I wish they weren’t, but these things are all just too true (34 Photos)

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  • HereComesThe

    BOOM

    • MrE

      HEADSHOT

  • Unfkngblvbl

    #16 Every fucking time!

    • Chiver

      Pans not hot enough #letitcookfirst

    • HellHath NoFury

      Hi, I'm too stupid to cook eggs.

    • Smashy

      Mix ingredients in a ziplock freezer bag then put bag with ingredients in boiling water. Boom! Omelette making hacked!

      By the way, it's boiling water, no extra dishes, also you can take omelette out and pop on frying pan to get the "roasted" colour and taste. Or just keep in ziplock and have omlette to go.

  • GrammarPolice

    #20 THAN

    • Deep Dish

      Also, this isn't true. My girlfriend is loud as fuck in the morning. Opening and closing drawers, turning lights on and off really quick to find stuff.

      When she gets up, I got back to sleep on a couch in the basement.

      • angela

        You sound like a winner

        • HatBomb

          I think you spelled Mom wrong. And left the her out of "the couch in HER basement".

          • Tom

            Speaking from experience?

    • Wisti

      When I read that I realized I have never ever had that opportunity…8am shift at work? Bf doesn't have a job. 6am shifts? New bf doesn't have to be at work until 8am…

  • DisNinjaSeen

    #23 Give that guy in blue an award!

    #28 My new favorite idealist, give him a gold star too!

  • Mike Ho.

    <img src="http://www.newautoquote.us/hotel/fk.jpg"/>Interesting …These strange ideas are coming from who's masterpiece<img src="http://www.newautoquote.us/aquarius/rm.jpg"/&gt;

  • sauceboss

    #28 I'm liking all the bukowski quotes keep it up!
    And
    #3 story of my fat fucking life

    • Tom

      Where's the money, Bukowski?! Where's the money?

    • https://www.facebook.com/rocafella89 Jerry Mitchell

      Just read his material. His novels and poetry are simply amazing. He's VERY chauvinistic, but an incredible writer none-the-less

  • Tzatlacael

    #5 Is sooooo truee

  • PiratesFan

    #20 And then they turn the light on and all you can think is, "Have some fucking decency, I'm trying to sleep."

    • dirtysteve

      Ah, but the silence when they finally leave! There's nothing like it.

    • Nate

      #20 thAn*

  • weofkwerightao

    #25 sorry, I thought it was the government who stole from the people.

    • dan

      b/c gov't officials make more than ceo's?
      l0l

      • mick0311

        No, but they spend more money…that they didn't make.

    • Fellow

      The government would be the fishing rod of the rich guys.

      • THX

        Really? What are the top three commitments for the national budget? I'll save you the time. They are 1)Medicare/Medicaid 2)Social Security 3) Defense. What do medicare/medicaid and social security do in a very simplified manner? They pay bills for people that are currently elderly.

        In effect I am giving my money to Uncle Sam so he can take half and then divide the rest between my parents and possibly my grandparents.

        We all benefit from Defense, but I suppose that if by "the rich guys" you mean anyone that has property, I guess you may have a point.

        I don't think it will be the poor and middle class renouncing their citizenship and bailing when taxes get hiked up by the government….

        • its_forge

          We don't "benefit" enough from defense to justify the fact we spend more on it than everybody else on Earth who even *has* a defense budget combined.

          • Idk

            Also, since when did defense involve going into other countries and killing people? That sounds like offense to me.

    • its_forge

      Only in your weakass conservatarded talking points.

    • JESSE

      This and #20 show this Alec guy's REgressive ideology in a nutshell. Seriously Chive, fire this douche

      • Indeed

        Conservatives are regressive. Like how Mitt Romney wants to take us back to the Gilded Age.

  • cuttin bigwood

    #25 is 100% wrong. Seriously, you think the poor are the ones doing the hard work???? If they were, they wouldn't be poor…. Freaking liberals…

    • crusher44x

      I was about to post a similar argument. THANK YOU! Gotta love Welfare logic.. YOU give me money but YOU'RE still stealing from ME.

      • John Stockton

        So how about when a bank gives a $500,000 high interest mortgage loan to an uneducated, low income father of four with no credit check or verification of income. The bank then sells off the remaining mortgage payments to various hedge funds to ensure their profits avoid liability when the man defaults on his payments. 2 years later the man loses his job and can no longer make his mortgage payments and he and his family are fucked.

        While I agree with you for the most part the world is not black and white.

        • http://euroranger.wordpress.com/ Euroranger

          Eh, you lost me when you said "…and the uneducated, low income father of four APPLIED FOR A FREAKIN' HALF MILLION DOLLAR LOAN because his personal responsibility and self control had been kidnapped by a bank". It's stunning how many people completely skip the part dealing with personal responsibility in even asking for a loan they know they'll never repay in the first place for things they can't afford.

          While the world may not be black and white, I like to think incurable, terminal imbecility is definitely on the darker end of the spectrum…and your post was chock full of that.

          • Hypno

            Ok, so how about the WELL EDUCATED COUPLE who took out a loan they COULD afford, and started their family. Both of them have good jobs and health insurance. THEN they both lose those jobs and lose their insurance and one of the kids gets sick, so they lose the house, their cars and their savings. Both now can only find part time work because the companies they USED to work for will only hire new people so that they don't have to pay them so much so that the owner of the company (who got it from his daddy) gets to keep more millions than he had before. Now what, asshole?

            • http://euroranger.wordpress.com/ Euroranger

              Now I say "nice story you pulled out to fit your personal opinion" and I'll throw in "but my response was to his story and not yours" just for extra flavor…asshole.

              Your little pissing diatribe had zero to do with the one I responded to. Thanks for playing, lovely parting gifts, etc.

          • Brad

            God damn this was great!

          • Indeed

            Well, the banks didn't have to accept personal responsibility either. We bailed them out, so they could continue to pay their rich executives their millions in bonuses.

            There are a lot of poor people that work multiple jobs, and probably work a hell of a lot harder than you. Not everyone that is poor is that way because they are lazy, and not everyone that is poor is on welfare.

        • nobama 12

          That argument is like feeling bad for someone that got killed playing russian roulette. They knew the odds were that they couldn't pay the loan, but took it out anyway. Don't blame the bank for wanting the money they are owed. Our society is so caught on keeping up with the jones, that we mortgage our kids future to do it. If you can't afford to pay a $500K mortgage, don't sign your name. easy as that. And yes, I understand people lost jobs and can't pay mortgages, but you said a low-income man to begin with…

          • John Stockton

            Ok, maybe a half million dollar loan was a bit dramatic. But to an uneducated man with poor financial management skills even a $100,000 loan may seem payable when realistically he doesn't stand a chance of paying it off.

            Believe me I'm a huge proponent of personal responsibility but when you get a poorly educated man in a room and tell him he can move his kids out of a shitty studio apartment and into an actual house, and that he can have the money now, you bet his judgment is clouded and those mortgage payments seem possible.

            I don't blame banks for wanting their money, I just think they should earn it ethically.

            • http://euroranger.wordpress.com/ Euroranger

              Fair enough…but if we're being fair, let's be fair all around. Banks made those loans because in 1999 the federal government told Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to loosen their underwriting standards for the loans they guaranteed low and middle income applicants (and especially those in inner cities) to banks so that those banks would write those notes and, presumably, get such folks into mortgages and out of leases.

              This was done after a fairly racially charged campaign alleging banks wouldn't write mortgages for minority applicants despite there not being a place asking for race or ethnicity on the application form (such being banned by the Fair Housing Law of 1968). In essence, banks were encouraged to write loans whose applicants would not normally qualify for such per their underwriting rules because of the increased risk of default. The federal government, in a move to pander to those voters, essentially overruled sound business sense and ordered the FMs to guarantee those loans so the banks wouldn't be left holding the bag and would be encouraged to issue such loans.

              • John Stockton

                Touche

              • quailman8907

                Lawyered.

              • I don't know

                And then when the bubble burst, it wrecked the economy. Money was taken from the tax payers to pump back into the financial market which was in effect the rich people who were ultimately responsible taking the not so rich tax payers money to fix their fuck up. This conversation can go in circles. Yes people who knew they wouldn't be able to afford the loan should of had personal responsibility and not taken it. But the banks and the government should of also been telling people they knew for a fact they wouldn't be able to repay the loans too instead of giving them money and betting against them. As the poster said above very few things in this life are so black and white.

    • Hypno

      Both easily two of the dumbest comments I'm going to read all day. A lot of people lost the jobs that they'd had for 20 years in 2008 and now work two or three fast food jobs to make ends meet. They work harder than most of us, and they're certainly not rich. They can't get their old job back because they're too old, and now they're fucked. Get your head out of your ass with these stupid comments.

      • crusher44x

        Yes, but those who actually WORK are not the people I am referencing! I have a great deal of respect for those who have transitioned from a white to blue color job(s) and continue to function. It is those who have no interest in finding another job that I find despicable.

        • Fellow

          Just because someone has a job does not mean they are rich. Anyways the word "poor" should be replaced with "middle class".

        • Indeed

          Well, the guy in the picture is working.

      • Brad

        Shut up gay boy.

    • Jimmy Dean

      funny i just read this: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-

      only to come and read your comment.

    • dirtysteve

      I think this refers to people who are on low income jobs, rather than welfare.

    • IBetYou'rePoorToo

      How about the fact that around half of Wal-Mart's employees qualify for food stamps and yet the Waltons (HEIRS OF THEIR $$$ AND NOT ACTUALLY JOB CREATORS) are #6,7,8, and 9 on the list of the richest people in the USA? It's the rich getting richer at the expense of the poor and US taxpayers. Not everything is as simple as you would like Mr. Bigwood.

    • Cpt_Obvious1786

      If all it took was hard work, every nurse, carpenter, and teacher would be a millionaire. Freaking ignorant conservatives.

      • Gnrl_Obvious

        Every nurse, carpenter and teacher should know they're not going to be a millionaire when they entered their selected profession. That's the noble sacrifice they chose to make. Freaking stupid liberals.

        • Cpt_Obvious1786

          I didn't say anyone in those professions thinks they deserve to be a millionaire. My only point was hard work does not equal being rich. So don't twist my words to suit your moot point.

          • Gnrl_Obvious

            My bad. I see your point. I guess the blanket condemation of conservatives is what threw me. I dislike stereotypes. That's why I tried to draw you offsides with my last sentence.

        • its_forge

          Yeah, they should've become investment bankers instead. Do you not realize how fucking stupid that sounds, you asshole.

          • Gnrl_Obvious

            Investment bankers, yes they should if all they are in it for is the money. Because they are destined to be over-worked and underpaid in one of those professions. But all I am trying to say is that is very unlikely you are not going to get rich, no matter how hard you work. And you probably knew that before you started in that profession, but they decided to follow thier calling.

            • Cpt_Obvious1786

              Haha I understand. Regrettably I stooped to the level of the first commenter with my last sentence. And you were very close to "drawing me offsides", I wrote out a few ignorant, curse filled sentences before taking a breathe and getting back to my argument.

    • i wish i was rich

      Fuck You cuttin bigwood. I work twice as hard as you do as a full time mechanic and going to college. If you think I'm poor because I'm lazy then you're a twisted fucking asshole. By The Way I would watch more than just Fox news to get my opinions.

      • Liv

        And the truth is u r prob. not poor either. Be thankful for everything you have. People take everything for granted now days. Are u healthy and don't go to bed hungry? STFU and love life, its too god damn short not to!

    • Lame

      Fuck politics

  • JMAKK

    #4 chelseavictoria1010 just went viral on youtube.

    • izismile

      It already was

  • imjake09

    #17 Ha! The beardy guys look is awesome. Just so annoyed by humor.

    • Iso

      While I appreciate his attempt – the second sign should have read "… Hamsters."

  • sfb101

    #30 Oh so true.

    • http://twitter.com/undefined @undefined

      Pro-tip: there is an option in Google Chome to spell check anything you type in the browser.

  • jared

    #32 and the girls on campus, one of the main reasons i went to CSULB

    • thebigbangdito

      I think i would have gone to chico or sdsu before LB (assuming its just out of California state schools)

    • Boomer Sooner

      If your school's abbreviation has more that 3 letters, its probably shit. I mean seriously, WTF is a CSULBRYTUSHP?

  • alex

    #28 Because we are animals, and that is how animals live.

    • Gonasiphaherpalitis

      Mammals actually.

      • socket2me

        are you implying that mammals arent animals ?

        • Mr. Tea

          Wooah, we're entering philosophy territory… watch out for dysentery and the occasional intellectual professor.

  • PIGS, CUTE AND TASTY

    #30… What is embarrassing is how many of our fellow humans ceased giving a shit for spelling and grammar long ago. Attempts at deriving intent becomes merely conjecture these days.

    • ScottishYankee

      Wondering how many times this person had to use Google to spell the words in their post?

    • Forest

      Um, don't you mean "attempts at deriving intent BECOME merely conjecture"? A grammatical error in a grammar nazi comment is the worst kind of fail. Just go home.

      • Brad

        Gump.

  • backwards

    #25 Sorry, Thought it was more of the "have nots" getting hand outs from the "haves"!

    • dirtysteve

      Why is everyone looking at this and implying the poor guy is some kind of leech?
      He works at a menial job, the rich guy profits out of all proportion to his labour, that's the point being made here.
      There's no inference that you're either rich, or on welfare.

      • x3nCho

        When did this narrative of welfare recipients-as-leeches-and-parasites take SUCH a hold in today's discussions?
        Fucking christ! I understand Obama has disappointed, I get it! but this bullshit narrative of "job creators" is just repackaged "trickle down". Understand I'm not attacking any particular poster here, but what is this bullshit about all the "lazy" people just LOOOOOVIN the BOUNTY and golden shower that is the welfare system? really?

    • Indeed

      Right…like the Mitt Romney "have nots" getting crazy tax breaks that the rest of us working fools don't get.

  • Bassmint_Stile

    I don't get #24.

    • HellHath NoFury

      I feel bad for you, son.

      • P90

        Are you the real HHNF or are you an elaborate hoax?

    • xamax

      The left refers to 'Hot' and the right refers to 'Cold.' The up refers to the little thingy you pull up to have the water come out of the showerhead. He is adjusting the water as such to be perfect..

    • dirtysteve

      That's the famous Konami code, used in videogames.
      Also, some showers aren't so great when it comes to getting just the right temp for the water.

      • Guse

        No, it's not. The Konami code is: up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select/start (or just start if you're lonely).

        • austin

          why does everybody throw that "select" in there??? I never played Contra with anybody but my self, much like when I have sex.

  • jesseSs

    Booya. So many reposts

    • Yuppp

      Nobody cares but you.

  • Jerky

    #25 Total bullshit. Pull your head out of your ass.

    • Jonathan

      I was going to say that #25 is backwards. The rich guy would be the one working hard for his own money.

      • its_forge

        LOL not most of them don't. The ones who assfucked the economy in 2007 don't ever even touch "their own money."

  • Baxpin

    #18 I just got bitch slapped by a cartoon.

    • Mike Hunt

      This makes a scary amount of sense

  • NorCal420

    #19 could not be more true

  • Daniel

    #1 Seriously?! What's wrong with raisin cookies?

    • Frank

      raisins

    • FirstWorldProblems

      Also, this is the biggest white whine I have ever seen. I mean it's like someone is trying really hard for things to complain about and this is the best they could find.

      • Dustin

        A whine about a whine. And now I'm whining about the guy whining about a raisin cookie whiner.

    • northerner

      The reason being if you don't like raisins and you bite into what you thought was a chocolate chip cookie and discover the taste of raisin, that can be, well, very ICKY. But, no, it's not a national emergency kind of thing but to those who strongly dislike the taste of raisins, it's a very valid point.

  • Face

    #25 is semi-accurate, except the guy actually catching the fish is the "middle class", the poor would be the person actually trying to swim in the water with there hands tied behind their backs and catching fish

    • SocialLubricant

      You forgot the poor who are on welfare standing there and getting fish handed to them.

      • its_forge

        'Cuz everybody knows that if they had that choice they'd just stand around having things given to them instead of having some self-respect and working for it instead.

        What an unbelievably asshole thing to say.

        • Social lubricant

          Sure, there are poor folks using welfare as it was meant to be used which is to help get them get by a tough time while they get back on there feet. There also those who knowingly and willing abuse the system. If you aren't aware of this your either incredibly naive, live in an affluent area where you don't get to witness people paying for food with food stamps and a ton of liquor with a wad of cash while they are in line with their 8 kids, or your 12.

      • Indeed

        Most people on welfare are not abusing the system. That's a fallacy that was made up to distract you from the fact that Republicans don't care about anyone but the rich. They make shit up to keep working folks like us fighting amongst ourselves. There are certainly some people that abuse it, but it is not a material %.

        • SocialLubricant

          "but it is not a material %"

          Can you site your source for this information? Probably not. How does one determine the criteria for what is and is not abuse of welfare? Once you determine the criteria, how do you go about determining who is abusing it and who isn't? Follow a sample of 10,000 welfare recipients around for a month? That's not realistic.

          You may very well be right that there is not a significant amount of abusers, but you may also be wrong. We have no way of knowing. For this particular topic I really don't see a way an accurate study could be conducted.

          However, even if that weren't the case I doubt we would ever see a study that wasn't skewed one way or the other. In my opinion, when studies are conducted on politically charged topics such as this one, those conducting the study aren't objectively gathering data. They have an agenda and they want to prove a point.

          • SocialLubricant

            For the record, I don't agree with any political party's agenda. There are so many things that need serious reform but two main political parties just want to tweak what already exists in their conservative or liberal direction. The Libertarian party actually has some great ideas for large scale reform (ending the war on drugs is one example) but at the same time they say bat shit crazy stuff like they want to completely and immediately end welfare and that the government should not provide any health care at all.

    • Orwell

      Sounds like you're a communist.

      • Yuppp

        Sounds like you're an idiot.

  • B_rad

    #6 Where's the problem? Perhaps your'e looking for an excellent tree climber. Would you rather they test a subjects ability to swim in a fishbowl? No, you would ask the applicant to demo their tree climbing aptitude. Equal opportunity does not mean equal results.

    • mel

      This is talking about education not a job interview.

    • Frank

      Yeah, there is a big difference between asking an elephant to climb a tree and asking a child to learn to add, subtract, divide, and multiply.

    • Danno

      The flaw in your logic is that our education system is intended to develop various people to be able to do various different types of jobs which requires diversity. The lack of diversity in the education system demonstrates an assumption that everyone with the same skill set can do any type of job. Therefore the education system is flawed based on their own assumptions.

      • College Graduate

        The purpose of the education system is to give a BASIC education, something that EVERYBODY should have in life. If you want specialized education, that's what college is for. Shut your piehole and deal with it.

    • Meowmix

      Also, this cartoon came from an Albert Einstein quote: "Everybody's a genius; but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid."

      • Indeed

        I don't think he actually every said that.

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