsjem1979


    Ted frequently treats women like shit, but because he's so lame people seem to forget about it.

    • davo

      also it's just a television show

    • Jesus

      Actually, I think Ted's much worse. Barney fucks and chucks, but Ted plays with emotions, even if he generally has good intentions.


    #40 would be solved if people stopped fucking so much. The world is overpopulated, and morons think that they should own a house when they can't even make monthly car payments.

    • Patches

      The problem with all you people who say the world is overpopulated is that not one of you are volunteering to do anything about it. If you're so worried about overpopulation, kill yourself and I'll respect your opinion. Until then, you're an idiot who thinks "everyone else" is overpopulating the world while you yourself are just fine.
      Just like Al Gore telling everyone else that they must be environmentally responsible because the world will end due to global warming, while he himself lives in mansions and rides around in limos and private jets, creating a carbon footprint unbelievably larger than that of a "normal" person.

      • JESSE

        I don't have any kids. How's that for practicing what I preach?

    • MrStiggy91

      The world isn't overpopulated though. Did you you know the entire human population could fit inside Jacksonville, Florida? (if everyone took up a 1 sq ft.) The problem is cities get overpopulated not the world. Have you ever gotten outside of your city? There's a lot of space.

      • velvethammer

        Well, what you say is absolutely true, provided that none of the humans consumed any resources or produced any pollution. The IS a lot of free area on earth. Just look at the oceans, or the Himalayas.
        And not for nothing, if you end up standing next to me in Jacksonville FL, you're going to get an elbow in the gut. Oops. Sorry.

        • MrStiggy91

          Well as far consuming resources, that's not overpopulation that's often corporate greed. But, there's plenty of oil, and there's so much grain in the middle U.S. states, it could feed the entire world easily. Grain production is restricted in the U.S. so as not to destroy it's value and thus the livelihood of the farmers. There's plenty of food in the world. Pollution on the other hand is fixed with technological advancements, not fewer people. Fixing pollution with fewer people is like if say, in the 50's it was said don't drive cars to reduce accident deaths, instead of developing airbags and crumple zones. Yes, fewer people would help the problem, but there's a better way.

          If you live in an area such as India or China, then I could understand not wanting to to have children since moving is not an easy task. You might certainly be helping by not having children. But if you live in the U.S., complaining about overpopulation is just stupid. There's plenty of room here. Most Chivers probably come from N. America, Europe, Australia, etc… where overpopulation is irrelevant. If you're on theChive I'm doubtful you live somewhere where overpopulation is a problem. Don't preach about overpopulation where it isn't an issue. It's like complaining about religious tolerance in the U.S. Don't preach that here, preach that in the Middle-East.

          As far as wanting to punch me in the gut, I'm trying to form an intelligent argument. So a fuck you to you as well asshole.

          • velvethammer

            well, obviously you are a moron. and i should have known better to begin with. But have an awesome day anyway.

            • MrStiggy91

              Calling someone a moron and leaving it at that without trying to qualify your opinions is not how to debate. You made a very weak response.

  • Doc Benway

    #33 Buk on the Chive. Outstanding. Thumb me up if you know who this is. Chivers are probably by and large an intelligent bunch, so I'm sure it's quite a few. And you know if he were alive he'd be a Chiver.

    • DDD

      Drinks for all my friends…………

    • That Guy

      Love Buk, but no he wouldn't. He wasn't one for groups.

    • Craigery

      I know who that is. It's Charles Bukowski.

    • Patches

      Pretty sure he wolud actually think the juvenile frat boy "omg look at the tits and ass and that fuckin cat we're so fuckin cool bro" mentality of this site is incredibly lame.

    • The_Dood

      Just read Women a few months ago… Couldn't put it down. And I very, very rarely read.
      I also read Tales of Ordinary Madness in high school.

    • banks

      his name is in the pic, jus sayin

blog comments powered by Disqus
Back to the top