I wish they weren’t, but these things are all just too true (32 Photos)

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  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #1 no power meow?

    At least I have the power to be… FJIIIHIIIIIIiIiIiIiIIiIiIiIIiiIihHAARRSTTTSTTTH!!111!!!

    Aaaaahh…. was it good for you too Alec?

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – Fan testimonial: "meow about keep on, keepin' on…. 99.5% of the time we just say 'moar' and 'she's so hot'……. then there is paula…. idk wtf you are, or wtf u look like… but keep trollin' trollin' trollin' – whale huntr"

    • SmokeyTheBear

      Murray Christmas Paula…

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Thank you so much dear!❤ When I read 'Murray' I squirted a little…

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "CHIVE admins, can you block this rude poster from commenting on the site? I know this is to be expected online, but Paula's snide comments have gotten excessive and out of control. – Janelle"

        • #1paulafan

          The thought of you squirting troll juice drives me insane! MOAR

          • Tothe

            Paula is a man. You are gay.

            • #1paulafan

              So you assume I am man? Just because my loins ache for Out beloved Troll.

              • Yuppp

                You are even worse than her/him/it.

              • Thisistruth

                Paula is a man. He lives in Canada. Although, you know that.

                • urinal puck

                  Don't be trashing Canada like that please, and thank you.

                • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                  <img src="http://i.qkme.me/3p7t7b.jpg"&gt;
                  Hugs,
                  Paula
                  – the one you love to hate

                  • Stark

                    Ohhh yeah who else is excited for game of thrones season 3??!!

            • Slim Jim

              nope, seen her pics on hump day she is hot.

            • Slim Jim

              nope, seen her on hump day, she is a gorgeous redhead

      • Please

        Come on Smokey, no need for that.

        • SmokeyTheBear

          Scrooges need the most love. Tis the season.

    • lucid_eye

      I think #30 fits you better

    • FNG

      Lets have sex

    • sam

      I'm not sure why, but I have a sneaking suspicion that paula is a dude. Thoughts?

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Why! Do! They! Keep! Saying! That!!1!?
        Shees, I'm even in yesterdays Hump Day gallery! Those asshat admins would choke kittens before posting a dude in Hump Day!
        At least SOME Chivers got it…:

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "This is the most positive feedback I've seen for you in a while Paula. Keep showing boobs – Duder"

        • savagecabbage

          So now that we know you're a soul-less ginger daywalker, is there a possibility we'll see you in the redhead gallery?

          • Travis

            I like Paula. Keeps it fresh. Everyone else is a broken record

            • Thisistruth

              The other day I found an old onion in a bag in the back of my pantry. Part of it had liquefied and the mere smell of it caused me to gag. That putrid, decaying onion was like a spring day compared to Paula's act. The dude needs to give it up.

        • sam

          Prove it

    • bob

      just a quick question. i'm curios as to how many billable hours you've spent in your life refreshing websites to try and be clever with a "first"???

      just imagine the possibilities if you took that dedication and put it toward something constructive.

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Ha!
        Who says I don't bill my hours?
        <img src="http://i.qkme.me/3p7t7b.jpg"&gt;
        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one with a lot of billable hours

  • lucid_eye

    #13 I have the same problem with making comments about Kate Upton being hot, but I cant believe I was beat by Paula again, because this comment is ……………….. um boobs. happy hump all

    • Unfkngblvbl

      Dude, it's Thursday.

      • lucid_eye

        fuck I work way too much. Well happy burnsday then.

  • IrishInNJ

    #16 Ironically this post is annoying….

    • rus

      As is your acknowledgement of it and my comment about that.

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    #32 well… it's not that good…. No really, I'm dead serious.

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – the one you love to hate

    • nate33uc

      please get back on your meds paula, we miss the old, old you *24 hours off medication*

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Oh the irony…. I'd have to get OFF the meds….

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "I like Paula. Keeps it fresh. Everyone else is a broken record. – Travis"

    • FLAMES FAN

      I dont mind having you around Paula, you keep things interesting. But making fun of Arrested Development, that's not trolling that's just plain mean. And i will not stand for it.

  • SmokeyTheBear

    #27 I hate the dentist. Keep your high suicide rate hands out of my mouth please, thanks.

    • KCCO

      Dentist: "Your gums are bleeding"
      Me: "They wouldn't do that if you stopped sticking those sharp metal things in them!"

    • JustAnotherGuy

  • memeGuy

    #31 Don't tell Mac!

  • Unfkngblvbl

    #15 WTF kinda weird jeans are those?

    • CowboyChiver

      Diamond gusseted… and yes, they're awesome.

      • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

        what's the difference?

      • Unfkngblvbl

        Thanks! Are they expensive? My Wranglers keep ripping at that same spot.

    • lucid_eye

      why were you paying such close attention to his crotch?

      • Unfkngblvbl

        It's the center of the fucking photo and the topic of the picture.

    • Say ahhhh

      They are called Ballroom Jeans and are available thru Duluth Trading Company
      Very awesome, My voice is back to normal with these.

      • osirisoflight

      • DrGarnicus

        Oh snap! Laughed out loud on this one!

    • Utah Chiver

      Those are ballroom jeans!

      • Utah Chiver

        …said the guy that didn't see the previous post because his phone didn't load it.

    • That Guy

      Chuck Norris invented them long before Duluth… http://artofmanliness.com/trunk/2180/chuck-norris

  • AceGtemp

    #31
    Haha nailed it

    • nate33uc

      why is the hoover over so HUGE??

    • greyphilosophy

      My cat was using a toilet at 6 months. You were still shitting in diapers. Yes, that means my cat is more awesome than you are.

  • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

    I mean… does ANYBODY think #32 is better than say… The Wire? Six Feet Under? Dexter? The Unit? Hell, The Shield even?

    Hugs,
    Paula
    – Fan testimonial: "SHHHHH………..Stop breathing. – urinal puck"

    • SmokeyTheBear

      Arrested Development is way too underrated.

    • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

      different genres, probably some people prefer that kind of comedy over drama, suspense, etc:/ all of those are awesome though

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I hate it when you guys get serious.

        HEY GUYS LET'S MAKE ANOTHER FLAMING HOVER CAT!!1!

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – the one you love to hate

        • http://www.facebook.com/jbvancamp Jb Van Camp

          The shield!

        • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

          again xD sorry for not sharing your peculiar sense of humor and delicate taste, dear

          • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

            Yeah whatever. HEY GUYS LOOK AT FLAMING HOVER CAT GO!!1! FREE BARBECUE AFTER THE RUN!!1!

            Hugs,
            Paula
            – Fan testimonial: "Go away! It's not Norma stitz – JSJ"

    • http://twitter.com/julesmarie310 @julesmarie310

      I love that he/she/it has to post a self assuring quip by writing dumb ass fan testimonials at the end of each post. No one here cares you have an asinine troll "fan base".

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Oh hi there gorgeous, care for a free drink?

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "I love that he/she/it has to post a self assuring quip by writing dumb ass fan testimonials at the end of each post. No one here cares you have an asinine troll "fan base". – @julesmarie310"

  • jim thorton

    #21
    Yup, I hate talking on the phone

    • http://twitter.com/julesmarie310 @julesmarie310

      I burn more calories talking to my sister, than when I run on the treadmill.

  • tv_paul

    #30 This from a guy who asks kids to sits on his lap in exchange for candy.

    • wantomas

      Right? And he works for one fucking day, then sits around judging everyone for the remaining 364.

  • JoeyW311

    Who the hell is Paula? And why should anyone care?

    • Gramp

      You must be new here… Our beloved Paula is a goddess amongst us regular Chivers. The pearl amongst us swines…

      • Yeahhh

        Why would you lie to the noob?

      • Taters

        Paula reminds me of someone who would buy a bunch of Chive shirts before being sold out, then post them on ebay for 3 times the regular cost.

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          I never bought a Chive shirt. For realsies. True story too.

          I DID fold a ceiling cat once though! http://www.doobybrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2008

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – Fan testimonial: "Paula- a celebrity type among trolls, – non nasty -highly intelligent, can be some what annoying, hilariously funny & sometimes hilariously unfunny too….whatever you say to Paula to try to wind her up she'll invariably bat you right out of the park..with her usual style & pizazz.. – GeorgioRosa"

          • GeorgiaRosa

            *Georgia🙂 I'm a woman didn't you know..lol

            • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

              Uhhhmmm…. this is kind of weird…. I've made a mistake. My FIRST! I usually copy the name in to the fan testimonial database but must have typed it manually…
              I'm soooooo not ashamed!

              Hugs,
              Paula
              – Fan testimonial: "Are you becoming a nice troll? I don't know if I'm ok with it…and it also might be a trap! – 617Chiver"

              • GeorgiaRosa

                I'm so honored to have caught you out of your very first mistake…I was there when it happened..*so chuffed*😉

                • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                  …and I'm so glad a cute redhead was present at this hysterical (or was it historical?) moment….❤ http://i.imgur.com/NEoFw.jpg

                  BTW stuffed…?? OH!! CHUFFED!!1! My ba…. UH NO! THAT WAS INTENTONAL!!1!

                  Hugs,
                  Paula
                  – Fan testimonial: "Darn, I thought I figured it out with that one. At any rate, keep doing what you are doing. Sometimes your comments make me laugh harder than the pics."

                  • GeorgiaRosa

                    oh why Thank you Paula *curtsies* *blows kisses* and I came along totally unprepared without any gift/jpg for you…I send you the gift of love albeit in a stalky internetty type way..

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      That'll do ***, that'll do.

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      – the one you love to hate

                    • GeorgiaRosa

                      Hey !! Paula! Paula! Paula!

                      Thank you for the totally gorgeous photo, I have set it as my wallpaper..:) !!

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      So you use a rose Paula gave you as a wallpaper… Meow what will your boyfriend think of that…?🙂

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      – Fan testimonial: "meow about keep on, keepin' on…. 99.5% of the time we just say 'moar' and 'she's so hot'……. then there is paula…. idk wtf you are, or wtf u look like… but keep trollin' trollin' trollin' – whale huntr"

                    • GeorgiaRosa

                      If he existed, I know for sure he'd be really jealous.XD😉

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      Ooooohhh……!!! So you're single or in to girls….
                      You totally did not fall for that, no really!!1!
                      Either way:❤

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      – Fan testimonial: "How can you not like this shit? It's gold -trl87"

                    • GeorgiaRosa

                      Paula Paula Paula….what what…you fishing for information here…I could be mistaken I think you are totally flirting with me..,xxx❤❤❤

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      Whaaaat? Flirting? Me, with a cute❤ redhead like you??!?

                      Hell no, everybody knows I hate redheads; those unnatural freaks of nature, yecch, with those lov…. uuhmm… loathsome freckles… bleh, gross!!1!

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      – the one you love to hate

                    • GeorgiaRosa

                      Oh my goodness gracious Paula, all this flirting & communication between us….this could quite easily get out of control….
                      *swishes hair back & forth & smiles* ❤ <3<3

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      Out of control?! MEOW WE'RE TALKING!

                      *casually whips the hair on her feet aside to reveal her plastered and painted toenails, all 12 of them.

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      – Fan testimonial: "I made the testimonials? I'm not sure whether to be flattered or concerned. – MarthaJeane"

                    • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

                      No one else is reading this, right? Naaaah….

                      Hugs,
                      Paula
                      – the one you love to hate

                    • GeorgiaRosa

                      eh….course not..this is totally p&c

    • lucid_eye

      Paula is the adorable little creature that John locked in the basement years ago, but she somehow keeps getting out and causing trouble. She is kind of like Golum really a hideously foul creature that is so ugly and demented, that after some time it grows on you and you see it as a cute pet.

    • GeorgiaRosa

      Paula- a celebrity type among trolls, – non nasty -highly intelligent, can be some what annoying, hilariously funny & sometimes hilariously unfunny too….whatever you say to Paula to try to wind her up she'll invariably bat you right out of the park..with her usual style & pizazz..

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        I'm not that smart.
        I only managed to steal the admins WiFi because Johns password for EVERYTHING is: Kleenex. Makes you wonder…

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Fan testimonial: "does this bitch really write down comments people have said about her? LMAO. – George Costanza"

    • PDiddily420

      Here's 3 fresh testimonials for you, Paula!

      • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

        Yeah but I wrote the first one myself so that doesn't count.

        Hugs,
        Paula
        – Did I just write that out loud?

        • http://thechive.com/ Paula_

          Yes you did.

          Did I reply to myself just meow?

          Hugs,
          Paula
          – Fan testimonial: "Here's 3 fresh testimonials for you, Paula! – PDiddily420"

        • GeorgiaRosa

          ROFL..

          • JoeyW311

            Well hello Paula!! Pleasure to meet you!

    • Yuppp

      Paula is a water buffalo. That is all you need to know.

      • davo

        looks like Paula is a lame internet loser who is desperately trying to grab some sort of fame by being a dipshit.

  • Unfkngblvbl

    #21 LOL…my wife makes fun of me for this all the time.

    • Keither

      same here… so true

  • CowboyChiver

    #15 Stop laughing ladies, that shit ain't funny…

    • 29er

      Then you go to the sink and "accidentally" get some water splash on your pants…or try putting your hands over your crotch.

    • Turd F.

      All you really have to do is lift your balls up after you're done peeing.

    • sfb101

      Depends…

  • Unfkngblvbl

    #29

    (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

    • Dan

      what does STAHP mean?

      • Unfkngblvbl

        Stahp: Stop, in internet language.

    • http://twitter.com/aaalto @aaalto

      hmm… i dont even remember those alternatives…
      o well, i grew up in sweden in the late 70´s to 80´s so we still had ye´ oldie benches in school, and they sucked baaad…

  • LineHog

    #17 Bullshit!

    • George Zip

      Yeah, I just like getting new gadgetry.

      • George Zip

        I haven't had a virus since the Word macro deals back in the 90s, and I didn't get that because of Norton AntiVirus. Go ahead and down vote me now.

        • dirtysteve

          Norton ? Do you like being ripped off?

    • gallowaycreations

      Still have the Mac I bought in 1991. Still works. Still useful.

    • ObiWan

      Relax. It just means 3 other people got a deal on a used Apple product. What's the secondary market like for your PCs?
      😉

      • Bob

        Well I bought my PC 4 years ago, and my free flip phone is almost as old. So I've spent $0 in three years. How much have you spent? And is your life better than mine because of Siri?

    • IDTenT

      I mean… my macbook is still working great after 6 years and I've had Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, and Lion on it. I did have to replace the battery once. But ……I don't hate Windows based PCs. They keep me in a job.

    • Dan

      Well I've had my MacBook pro for 4 years, and my iPhone for 3. No problems with either.. yet all my buds have had to replace their Microsoft based PC over and over again. Odd.

    • shelbymac

      I agree. My first Mac was bought in 2003 and it's still going with zero issues. I am running 6 Macs of various types with zero viruses and 3 out of four iPhones are still operating. All four would be but it's hard for any phone to survive being run over by a F-350.

    • Jahnny

      Most of the time it has nothing to do with reliablity, some people just like having new stuf. No different then people who change cars every 2 years

    • boom!!!

      I've had the same 3GS for three years now. No issues at all and I don't plan on "upgrading" any time soon. iTunes 11.0, on the other hand BLOWS.

      • davo

        I refer to the iphones as iChumps ie people keep spending hundreds of dollars every couple of years buying shit that apple tells them they need (they don't).

  • Jim Kelly

    #1 left side is all day while chiving, right side is right before dar

    • http://twitter.com/RugerHoyt @RugerHoyt

      true story

  • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

    #32 true story

    • Zrock76

      They are making another season but only for Netflix. It is going to be something like 12 episodes and each episode is going to be centered around one of the main cast members. I funke you not. I believe that i also heard that it is all going to lead into the Arrested Development movie.

      • nate33uc

        movie if the netflix season goes well. All 12 episodes will be released simultaneously. that day will be and will forever be, the best day of my life….I think I need an analrapyst… "it wasn't the pronunciation i was worried about"

  • 29er

    #9 too many things to read.

    • Unfkngblvbl

      Seriously. I also can't figure out how the damn graph works.

      • CLE

        It's not you. The graph is incorrect. The scatter plot graph (the one incorrectly used) implies that things can exist on a sliding scale both horizontally and vertically. Which means that if you split it into 4 quadrants, items would be either a little of both, lot of both, or little of one an lot of the other (x2). In this case, something can't be both what you actually know and what you pretend you know.

        • The Observatator

          I'm glad someone besides me noticed that…

    • http://facebook.com/daaneskjold Chazz_B

      yeah very obtuse

      btw love the foxtrot avatar😀

    • nate33uc

      I gathered that i pretend to know arrested development in-jokes, and that I actually do know AD in-jokes. pretty simple

  • 29er

    #32 There's always money in the banana stand!

    • PDiddily420

      "I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be dry run if you will, so I'm afraid now I have something of a mess on my hands."

      • nate33uc

        still haven't gotten that tape recorder have you pdiddily?

    • Cheetos

      No touching! No touching

    • BWaecker

      "It's French for brother. Isn't it weird that I know that? I took like 4 years of Spanish."

  • sfb101

    #1 And my camera, every time.
    #11 Awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ceara.reed Ceara Reed

    #22 is blasphemous against my cupcakes. HOW DARE YOU! :p

    • ComeOn

      Please make me cupcakes and a sandwich.

  • Snuggs

    #19 and you're rich as shit

    • lazyJAKE

      The greatest love story ever told. There's nothing like watching a monster kidnap a bitch and trying to force her to fall in love with him. It really tugs at the heart strings.

  • Stick

    #10
    This is why you use LastFM

  • Stick

    #23
    So, if there is someone out there who has it worse than me, I shouldn't feel bad, because it could be worse.
    Does that mean if that I feel good about my station in life or what I have, I shouldn't feel good about it, because there is always going to be someone out there who has it better?

    • Martin Frank

      You completely missed the joke.

    • michaelscarn

      The joke is Marines are taught to shoot in between breaths for the most accurate shot, so the joke is while he was breathing he shot and missed the target. BOOM roasted.

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