Some of the better Tweets I’ve ever read (30 Photos)

Lauren Greenberg looks hot to me. ("oh no, I have a stalker")

Psshhhhtttt. $80 will get you two spanish hookers at the same time in DC.

Same thing happens to me… makes things a bit awkward

I thought I was the only one. It's done that on my Iphone a few times.

Yeah this is a serious problem. I come to Chive because I like delayed gratification and that sh*t is seriously immediate.

I also have had that problem, can make for some awkward moments but I KCCO.

Me too!!

It's probably not the Chive, but the other porn sites you visit on a regular basis. Try clearing the history OR being less of a pervert.

Funny, I didn't read this happening to any Android users. Go figure.

Omg happens to me too!

Face it. The Chive knows what you really need.

#27 Yup; same here.

. . . if you mix in a spoonful of peanut butter, you can step it up to lower class.

I used to like to add those frozen vegetables with the lima beans, because I'm healthy and all!

Some have smaller brains….

I don't know what percentage it is in mine, but all I did was hear light sabers clashing with x-wing fighters flying over head for the next 30 seconds.

Well it was all good, then you arrived. Talk about a waste of time.

The Chive has no time for whining

Just hands sticking out of a torso…

No, actually. The only time I ever knocked up a t-rex, we couldn't afford to keep it .

that would probably hurt more during labor

#6 She's slutty and dresses as such because her dad was never there and she is rebelling against him (e.g. strippers)

Saying she can see the chicks Vajajay and how many times its been HIT because her dad didnt love her enough….

#6 is cleverly relating the length (or lack) of skirt to the turbulent upbringing of a young girl that would imply her father missed her dance recitals.

Short skirt = No father figure = Probable filth wizard of a slut.

I lauged cause I hate babies
…so there's always that subconscious possibility

I hope that it was both!

If you are unsure if you are high you need to get a different source.

can't it be both?

I appreciate the shit out of your name – fellow MA chiver

Stop opening them with your turtle penis.

She's got daddy issues.

Remember Fathers,
Daddy Issues are have an Direct Correlation to Teenage Promiscuity.
Every neglected moment from her childhood is an extra inch off the skirt.

Short skirt = She's a slut = She has daddy issues

wtf dude!?

That's what I thought too, hmm maybe I just think of the worst

And I dumb enough to respond… packaging on this side of the pond is designed by terrorist cells…the "re seal-able tabs and slot and poly bag get completely bastardized, impossible to seal once opened.

Don't worry about trying to understand it, it was by far the weakest one of the bunch and you aren't missing anything.